I love this story! The Hall of Inititive and Molly being in Slytherin was a fab idea! I hope you are ok! I can't wait to read the rest:)Author's Response: Aww thank you :) and yeah I always thought the idea of her being in Slytherin could be a good story because in stories she always seems to be the female version of Percy and I wanted to change that. I'll update asap :) Report Review
Ooh I really like the look of this, the relationship between her and Neville seems very interesting and I like that there seems to be the beginning of the plot at the end. All in all: good start, looking forward to seeing more of Emilie (: Report Review
Hello there! It's Ac finally here for your review. Firstly, I'd like to appologise for this taking such a long time for this to get to you. Obviously you've been after a requested review for a while (sorry, too, for going off on one about my queue - it's just, well, I like being able to post when there's another space and when someone extra has requested it means that it takes longer for me to be able to post) and then, when you get a slot I've taken just under a decade to actually review this story. Greatly sorry, and such. Many a RL issue has hit me quite forcibily. BUT, I'm here now.
First off I love the fact that you're writing about Molly Weasley. I think she might be one of my favourite next gens (her and Dom) and definately one of the least-loved. I have a story about Molly and I love what you've done with her here. Are we going to here about Lucy at any point in this story? Hmm, I hope so :)
I also liked that you put in her Slytherin (I especially enjoyed the 'I don't want to be a Hufflepuff!' and 'spoken like a true Slytherin!' - that really made me laugh, so that was good. But, I didn't like the 'five years later bit'
I think that just gives a chapter a really clunky feel and it's quite... well, it makes things seem quite immature. Like when you're young and you write 'TEN YEARS LATER' in fat letters because you can't be bothered to fill in the rest of the time. I know JK did it, but I guess that was just for the epilogue. Anyway, my suggestion would just be to have a pagebreak in between the first bit and the second. I think your readers will be smart enough to work out that time has passed without explicitly being told :)
I started really getting into the story in the second part. I love how gutsy Molly seems to be. Honestly, her ranting about being fashionably late was just wonderful. So pedantic and. gutsy (yeah, I'm repeating the word -but it just fits so well). It reminds me of a few people I know in RL and I really enjoyed it. Although, I'm not sure how the Neville we know from the books would have reacted towards it. Hmmm.
You seemed to have picked a couple of cliches - Hogwarts news letter, 'operation - get said guy' but i think you more or less pulled them off in a way that makes them seem fresh. Like Molly hating on the newsletter and such. Just be careful not to fall into to many of those traps in future chapters - you've written this in what I consider to be a really fresh and interesting way, so I'd hate to see it turn into the normal-fanfiction-stuff. I think you're better than that.
Basically, I really enjoyed it and I'm really glad I had a chance to come back and review. Molly seems pretty badass, which I love, but also pretty angry. I've always imagined Molly to be pretty angry. Then again, most teenagers are very angry.
So yes, very much enjoyed it and feel free to re-request (when I have a slot open ;) ).
-ACAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you so much for the review. Yeah, the bit with the '5 years later' wasn't originally there until someone mentioned they didn't really know what year she was in so I thought I should've stuck it in there (: Yes, I don't deny that I probably have gone a little cliche-y in here, especially in the next chapter, which you'll see when(/if; I've been so busy lately I don't know if I'll have time) I rerequest. Once again thanks for the review (: Report Review
Your Molly is awesome! I've never read one like her! I really love her :D I have absolutely no idea where this is going, it could go soo many different ways! I can't wait for more! :DAuthor's Response: Aww, thanks heaps, I'm glad you find her original (: Yeah, it's going to go a lot of different ways. I plan it to be kind of like a coming-of-age story (: Thank you for the review :D Report Review
Great chapter, loved it!!
Molly's so different, a really nice change from the normal main girl.
I love Scorpius, he's so funny XD
I really can't wait to see waht happens next, please update as soon as you can.Author's Response: Thank you, it's always a great ego boost when you hear someone loved your chapter :D
Molly's really fun to write too ;D Haha, glad you like him (:
I'll update ASAP. Thanks for the lovely review! Report Review
I love Molly's personality, I can see how annoying it must be to be best friends with the girl that everybody sides with :/ But i think it's hilarious that not one girl likes her. Eh, best stick with the drama free, quidditch playing (albeit slightly feminine) Gryffie Guys. Teenage girls are too much to handle anyway, I would know, hehe :)
The boys are funny, especially Lysander! And Innings annoys Molly (but then again, who doesn't?) so it's always entertaining to read their banter. Oh, and scorpius! He thinks he's so smooth, haha, kinda like a sleazy little boy who tries his "moves" on older women any chance he gets - irritating yet amusing :)
I can't wait to see how the plan turns out! Things could get messy...
