Reading Reviews for Nobody Breaks My Heart
  
116 Reviews Found

Review #1, by a_me Just My Luck

29th July 2014:
oh come on... it was good until the --take off your shirt...-- part.

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Review #2, by dramione_love722 Turning the Wheel

24th August 2013:
I don't know what to say about this story. I really liked it but...
I think that you forced things to happen, you could've have developed better the relationships and the plot. You say Ron is her best friend but, I think it was kind of forced. You gave no background story as to what was their relationship before becoming Heads. He just helped her a few times, for all I know that counts as a good guy who sometimes helps you. Maybe a few more crying nights and a whole lot of more talking. You could've have also developed Draco/Penelope relationship more because falling in love that easily was a kinda stupid thing to do. There was no emotion. Maybe a bit more suffering on her part as Penelope claims she is suffering because he broke her heart. Also a bit more of suffering on Draco's part as he erases her memory (btw I recommend you to read fanfictions from Anthony Devon as he is an awesome writer:D google him and you'll find his works they are great!).
Also you could've developed the war a little bit more, like all those death eaters and Bellatrix, how it affected Penelope. Like how Draco was becoming more and more distant of her and she was becoming suspicious of him. What did he do? Where was he? Why was he looking guilty as the year passed by? Why did he suddenly stopped paying attention to her?
I suppose that this chapter is the end of the year but you made it sound like it all just happened within 2 months. Where are the Hogsmeade visits? the holidays, easter week?I mean pretty much nothing happened. I said you should develop more your plot so it makes more sense; I genuninely think this story has a lot of potential, because it's really good but I feel you didn't give your 100% on this one. I mean I see your idea, and I LOVE it believe me, but the development was a huge problem. Please don't take this the wrong way it's just my honest opinion and constructive criticism believe I have a lot of problems while writing. Good story all the same :D

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Review #3, by jackie Just My Luck

20th June 2013:
FYI, u keep changing the characters name from kaya to penelope

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Review #4, by Flaming Seeker Turning the Wheel

22nd May 2013:
That was sooo good!! I'm really excited for the sequel! Please Please Please write one!!!

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Review #5, by Flaming Seeker Say you Don't Want It

22nd May 2013:
holy sh*t, i cant get over how good this is... i was gonna do a huge review at the end when i was done reading for tonight... but i just cant get over how good this is. your imagery is really good. don't stop writing, you have talent.

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Review #6, by unakrnkiller Haunted Soul

3rd March 2013:
What is going on with Draco!?! I need to know! I guess I need to keep reading.

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Review #7, by unakrnkiller My Biggest Mistake

3rd March 2013:
Awww! I love Ron so much in this story! He's so sweet. I can't wait to figure out what is going on with Draco.

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Review #8, by unakrnkiller The Perfect Combination

3rd March 2013:
I guess this chapter answered why Draco was interested in Kayla to begin with. What a jerk...but I have a feeling that Kayla will give in to him anyways. Great chapter. I like how you write the intimate scenes. They are quite steamy and enticing!

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Review #9, by unakrnkiller Just My Luck

3rd March 2013:
Lmao, that was hilarious. Poor Kayla...I'm sure it was totally worth the embarrassment though. This story is heating up faster than I expected, but I guess I can live with that. :)

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Review #10, by unakrnkiller Say you Don't Want It

3rd March 2013:
Interesting chapter. I am curious as to why Draco is even interested in her, but I guess that will be explained later. Great so far, I will continue reading. :)

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Review #11, by unakrnkiller Bloody duties

2nd March 2013:
This is turning out to be a good read. The characters are written in a way that is interesting and believable. I will try to leave longer reviews as I get more into it. :)

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Review #12, by Morganna Introduction

27th August 2012:
Hi! Morganna here!

I think that you are off to a good start here. I'm loving the ambiguity of the opening scenes as well as the descriptive area that you have about Kaya. I'm assuming that you'll elaborate more on her character as the story progresses.

As for characterization, I'm liking your original character already. She seems to have quite an edge to her. I'll have to talk more about her in the later chapter as this is just the beginning. Good job so far!

