Reading Reviews for An Invisible Reality
  
19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Secret Santa Prologue

30th December 2011:
Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas! I apologise for the lateness of your gifts - my sleigh broke and then my reindeer went on strike and so I was stuck in the North Pole, trying unsuccessfully to deliver your presents. Please forgive me!

This is an excellent prologue! Really tense and your description is just beautiful! To tell the truth, I'm really jealous of your way with words. Absolutely stunning.

"The rotten breath in the air, the frozen sweat on my neck." So chilling.

Every word seems geared to create a tense and chilling atmosphere, I could really feel the fear from your main character, who I already sympathise with. This is very intriguing.

Ho, ho, ho. Good job!

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Review #2, by Cassius Alcinder Prologue

18th December 2011:
Review tag! Wow, you really are the master of intriguing openings!

The opening paragraphs were so descriptive and spooky, it was really effective at creating an aura of mystery, fear, and suspense around the story. I wasn't comletely sure what was going on, but I think that's what you were going for and there was an effective sense of confusion that added to the danger and suspense. What really made it good was your detailed descriptions.

The second part was equally mysterious and suspenseful, and creates even more intrigue to hook the reader. It appears that you're including Regulus Black, who is definetely one of the most complex and layered characters. We can tell that something pretty terrible has just happened that will have a large impact on the story, and there is great suspense as we wonder what it is.

This is a great opening and I'd love to see where you go with it from here.

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Review #3, by Snapdragons Prologue

5th December 2011:
I have to admit that I didn't read the original version, although now I'm curious as to what it is! So I'm reading this as a new reader. (I admit I was drawn in by the promise of an alternate universe!)

Wow. You're a very powerful writer. It seems pretty clear that you've got an idea of where you're going here, because you've managed to create this sense of mystery and confusion that drew me in and makes me want to read more. I think that would be hard to do if you didn't know where it was going, haha!

I'll confess that I am very confused, but I think that's what you're going for. It isn't so confusing that it was frustrating, but just enough to make me want to keep reading and to know more - like who the mysterious It is, or who was had broken into Lisa's home.

This chapter definitely raises more questions than it answers, but I think that's a good thing for a first chapter. :)

The words you used were really great, too. I loved the style - it painted a good picture in my mind. When Lisa was talking about how she couldn't find her wand, I felt panicked too. And then there were some of these really nicely done sentences, like I feel my heart bleed to death in synchronisation with those syllables. and the impenetrable darkness and the innocent silence.

Some things seemed a little hard to follow, but I think things will be cleared up in later chapters.

Overall, I think you did a really great job with this and I'm definitely interested in continuing to read it! Wonderful work :)

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Review #4, by xxJazminexx Prologue

22nd November 2011:
Oh! I am so glad I looked on the review tag when I did, this story is so amazing I might die from the excitement! Me wants a chapter two :D Sorry its just so... I LOVE IT! I am intrigued by what has happened and I cant wait to find out what is going to happened, why it happened.
The way you write is so amazing, you really make the story come alive and you know how to make sympathy for your characters. Loved this chapter so much, the way you started it at the beginning I was like '???' and I loved every bit, I have to say my favourite line was.

'Fear can make you do stupid things. Fear of falling in love can drive away your happiness. Fear of people can end your social life. Fear can control you. Fear can mess everything.' That is one clever sentence/s and it really added to the whole. What is going to happen next?

Loves the story so far!
Favorited!!!
x

Author's Response: Aweee...such a wonderful review! :D THANK YOU SO MUCH! LOTS OF LURVEE~

I'm so glad you're intrigued *wink*. To be honest, writing mystery and suspense is something that comes easiest to me. It's sort of my forte you know, I can very well start a hundred stories with intriguing beginnings, but it's the continuation that's trying. I've been struggling with myself not to update actually, because I want to make sure I simply won't abandon this fic. So I'm trying to write at least twenty chapters down before updating.

Nevertheless, I'll try to update as soon as I can! :D Thank you again so much for reviewing and the favourite! It means so much to me! :)


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Review #5, by Roots in Water Prologue

19th November 2011:
I'm here for review tag!

This was a marvelous first chapter! It was filled with suspense and mystery and horrifying events. I think that you portrayed fear in a realistic and terrifying way.

The first part of the this chapter was very well written (not that the second one wasn't written just as good) and in such a way that not much is given away though much happens. Who's that girl? Why did she die? How is she related to the second girl? The questions pile up...

