Reading Reviews for Over My Head
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlexFan Of Jerk-Face James Potter and Full-Scale War

19th November 2014:
This chapter was so much better than the previous two! I liked how it stretched out more and the fact that I was able to get inside Pippa's head throughout this and really feel what kinds of things were going through her mind. I like how she handled the situation with James when he came over to harass her. It was very different from her reaction to his family on the train and it just showed that she could be civilized and mature if she really wanted to.

The one thing I'm a little skeptical about is Alyssa's Firebolt. I mean, her mum works a crummy job at a pub, and on top of that she's got an alcohol addiction so a lot of the money that she makes probably goes towards her addiction, and as old as the Firebolt may be at that point in time, it's still a pretty expensive broom. I mean, Ron's family could barely even afford to get him his own broom and it was, what, a Cleansweeper? If Ron's family, who had a father that worked in the Ministry, could barely afford to buy him a broom, then how does Alyssa manage to get herself a much better, more expensive broom with just the pub as her sole source of income?

But other than that, I really enjoyed this chapter and I have a feeling that this war is going to get very interesting from the sounds of it (and I mean how can it not considering Peeves is going to get involved).

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Review #2, by AlexFan Of Pranks and Hypothetical Death via Little Lily

18th November 2014:
I relate to Alyssa's morning ritual so much. Except my mom is my alarm clock and I stay in my bed for an extra ten minutes before dragging myself out into the cold and getting washed.

I feel like I need a little bit more on why Veronica Smith is evil in order to truly jump on board of the hate train. As far as I can see, the only thing that she's done that could be considered mean is get Alyssa's name wrong (which I can relate to because I'm horrible with names). The biggest problem that Alyssa seems to have with Veronica is that she leads a very privileged life while Alyssa does not, and it's enough for extreme jealousy at how easy Veronica's life is and some annoyance and sure a little hatred but nothing really extreme. I guess Alyssa's feelings aren't totally unfounded.

I may have missed this but I'm not sure that you mentioned Alyssa looking for her clothes before declaring that they had disappeared. I know I felt a little surprised at the sudden jump so maybe I missed that part.

Wow, things certainly escalate quickly at Hogwarts nowadays. The Potters just went from 0-100 real quick right there. If these pranks keep up, and get progressively more and more complex, the professors are going to have a real problem on their hands by the end of the year.

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Review #3, by AlexFan Of Supposed Best Friends and Extreme Ginger Syndrome

18th November 2014:
Sorry it took me so long to get to your reviews for the challenge but I'm finally here!

Okay, so I thought that I would just tell you what I thought through this and hopefully I can be at least a little helpful. So this isn't bad at all, it's not perfect but it's good. Something that I've noticed that happens a lot is people introduce the character and then give the reader all of the baggage that comes with it. Sometimes a writer gives their reader so much information that they forget half of it, that's not the case here but it's an example.

I like how you introduced the main character, you gave her name, developed the type of relationship that she has with her family and gave your reader an appearance that they could work with, which is great. But there's a lot of telling instead of showing. It wasn't really necessary to have all of that information about her mom and dad and how they fit together, it didn't really add much in the way of plot. You could've maybe started with Alyssa working on her last day of summer break at the pub so that the reader gets a sense of how crazy the pub is and you've set up that part of Alyssa's home life right there, and as a bonus, it also adds length to the chapter. Alyssa's mom is a drunk, but instead of just telling your reader that right from the get go, you could have it come in later on (as having a parent who is an alcoholic is most likely a difficult thing, it could be something that Alyssa is ashamed of and tries to avoid thinking about). You could have a scene later on in the story showing an interaction between Alyssa and her mother, she could come home from the holidays or something and find her mom asleep on a dirty couch and you could even bring in the kind of living arrangements that she has that point, showing the kind of state that Alyssa lives in as well as shows that her mother has an addiction.

I also thought that the scene where all of the next generation of the Weasley's and Potter's come crashing into the compartment a bit melodramatic. Alyssa was being really aggressive with these people and you never really provide any information for why she's aggressive towards them. Right off the bat she's insulting the Weasley's because of their ginger hair but there's no real build up to why Alyssa is being so hostile, it just kind of happens (as an idea, you could hint that the reason she's so hostile is because they tease her about her family which they might've accidentally found out about somehow because it seems reasonable).

And lastly, the pace felt a little too fast, I felt like there could've been more description throughout the chapter to really set up the scene and the tone of what was going on. Maybe talk about what the platform looked like or the kind of chaos that was going on, even snippets of conversation that Alyssa heard to really pull the reader into the story. I hope I wasn't too harsh with this review and at least a little bit helpful in some way! This really is a good start to a story and a pretty interesting one.

P. S. While I agree that in a place where a lot of magic is going on the Ministry wouldn't be able to figure out which underage witch or wizard was doing magic, I think it would be a little different with apparating. Apparating is tracked by the Department of Magical Transportation (or something of the sort) and I think they would get some sort of notification if an unqualified minor just apparated to King's Cross Station (since she's not Side-Along). Also, apparating is extremely dangerous and I would think Alyssa would be a little more worried about seriously injuring herself (also where would she have learned apparating since her mother is clearly in no fit state to be a proper teacher?)

