Not bad! Liked the intense battle sequence, though I found myself waiting for Chris to realise he still had the power stopper to counter the clone, but it never came!
Plenty of scope for further adventures by the look of things, particularly exploring Chris' newly discovered ancestry and time manipulation powers.
Thanks for putting me onto this, I hope what I've said in the reviews has been useful. Keep writing! Report Review
The story's really coming to a head, exciting stuff!
Looking forward to seeing how it turns out.
Still quite frequent spelling and grammatical errors as well as excessive detail at points regarding the actions and thoughts of the characters. Nothing wrong with leaving a little bit to the readers' to work out/imagine! Adds a little intrigue to the tale.
Enjoying the story in general so far though Report Review
Enjoying the story so far, I feel like I'm getting a feel for the characters more now, particularly Chris and Liz.
I feel like the writing has improved on this most recent chapter, so hopefully this keeps up!
In terms of constructive pointers, I would encourage the use of some metaphors/analogies to help the reader get a sense of unfamiliar settings and objects. I know this is a big ask if you're not used to using them in your writing but it's something to keep in mind perhaps.
Keep up the good work! Report Review
This prologue is a fabulous start to what I'm sure is a awesome story! Your plot sounds very interesting and I loved how you left the readers in suspense with the last quote!
In the second paragraph, you switch from present and past tense alot, so you might want to have a look at that.
:) 8.75/10!!!Author's Response: Hi again.
This story is based upon an original story that I've actually written for real. I just adjusted it to make it suitable for the Potter Universe. I think you'll enjoy the rest.
I'll look at the second paragraph again and see if I can do something about that past and present tense thing you mentioned. I hope you continue to enjoy the story. Report Review
10/10!!! That was a great story!!! It was packed with adventure and had a nice happy little ending :) I thought making Chris shouting, "STOP" and having time be able to freeze was neat, I wasn't entirely sure what happened in the last chapter; I thought someone stunned the clone. To be able to make time stop on my command, life would be goood :) haha this truly was a great story and I look forward to reading more.Author's Response: Many thanks for the reads and reviews. You've really boosted my confidence. In fact I'm writing the next chapter to part two at this time.
In the final chapter I hope I answered some of th questions you might have been wondering about.
Thanks again you've been super awesome and I look forward to reading your comments for part two.
Thanks for reading. Report Review
10/10! That was a great ending (even though it isn't technically over yet.) I can't wait to read the epilogue or part 2! :D
I thought your response to my last review was very nice and I'm glad to help in any way possible. I think you should know your reviews are of equal importance :)Author's Response: Many thanks once again for the review.
I wanted to think of a magical ability for Chris that was totally different and had never been used by anyone before. And to have him stop time with his voice seemed perfect.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing. Report Review
O_O.THAT WAS AWESOME! I gotta be honest, I didn't expect Chris to remember. He seemed way too brainwashed. 10/10!!! I love this story, it's amazing!!! I was having a bad day and this totally made it better!Author's Response: Hi.
So glad your still with us. And even more glad that your still enjoying this.
The clone does not have complete, total control of Chris but does control him enough to get him away from his friends. All should hopefully be explained in the epilogue.
Thanks again for stopping by and reading and reviewing. I look out for your comments everyday and they set me up for the day.
10/10! Ya know, I'm really not too fond of that clone...
Chris! No! They're gonna save him, right? D:Author's Response: It was indeed a sad day for the team when Chris vanished in the night. All will be revealed in the chapter where the final battle is concerned, I think you'll love the rest of the story.
Thanks for continuing to read and review. Report Review
The part with the cat was so freaky! I love this story!! .I kind of want to punch the clone in the face... :D
10/10!!!Author's Response: I know. I thought that that would be the reaction where the cat was concerned. I just had to include that in there, it just seemed the right thing to do. And I know what you mean about the clone, as I was writing this I felt the same way.
Thanks for continuing to read and also reviewing. Report Review
You should see me, I'm practically biting my tongue to stop myself from yelling out loud, "NO, YOU FOOL! DON'T IGNORE THE NOISE!" If you can get someone that worked up you deserve more than a 10/10!
One small thing. When Andy died and Chris healed him it was sort of nonchalant. It's not a big deal or anything but I felt like it could've been more sincere.Author's Response: Hi it's good to see your coming back to read more.
Wow many thanks for these words. I don't think I've ever got anyone that worked up with one of my stories before. So I was smiling when I saw that this chapter was having quite an effect on you. Thanks for the compliment.
And now that you mention it, I suppose that I could have been more descriptive concerning Andy dying and had the feelings of the others flowing more. In other words more realistic. That will be changed in edits that I'll be doing in the future.
At the moment I'm working on a one shot for a challenge, and I'd like to get it completed and posted today.
Thanks again for the read and review. Report Review
I liked the explanation of T.E.C.H. As I said before, things are picking up :). And the next chapter is "The First Battle" Ooooh suspenseful! :D haha I can't wait to read moreAuthor's Response: Hello again.
