Okay, so I know you said you wanted your newer stuff reviewed and I hope this counts as newer stuff because it just looked so interesting and tempting... I'm so sorry if it's not, but hopefully this will be all right!

First thing I have to say is that stream-of-consciousness style is pretty difficult - I tried doing a stream-of-consciousness one-shot once and it went so badly, I found it so difficult to do without going off on completely random tangents... - so well done on doing it and doing it so well! I can't honestly see where it started off as a rant, tbh. It just doesn't feel like that. It feels so far beyond a simple, angry rant about something.

Gah, all the emotions! There are so many in here! I love how Ginny, a Gryffindor who was possessed by Lord Voldemort (and therefore must be pretty strong to come out of that the way she did), is scared. How she's worried. How the war has left it's mark on her. I've read a lot of stories where Harry has a lot of scars, both mentally and physically, from the war, and it's such a brilliant and unique take on Ginny. I really enjoyed it. But then, you went beyond fear, to the sadness and hurt at the memories of the deaths and the losses of the war, as well. You created such a still, emotive atmosphere with the list of names. It reminds me of when you hear people reading out lists of the war dead on Remembrance Day and other similar ceremonies - so, so powerful and so beautifully understated but no less tragic. You really captured that feeling so well in this.

It was so simple. I think that's what I love most about this one-shot. You didn't ham it all up and throw in scenes of absolute desperation and over-used, cliche lines about how she feels about losing a brother, friends, people she looked up to, about experiencing the things she did. You kept it simple and clean, so that the emotion could come through, and gosh it really did. I'm not an emotive person, but even I was sitting here with no hint of a smile, feeling oddly sombre and just... touched, you know.

So yeah, I really enjoyed this. You should really be proud of this - everything was just so well done :)

Aph xx

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All the emotion in the beautifuly written peice is enough to make me cry :'( I can really feel Ginny's pain and they way you've written this makes my heart throb with pain. The decription in this is just amazing, it blows my mind away. Please can you tell me your writing secrets!!! Once again this is an amazing story, one which I cannot fault. Please wirte more like this and you will have a very happy fan.

All the best in your writing life.

June Knight

Author's Response: Hello!

Ahh! I'm so glad you loved the emotion. I'm glad that it's strong and that it truely makes you feel for Ginny. I really did want to bring her pain across of losing her older brother, one she loved so dearly. Because I think a lot of people sort of skip over that emotion when it really truely is strong.

And my only major writing secret here? Keep the emotions real. Take them from real life and twist them into fan fiction. Don't try to fake the feelings, or think about what they feel like...just feel them and write. Which actually is more complicated than it sounds...

But I am very happy you enjoyed this! I really loved your review too! Thanks so much for leaving such a beatiful review!

~Grimmerz

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Of course I'll leave you a review! I don't feel as if anything in this was hard to understand or confusing to read, it was very nicely written and the pain is so real that you feel it. And that is what makes it wonderful so I have absolutely no complaints and look forward to chatting with you again and waiting for a fresh update! I've updated a few of my own and I really can't wait to check out more of your work!
Until then,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks so much for leaving a review. I like to hear what runs through people's head as they read some of my writings. This one especially. Because the emotion in this is real. It was taken from a situation that hurt me personally and that also makes this piece a very personal one for me. So I'm really glad you enjoyed this! Again, thanks for the lovely review and maybe see you around then!

~Grimmerz

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This was such an emotional story, I loved it :) I was completely captivated from the first paragraph and couldn't tear my eyes away.

Ginny's emotion seemed so raw and so real. You could see her struggling through her grief and losing the battle against her tears. She was a mess, trying to cope with every passing day but not knowing when the tears would come, only that they would.

There was some very lovely metaphor, especially about the bone and I liked how you came back to it at the end. It tied the story together nicely. The language and description was very poetic and it just all worked together so well.

I loved it :)

Author's Response: I'm very glad you enjoyed this! Because this was one of the first pieces that really meant something to me and reflected a feeling I was unsure if I could recreate properly. But it seems as though I really get that raw emotion, which was my whole intention. I wanted the pain that follows loss, even months later, to reflect here.

I also like how you word brought up 'not knowing when the tears would come, only that they would.' Because that is a really true setiment to this, in life. Really a great line!

Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm glad you enjoyed this!

~Grimmerz


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As soon as I read the chapter summary for this story, I wasn’t totally sure I wanted to get into this. But since I felt that way, I decided to go for it because I want to see what you’re going to do with me!

What an interesting way to start your story. You’re talking clinical but you’re also talking about something emotional and relevant to anyone who’s ever had a loss. And this is dark, this story. The tone has been set and I know that I’m going to be feeling something that isn’t content by the end of this.

A knife, with a sharp edge of sorrow, stabs through my stomach. - so this is the line that had me all wigged out about reading this, BUT I should’ve realized that one, this story is rated 15+ and two, I don’t even know if that subject I’m thinking about is allowed per ToS. Anyway, maybe you could’ve said: Sorrow, like the sharp edge of a knife, stabs through my stomach but whatever, what you wrote was graphic enough to make me feel a stab in my own stomach and then I just had to remember it wasn’t real!

OK, so there is some contentment(ish) happening in the end! Yay!

I totally thought you were taking something out on this piece in the opening paragraphs! The whole thing did flow—you get that Ginny’s grief-stricken, that she’s in pain and seeking the one person who could give her comfort and she’s doing it on instinct, blindly. So even if this one-shot didn’t make sense, it would, you know?

Very nicely done.

xChar

Author's Response: This is a rather different and dark story. And the summary just further proves that. But I am really glad you gave it a chance! Because this is one of my new pieces and something that came from the very emotional part of my mind. And that part is also very personal to me, because I’m not one who likes people to know when I’m upset. I prefer to be alone before breaking down and when I wrote this, I was at breaking point.

And I just…I took that emotional part and twisted it into this, into Ginny. Which is also why I think it is relatable to most people who have suffered a loss. And that was actually much of my intention. I wanted to show people that this pain was felt by Ginny and many other characters after the war. And that they are just as deep as any of ours.

I was actually looking at that line the other day and thinking it may sound a bit off with my intentions in the story. I mean, I knew it was strong, but I was unsure as to what point it was at. So maybe when I got through an editing phase I’ll go through and fix that a bit. Because it is pretty strong imagery, now looking at it…

And yeah…I was trying to just…show the lost and hurt emotions, and how they can be put into pretty much any other type of imagery. It may also be the fact that I was listening to Taylor Swift’s song Breathe, which has a line that goes, ‘and for a clean break, no one’s here to save me,’ or something of the sort, and it just…the whole thing just clicked. And came into this. And I think I know what you mean, with it making sense without necessarily making sense…It’s strange, but logical… ;)

Thanks for the beautiful review! You gave me some things to think about [hence the long response].

~Grimmerz

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I find that a lot of post-war stories don't accurately depict how the characters deal with the grief following the loss of their friends and loved ones, but this story was excellent. Ginny's thoughts about those that she lost was spot on. Thee metaphor of loss like breaking a bone and never fully being put back together again was a really wonderful way to describe her feelings and very realistic. I love how she sought Harry out for comfort, to seek reassurance that he was still alive - and you remind us of those frightening moments when she thought he was dead.

This was really well-written and emotional, and I think you did a fantastic job with Ginny. Nicely done!

Author's Response: That is a very recurring theme I've noticed. All the characters seem to be okay with loosing thier love one, and I just...I felt I need to humanize [if that's even a word :p ] those feelings, those stories. So I wrote this. And I'm really glad that you thought it was good and that you enjoyed it. I worked hard to make it real, translating my real life emotion into Ginny, so she could become more real, along with her feeling towards the war.

Really glad you enjoyed this! Thanks for the lovely review! :D
~Grimmerz

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Hi,
Here from the Claw review thread. Sorry if this is a bit hard to read, iPads can be hard to work with :p
So, I liked the story and I thought you explored the characterisation very well. You wrote how Ginny would feeling after the war very well,I thought and you used the metaphors throughout really nicely. I thought you could work a little on Harry a bit more, I didn't feel he was as in character as I would have liked. But I really thought you did the emotion so nicely and I very much enjoyed it.
Hannah.