The second part was written fantastically. I loved the way you described her fear - "her weak hopes", "impenetrable darkness and the innocent silence"- you made it seem so present in the story.

I was a little confused by what happened when she fell down the stairs- did someone attack her? Did she fall because of her overwheming fear? Who showed up at her house? But in rereading the passage I think I have a better understanding- did the Order of the Phoenix show up at her house to fight back Them? The mystery deepens...

I did notice one small thing: in the sentence"her ridicule her Aunt no end" it should be "to no end" - you missed the "to".

Other than that one small thing this chapter was fantastic. It was well put together, full of mystery and intrigue and all the things necessary to bring readers back to the story. All it needs is a second chapter. :)

I really did enjoy reading this chapter and it'll be interesting to see where you take it.

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Review #6, by adluvshp Prologue

17th November 2011:
Tag!!

OMG wow *eyes pop out of sockets*

You're an amazing writer!! OMG the emotions were so strong throughout this piece!! Merlin, I'm feeling scared sitting alone in my room at this time of the night!! (well its only 9 PM lol)!! But seriously, this. is. a. brilliant. piece. of. writing.

The way you have written the angst, the pain, the emotions, the darkness, the horror - omg it is so vivid. The feelings are raw and come out at the surface jumping out at me. The descriptions are so surreal I can almost see it happening. This, I repeat, is an amazing piece of writing.

I don't understand the plot/characters as of yet, since this is just the prologue, and I'm sure you'll build it up in the upcoming chapters, but this was surely a heavy, intense and emotion-evoking piece.

A splendid job on writing this one!! Truly one of the best pieces of INTENSE writing that I've read on this site.

100/10!!!

Cheers!
AD

P.S. I wish I could write like you!! so awesome!! xD

Author's Response: THIS REVIEW SIMPLY MADE MY WEEK! :D Thank you Aditi! You're awesome! :D

I've been trying to think of a coherent response, but it's getting difficult... LURVE~ SQUEE~

THANK YOU! :heart:


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Review #7, by bri_5_stars Prologue

17th November 2011:
Tag!
Whoa... that was a real intense start! I really liked the first person narration as well. It is gripping pretty much from the beginning, good job! :D
brithewriter
cheerio!

Author's Response: Thank you! :) I'm glad you thought so! Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)
Vanya.


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Review #8, by Akussa Prologue

16th November 2011:
Hi!

I'd never read the originial version you are talking about in the A.N. at the beginning but I must say I liked this version a lot.
It was a very good opening chapter. I like how you write in a very, erm, visual kind a way? I mean that we can clearly picture what you are describing.
Your characters look interesting and it'll be interesting to see them develop and learn more about them. I'm very intrigued as to what is happening and I like it!!

Great job overall, you got my attention with an original and intriguing chapter, can't wait to see where you are planning to move this story!

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much for your kind words! :)

You are amazing, you know that? This response is going to be short, because I've NO WORDS left to say after reading this review! Except..

THANK YOU! :D


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Review #9, by 65ashben Prologue

14th November 2011:
I was sad to discover that the previous fanfic was gone. I really like this version as well. I like both of the versions. I can't wait for the next chapter!!!

Author's Response: It's great to see that you're still sticking up with this fic, despite me being a horrible author. :) The next chapter may take a while, as I'm planning on updating only after I've written 20 chapters of this fic beforehand, so that this one doesn't go the same way as the previous version!
:D
Cheers!
Vanya.


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Review #10, by Spaz Prologue

5th November 2011:
I'm sad that you didn't continue with your other story. This was still really good, though, and I can't wait to read more. :)

Author's Response: It's sad for me too. :( But I'm so happy to see you back, despite my being irresponsible and horrible. :) The next chapter may take a while, as I'm planning on updating only after I've written 20 chapters of this fic beforehand, so that this one doesn't go the same way as the previous version!

Thank you!
Vanya


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Review #11, by MyMyMiss Prologue

1st November 2011:
Here I ma, rading this story, thinking wow this is brilliant (as always) && Then I realised it was mauraders, I neraly died of a heart attack.

I hate maruadres, but this is brilliant.

Your writing is extrodinary, it really is :) You can get a reader intrigued in your story in every prologue you write and I think that is absolutley fantastic.

Every reader should be drawn into the whol scenario of the story, immedietley and you always manage to do that.

