This is really good!
I like Albus' character. His view is unique and very well done. I especially like the lines "I'm far from the only regular on the lake, but it is the only place you can find me regularly" and "But the thing is, I don't want to wander. I want to think, without worrying about where my feet are going. I need a path to follow." I think they both say a lot about Al and his walks around the lake.
I do wish there was some more background on Al and his relationships with Pam, Grace, and even Lily. Grace especially was kind of thrown in there without much information on who she is.
I love how at the end, he goes of the beaten path and stops going in circles. The repetition before led up to that perfectly.Author's Response: Thank you for the nice review. I focused a lot on language and symbolism in this story, and I think it shows. You're not the first one to suggest more background on Albus's relationships, and though before I said I was happy with the way it is, I do see now that more information would improve the story. Perhaps when I have some free time I'll see what I can do.
Grace, I can tell you, was invented purely for the purposes of engaging Albus in conversation, demonstrating that he has many interruptions, and steering him towards his final realization that he doesn't want to "walk in circles" any longer. She's essentially a tool I used to move things along, though I'm sure she has a background of her own if I decide to go looking.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, and appreciated the repetition. Thanks for your thoughts! Report Review
Aw, I actually really like your Al. Many people write their introspective male characters with a sort of... feminine? energy. But Al reminds me of boys I know and it's refreshing. He's a thinker without being lofty.
Also... am I wrong for thinking that you should write a second piece or expand it? If there was anything I could say to improve this, it would be to expand upon the relationship between Grace and Al. I felt like her presence was half explained, like there should have been something else between them.
Still, I quite liked this and the banner is absolutely stunning!
NishaAuthor's Response: I'm a girl, so I don't pretend to have any insight into the male mind. :P But I did do my best to make Al a genuine thinker, not the angsty teen we read about so much, so it's nice to hear that worked.
It's true that I left a lot out here. I was focusing more on Al than his relationship as a whole, and I'm not a romance writer at all, so I'm not surprised I avoided a lot of detail on them. I'm sure I could write a whole story on them if I wanted, and could invent all sorts of details and issues and personas to go along with it. Fact is, there's always more story to tell. Sorry if you thought there should be more, but I think I'll keep away from a big romance here. Thanks for the review! Report Review
So, I think your Albus is probably my most favorite characterization of him. He's very pensive but he over-thinks things and I like that contradiction. Lily's observation about how no one paces anymore except in novels because people like the imagery was very clever and Albus doing it anyway.
There are actually a lot of lines in here that I really adored. That Albus was not the only regular one at the lake but you can find him there regularly - I don't know, it just says a lot about his character. He seems reliable, you know?
I really liked the ending too. There was so much repetition throughout the story about how Albus follows this path that he's created around the lake, walking in circles, and people following in his footsteps. Then at the end, he goes off the path and tries to move forward rather than in circles. It's just really well-done.
This entire story was excellently written and your Albus is simply to die for. I loved this. :)Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it, there were a few experiments in here (the regular/regularly line one of them) and I'm happy they worked out. Also good to hear that the repetition made sense, as opposed to being boring. I've tried countless Next Gen characters, have tried some multiple times, and I like this Albus too. ;) Thanks for dropping by. Report Review
This was wonderful! I loved the whole idea and premise of the story. It was excellently written!
I loved your last paragraph, simply divine. And how you presented Albus' thoughts was excellent for the story's style. A few edits I saw as I was reading through, but very minimal. I'm sure you'll get them when you have time!
Again, magnificent story! Can't wait to read more from you!
Keep writing! :)
KalkayAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review! This was one of those stories that I just started writing, and as it grew I realized what I wanted to happen. The first paragraph was really all I knew about Albus until I got going. Report Review
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