Reading Reviews for Ghost in the Machine
48 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TheButterflyComposer Rebirth

2nd September 2014:
Hmm, I'm intrigued as to what this Burea is going to do. Is it a hunt, a pest control or animal control?
There is no way the Healers would let her do this though. Going from one battlefield into intensive care and then out into another one is not allowable, and for good reason.
Really, we need to know more about her affliction and whether it's actually a mental/physiological thing or her own coping mechanism.
We are advancing through the plot though, that's good.

Author's Response: It's kind of a mix of all of those! I don't want to come off as shamelessly promoting my stories or anything, but I actually have a couple that expand on the DCB that Lavender plays a pretty big role in - Wrinkles of the Road is the better one, IMO, but the Dark Side of the Moon also focuses on it.

I was going to dive further into this story, but I actually ultimately decided to end it here. What I really wanted to do was show Lavender's ability to rejoin the world, not get better.

I agree that you can't go from intensive care into another battlefield, but that's not really what she did - she's been out of intense recovery for some time, and she's also in a position where they can ease her into fieldwork slowly. They're not foolhardy, you know? I'll see about going back and emphasizing that a bit more, though. :)

Thank you so much for your lovely reviews! ♥

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Review #2, by TheButterflyComposer Nightmares

2nd September 2014:
This chapter isn't quite as good (or as long) as the previous because it's mostly been a repeat of what happened in St Mungo's, which I know is the point, but doesn't make it less noticeable.
I think she is in PTS now...which makes the idea that no one can help her seem a little unbelievable. If nothing else, she can go to the Muggles. That might actually be interesting to read, actualy.
Not too bad though. Perfectly okay.

Author's Response: It's actually interesting that this chapter is coming off as shorter, because the chapters are all exactly the same length - I'm not sure why I did it that way, but when the second chapter shook out to be about as long as the first, I played with my phrasing until I got to the same word count.

She definitely has PTSD, and I'm glad that that's evident. Going to the Muggles isn't really an option, though, considering what she's having trouble with - you can't help someone if you think they're delusional, you know? I can see what you mean, though, so when I get a chance, I'll see about going back and making it a bit clearer.

Thank you for the review! :)

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Review #3, by TheButterflyComposer St. Mungo's

2nd September 2014:
Quite a strange read this. It raises a few questions like: What exactly is she suffering from?
Does the magical world really have no effective treatment for PTS or depression?
What's going to happen next?
It's a neat little mystery because we know so, so little about these characters, even though they fought and suffered along with the glory hogs.
If nothing else, this chapter is a memorial to them.

(Reviewed for review battle 44)

Author's Response: As you guessed, Lavender is indeed suffering from depression and PTSD. I actually tend to think that the wizarding world doesn't have great treatment for mental health issues - I don't think we ever saw any indication that they did in the books, even though there were multiple characters who probably could have used the help. We didn't even really see it in St. Mungo's. Maybe it just wasn't applicable to the books, but if it was there, I'd have expected us to see some sign of it.

Different interpretations vary, of course.

Thank you so much for your review - I'm glad you liked the chapter! :)

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Review #4, by snufflesthedog St. Mungo's

2nd September 2014:

Wow - that was incredible. While reading it, I sort of had a break down and started crying, but thankfully I am recovered enough to write this review.

I loved how you wrote it - the words sort of flowed, and it was compelling enough to leave the reader thirsting for more and, just, beautiful, really. I really enjoyed your take on Lavender, transforming her from a loud girl who was nice but a bit silly, to a quiet and thoughtful character who we felt so much emotion for.

The perspective was wonderful - we could see into Lavender's mind while still feeling like we knew what was happening, and the way you made her friends visit her and bring back memories just added to the feel of the story.

So, it was brilliant. The only thing, I assume that the blonde boy was Draco, and I was just wondering how he came to be visiting Lavender? They don't really interact much in the books, so I think that it would be wonderful if you could explain that in your story. But that doesn't really detract from the overall 'I can't even' effect of the story, I just thought I would mention it.