I can never fault you at all, in any of your stories. You have my on my seat wanting to know more. I must know more.. Then I realise this is only the first chapter and nearly die - again.

Your very much an inspiration to me, with your writing and your style. It's great!!

10/10 - Please update this and Broccoli soon ;)

~Karni. xx

TRICK OR TREAT.

Author's Response: EEK! SQUEE~

I'm so happy that you liked it, even though I'm very much aware of your loathing of Marauders' Era fics! Oh my...I can't even begin to express what that means to me...

I've this gigantic grin on my face right now! :P
Vanya


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Review #12, by LadyL8 Prologue

26th October 2011:
Hello there :D

LadyL8 here with your requested review. The first thing I noticed was the quote at the beginning. I loved it. When people use quotes or song lyrics at the beginning, it really makes the story even more sad (or sometime happy). Your quote was great. Good job picking that one :D

I really loved how you wrote this story. I haven't read that much horror or dark stories before, so this was something new for me. Still, I really thought you did it well. The characters came to life as you wrote, and I imagine the whole chapter in my head. It's always hard writing AU, but you did it well. I loved how you wrote you OC, and I was close to tears at the ending. You really wrote it beautifully.

You told me; "not be afraid to be harsh", but I really can't find anything bad. I just really enjoyed it.

I saw no mistakes so that was great. You way of writing was new to me, but I enjoyed it. I think I chose a great dark story to read as my first, and I really just loved it. I think there's lot of potential in your story, and I look forward to the future chapters (please tell me when they are uploaded). Great job.

10/10 and I really can't wait for more :D

Author's Response: Hello LadyL8,

I love that quote too- especially because it uses the word 'despot' :P. I found it quite a long time ago actually and decided to use it. :)

I'm glad you liked this, especially since it's new for you. :) I'm so happy you liked the imagery. Thank you, thank you! :)

Nice to see you enjoyed it. New chapters might take a while to upload, but I'll be sure to tell you when they are up. :)

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!
Vanya


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Review #13, by Phoenix_Flames Prologue

26th October 2011:
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested. I want to apologize for the long wait. Things have just been hectic for me, but I'm sorry the wait was so long. But I'm here now, and I'm so glad you requested!

This was great. I loved the original, and this one just matched the old in greatness. If not, by more.

It was great in every aspect really. It was short, but it was just enough to hold a captivating story that I loved every minute of. Yes, it was dark, but it was great, and you got the emotions and the fear of it across perfectly.

I could feel everything and understand everything, and I felt as if I were right there in the story. With your descriptions and emotions that you portrayed so well, you really brought Irene and Lisa to life and I felt like I was right there in the story.

I think AUs are always a little hard to grasp at the beginning because you are unfamiliar with the situation, and that was the same here, but it easily fell into place. It wasn't too confusing with the OC in an AU world. You made it feel right and like a part of the HP universe right off the bat.

This was wonderful, and I don't think I even passed a mistake. There aren't any that I can recall, and that's wonderful!

Really, I can see noticeable changes from here and the original, and they were all for the better. The first was great, but now this is just even better. Great job!

I don't know what else to say. :) It was all great and you clearly know what you're doing. You have a great set up to lead into everything, and I'm sure it will be wonderful.

Absolute fantastic job! Thank you for pulling me back for the rewrite! :) Great job!

Happy writing!
Drue

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such an in-depth review! :)

I'm so glad you could spot the changes; there were quite obvious ones there. :P I brought the characters to life? Wow, that is the best thing someone can say to an author! You're too kind!

I agree it's confusing at first to read an AU story, and I know my fic is very confusing right now, but hopefully, things will clear out very soon into the story!

Again, thank you for reading and reviewing! :)


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Review #14, by C Prologue

22nd October 2011:
Hello again!

So...when I read your response to my review on Hope, I almost died. Meaning I totally freaked out and maybe screamed a little...embarrassing, I know, but I got kind of attached to your story =] you definitely write well so I've decided that I should give this new version a chance.

BUT I BEG OF YOU: PLEASE KEEP JATIN. please!!!

I love him.

And he would be a great addition to any story, so I'm sure you can include him. Even if you're changing Sirius and Lisa and Reg and everyone, Jatin can still fit somewhere, can't he??