~Maddie xAuthor's Response: Aww thank you so much, I think I really love her personality too, it's just so much more interesting and different from what I really write :D Yeah, Molly is exaggerating a bit when she says not one girl likes her, but she's just one of those people who get along way better with guys, I think (:
I'm glad you like the guys, even though I haven't carved out their personalities completely yet (: Ahh, yes, Innings - I plan on having a little bit of him in most chapters as he's best friends with Fred and Fred's one of Molly's closest cousins (: Haha, nice description of Scorpius ;P the only problem is he's hot so it's harder to resist ;D
Thank you for the review, it was lovely (: Report Review
Hey I'm here with your review!
I forgot to mention last review, but I really like your conversations (this applies to this chapter, too). I think you've got a real skill for dialogue.
Can I just say oh snap! When Molly mentioned that tidbit about how she got rejecting and disposing of her family for personal means from her father I actually said that. Oh. My. Goodness. I really loved that!
Innings... well I don't particularly like Innings at all. He rather irks me, actually, but I like the idea of his character.
Making copies of the Marauder's Map seems a bit of a stretch. I feel like the Potter-Weasleys wouldn't want everyone to have a copy of the Map. It's much too special and valuable. I don't know, I don't think I buy it much, but we'll see.
The transition from the last chapter to this one felt a bit choppy. I didn't know if it was the same day or if a few days had passed. Or weeks.
I like the idea of the Hall of Initiative and that magic passageway. It's cool to know that not even Fred and George ever figured everything about Hogwarts out. Just as Dumbledore said, no one can pretend to know all of Hogwarts' secrets.
Overall, nicely done chapter. I really like Molly's personality. Continue writing! Don't be discouraged. You've got a really interesting piece here, trust me. Even if they don't leave reviews, there's always going to be someone who out there who adores your story.
classicblack from the forumsAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the conversations and the rejecting and disposing bit :D Yeah, I don't really like Innings either, but I think he may turn into a rather big character (:
About the Marauders Map, I never planned for this to be anything for them to sell, because then what would the point of the map be? It wouldn't be anything special... That's why I tried to point out that while Innings is more of the inventor, Fred was the one who came up with the copy, so it's more of a personal project, something he can give to all his cousins so they can pass down to their children sort of thing (:
Hmmm, thanks for pointing that out, I'll try to fix the transition, it was meant to be on the same day, but I can see how it would look confusing :D
Thankyou so much for your review! :D Report Review
Hey I'm here with your review!
I was smiling this entire chapter, truly I was. You really gave Molly a snarky and witty and all-around funny personality that I really love in a character. I liked that you made her pretty much Percy's complete opposite and that she's a Slytherin (never have I ever read a Weasley as a Slytherin! Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, but never Slytherin. (By the way, I liked that the Sorting Hat took her "don't put me in Hufflepuff" thing as a Slytherin quality. It really paralleled Draco in the first book)).
Emilie being a writer of the Hogwarts newspaper? Hm... I'll have to see where you go with that one. I've always been skeptical about Hogwarts newspapers simply because a) one was never mentioned in the books and b) every time I've read them authors have taken it way over the top and the story just hasn't turned out. I hope that you manage to prove me wrong with this because I really liked this chapter. Just watch out for that.
I loved that the chapter started with the Sorting Hat speaking. It really helped grasp the reader's attention.
I caught a couple grammar/spelling/conventions mistakes, but nothing too major.
Also, in regards to Aidan Wood (this isn't that big, but it still puzzled me): at first it mentions Garrett Wood and then changed to Aidan. Are they twins or was it just a typo?
Another thing to watch out for: Operation:*Insert whatever mission is here*s tend to become over-done quickly. Watch out for that. I'm looking forward to what you come up with.
Overall, I think this was a great first chapter!
classicblack from the forumsAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Uhh, yeah the Aiden Wood bit was a typo I changed the name at the last second (: Hahaha, the "Operation: Tane Jordan" is more of a little joke between Molly, Lee and Emilie. I don't reckon I'll make it anything big, it's just going be a little thing that plays on Molly's mind (:
Thankyou so much! I loved the review! :D
Well, your concerns first again:
Characterization: there were several more characters in this chapter, so I have more to comment on this time. You've got Molly still, who calmed down a bit here which I appreciated. She's consistent still and I don't mind her. Lee was fine. Fred reminded me of his father which I liked a lot. Super cute. And Innings was obnoxious! Loved it. You always need a character that no one can stand.
The flow, your other concern, is fine. No complaints.
Descriptions here were wonderful. You really ramped them up when they got to the "Hall of Initiative." Though...now that we're mentioning it, where on EARTH did this thing come from? Just...no where? The sky? Might wanna explain that.
Plot concerns! It's a little cliche to have a completely unknown room pop into existance (or an unknown secret passage), but don't worry too much. If you work it, no one will care.
