You probably thought this review was never coming due to the fact that you requested it a good two months ago - so I'm really sorry about that. Mainly it was NaNo that got in my way, but here I am :)
This is a pairing that I've never really thought of before, but now you've mentioned it I would absolutely love to see what the twins thought of Luna. Just them having an accidental conversation at some point would be well worth the read :)
I thought the very beginning but of the story was quite potent but at the same time I think that Fred and George had such a thirst for life (maybe Fred more so) that is hard to see him so full of grief. Although I don't think the sort of thing you coverin that first bit are impossible, I don't think George could physically exist being that depressed for long. But then you get to the bit where everything cheers up a little later, so that fits in well there :)
On the same sort of note I thought some of George's lines were fantastically in character ('she's a weird one') for a start.. and others just didn't seem very Geoge-esque. The same with Luna, I think you were very very nearly there but not quite. I'm not one to talk as I can't keep characters in character for toffee - but maybe you should watch that :)
I thought the pacing was good, but at the same time I don't think Luna would ever be quite so forward... but the story generally followed a nice time line that I liked.
Grammatical stuff wise, I actually noticed very few mistakes. I wouldn't say it was immaculate, but I thought it generally was pretty solid all the way through. Although I did notice in the last line Fred says 'women' when it should be 'woman' which meant grammatically you ended on a bit of a low note :( But there wasn't any majour reoccouring errors at all - so well done :)
It was an enjoyable little read and I'm glad that you requested (even if it took several years to get your review...). I'm tempted to see if I can find anymore twin/luna pairings. I really like it :)
-ACAuthor's Response: Haha, thanks for getting around to this and I hope that you did well on NaNo!
Thank you for this review! It's been really helpful. I think I'll go through this and edit it (one day, when I stop procrastinating) because characterisation is a MAKOR issue with me and Luna is really hard to write - fun, but hard.
Yeah, I'm not overly brillant with grammar, I think that I may find a beta for this story :) Report Review
wow i love this story!:)
i actually found this whilst trying to find another Fruna to read as i've always shipped them but after reading that.. i kind of like Guna too :S
the twins and luna and simply the best characters there are and i like how george was finally becoming himself again towards the end:) and i love how luna was.. well, luna:)
the doctor who quote you used fitted in perfectly too!:D
mollyxxAuthor's Response: Hi! And I'm glad you like it :) Fruna? Hm, I only ever thought Luna was shipped with George but hey we learn something new!
Thanks, i was really worried about the characteristics & the doctor who quote.
Jaz Report Review
Hi there :) It's Singularity from the Doctor Who Challenge with your review (finally). I'm kind of slow...sorry...
This was a cute little story. I liked the idea of Luna comforting George just by being her eccentric self. It was quite sweet.
I noticed a few typos scattered throughout the story, so you might want to go back through and proofread or get yourself a beta to help catch some of those minor mistakes. It wasn't anything too terrible though. I still found your story easy to read, which is always nice.
I am such a canon freak, so one of my favorite parts was when George mentioned that the Burrow was perfect intact. YES! The Burrow did not burn down you silly movie makers. It's fine! So bonus points for that :)
That was one of my favorite DW quotes, and I thought you used it nicely. I would've liked to see a little more conversation between George and Luna to make the quote blend in a little bit better, but I tend to write dialogue heavy, super sentimental stories, so it's just a personal preference :P
The ending was really great. I thought it was a really excellent way to end the story and to show that George is starting to heal and move forward.
Overall, I thought you did a really nice job. Thank you so much for entering my challenge :)Author's Response: Hi! *waves* it's okay, everyone gets busy and especially with NaNo :)
Thanks :) I always get nervous writing Guna stories.
I just went back and edited it, hopefully I got all the mistakes.
The Burrow did not burn down! I refuse to say it! Stupid Hollywood! Yay! Bonus Points haha!
Yeah, it didn't really fit in with the rest of the conversation as well as it could have but I tried; it was hard with the first bit :)
And thanks, it was fun challenge to enter :) Report Review
The ending is really heart warming calling george- fred... :) good job! xAuthor's Response: thanks :) x Report Review
...Why would you end it like that! That was so sad. I didn't realise what Molly said at first and them BAM it hit me. :')
Okay...the characterisation, I think you overdid Luna a bit. Okay just a tad bit because she wouldn't actually do things like that as fast but the Nargles and Wrackspurts were pretty convincing. George? You made him a bit less George...I don't know how that sounds to you but it feels like something's missing.
The flow, was really great although I do think that you could have done better if you did rush it. (Did you even rush it? o.o)
May I suggest that next time you write a story, try to be a little more descriptive? Because this one sort of lacked that element. :D
I ship Guna too,
CloakAuror9 xxAuthor's Response: Thanks for getting back to this! It's really helpful and I should say that I am terrible with characterisation, absolutely terrible. and thanks :) I think I'll go back and edit later
Guna is amazing! Report Review
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