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5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ravenclawforeverluna - Twin Troubles

14th September 2012:
I get that you are trying to embrace some of the stranger aspects of JK Rowling's world, but you do have to understand that dirigible plums are simply red turnips and fresh water plimpies are mythological creatures. This was made evident in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows when the "Crumple Horned Snorckack" horn turned out to be an Erumpent Horn.Most creatures posted about in The Quibbler simply do not exist.

Author's Response: I take on board what you're saying, however Luna does believe in these things, so I was just trying to inject a bit of personality into the Scamander house. Thanks for your input! :) x

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Review #2, by Grace C - Twin Troubles

15th March 2012:
Well done, you're very talented xxx

Author's Response: thanks g x

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Review #3, by Grace C Story One: Dom's Dilemma Part one: The train station

15th March 2012:
I love this, it's really imaginative and good! Keep up the good work x

Author's Response: aw! Thanks soo much luv u lots!!! xxx

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Review #4, by The_seeker12 Story One: Dom's Dilemma Part one: The train station

30th October 2011:
I love the idea of this story. :)

And I love Rose. She seems like a very fiesty ten year old. Just how I always imagined her.

I think that your characters are really interesting. Dom had a lot of interesting things she thought of, Roxie was fun, Lorcan and Lysander were a riot (they usually are, I find) and Al was just being Al. The only thing I might add about them is to try and give them a little more depth. I just thought that, since Dom is the main character in this part, I wanted to learn a little bit more about her. Maybe who her favorite cousin is or something, I don't know.

Also, at one part towards the beginning (the It was Rose's idea: "this year we're going to make it count. This year we're gonna make it count, this year we're doing something big." and so it began.) the story came off as a little repatative with the this year part.

I'd also check maybe for run-ons and such, but don't worry about that too much. (I have to re-read my stories twenty million times for grammar problems.)

It's a wonderful idea, and I loved it. :)

Author's Response: thanks so much for your input! I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #5, by Jet LaBarge Story One: Dom's Dilemma Part one: The train station

27th October 2011:
I saw your review and looked up your little story.
You are very new to the site. Thank you for reviewing. Authors really appreciate it.
I think you have a good idea for a story, but need a lot of work to get it to read right. I say this not to discourage you but to encourage you to put in the effort to get it to attract readers. It takes a lot of practice.
I know I have to rewrite my story from chapter 8 on. Too little dialogue and too much description. Is there anyone you could go to for help in making the story read better.

How do the people who write 'train of thought' stories do it? What do you like and not like, and why?

In addition to looking at how Rowling writes her stories I can recommend a couple. Mrs_Grainger's two stories, The Summer after the War and The Winters After the War, are just the best. If you like next generation try Momotwins. Her take on the next generation is hilarious.

Again thank you for the review and for writing your story.
Jet

Author's Response: thank you! I don't mind any critisism as long as it's something I can work on! Thank you for taking the time to read this!

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