Anyway, I loved it!
xx snufflesthedog
(Review for Ravenclaw BvB Battle)

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! I'm sorry it made you cry, but I'm glad that I was able to elicit that kind of reaction because it's definitely what I was going for (if that makes sense).

Oooh - I can see how you thought that the blond boy was Draco. He's actually supposed to be Seamus, though - he was always described in the books as having sandy-colored hair, so I went with that. Maybe I could introduce "dark blond" or something to clarify, though, because I can definitely see that interpretation!

Thank you so much for this amazing review.

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Review #5, by Dancingsnow02 Rebirth

24th July 2014:
I've been wanting to learn more about your Lavender since reading The Dark Side of the Moon, and I loved reading your new chapter today! It seems so realistic that as much as anyone pushed, she had to want to do it on her own to really start moving on. I would love to read more about her transition into the division if you decide to write it!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! I love hearing that one of my stories led someone to read others - it really makes me smile.

That's definitely something I'm hoping to address at some point, though I do want to finish up some of my WIPs first. :P

Thank you so much for the review!

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Review #6, by MrsCanisMajor St. Mungo's

24th July 2014:
Wow, this is a very powerful concept. Yes, people have had it worse than her but that doesn't make her pain any less real. I sympathise thoroughly because anyone who has had anxiety or depression knows exactly how it feels. Excellent chapter!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I've struggled with some depression and anxiety myself, so I'm glad that it came across as genuine - that was really important to me.

Thanks so much for the review!

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Review #7, by CambAngst Rebirth

24th July 2014:
Hi, Beeezie! I don't know whether you remember, but this story was actually one of the first that I ever wrote a review for on HPFF. It's been on my favorites list for ages and I've been dropping in on it every few months to see if it had been updated. I saw your Chapter Updates post this morning and I couldn't wait to find time to check it out.

You closed the loop on Lavender's self-imposed exile in a way that felt natural and complete. She's been down a very dark path and it took a very long time but she's finally found her way back to the light. I loved Seamus's persistence and his refusal to give up on her. The contrast you drew out between the type of support he's given her (pushing her recovery to the point of being annoying) and the type she's received from Parvati (being understanding to the point of enabling her problems) was really clever.

I liked the way you paced things. Nothing about her recovery felt like it happened unrealistically quickly. It takes time for her to accept Seamus's offer and it takes time for her to convince the Healer that she's ready. It all came together in a nice, organic sort of way.

I didn't see any typos or grammatical problems and everything flowed really smoothly. Congratulations on marking this story complete, and great job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I do remember - I was really touched and pleased, because this was kind of one of those stories that took on a life of its own once I started writing it. It's definitely one of my favorite things I've ever written. I've had the last chapter half done for ages, but I had a block on how I wanted to finish it. I'm really glad you think that I did it justice.

I'm also glad you liked the way I described the different supports Lavender got from the people around her. People like Seamus can be really annoying when you're in a bad place, and you can definitely start to resent them... but IME, they're also the ones who are often the most effective and helpful.

Thank you so much for the review, and for your support throughout the story. I really appreciate it.

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Review #8, by The Misfit Nightmares

11th July 2012:
I actually cried at the end of the last chapter, the detail that you took with describing Lavender's feelings was brilliant! :D

Hurry up and post chapter three- I can't wait to read more ;)

Kate x

Author's Response: Aw, I'm sorry that you almost cried, but I'm glad you're liking it so much! I should have the next chapter up soon. :) Thank you so much for the review!

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Review #9, by Gin_gin06 Nightmares

4th July 2012:
Hello again! It was definently as good as the first one, I'm just upset you haven't updated since Janurary. I loved this chapter.

Seamus's concern for her is very endearing.

I'm glad that she's gotten herself out of St. Mungos and trying to take the real world one teeney baby step at a time.