Other plot comments! I think you have an interesting story. I like reading about Molly, since we don't hear from her much. It will be interesting to see how you run with this. Don't be hesitant to write things that are out of the box. Keep up the fun, quirky atmosphere. I thought it was CRAZY that somebody could replicate the Map, but it's a pretty awesomely original idea. I wonder where that will go...interesting, interesting. :]
One thing that I WILL say, though, is actually about your Author's Note: don't threaten to abandon things just because you aren't getting reviews. Write because you love it, not because people are reading it. If you don't like the story, stop writing. But blaming it on your readers might actually DISCOURAGE them from reviewing, you know? :] Just a tip, dear.
You're doing quite well so far. I think you have a promising idea and you're running with it. Good luck on the rest and have a wonderful day!
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Hmmm, I thought about adding explanations for the "Hall of Initiative", but then I thought would Molly really care? But that idea came to mind because when the seventh Harry Potter book was over, I thought she (JK) made it out that Hogwarts was pretty munted and I thought that when they built it, why wouldn't they add in some extras things?? I'll make sure to go back and add in an explanation though (:
About the author's note: I really just wanted to see if people were reading it because the idea solely popped up for HPFF and I wasn't sure if I should put it up as I have 2 WIP's (: I think I will go back and get rid of that though (:
Thanks for the review! :D
Hey there! It's DarkRose from the forums, here with your review.
Well, as always, I'll start with your concerns and then go into some of the things I noticed. :] So, off we go.
Characterization: well, you don't have too many important characters in this chapter other than Molly. The supporting characters are all fine. Now, Molly herself...a Slytherin? Interesting plotline. I don't know if I believe that anyone with Percy Weasley's genes could turn out to be a Slytherin, but we'll see where it goes. She's consistent at least, which is good. She's pretty typical for a Slytherin--cold, clever, condescending. We'll see if she stays out of the Mary-Sue pool, and I'll keep you posted. :]
Your other concern--flow: well, as this is the first chapter, we don't have much to go off of yet. There was a little bit of an uncomfortable jump between her Sorting and when she was in whatever year she's in now. Other than that, it's fine.
On to my own ranting--
Believability: well...I mentioned this above. Odd that Percy's daughter would be a Slytherin. But it's a common plotline for one of the Weasleys to end up there, so we'll see if it stays out of cliche-world. :]
Descriptions: a bit lacking, here, honestly. You could really ramp up this story if you described the characters, setting, and emotions a little better, especially at the beginning. It wasn't awful at all, just a bit more could help.
Other than those things, you're doing well. I'll read chapter two ASAP!
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review (: Hopefully I've got a few quirks that'll keep her out of the Mary-Sue world and I'll make sure to go back and edit some more descriptions in (: Yeah, I put Molly in Slytherin because I really don't like the cliche: she's obnoxious, loves the rules and can't have fun sort of stereotype most people put her in when she's a subcharacter :D
Thank you so much for you wonderful review! Report Review
Please continue!! You can't leave it!! It's really good!!
Great chapter, loved it. It's great to meet more of the characters.
I can't wait to read what happens next, please udpate!! XDAuthor's Response: I guess I have to continue with it now (: - who couldn't after those words of inspiration? Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you like the chapter and meeting the characters. I'm dedicating the first 3-4 chapters on introducing them all. I'll update as soon as humanely possible!! :D Report Review
Great chapter, loved it XD
I can't wait to see where you're going with this story, just off to read the next chapter :DAuthor's Response: Aww thank you, I can't wait to see where I'm going with it either!! :D Report Review
I think it's really original and entertaining so far, Molly seems like an interesting character - not your typical Weasley ;) Fred's just as wacky and crazy as I imagined him to be and Jordan...well, he's broody, mysterious, sarcastic, what can I complain about? And besides, it takes a man to use pink sticky labels, hehe ;) The tension between them is tangible and I know they know it! (erm, I mean the tension between Molly and Jordan, not Jordan and the pink sticky labels, though that would be an interesting relationship...)
Her conversation with Neville in the last chapter cracked me up, their attitudes were so funny in a "I know what's comin', but watchoo gon' do?" kinda way (if that makes any sense at all) XD
I hope you continue with the story, it's really imaginative which is one of the reasons why next-gen isy favourite era to read about, all the stories are so creative! Anyway, hope you update soon :)
~Maddie xAuthor's Response: Hey, thank you, I'm glad you find it original it's probably one of the strangest stories I've put up on here so far :D. Hmm, yes, I'm glad you've caught on to my characters personalities even though it's only been 2 chapters!!
Haha yes, I've given Molly and Neville a strange sort of relationship, possibly a mixture between friends and an actual teacher. I'll put more of their conversation's up, after all I do love writing Neville :D
I will almost definitely continue with this story, I've actually gotten myself too mixed up in it all to not, if you know what I mean (: Yes, you're completely right about the next gen stories, they seem to have so much more free range than say a Marauder's or a Post-Hogwarts (if you want to follow canon) and it's one of my favourites to write :D
Thanks so much for reviewing!! Report Review
Loved it. Really interesting so far :)
update soon, please :D
-JessAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you so much!! I'm glad you find it interesting and I hope that you continue to. I'll update as soon as possible (: Thanks for the review :D Report Review
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