Author's Response: Hello!
It's quite alright! I know technology can be picky, but I think I can manage :)
I'm really glad you liked the story. I worked how to make sure to get Ginny's feelings down to a T. I knew the pain that had to be added into it, but I'm glad it came across well. And Yeah, I was thinking of editing up a bit with Harry's character. He's in there, but I think I know a couple places I could tweak to make it better!
I'm glad you enjoyed reading! It was a fun story to write! Thanks so much for the review! :D
~Grimmerz

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Review Tag!

I really liked this. The way you wrote it was so emotional! It was beautiful!
Also, I have never been a huge fan of Harry/Ginny before (because the movies put me off it) but I think that this may have just changed my mind :D

I love reading Post-Hogwarts stories that deal with the after affects with the war. In so many stories the characters just seem unfazed by everything they went through and it makes me kinda annoyed! But I'm glad you wrote a realistic story about Ginny dealing with the war :D

Good job!
Jaz

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you liked this story. It is one of my newest pieces and I just adore it. It was fun to write because the raw emotion was from me and went into Ginny's character easily. I'm also glad you found this Harry/Ginny good. I feel like it doesn't get it's justice in the movies or the books even.

I know! I don't like many stories that are Post-Hogwarts because they avoid the feeling. They ignore the fact that the loss everyone feels Post-War is huge and it affects everything.

Thanks for the review! It made me smile!
~Grimmerz

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Grimmerz, you are very talented when it comes to writing. I hope you take that into consideration, and you are utterly bewlidering at letting the words fall into their place. Keep up the great work !

Author's Response: Hello :)

Thanks -blushing-. I'm very glad you like this story. And how I let real life fall into a world that's so different from our own. Thanks for reading and reviewing too! This made me smile :)

~Grimmerz

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Hello there, fellow Raven! Being the clever Claw that I am I have worked out that in a review you like nitpicking in a nice way, honesty and suggestions for improvemen (okay, maybe it wasn't too hard to find that out) so here I am to give it my best shot.

First off, I love the way you started this. I'm not normally too much of a Harry-Ginnyer but... it was such a good opening pack-a-punch sort of line to start off with. Santa likes.

But my favourite bit of the whole thing was definately definately definately:

It struggles. Like me, it struggles. It flops around on the ground, like a fish out of water...like a person without a soul.

I loved that bit so much. Really, you had my cripsy white santa beard quivering with what a great line it was. Resonate, you know? It stuck with me :)

NITPICKING. Actually, most of your grammar was really good and I saw very few typos. Only thing I would say is that sometimes you used commars when I'd have used colons/semi-colons but I think that's just personal differences. One thing for sure though, particular in the paragraph starting... 'that would be why I'm back here' there seemed to be a hell of a lot of ellipsis.

I'm a dot-dot-dot fan, myself, but I know there are quite a few people who really don't like the whole... thing. I don't see the problem, but you have used quite a lot in a short couple of paragraphs.

The only other thing I could possible say is that Harry's line of speech (“All the boards from where you’re standing to the bed creak.”) just didn't make any sense to me: I'm sure that its just because Santa gets tired at this time of year, what with having to lord over all the elves and such (poor things, even in HP land they're still hard working creatures) but I read it a few times and I'm still not entirely sure what you were trying to SAY.

Overall though, I thought it was really lovely. The emotion you portrayed was great and I loved the names and the cyclic nature of the ending (As english teacher, eat your heart out) which brought everything together and made me wiggle my nice white moustache with pleasure.

Anyway, yes my dear friend - this great little story puts you on the nice list.

Happy Christmas! See you soon,

-Santa xxx

Author's Response: Hello!

Hehe, I first would like to thank you for all the reviews! You had me laughing and smiling all day after these lovely reviews! And they had the nitpicking I always love to see!

I did go through and edit this, a week or so ago, so I got rid of some of the ellipsis. Or alot of them. I'm glad you pointed out that it was distracting, because I was thinking it was, but I wasn't sure. I also lacked motivation to fix it until someone mentioned it xD

And Harry's line I threw in there to try and lighten the dark edge to this story. I did edit taht part a little bit more, so I'm hoping it fits better now!

Thank again!
~Grimmerz

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Although a bit depressing, this was a very lovely one-shot -- I remember seeing the banner for it when you made it, and thinking that it looked interesting. I'm glad I get a chance to read it now!