So glad that your still enjoying the story. When people keep reading, it makes writing worth while.
I think you'll not be disappointed with the next chapter. It's just a taster for what's coming up.
Thanks again for the read and review. Report Review
10/10!!! I love it! The clone reminds of Voldemort. If that was intentional then it's pretty clever :D And seven boys? Do I detect a reference to the horcruxes? This is one of those stories where you don't cry because it had a tragic end, you just cry because it's over. At least when I'm done I'll have Part 2 to look forward to :)Author's Response: Hi once more.
I never really thought about the seven boys being referenced to the horcuxes before, but now that you mention it. And the clone I suppose is a bit like old Voldie. Hmmm, you'ne given me food for thought on those two references.
Glad your still enjoying it and also another 10/10. Report Review
I liked this chapter a lot. The story is really picking up and I've been so busy lately I haven't been able to read it. I liked the futuristic part but there's just something about Godric's Hollow that says Home Sweet Home :D. I'll read more as soon as I can! 10/10
On a completely unrelated note, the last chapter of Draco Malfoy A Story Unheard got rejected because I didn't cite a quote from the book (which was the acceptance letter) So I sent that in for revalidation. Hopefully it'll be up soon.Author's Response: Hi again. It was good to hear from you again.
I'm pleased that your still enjoying the story enough to come back to read and review.
I also like futuristic stories and basically anything Sci-Fi. But also at the same time (like you said) there is something home sweet home about Godrics Hollow. Hope you enjoy the rest.
I'll keep a look out for your last chapter. Shame about the rejection. Never mind though, better luck next time.
And also just to let you know. I recently came second in a challenge with my story The Secret of Doom Castle story. Please pop by sometime and read it if you have not already. Report Review
That was really good but it confused me what happens with the clones. Do the clones go back in time and then get replaced by the original? Or does the original go back in time and get replaced by the clone? It could be the fact that I'm reading this at 1:16 in the morning, but it's a little unclear to me. Other than that I really liked it and I can't wait to read more :)Author's Response: Please see previous review response. Report Review
That was really good but it confused me what happens with the clones. Do the clones go back in time and then get replaced by the original? Or does the original go back in time and get replaced by the clone? It could be the fact that I'm reading this at 1:16 in the morning, but it's a little unclear to me. Other than that I really liked it and I can't wait to read more :)Author's Response: Hi again. Firstly let me clear up your confusion. It's the clone who goes back in time and replaces the original. And the original is transported forward in time whilst in a state of suspended sleep. I hoped that helped.
Glad your still enjoying this enough to continue reading. And please don't lose your sleep because of reading my story, it'll still be here the next day.
And I don't know what happened but you sent me this review twice (hehehe).
Hope you enjoy the rest. Thanks for the read and leaving a few comments. Report Review
Wow. This is really cool :D You should publish the original that it's based off of. I would read it :)Author's Response: So glad your still enjoying this story. Read on, it really heats up and there are a few surprises in store for the characters. When your done with this story, plz do read part two.
Thanks again for the read and review. Your continued support is very supportive. Report Review
I really like this series. I wish I'd read it sooner. :)Author's Response: I'm rather proud of this story. It was my first completed fanfiction.
It's based on an actual book that I've written, but not yet published for real. I just adjusted it to fit the story more into the HP world.
Glad your still enjoying it and thanks once again for reading and reviewing. Report Review
Wow! Great ending to the chapter, and great start to the story! I can't wait to read more :)Author's Response: Glad your enjoying it. Many thanks for reading and leaving a comment. Report Review
hello again, darling! just kidding. but i must say another fabulous story. the chapters were a bit short but cest la vit.Author's Response: Hello stranger. Long time no hear from you. Thanks once again for stopping by and reading and leaving a review. You should give what I've written for T.E.C.H. part 2 a read and tell me what you think so far.
The chapter lengths were the most I've ever done. Even I surprised myself.
Great to hear from you and please don't be a stranger next time.
I am awaiting a new one shot to clear validation if you want to stop by and read it. I did it for one of the challenges. should be clear in a couple of days. And then after that I'll be posting my entry that I had in the writers duel 2012. It's called the surprising life of Hermione Granger. Report Review
Did you miss me? Haha. Here I am, to give you a review! Its been too long, and I'm sorry, reality showed its ugly head for a while and I've been annoyingly busy. Anyway, I like the mysterious circumstances around the beginning of the chapter, you can feel his fear and confusion.What can I say other than write more? Hm. I suppose I can say nothing then because if you don't write more, I'll have to do something bad to you!Author's Response: First of all my friend it's good to see you back again, I've missed your wonderful reviews.
I'm glad your enjoying the start of this story. But I am unable to write more of it since it's already complete and fully written. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.