I really liked for some reason the bit about her expereinces during seventh year. Since it was only vagueing described in Deathly Hallows, I've always wanted to know what really went on during that time.

Please update soon!

Much love,

Author's Response: Aw, I'm sorry! I've been working on the next chapter slowly but surely - I had a bit of a rough patch myself this year, and writing this hit a bit too close to home for awhile. I hope to have the next chapter up soon, though.

Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate it.

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Review #10, by Gin_gin06 St. Mungo's

3rd July 2012:
Hello! I didn't really like Lavender either in hte books, or the movies, but I bet it would be fun to play post-war Lavender. She seemed so hyper. I haven't read any Lavender stories before, so this is the first one.

Okay so I'll start with grammar first. I only found one thing, which makes me really happy. It's easy to read things that aren't distracting you with their grammar issues.

Any hope that it was had faded as she’d woken up, morning after morning, to the reflection of her mangled face in the mirror and the sight of the scarring from the glass on her arm.

I think that in between was and had there should have been 'a nightmare' so that it goes 'Any hope that it was a nightmare had faded as she’d woken up', so that it flows nicer.

One chapter in and I'm already rooting for Lavender to 'wake up' completely in a sense. You described her dettachment brilliantly.

She was not really sure why she was crying. She wasn’t sad. She certainly wasn’t happy.

This line had me crying. I love/hate crying while reading, because it makes me feel connected to the story, and I just plain hate crying. But that's okay, because only good stories make me cry.

She did not want to squish her unicorn.

I like this line becuase it took the edge off of the seriousness in this chapter by adding a little humor at the end.

Okay, I must read the next chapter!!!

Much love,

Author's Response: Hey! I'm so sorry it's taken me an unforgivably long time to respond to this very lovely review. I allowed a backup to build up when I was away on holiday and busy with RL, and I'm thoroughly embarrassed about it. :(

I'm really, really glad that you liked this and that it had such an impact on you. That's definitely what I was going for. I actually didn't intend to put "a nightmare" in between the "was" and "had," but that's a very good point - the sentence would flow a bit better with that, so I'll add it in as soon as I get the chance. Thank you so much for the review.

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Review #11, by Jenna822 Nightmares

3rd June 2012:
{Challenge Review}

Wow. Okay, to start off with, you're a very good writer. You know how to tell a story that people can, and want to, read. Your style, pace, word choice, grammar,'s spot on.

For the first chapter, I was so glad to see that Parvati and Neville(?) kept coming back. You really showed that Gryffindor stubbornness in them. And you gave so much more credit to Parvati than a lot of people do. For both her and Lavender, you remind the readers that they might have been giggling, silly girls sometimes, but they were still strong, brave, Gryffindor girls. I feel like your pacing was perfect. You kept us hanging long enough on each level of her progress to understand it, while not leaving us there too long to stop caring. I don't know if you intended symbolism with the unicorn or if it was just coincidence, but it was nicely done. I like the second chapter as well. I can see that she's making progress and there's a lot of hope for her future.

Thank you so much for entering my challenge! Results should be posted some time over this next week. ^_^ --Jenna

Author's Response: Thank you so much! It was actually Seamus who kept coming back, not Neville - in the books, Lavender and Seamus always seemed like better friends to me than Lavender and Neville.

I'm glad that you felt this was paced well. Thank you for the review, and for the challenge! :)

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Review #12, by Debra20 St. Mungo's

2nd June 2012:
Hey there. It's Debra20 here with your review!

Let me start by expressing something: "WOW!". I must admit Lavender has never quite been one of my favourite characters in the world of Harry Potter but you just managed to spark my interest for her, and her story.