The imagery in here was really good -- the right tone of darkness and sadness, but still poignantly beautiful, in a way. Especially the natural images; I felt those went a long way to convey what you were trying to tell. Ginny's emotions were quite accurate I felt, too -- although I've never gone through the sorts of tribulations she's had to endure, so of course, I can't say for certain. And Harry seems so comforting and loving, and that just gives my heart warm fuzzies. :3

I also really admire how coherent, etc. this turned out, writing it as you did from a sort of angry place. I have a story on my author's page that came from a similar situation, in anger at my parents and sisters -- I definitely understand turning to writing in situations like that. Quite a good one-shot -- I'm glad I decided to read it!

Author's Response: Hello!

This review makes me smile every time I read it. It tells me that the words I have chosen, the way I framed this whole story, brought across the point I wanted. I didn't want readers to quite catch from how dark and angry of a place this came from. I wanted them to see the pain from Ginny, the darkness and sorrow from loosing someone you're never going to see, not the pain of seeing a person everyday and dreading it because they won't talk to you [Yay real life situations :p].

But yes, Harry was a necessary part, just becuase he is that comfort that Ginny would more than likely seek. She would want something...someone to make sure she wasn't lost because her brother was gone. Because that's how we respond to stressful situations --we look for comforting people, or comforting places to be.

Anyways, I'm really glad you enjoyed reading this one-shot! Thanks soo much for reviewing!

~Grimmerz

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Good grief! How good is this? I LOVED it! Your imagery, about broken bones, it really good, and appropriately chosen. The emotion in the graveyard is beautifully expressed. The welcoming line from Harry is perfectly judged. It's sad, tender and oddly uplifting.

See, this is why I love review battles - you end up reading amazing stuff like this that you may never otherwise have seen. Thanks so much for writing it:-)

Author's Response: I am soo happy you enjoyed reading this! It was one of my favorites to write just from the way it flowed and the way the emotions were partly from me, but twisted into a new perspective.

And I understand the love for review battles! I have just started to jump into them, and I have read some pretty amazing stuff! Very glad you loved reading the story as much as I loved writing it!

~Grimmerz

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Ginny is often treated like a two dimensional character, and I'm impressed that you chose to use this to flesh her out a bit. She lost a lot in the war, and nearly lost more, and I thought her reactions and feelings were very well done.

I especially thought that her need to get home, to see Harry, was fitting, because it hasn't been that long and she has seen him lying dead on the floor before. That's enough to make anyone paranoid. There was some really good description, I especially thought the opening was well done. Good job!

Annie

Author's Response: I have noticed that Ginny never seems to have much to her character, and I think that's why I choose her for this. I felt that her emotions could be fairly well done with her, and I knew it had to go with her character. I am very glad you enjoyed how her character was written. And Harry's line...that was just the slight hint of a lighter topic that seemed almost required in this. And the opening was just...that part flowed so easily and a part of me that was upset was definately left in that piece. I'm really glad you read, reviewed and enjoyed this!
~Grimmerz

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OH MY GOD!!!THIS IS AWESOME!! I like the floor board part!!! it was funny!! I nearly cried at the part with Fred!!! i love the way you wrote this, Grim!!!

~Prongsie~

Author's Response: Hahahahahahaha, floor board was definately required. If it hadn't been in there, it wouldn't have been quite as much fun! Hehe, thankss!
~Grimmerz

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I really like this story... it was really poetic in a way and I loved the way you potrayed Ginny's despair... and yes I couldn't agree more, clean breaks are never all that clean...
Lana

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this story! I was looking for a different style of writing, and after I got the first two paragraphs done, I couldn't stop writing. Thank you for reading and reviewing!
~Grimmerz

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Wow, that was really moving. Description was great and although in 'real life' it would take up about 5-10 minutes, you have written quite a lot and the length is really good: not too long, not too short and had a nice ending ending (if that makes sense) 10/10
Lizzfizz ;)

Author's Response: Hey, thanks! I was trying to write more of a descriptive piece, because every other story I have written has more dialouge than description. And I wanted a challange of trying something different. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed!
~Grim

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Wow! This was insanely good. I could really feel the emotion behind the story. Great job!

Author's Response: Ahhh, thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I wasn't confident in sharing this story, just from the emotional end on my side, but I'm gald I did! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
~Grimmerz

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