Reading Reviews for Ivory
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Renfair Ivory

25th December 2012:
Ho Ho Ho! It's Secret Santa Renny with your Christmas TGS surprise! It's... a maxed-out review for lucky ol' you!

Browsing your impressive author's page, I was immediately drawn to this story after reading the summary. I studied ballet very seriously when I was younger with hopes of becoming a professional myself so I'm very familiar with the ballet of "Swan Lake." I can definitely see how the ballet and the music in particular would spur you to write something of your own. It's definitely one of Tchaikovsky's best works.

I obviously wasn't expecting a direct retelling with Harry Potter characters inserted, but you surprised me with just how abstract this one-shot is. I don't think that this is a bad thing at all. It makes it enjoyable for both the reader who is familiar with the Swan Lake story but also accessible to someone who isn't. The "other pairing" ship is always interesting to me because unless it's very obvious from the description, you don't know exactly what you're getting (kind of like on Christmas morning!). It took me a little while to guess who the male was (ok, pretty much until you flat-out named him). I had Draco in mind for some reason, probably because of his marriage to Astoria in canon, but I'm glad you didn't go with that expected choice. Theodore Nott is someone we basically know nothing about besides his father being a Death Eater so he's a great blank canvas to work with. I also think having him be a Slytherin gives him that subtle "princely" feel like the male lead in Swan Lake. Obviously there were poorer people in Slytherin like Snape, but I think we all usually assume Slytherins were pure-bloods and loaded like the Malfoys.

Something I found interesting, and I don't know if you did this on purpose or if I'm reading too much into it, was that it seems like you combined the characters of Prince Sigfried and Von Rothbart, the evil sorcerer, in Theodore. It's convenient that Theodore happens to be a wizard since that ties into the ballet nicely. I guess the sorcerer's motivation for turning Odette into a swan is never actually given in the ballet, but I'd always assumed it was because he was in love with her and she rejected him (maybe "Ladyhawke" with Michelle Pfeiffer is influencing me subconsciously) and then he in turn made sure to prevent the prince from having Odette as well. In your story, Theodore obviously loves Daphne, or at least loves her appearance or the idea of her, and this borderline obsessive love both holds her captive, like Odette's swan curse, and eventually nearly destroys her. So in this story, your main male character is sort of both a protagonist and an antagonist at the same time. I found that kind of cool.

One thing I was surprised you didn't do was utilize Astoria a bit more. One of the more famous variations from the ballet is the dance of the Black Swan, so I was somehow expecting Astoria, who I imagine looks almost identical to Daphne from your descriptions like how Odette and Odile were nearly identical (and are usually danced by the same ballerina) to be used somehow has a tool to further drive her sister and Theodore apart. Maybe through Theodore cheating on Daphne with Astoria in his frustration with his seeming inability to make Daphne happy. But I also feel maybe in your story Astoria might be too young to fulfill this role of temptress? I got the impression from her idolization of her sister that Daphne was definitely a few years older than her (I have no clue how far apart they're supposed to be in canon.) I guess none of this matter since your interpretation of the ballet in the Harry Potter world is so creative and full of imagery rather than dialogue and what I'd consider "usual" storytelling for fan fiction, but I was a little jarred by the omission. It's probably my own fault for going into this with the ballet so familiar in my mind.

The imagery and description in this one-shot was just great. It was one of those one-shots that seems deceptively long when you're reading it compared to how long you feel it should be going by the word count. I could feel your purpose and thought while writing this, crafting every sentence carefully. I mean seriously, it's almost impossible for me to pick out examples since almost every act is full of incredibly creative and emotive descriptions. For instance this: "Wisps of fog furl over distant hills, creep up far-away valleys and gently curl around his feet. Isolation sleeps deeply amongst the landscape, resting in long grasses and dreaming in the woods. A murmur of a breeze rustles green leaves. It looks beautiful." I can almost see the scenery from the ballet, which is also abstract enough to let the audience inject some of their own imagination and the dancers their own interpretation of the ballet into the setting. Normally I'm not a huge fan of one-shots that are themselves broken up into numerous segments, but the way you did it was very fitting and not distracting at all. It's probably because the writing itself was so rich, like I said before, that it made each act feel longer than it was so they really could stand on their own within a single chapter.