I must praise you on your idea of her development after the war. It seemed only logical that she couldn't have resisted everything that happened to her with a sane mind. In my opinion, very few could have. Not even Harry. But if it seemed easier for him to surpass the war's consequences, not everyone is that strong. Plus, to me, Lavender has always been the 'dreaming girl', the girl who had great (and rather 'pink') expectations of life. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her to face the cruelty of war. Seeing her friends and teachers die around her. You just managed to convey those feelings. And the best thing is that everything sounded natural. As if there couldn't have been any other turn out for Lavender.

While reading this lovely story, I couldn't help notice some mistakes here and there. Nothing too grave, I want to add, but still noticeable. Like for example, "She remembering sitting with this girl and talking and giggling as though it had been another life". Correct me if I'm wrong but I think that rather than remembering, remembered is the best tense for the verb. I don't usually look out for these in my reviews because I know I can go wrong at places (not a native English speakers) but I think in that particular instance I might be right. Overall, however, the fluency was very good. All the events succeeded themselves in a very natural pace and nothing seemed out of place.

Also, I like how you pictured her torn decision between talking to her friends or ignoring them. It really did feel like she didn't know what was happening to her and that's not very easy to achieve. I am curious to see what happens next to her!

Author's Response: No, you're not wrong - typo on my part. :) I'll go in and fix it now and give the chapter another read over. One or two typos always manage to escape me while I'm proofreading - thanks for pointing it out! :)

Thank you for your review! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to answer it - I've had less time than I thought I would the last couple weeks.

I'm glad that you felt like it flowed naturally - that's definitely what every author loves to hear, especially when they're taking on a tricky canon character. I think that thinking about what happened to the characters still in Hogwarts during the events of DH is really interesting, because it's such a different environment than what the trio experienced, you know? I'm glad you think that how I developed Lavender in light of that (and the battle, of course) was interesting and believable!

Thank you for the review! Again, I'm so sorry for how long it's taken me to answer it.

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Review #13, by ScorpiusRose17 St. Mungo's

26th May 2012:
This story is so amazing! I love that you took a character that you weren't fond of and brought her to life. I wasn't a huge fan of Lavender and I tend to stay away from stories about her because of that. When I saw your story, I thought that maybe I would give it a try, just one more time. I am glad that I did because you did a wonderful job writing it!

I loved the description of the surroundings and emotions throughout the chapter. You did a terrific job creating a vivid picture in my mind that was easy to follow, yet still hold some mystery to it. I really liked the way that you characterized Lavender. She wasn't like the one we read about in the books. Which was a great change of pace and let her come out as her own character. I feel awful for her that she is trapped in this lonely little world she has created for herself after the war. I hope she turns it around!

Keep up the awesome writing! =)


Recenseo 2012

Adding to favorites!

Author's Response: Thank you!

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to answer this - I had a bit of a backlog of reviews and less time than I anticipated to answer them with.

I'm glad you liked it so much! :) I wasn't a huge fan of Lavender, either, but I also saw her character as having a lot of potential. She was a bit silly in the books, but we really only saw her from Harry's perspective, which was pretty cursory. Within that, though, I saw a lot of potential that I could play with and that I think a lot of other writers ignore - she's clearly a bit silly, but she's also clearly got a lot of courage, and I wanted to draw attention to that.

Thank you so much for your review, and again, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond!

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Review #14, by marinahill Nightmares

21st May 2012:
The start of this chapter was even more powerful than the last, I thought. It's so sad but so honest and true that people don't get "better" or "cured" after things like this. She's reached a point where she was well enough to leave St. Mungos but after that there's still a long uphill struggle to bring her back up to even a functioning level. It's just so sad and frustrating to read about her being stuck in the mud.

There's light at the end of this tunnel, though, what with the appearance of Seamus and his job. I can see this going one of two ways: she'll get there and not be able to cope, sending her back into a downward spiral. Or it could be eye-opening for her, providing her with something to distract herself from her anxiety with. Starting on something new might just be the way to go, I think.

I love this story so much. It's beautiful and so true to Lavender's character and the aftermath of the war. I can't wait to see what happens next.