And I think this prologue had both good and points. The second part was excellent, and please don't hate me, but I'd have to say I really didn't like the first part. The second part was mysterious, but I could still understand what was going on. I just didn't know the details. Like who were the people hurting Lisa and Reg? But the part about Irene was just really confusing... I couldn't even tell if it was about wizards because you were saying something about ancient languages...the only thing I really got from that was that Irene was being killed.

I would recommend making the first part significantly shorter. Maybe even just a few lines. Then ficus the prologue on the second part. I recommend this because I think that the whole issue with Irene probably needs to be explained more through the story for us to really understand it. Also you can create a significant amount of mystery with just a few lines.

Author's Response: I'm so sorryy for abandoning that previous fic. But I was simply stuck, you know? And try as I might, I couldn't gather enough creative juices to continue it. You know, it's very heartwarming for an author to know that her readers are willing to give her a second chance.:)

I swear I'm not going to abandon this fic. I'm actually writing the first twenty chapters down before updating, so that I can possibly have a new chapter up every week to make it up to my wonderful readers. :)

Jatin...ah...I'm not too sure yet, but I would loathe to part with him too, be assured! :)

I can never hate you! Oh no! I actually appreciate your honest opinions. :) Though I have to say I liked the first part better. I think you found the second part less confusing because you already know who Lisa and Reg are, and to a certain extent, what's going on, whereas I haven't really expanded on the first.

Don't worry though, because once the second chapter is up, the first part would be a lot, LOT more clear, and you would see how it fits with the story and the plot as a whole. I don't think I'm going to shorten it actually, because those two instances in the prologue are tied together at a more deeper level as you will get to know as the story progresses. Though, I'm definitely going to tweak the prologue a bit again. :)

Thank you so much for sticking up with this horrid author! It means so much to me! :)
Vanya


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Review #15, by randomgirl Prologue

22nd October 2011:
Hi I'm back again :) I was so disappointed when I saw you had taken this down, I really loved the last version it was brilliant but I can understand you didnt like it. So I'm taking a chance on reading it again, I hope this version won't end up like the last! :P I see that this time you said your changing some of the characters, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE keep Jatin!!! I think I would actually give up on this if he were gone :( anyways thought I would let you know that Im back to stay if this story is :D Btw loved this chapter!!
Randomgirl :)xx
p.s Btw I saw the last time you kept changing the summary which I thought was cool it let us know something different everytime.

Author's Response: I'm so sorryy for abandoning that previous fic. But I was simply stuck, you know? And try as I might, I couldn't gather enough creative juices to continue it. You know, it's very heartwarming for an author to know that her readers are willing to give her a second chance.:)

I swear I'm not going to abandon this fic. I'm actually writing the first twenty chapters down before updating, so that I can possibly have a new chapter up every week to make it up to my wonderful readers. :)

Jatin...ah...I'm not too sure yet, but I would loathe to part with him too, be assured! :)

Thank you so much for sticking up with this horrid author! It means so much to me! :)
Vanya


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Review #16, by Beeezie Prologue

19th October 2011:
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review!

Before I say anything else, I just want to point out two minor mechanical things: in the second paragraph of the first section, I wasn't quite sure what the irony was, and at some point in the second section, you mentioned that she could hear her silent breathing, which doesn't really make sense - how can you hear silence?

I thought that the change in tense was graceful and natural. In fact, I actually think that it made the piece better - and I saw that as someone who really hates present tense as a general rule. It was vaguely Jane Eyre-ish in the way it emphasized the first section, which is terrific. The change from first person to third person at the same time was also a really interesting choice, and one that I found I actually liked a lot.

One of your concerns was whether or not it was over the top. At this point, I would say no, though I think a lot of that will depend on where you take the story. I can see it becoming completely natural, and I can see it feeling over the top - it'll depend a lot on the next few chapters. For the moment, though, I think you're safe.

Was it too confusing? Well...

I like a bit of mystery, especially in the first chapter - it reels a reader in and gets them hooked on the story. However, I do think that you have just a little bit too much. Why does the first person matter to them, why are they there, and who are they in the first place? Who is the girl, and who is Reg? (I immediately thought Cattermole, not sure if that's accurate.) Why was her gut response to think that something bad was happening? You don't have to answer all of those - in fact, you shouldn't - but I do wish you'd answered some of them, because a little more detail would make the piece more distinctive.

Does that make sense?