The ending was surprising since it wasn't a double love suicide like the ballet but still very fitting for your characters. Daphne is still set free from the "curse" that had been slowly destroying her like Odette is in the end, but not by Theodore's/Sigfried's love. On the one hand, I feel so sorry for her that she didn't end up having the "happy ending" in the classical sense (though how happy it is for two people drowning themselves is debatable) but the feminist in me says, "Alright! You don't need that man who doesn't love you for YOU!"

All in all, this was a great piece. It makes someone like me who knows the ballet think about it a little harder. Did the prince love Odette herself, or just the beautiful swan-woman? Thanks for the interesting insight and the great read! Merry Christmas!
~Renny :)

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Review #2, by tangledconstellations Ivory

2nd September 2012:
This was so beautiful!

I wish I could sit and write about all the millions of tiny things you have done to make this perfect, but I know I'll be here all day. Just, the fluidity of this, and the way their movement felt like dancing. It was all just so lovely. It's such an achievement, and you should be ever so proud of this. I know in the future I'll be coming back to read this a thousand more times :) ♥

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much Laura! I spent a long time on this, making sure every detail was planned out and metaphored and cross-referenced and everything, so I'm so glad you saw those tiny things I did haha. I think almost every sentence has a double meaning, which can be read different levels if you could be bothered to look for them haha!

Thank you so much :) I'm very proud of it :D

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Review #3, by adluvshp Ivory

18th July 2012:
Hey! This was such a beautifully written story. I really liked your portrayal of Daphne. The way you showed how she was insecure about her beauty, about how she wants to be loved, how she's tired of how other see her, it was very well written.

The narrative was very good and I could feel all the emotions you were trying to express through the writing. The scene setting was nicely written too. The story kept me engaged.

I really liked reading this piece. So nicely done.

Good work!


Slytherin for the Cup 2012

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Review #4, by onestop_hpfan18 Ivory

27th June 2012:
Marina! I'm finally here to read & review this piece, and the writing is even more beautiful being read as a whole instead of in short excerpts of each scene. I loved the portrayal of Swan Lake you did in relating it to Daphne and Theodore's relationship (or what was left of it).

I especially enjoyed the way you showed Daphne's insecurities about her own beauty and how she's perceived by others, as well as wanting to be more than just a pretty face in Theo's eyes. It showed us, the readers, that Daphne is tired of her flawless perfection and beauty, that she wishes to be loved for flaws more than her appearance. It glimpses that she's tired of playing the same role, too, that she wants to stray away from what she normally is before returning back to her pedestal, on display for all to simply admire because she perceives everyone as seeing her as only beautiful. Her sister... Theo... Anyway, I'll end this review here before I ramble on anymore. Great story, Marina! I love it! :) Excellent representation of Swan's Lake. 10/10

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Review #5, by Ghetto Santa Ivory

23rd December 2011:
Santa here to spread a bit of holiday joy!

I admit I have never read this ship before nor has the ship ever crossed my mind before really but this was amazing. The last line was perfect, I have a feeling it'll be whirling in my head as I order the elves around later. I liek the fact that is was in acts, I don't know why but I really liked the idea. This was so beautiful and memerizing, you really do have talent. Bucket loads. You have a real talent for descriptions, each one blows me away because they get better and better. Your style of writing is amazing and I love how different this was to everything. And I've become a really shipper of these two thanks to you. In all, you rock, i'm jealous.

with all my jealously,
ghetto santa.

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Review #6, by June Knight Ivory

5th December 2011:
Gah! I'm literlay melting away into my own tears here, no sure why though. This was so beautiful and imaginative that I woul have never thought of this even if it ran up to me and bit me hard on the nose.

Thisi a really a great story which i now on of my favorites. Swan lake is a great ballet and you have captured the feel of it in this one-whot which I would be proud of.

You have done a very good job here and I applaude you from the bottom of my heart

Raveclaw xx

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much June! I'm really touched that you had such a strong response to this. I think it's one of my favourite things I've written, mostly because a lot of work went into it and I was so inspired when I wrote it. Thank you so much!