Author's Response: Oh, I'm glad you thought so! I was a bit worried with this chapter - I didn't want to just gloss over the healing process, but at the same time, writing five chapters about Lavender getting to the point where she could leave St. Mungo's and trying to move on and being unable to just didn't really appeal to me, so I decided on a time skip instead.

I definitely agree that sometimes just starting something new can be what people need. Distraction is underrated as a healing aid, and I don't think it should be.

Thank you for your review!

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Review #15, by marinahill St. Mungo's

21st May 2012:
I really love this story, I've been meaning to review for a while but never got around to it *hides*.

You describe Lavender with such delicacy and emotion even though the syntax and description is minimalistic. I like that there's no frilly bits, so to speak. We just see the world as Lavender does, through a fog of numbness. She doesn't remember how to feel or care, she's an empty shell, or as your title aptly puts it, a ghost in a machine. Still, this implies that she's in there somewhere, which is clear to see as the prologue progressed.

I love how it's the echo of a memory that triggers her speech. It's not through trying so hard and practicing, it's not through frustration or a need to please others and speak. Instead, she's just found the right time to speak again, to care again and that's when she finds herself able to speak again.

It was so beautiful and fragile and sad, and I felt an enormous amount of pity for a character I don't usually like. Excellent job. :)


Author's Response: Aw, no worries, especially given how long it's been taking me to answer your lovely reviews. *also hides*

Thank you so much for the review. I was never a huge fan of Lavender, either, but I always felt like she was a little underrated. She was a little annoying, sure, but the way a lot of people write her, you'd think she was nothing but a ditz, which never seemed to be the case.

And then a plunnie was born. :P

Thank you for the review. ♥

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Review #16, by Cavell Nightmares

17th February 2012:
I loved Lavender. Like you, I had never really liked her before, but stories change things, and yours certainly did. I loved reading this chapter, and things are getting better for her. You've written her as a whole new character starting anew, starting fresh, and that's good. You're really good at writing her, and you need to update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm working on chapter 3, and I'll try to get it up soon. :)

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Review #17, by Hope's Mom Nightmares

5th February 2012:
Lavender has made a lot of progress since the first chapter. Her nightmares must be petrifying. She is lucky to have such a good friend in Parvati and Seamus. Being alone in your own home for long periods of time can make you feel really isolated and alone. I hope in the next chapter she is able to move forward a little a leave her home. Thanks for the new chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. :) She's definitely going to start moving forward slowly but surely - I'm planning some big time skips in the beginning because while I don't want to rush the recovery, I also don't want to spend 10,000 words on it, and I feel like if I spelled it out that's what it would take to do the issue justice.

Thank you for your review! :)

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Review #18, by Hope's Mom St. Mungo's

5th February 2012:
Lavender was never a favorite character of mine either. I can see how she could have been so damaged by the events of the final battle that she had a breakdown. She had a lot to recover from. As a pretty girl who always enjoyed that attention I am sure that being mauled must have been heartbreaking. Great first chapter!

Author's Response: Oh, I'm really glad you liked it. :) This is definitely one of the fics I'm most attached to, so I'm terrified of messing it up. Thank you!

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Review #19, by adluvshp Nightmares

16th January 2012:
Awesome chapter. I like how Lavendar is slowly trying to come out of her shell. You've written it really well. It's a nice one.

Good going!



Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it! :)

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Review #20, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Nightmares

9th January 2012:
In a fairy tale, better would have meant all the way better. In a fairy tale, she would sleep like a baby.

Lavender was such a dreamer before, from what I remember. I think the way you incorporated 'fairy tale' into the first chapter and the next was nicely done because it gives us a sense of who she was before this happened to her. You really do explain who she was in the past but since she's so different now it's a nice refresher to know at one point she was a happier person and wasn't going through so much pain.