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Review #4, by Wooden_Fences Of Jerk-Face James Potter and Full-Scale War

7th April 2014:
OKAY NOW I'M REALLY INTO THIS YOU NEED TO UPDATE SOON. BECAUSE, SERIOUSLY, THIS IS THE MOST WELL-WRITTEN FANFICTION I'VE READ ON THIS SITE.

Sometimes I just read the stories for the plot, but they're not really well-written, so I can't really get into them, but this one has both and it's so so so amazing and it just makes me really really happy... :D

Author's Response: thank you so much :)

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Review #5, by lovestings Of Supposed Best Friends and Extreme Ginger Syndrome

6th April 2014:
Hello! So glad to see this story so I decided to pay it a visit and I'm glad I did!

I'm a BIG next generation lover and I am the writer or two current stories so I was glad to see a new one. I'm really loving this so far! The chapter was short but it gave a lot of information so it was still very nice!

I loved the ginger syndrome comment! It had me laughing so hard and really original! I can't wait to see more and hopefully you get some positive feedback! xx

Author's Response: thanks :) I'll be sure to update soon, or I'll try, anyway. Reviews are always inspiration for me to write more, and are greatly appreciated :)

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Review #6, by patronus_charm Of Supposed Best Friends and Extreme Ginger Syndrome

6th April 2014:
Hi!

This was off to a really interesting start! I liked how her family isnít the most normal one with divorced parents, and how her mum never managed to fulfil her dreams because of the drinking as it made a change from the usual background I come across. That was seen again with how she wasnít the best of friends with the Weasleys and didnít even seem to want to be friends with them all that much as usually itís the other way round. Then there was the rival Weasley clan almost and that made me laugh a lot :P

I would just watch your narration style now and then. At first you started off as really informal with the use of totally and exaggeration but then there were a few slip-ups such as here ĎI wonder if it was wise to insult the children and cousins of the man who saved the world.í were just felt really formal compared to the rest of the chapter, so I would read it again and check for consistency in narration styles so it doesnít detract from the flow of the story.

Alyssa seems to be a really interesting character though and her friend Pippa. In fact, you do have a really interesting cast of characters who all seem to have unique personalities so it will be interesting to see where this story goes, especially with Alyssa and Albus.

I thought this was a really good start!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Thanks so much :) feedback is always appreciated, I'll keep all that stuff in mind.

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Review #7, by TimeSeer Of Pranks and Hypothetical Death via Little Lily

16th May 2012:
This story is great. Please update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

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Review #8, by xxDobbyX Of Pranks and Hypothetical Death via Little Lily

6th May 2012:
I really like this story... I was almost afraid that you quit writing it. I hope to see more soon... xD

Author's Response: I'm sorry!! I know that it took a while, but I'll try try try to update more often, I promise!!!

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Review #9, by bookworm_hermione Of Pranks and Hypothetical Death via Little Lily

5th May 2012:
Love Alyssa.
Continue the story!
:)

Author's Response: thank you!

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Review #10, by cupcakesness Of Supposed Best Friends and Extreme Ginger Syndrome

25th December 2011:
I really like Alyssa she has some guts calling out the Potter,Scamanders, and Malfoys like that. I really like the background story it makes you understand her view of things alot better. This story is pretty awesome so far, I really like Alyssa so far shes my favorite character so far, and my favorite quotes were ďAll of you Gingersóthat means you too, Pottersóget out. Now. Seriously. I have a wand, and I am not afraid to use it, I donít care if your father saved the Wizarding World. Get out.Ē and ďI donít remember inviting you into the compartment! What gives you the right to just storm in here and pollute the air with Extreme Ginger Syndrome! Honestly, Iíll probably have orange hair in a month.Ē This is a really good first chapter,I can tell you worked hard on it, can't wait to know more about this story

Author's Response: Yes Alyssa does have guts...that's probably why she's a Gryffindor :)

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Review #11, by padfoot88 Of Supposed Best Friends and Extreme Ginger Syndrome

22nd December 2011:
love the set up, and Alyssa seems like an interesting character! Can't wait to see where it goes :)

Author's Response: Thanks! :)

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Review #12, by countrymusicfanatic Of Supposed Best Friends and Extreme Ginger Syndrome

5th December 2011:
I'm a little confused... is Alyssa's mom a witch? Because you said that she wanted to become a professional Quidditch player and then you said that she was disgusted when she found out that Alyssa was a witch...

Other than that, nice chapter, I'm definitely going to keep reading this one :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I believe I fixed that mistake...nice catch, though:)

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Review #13, by JapaneseDolls Of Supposed Best Friends and Extreme Ginger Syndrome

19th November 2011:
I'd love to see where this story goes! I read your Rue malfoy story aswell. You're a great writer, please post a new chapter for this story as soon as possible

Author's Response: Oh wow! Thanks! I'm almost done with the second chapter of Unorthodox and mid-way through this one.

And that is my writing status.

Thanks for the reiview! Toodles!
-XxImAgInAiReXx


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Review #14, by LeliOranges Of Supposed Best Friends and Extreme Ginger Syndrome

17th November 2011:
Oooo I like this! Really, I like this a lot! I'm super excited to read the rest of it. In my opinion, it's so hard to find a good Next Generation story, but I have a lot of confidence in this one. I'm actually, like, giddy right now. That's embarrassing. I'm this excited after one chapter. I guess we know it's going to be good!

Author's Response: Thanks! You're my first reviewer! Congrats!

I'll try to live up to you're expectations. They're really high *gulp*

~XxImAgInAiReXx


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