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Review #7, by Phoenix_Flames Ivory

19th October 2011:
Eee! Marina, love! I'm finally here to review your wonderful story. I'm so glad you requested me to read it because who knows when I would have gotten around to it. And yay! Oh my gosh, this was amazing.

Hun, I don't know how you do it. Or where you get the ideas. But it's all wonderful. Marvelous. This was so unique and so original! I loved every bit of it.

I absolutely adored how you broke the piece up into acts and such just like a ballet would be in the playbill and such. That was so clever and something I loved and only reminded me more of Swan Lake and how much like a ballet it was.

Ahh, Marina, I loved it. I don't even know where to begin. When people request from me, I try to tackle every point of the story and all that and I try to not make it a fangirl rant really, but with this story, I have no idea how I will avoid that. :) But here goes.

Just the way you wrote this story was fantastic and amazing. You really have a talent for descriptions. I don't know if you know it, but in all of your things you just have beautiful, vivd, amazing descriptions that are dead-on and really paint gorgeous imagery for the reader. As always, you did that here. Everything was beautiful and very descriptive in the details, but how you wrote the action of the piece was different. You wrote it brief and to the point and often in simple sentences. With this, it made me feel as if I were reading a screenplay. Exactly the way I would feel as if I were reading the script of the ballet. I don't know if you intended it to be that way - which I'm sure you did because you're brilliant like that ;) - but it was just flawless and so creative how it worked out that way. Sometimes it felt like poety with the descriptions and all that, and it was just. Gah! I loved it.

And not only was the writing of it all flawless, but the plot was as well. I loved how you used the Greengrass sisters with this piece. They are characters that are so briefly touched in fanfic. So it's always nice to see the characterizations of them and how people can portray them and their life. And I think this is definitely the best piece I have seen with the two of them. And even as it seemed so majestic, I really felt as if this could have been one of those missing hp moments, you know? Like it came straight from JKR herself. :)

Marina, this was wonderful and beautiful. And I'm so in awe right now that I don't even know what else to tell you. I have no CC to give whatsoever. :) You're amazing. So is this piece.

I loved it so much, dear! :)

Author's Response: Wow Drue. This remains one of the best reviews I've ever received :) Thank you :)

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Review #8, by babewithbrains Ivory

16th October 2011:
Wow, I thought this was fantastic. It was really beautifully written (lol, no pun intended) and once again, you took a rather random rarepair and made it believable. This, I think, is the mark of a good writer, and you are certainly that.

You really have a way with words and imagery and metaphors and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. It's not often I find good stories on HPFF -- I mean, I always have to sift through the bad stuff on here -- but you are amongst the best, I think.

You said in your review response that you'd never written/read femmeslash before, that Glass was your first time... I'd love to read more femmeslash from you because that's definitely something I would read. Well done :)


Author's Response: Maybe one day I will write more femmeslash, we'll have to see :)

thank you for the wonderful review!

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Review #9, by Beeezie Ivory

14th October 2011:
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review!

I was very excited to read this, because Theodore/Daphne is definitely one of my ships, to the extent that reading about them with anyone else feels odd to me. (I have no idea why.)

I was not disappointed.

I loved so many of your descriptions. "The knocking at the door rattling off the bare walls in a haunting harmony" was eerie, and I loved the way that you reused it and Astoria toward the end. My two favorites were probably "A question is born and dies on her lips, for the answer spreads through her veins like poison. She only borrows his love" and "Besotted with blindness, the grotesque and repulsive is ignored. She only looks beautiful to him." I thought that they captured Daphne's and Theodore's feelings perfectly. I did feel like I wanted to see a little more to help convince me of Theodore's fixation, early on, but other than that, it was lovely.

Your syntax wasn't always technically correct, but for a piece like this, I don't think it matters. I'm the queen of proper grammar, and nothing I saw jerked me out of the story at all. I thought it flowed well from section to section, and I loved the way you built on what you laid out earlier without my ever feeling like you were just rehashing old ground.

This is very minor, but there were a few sentences that I didn't love.

"He murmurs sweet nothings that rarely lead to something" (Act I, i, 2nd paragraph). I felt like "anything" would be a better fit than "something" here.