It took me awhile to get into this chapter only because I think there could have been more of an explanation or something because it was such a leap forward. First we saw her in the ward and now she's home and struggling but how did she get from St. Mungo's to home? I know you mentioned at the top it was a battle but she seems so much more different and functional then she was in the first chapter that it was a big leap for me.

I was also a little, 'hm' (because 'hm' really explains what I mean)...with Seamus. He seemed very forceful for a moment. Especially when he asked her if she was a coward. I don't think even in the best times someone would say that to someone else who has been through something so traumatic. But I can't entirely say I didn't like the line because you did explain that her friends don't really understand what she's going through. They want her back but it doesn't seem he entirely understands just how hard it is for her to get up and move, let alone go outside and interact with all these people and creatures.

Other than that I thought it was a good chapter. You're really incapable of writing a bad chapter, so don't doubt yourself. :D

Author's Response: I can totally understand how it felt a bit disjointed. My issue was that I know how long the recovery process takes, and I really didn't want to spend half the story on it, you know? Hmm. I'm going to try to change the focus of chapter one a bit so it comes off more as a prologue. Hopefully that should help.

I also know what you mean about Seamus - I've actually gone through and revised that a bit, so hopefully it comes off better now! :)

Thank you so much for your review!

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Review #21, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap St. Mungo's

9th January 2012:
Lavender is an after thought to me. I have only ever read one other story about her and that's a comedy so this was different going into it. I at first wasn't sure where this is going because I tend to not like to read about institutions because they hit close to home when someone mentions them, especially if they do it in such a way where they start to make fun of the fact that sometimes people end up in institutions and effected in ways that never make them the same again.

I know you would never write anything that would offend anyone so I gave this a try and I'm really glad I did actually. I thought it was very emotional and I found myself wanting to cry because Lavender was able to push herself to speak to her friends even though in real life I think it's much harder for someone that has been in such a traumatic experience to find the urge to speak, especially if they are under heavy doses of medication. You didn't mention that, I don't think. I'm not entirely sure if you did mention that she was on some medicine, whether it be potions or something else because I'm not sure if she is and that might be effecting her thought processes or she's not and it's really just the internal decision of her own to not speak because it's to hard. Even though if she was on medicine it would be her decision to not speak as well though it might play a bigger factor into the way she responds and the way she thinks.

Also, I just have one sort, it's more personal opinion than anything but I feel like you could have used dreamt instead of dreamed, I think it would have come across smoother and the use of the 't' in my head, makes it sound even stronger than it already is because it's one of those words that you have to say (or read) as a 'hard' t. I don't know if that makes any sense to you. I can explain what I mean with the way the spanish language is spoken but not english (which is weird considering english is my first language).

Anyway, I really thought this was a good chapter and you laid it out where I'm intrigued on what's going to happen but I hope that the process of Lavender trying to pull herself together again is a slow one because if you rush it I don't think it'll be as believable as it already is.

Author's Response: You're actually the second person who said they prefer "dreamt" to "dreamed," and after I thought about it, I decided I liked that better, too, so I have gone through and changed it. :)

I didn't mention any medicine - I considered it, but I decided against it for two reasons. First, I don't think that I have ever liked the insertion of potions as a direct replacement for the medication of modern day psychiatry (or even other medications), especially since everything I saw in the books indicated to me that mental health issues in the wizarding world really aren't handled very well, even compared to the real world. Second, I really wanted to put the focus on her, rather than on the Healers. If that makes sense?

As a sidenote: If I ever make fun of institutions/mental illness - or, more likely, if Lavender does - know that it's gallows humor born out of a lot of experience, not callousness.