Although I did see a few grammatical errors, as well as some comma usage/ position issues. Don't worry those can easily be fixed ^_^ This chapter also felt a little to abrupt due to its length. However, you did give us (the readers) a fair warning that this was the introductory chapter, I can let this slide ;)

As I had mentioned earlier, I like how your introduction really opened up a lot of opportunities for you story! It really places your readers at a position that keeps their curiosity rolling. Good job!

I can't wait to read more!




M

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Review #13, by Lydia Pretending

10th August 2012:
Oh at least he brought her to the hospital, hope he doesnt get in trouble.

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Review #14, by Lydia Blood Traitor

10th August 2012:
Oh Bellatrix, so evil... I actually feel bad. & Draco I honestly am not mad at him, & Kaya, poor thing. :l Can we please whoop their ass soon?

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Review #15, by Lydia Before the Dawn

10th August 2012:
What?? Nicely done Draco"??? Why does she need Kaya? oh my gosh.. but great job on the chapter & haha lucky you, got to vist london.

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Review #16, by Lydia Haunted Soul

10th August 2012:
Ohh Draco, such a douche. You're doing great, I wanted Kaya to be more strong and independent and she is, which is great. (:

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Review #17, by majamariamaja Turning the Wheel

8th August 2012:
Aaah!!! This was so so good, honey! Frightfully suspenseful and you had me at the edge of my seat :) Great story, my friend - can't wait for the sequel :D

Love u!

*Maria

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Review #18, by magicfantasy All over again

27th July 2012:
Ah yay! The two newest chapters were great! I can't wait for more. ^^

It's wonderful to have the two of them back together again. And wh at lovely little intimate scenes. :D Please update again soon!

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Review #19, by angel_speaks Before the Dawn

9th July 2012:
Another awesome chapter!

However the grammatical errors are starting to pile up and i think that in chapters like this, it would be good to put in more description. Also, I got a bit lost as the plot jumped from her old dorm, to the Great Hall where Ron supposedly sat her down and jumped once again to Kaya running down the hall. There was a lot of jumping here. Maybe you can add in transitions for the plot and maybe a beta to watch over the plot holes, flow and grammar.

Just a few stuff that I wanted to point out. I hope i wasn't too harsh. If you'd like I'd love to offer my beta-ing service to you! I would love, love, LOVE to work on this story with you ^_^ If you do decide to accept my offer, please send a PM to emesias at the HPFF forums ^_^

Happy Writing!

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Review #20, by angel_speaks Haunted Soul

9th July 2012:
awww wow!
Another great chapter!
I hope you update soon!

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Review #21, by angel_speaks Love

9th July 2012:
I knew it that she would give in.
I was quite surprised that she forgot about the bet thing Draco had with Zabini.

Good chapter~

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Review #22, by angel_speaks Abracadabra

9th July 2012:
Another awesome chapter!

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Review #23, by angel_speaks Confession

9th July 2012:
Gah! I must read on!
Good chapter.
There were a few grammatical errors but its ok!

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Review #24, by angel_speaks Love Potion

9th July 2012:
Haha Interesting!
Reading on!!!

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Review #25, by angel_speaks The Perfect Combination

9th July 2012:
Hiya!
Em here with your full-on review as promised! (FINALLY!)

Wow!!! So so good! I had a feeling that something like this was going to happen. Draco coming on to Kaya like that for no good reason would've made the story line too...plain? Anyways, moving on!

Grammar/ spelling: There were a few missing words here and there throughout the chapters. I wouldn't say that it disrupts the plot line and presentation of the story too much, but it does pop out a lot.

Characterization: I'm liking Kaya a lot as a character. So far, I'd say that she's developing alright throughout the story. I find it adorable how she continuously fights off her emotions for Draco and despite the revelation of Draco's true intentions with her, I still think that she will give in. As for the Draco character in your story, I could definitely imagine the canon pulling something off like this (haha) I'm not one to stick to canons as I love reading how different authors get creative with the original characters and I think this is one of the most creative Dracos that I've ever read ^_^

Plot/ Flow: As far as plot holes are concerned, it was just that one bit in the earlier chapters that I mentioned in the review that I left (I think it was either the 2nd or 3rd chapter). Other than that I think that you are doing really well with this story! Furthermore, it's flowing really well. It's not just jumping from one section to the next. Good Job!

Overall, this is quite a good read! I'm definitely hooked and am looking forward to seeing it through the end!

Happy Writing! 9/10

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