Good to hear from you again and thanks for the read and review. And please, don't be such a stranger next time. Report Review
I didn't leave a comment after reading this chapter of your story because the ending didn't really surprise me because making an original character that's directly or distantly related to a canon character is such a common theme in fanfiction. I will share with you, however, that in the last chapter I was really hoping you would unfreeze Dumbledore so that he would get to say a few words. And then when I got to this chapter and learned that you meant Chris to be his descendant, I wished even more than you'd unfrozen Albus so that he and Chris could meet and talk. I'd like to they will get that chance somewhere down the road. In any case, thanks for sharing this story with all of us!Author's Response: Now there's and idea, Chris conversing with Dumbledore. Well since they will be going back to the golden trio era, I might just do something about that somewhere in this story. Many thanks for the idea.
And also thanks for the awesome encouragement. Report Review
Love it! Keep it up! Been a while, huh? Sorry, i would have gushed about how amazing you are sooner but i've been busy with grown up stuff, which sucks. Anyway, i posted another chapter to my story, you should be able to read it in a few days, hope you enjoy it. I will be reading more of this, i assure you, i love your work!Author's Response: Hello stranger, long time no hear from you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter and I think I can promise that you'll enjoy the rest.
I'll keep a look out for your update and I hope you enjoy the rest of my story.
Thanks for the awesome words of encouragement. Report Review
Nice battle scene, and another of my favorite chapters of this story. You really packed a lot of action into the short space of this chapter. I especially liked the part where Chris just yells 'STOP' and the clone is paralyzed. It gave me the impression that Chris must be very powerful, unless there was something else unseen at work that did that.
Thanks for sharing the tip about making a list of story titles. I like that idea, and I'm a fan of making lists anyway. For my own story I made lists of character names, plant names, creature names - so maybe I'll have to add story title names to my list collection to help fuel the creative juices!
And here's a tip I can share with you. The most useful writing tip I ever got (from an internet writing forum) was that good writers "show" a story rather than "tell" it. One of the published authors shared a simple tip on the forum that I've been mindful of ever since, so maybe you will find it useful too. The author's tip was that it's often good to construct sentences using simple past tense verb forms. For example, the first two sentences below are narrative descriptions that simply tell the action, whereas the last sentence shows it happening in front of the reader's eyes:
John was running and letting out a cry.
John had run and had let out a cry.
John ran and let out a cry.
So watch for places in your own writing where simply changing the verb form might create improvement. This one little tip about verbs was the thing that improved my own writing immensely, so I'm happy to pass it along to other writers.Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the awesome words of encouragement, your opinion means so much to me and is very helpful.
I'm pleased that you enjoyed the battle scene, I tried to fit in a lot of the action in a small space and I'm pleased that I seem to have succeeded. Chris is the one that stopped time and paralyzed the clone, he's very powerful. Though he will still need to go through some form of training to enable him to control that and any other powers that he has. He is what I like to call the next stage in the evolutionary cycle of the wizarding world, with new powers that manifest themselves. It was this time stopping ability that T.E.C.H. detected and decided to find Chris. T.E.C.H. had already done a fair bit of research into who he was and what he was capable of doing, hence why they knew his name and one or two other things about him. The epilogue has been posted and is awaiting validation. I would love to read your much valued opinions on that and the entire story (as a whole) when it's published.
Thanks for the tips on making individual lists for various things concerning each story, that will come in very handy. And also the verb tip, I'll try and take that on board. But sometimes where my writing is concerned, while I'm writing I can forget some of the advice that I receive. If that happens, please don't think that I ignored you completely.
T.E.C.H. part two is currantly being written and I hope to have the first part (the prologue) up and posted when the epilogue of my currant story is validated. There's a short basic summary of what it's about at the end of the epilogue of part one. Please do tell me if it sounds interesting or not.
Many thanks for once again stopping by and leaving a few much valued comments. I hope you enjoy the rest of this story, and any other stories of this type that I post. Happy reading. Report Review
Hi, I've read through Chapter 11, but decided to leave a note here because this chapter was one of the ones I enjoyed reading most in this story. The beginning with the dead cat grabbed my interest right away, and the middle of the chapter kept me curious to see what would happen next as events unfolded further. I liked the part about the clone still making a stealthy attempt to invade Chris' mind, and I like the way he tried to plant a false idea of a peaceful world in a later chapter. I will be curious to read the battle scene that's coming.Author's Response: Hi again.
It's good to know that your still enjoying the story, I'm rather proud of it.
As to the battle scene I think I can promise that it will be thrilling. The next chapter has been posted and with any luck will be validated by Monday. I look forward to reading your comments on that and the epilogue that follows.
Thanks again for the wonderful comments. And happy reading. Report Review
Clone. Mind connection. Chris. Voldemort. Mind connection. Harry.
Is this how the story connects to Harry Potter?
~MugglemaniaAuthor's Response: Hi again my muggle friend. I am sorry to say that if I explained the Harry connection just now, it would ruin the explaination that will explain it all in the epilogue. Thanks once again for the encouraging review. Hope you enjoy the rest.
magicmuggle01 Report Review
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