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Review #22, by Mihali1432 Nightmares

6th January 2012:

I've never like Lavender either (Referring to your past A/N) but... This is interesting. Seamus too... I'm usually an all next-gen or Marauders... Mostly Next gen. This has... Gotten my attention and you HAVEEE to tell me when the next chapter is up. xD

YOU HAVE TO. Ok moving on... It's soo... soo... realistic how she is now afraid of the dark (A phobia I have myself...) and... How she reacts. I just... Love it xD

Nice confidence booster yes? It's well deserved :D


Author's Response: I know! I typically go next-gen all the way, especially for my writing, because I like exploring more uncharted territory, but this kind of jumped into my head and just refused to leave.

I have a confession: I'm afraid of the dark, too, and I definitely drew on that here.

Thank you so much for your review! I'll definitely tell you when I update it. :)

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Review #23, by Mihali1432 St. Mungo's

6th January 2012:
BEEEZIE! Ok I'm finally here... With your reward reviews. xD

I'll admit, THIS WAS AWESOME. Ok? Just... Awesome.

I loved it really. I couldn't find any grammar faults (But we both know, I'm not the greatest at that xD), or just faults in the chapter/story as a whole... I just... loved it.

Continuing on!


Author's Response: Yay! I was especially curious about what you'd think of this given the relationship with Dark Side of the Moon, so I'm really glad you liked it. :)

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Review #24, by Manga_girl Nightmares

6th January 2012:
Hiya, it is me again!

And this is another amazing chapter! First of all, I have a teeny bit of constructive criticism. The only think I could think of. Seamus sounds a bit not-Seamus'y (I made up a word). I know he would have changed after the war, grown up even but I think just a small part of his speech does not sound like JK wrote him in the books.

That aside, this was another amazing chapter. It flowed from one part to another perfectly as if I was actually there, watching the events happen in front of my eyes. It was amazing how well it just read, nothing interrupted the flow at all!

I love your language and word choices. You have a lot of variety in here with your wording and nothing is repeated too much. It passes every bit of information onto the reader and they know exactly what is happening and how the plot and actions to move it along reflect across the characters. Each tiny detail is amazing yet again.

I like how you wrote Lavender, she seems to have grown from the first chapter but still have nightmares and problems so it seems so...natural and realistic. She has so much depth to her and more than what we saw from canon.

This is so incredible, I cannot wait to see more of this,

E x

Author's Response: No, I know exactly what you mean. I think I captured his Seamus-y-ness (yay, I'm making up words, too, haha) in the first chapter, but here there were a couple points that didn't quite work. I'm going to reread the Seamus parts of the books at some point soon to try and improve that a bit.

Thank you so much for your review! :) I really appreciate it!

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Review #25, by Manga_girl St. Mungo's

6th January 2012:
Hello Beeezie!

This, so far, is amazing. You manage to keep the reader engaged throughout the whole chapter with the way you decide to conceal and the reveal information about the plot and characters. It was beautiful how you portrayed it in a sad but ever so slightly dreamy tone.

Lavender was characterised perfectly. And she has never been one of my favourite characters either but this was just...perfect. All the tiny bits of information were thrown in together like the detail about the unicorn and it connected with the reader so well.

I did not notice any mistakes in this! And I just love it when an author takes time to make sure everything is perfect to the tiniest of details and that is what you have done here.

Another thing I loved was the emotion in this! It makes the reader want to know what did happen after the war to Lavender. It makes them want to know what happens next. If she will be normal.

My favourite line was this: 'Lavender no longer believed in fairy tale endings, because fairy tales did not involve getting your face ripped off and having no fairy godmother to make you pretty again.' It captured everything so beautifully and put everything into perspective. About how Lavender felt. It was incredible.

I really want to know what happens next, this is so engaging and I am off to read and review the next chapter. :)

Emma x

Author's Response: Oh, yay! Thank you so much for such a nice review!

I occasionally have a couple typos here and there that slip through, but yeah, I really do try to keep things as polished as possible, and I do tend to have a decent attention to detail.

I'm really glad it came across the way it did - I was definitely going for kind of a dreamy, melancholy tone! :)

Thank you again. :) I really appreciate it.

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