"Isolation sleeps deeply" (Act I, iii, 2nd paragraph). I wasn't really sure that this was conveying what you wanted it to convey - "Isolation sleeps deeply" indicates to me, at least, that there isn't much isolation. Isolation shrouding the landscape or permeating the landscape would have worked better, for me.

"But he finds her eventually, finally, momentarily captivated" (Act 2, v, 2nd paragraph). Having eventually, finally, and momentarily all together didn't work for me, and I wished you'd just picked two.

I also think that you have a typo - "Aren't worth more than what I look like?" (Act 3, xii, 7th paragraph). Shouldn't that be "Aren't I worth more than what I look like?"

At any rate: those were the only issues I had. This was lovely and pretty close to flawless. I really enjoyed reading it, and I'm very glad you requested a review! (Even though I'm afraid that you might find this entirely unhelpful.)

Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the amazing feedback! This is such a helpful review :)

I'm so excited to find a Theo/Daphne shipper. I always think of them as a really obscure ship, so it's nice to find someone else who sees them together. With regards to Theo's obsession, I also thought it needed more at the start. In my original plan, I had a lot more scenes planned for the first two acts regarding Theo, but I couldn't seem to write it without getting repetitive or redundant. I think I may look into adding some more scenes at later date.

I'm also really picky with grammar, but when I write things like this it all seems to fly out the window haha. I really wanted to create smooth and flowy reading, much like a ballet, and I was hoping the crazy grammar would help in breaking down the structure of normal sentences.

Thank you for point out those corrections/suggestions - I have just changed everything you said (except the isolation line, because that requires more thought than I can muster at 9am on a Friday). Though I have to say, I really don't like the isolation line. When I reread this, I knew it didn't actually make sense but I honestly didn't think anyone would pick up on it. But you did, and I'm sort of glad for that!

Thank you for the amazing review :)


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Review #10, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Ivory

7th October 2011:
I got a few messages from this:

- If you're photogenic, WORK IT
- Run away and attractive men will run after you
- Men like beautiful women

OR alternatively:

- Beauty isn't forever
- Vanity will be your downfall
- Beauty isn't the be all and end all
- Love is about more than how you look

PLUS IT WAS BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN. You're so unique and special.


Author's Response: Haha! You're such a doll ♥ thank you, lovely.

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Review #11, by kalkay Ivory

3rd October 2011:
Marina! This is simply wonderful! I love your style of writing and how the words are so poetic! I, I don't know what else to say because it's all going to run into rambling words of how amazingly fantastically wonderful this is and how much I jealously adore your writing. This is a beautiful piece, just like the ballet is and you can see your inspiration as though the song is playing in the background of the story the whole time. The length was perfect too, which is a huge thing with me! Not to long or too short.

I adore this story and its simply beautifully written. :)

Keep writing! We love it when you do! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Mikayla! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it, I had a great time writing it and your support is most appreciated :)

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Review #12, by Gryffin_Duck Ivory

2nd October 2011:
This was absolutely beautiful, Marina!!! I've never seen Swan Lake, but I think I need to after reading this. Your writing seemed to mimic ballet movements, if that makes sense. It flowed and was graceful and beautiful. The plot fit very well with the Swan Lake format. I really enjoyed the characterization and the relationship between Astoria and Daphne. They're two very unexplored characters and it was great getting to know them through this story. Great job! :)

Author's Response: Eee thank you Sarah! I'm glad that you enjoyed it despite having never seen Swan Lake - I actually haven't seen the ballet, but I'm familiar with the story and I know the music. I was trying to pull off an almost ballet-like narrative so it's great that you picked up on that :D Thank you so much!

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Review #13, by ohtasha Ivory

2nd October 2011:
Wow. This is honestly one of the most beautiful fics I've read and like you, I absolutely love Swan Lake and you've tied it in beautifully.
I really don't know what else to say apart from 'wow', so I'm just going to leave it there!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Tasha! I wrote this continuously for like a week and it didn't stick to what I'd planned at all. Swan Lake is a pretty famous story and I just wanted to interpret it in my own way. I'm glad you enjoyed! Thanks for reviewing :)

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