On the whole, though, I am intrigued, and it's quite well-written. The dark scenes were great - I think that the first was stronger than the second by a bit, but they were both quite good. I'd love to read more when you post it. :)

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Review #17, by apocalypse Prologue

18th October 2011:
Hey this is apocalypse from the forums, here with your review! =)

First up, it's actually a good and gripping start to a story. It's completely tense, has extreme suspense and the right amount of description, which keeps the reader hooked.

Over to your concerns, then? Well, it's not AS over the top as you think. As it's the first chapter, it doesn't have to give all the details and be absolutely perfect. If a chapter would tell you everything coming up in the story, it would be half as interesting as this was =) However! It was confusing initially. I couldn't understand what the dream was about at all. It would have been way more clear if you had italicized it =) Also, it's confusing but definitely like-able. As you story advances, it'll get clearer and hopefully will reduce the initial confusion, so you don't need to worry much about that.

Yep, you did great with the dark scenes. They were described well and her emotions and feelings were were told to. However, the characters in the scenes were totally unknown, so it made the final image of the scene slightly blurred in my mind. I mean, why was she afraid of those people in the dream? Initially I couldn't understand whether the were dementors or wizards or death eaters.. I hope you get what I mean by confusion. Also, you mostly described how her body reacted to the fear. You barely described what she was FEELING rather then what her body FELT. Again, I hope I didn't confuse you too and you understood my point here =)

The change in the tense was neither graceful nor awkward. It was just a change. It wan't abrupt either; as the first scene was a dream, it could have been in any tense. Wait, is it even a dream? I'm not even sure about that =/ Anyway, the transition in tense wasn't bad, it just changed your story's tone slightly.

Overall, it was not a bad piece, though with a bit of work, it'll turn into really good work. I hope you develop Lisa's character further and better =P

Hope you liked what I said; I like your story and hope that you're successful in achieving your target =) If you have any further queries or problems, feel free to PM me or request for further chapters. =)

Best of luck and happy writing! =D

Author's Response: I can't even begin to express how much I adore this review! Thank you so much for such in-depth and helpful comments! I know, for a prologue it's a bit too much mysterious- I want to rewrite this actually, and your review will come in very useful :)

Hm...actually, there was a reason why I wrote what her BODY felt- and well...I don't want to ruin anything for potential readers, but be assured there was a reason. In the first part, the person is mostly numb- feelings of fear haven't quite surfaced yet. And in the second- well, I admit, you're right there. I'll be sure to describe more of her feelings in the second part :)

Um..it *wasn't* actually a dream. They were too /seemingly/ very different incidents, happening miles away at almost the same time, but they are connected very intricately together and to the plot as a whole. BUT, since it's apparently not clear (oh curse, my terrible writing skills), I'll try my very best to make it clearer.

Thank you so much for such a constructive review. I'll be sure to ask your help again (oh, you won't get rid of me so soon :P), when I rewrite it. Perhaps it would be better? Hopefully.

Thanks again! :D


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Review #18, by CloakAuror9 Prologue

18th October 2011:
Hey it's me! from the forums?

Anyways... Great banner :)

So...that was a very...creepy and tense chapter, wasn't it? Well, I did get a lot of images processing in my mind when I
was reading the story (is that a bad thing or a good thing?)

The flow was really great but like the other reviewer said before there was a little bit too much thought she had and it kinda made the end a bit confusing. But you delivered the other thoughts and emotions very well!

Loved the story!

Author's Response: Hey! :)

I'm glad you liked it. Yep, it was supposed to be creepy- so I'm glad it came across as such.

I know- that's confusing; isn't it? I'll be sure to re-frame it when I rewrite the chapter.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing! :)


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Review #19, by justonemorefic Prologue

14th October 2011:
That was a tense opening chapter! Some mystery to tease the reader, giving away just enough with the dialogue, and I can get a good sense of how Lisa feels (I noticed, though, there are a lot of descriptions that use her heart, especially at the end of the first section).

I got a nice image in my head, most importantly, and it flowed well in a way that I could feel the suspense build as I got a better description of the scene.

It was a little bit confusing at the end, since she has so many thoughts at once, and I think it'd be great to really flesh out a few of those so I can really feel what she feels.

I saw in the summary that it'll involve alternate realities -- quite tricky stuff! :D Exciting, too!

Author's Response: Hey! :)

First off, let me say thank you for reading and leaving such a constructive review! I'm glad you found it tense, as that was what I was aiming for.

I'm going to rewrite this actually, because know it's too confusing. I'll be sure to flesh out the parts you mention.

Thank you again for your review! :)


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