OSOM,!!! loved it like hell wow.really gud,
this is my fist teddy/victoire story...( i dont even know these characters very well as im not a harryptter fan) but still u wrote it so beautifully loved it
hmm..well i would like it if u would check out mah stories too.
10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much for the compliment! I'm glad you enjoyed this.
Unfortunately, I just really don't have time to exchange reviews with everyone who reviews one of my stories. Good luck with your writing, though! :) Report Review
Branwen! I love your writing so much! You're brilliant, you know that?
This was such a sweet one shot! I love Teddy/Victoire and this was great! It was so lovely when Teddy proposed! I don't think I've read many proposal stories before but this was brilliant.
Though if there was one thing that needs improving, I think the pairing should be Emma/Teddy instead of Teddy/Victoire. :PAuthor's Response: Oh, I'm really glad you liked it! I'm pretty pleased with this story - Teddy/Victoire is one of my favourite couples to write. (I'm sorry that the pairing can't be Emma/Teddy... ugh if only fictional boys were real. I could use a Robb Stark in my life. :P)
Thank you so much for the review! ♥ Report Review
This was really lovely. From beginning to end, you captured all of the warm, earthy little details of Teddy and Victoire's life together. They seem like such a perfectly matched couple in this story. I absolutely adore it because it's rather uncommon around here. Not all fan fic has to be teen-angsty and riddled with conflict and despair. This was just a nice, pleasant day shared by two people who love each other that had an unexpectedly (at least for Victoire) significant and happy end.
From the outset, I liked the casual atmosphere that you created between the two of them. They've been living together for long enough that small things like broken glasses and interrupted sleep don't cause any major friction. At the same time, they still have that infatuation with one another. They're both madly in love and it was really fun to read.
Teddy's visit to Diagon Alley was nicely written. There were familiar touches of the magical world mixed in with some distinctly non-magical elements that I found refreshing. I think it made perfect sense to think that Teddy and his grandmother would both err a bit on the paranoid side, considering the losses that their family suffered. I liked his elderly landlord, although I was a bit confused as to why her desk and floo room were concealed behind a magical concrete wall as opposed to being, say, in her unit. Not a big deal, but it gave me a little pause while I was reading. I also felt unsure about why she would ever be presented with the choice between dying and giving up her own free floo powder.
I appreciated Teddy's distaste for unnecessary enchantments on his baked goods. It seemed like such a sensible stance to take, and Teddy seems quite sensible to me. At the same time, the enchantments on the flowers to make them last and, you know, not poison anyone seemed wholly sensible and I really wish my local florist offered that.
Lastly, I was a huge fan of the way that you wrote Victoire's reaction to Teddy's proposal. It's so tempting to just write that cliche response where the bride-to-be squeals and falls into her lover's arms, chanting "Yes, yes, yes!" I thought Victoire's reaction was far more realistic for a person who was "surprised but not really surprised" -- did that make sense? -- by an engagement proposal. It's often a bit of an awkward moment as the recipient, even though they may be thrilled, comes to grips with what the answer really means. Her follow-up reaction, "“Oh my god. I’m engaged" was so spot-on to what I think most people experience.
Suggestions? I don't have a whole lot. You touched very briefly on Teddy's parents when you were explaining why he locks his door with a key. I think maybe he would have ruminated just a bit on what it would have meant to him to have been able to tell his parents that he was engaged. Would he have approached things any differently? I would have been interested to read your take on his feelings on not being able to share this huge milestone with them.
Your writing was beautiful. Everything flowed very nicely and there were no typos or grammar problems that I could see. You have a real knack for this pairing!Author's Response: Hey! :) Thanks for coming by to review!
Re: Teddy's landlady - the floo fireplace is basically like a lobby. People can use it at all hours. She's there during the day, but one can use it at night as well, which is why it's not in her unit. She's never going to actually be presented with the choice of dying or giving up the floo powder - it's just a phrase. :)
I really, really wish my local florist offered non-poisonous poison flowers, too! I adore foxgloves, but sadly I have too much sense to own them, especially with my pets. :( I also agree about the enchantments on baked goods - it just seems like such an unnecessary wizard thing, kind of like apparating two feet. :P
I'm really glad you liked the way Victoire reacted - I try to keep my characters as realistic as possible, so I'm always happy to hear that I succeeded, especially where cliches tend to take over. :P I can see what you mean with Teddy thinking about his parents, and I'll try and edit in a mention of something along those lines. :)
Thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed this! Report Review
I have to say I hate the pairing of Vic/Teddy.
But I loved this. So, it's a win in a way, isn't it?
I can never really get into the story of them two because I think many people make her kind of whiny in the stories I read Victorie in. Teddy I love. Maybe it's the part-Veela thing. Maybe I'm jealous of Veelas.
Maybe I'm insane. (That would explain a lot).
But naturally I enjoyed reading this because I enjoy everything you write. I thought this was going to drag on because of the length and it was obvious he was going to propose to her (and she was going to say yes) so I didn't understand what you would really need to map out for us. I'm actually glad you mapped everything out for us. You gave us a small glimpse into their life together, how they act when they have been away from each other for how long, their own personalities and traits. You even managed to add in some of your own minor characters (love the neighbor, love old people!) which made this all the more real.
It's funny. My friend came back from the Marines and when I read that Teddy got down on one knee, well, I imagined him because he only had ten days to stay and on one of those days he gave his girlfriend a ring (for her to wait for him after his service is up) in private but when everyone was around he tried to kind of 'recreate' the moment for everyone and instead of saying yes she got so red and was like 'UP! NOW! NO! GET UP!'
I could only imagine what Teddy's reaction would have been like if that was her response!Author's Response: So, it's embarrassing that it's taken me so long to reply to this, and I'm very sorry for it. :( I hope you know that I love you and appreciate your reviews so, so much. ♥
I actually agree about Victoire - I loved my Vic, but I hate the way a lot of people write her. It's like they make her like Fleur in GoF, except worse. I actually like Fleur a lot in the first place, but I didn't want to make my Vic her carbon copy, because god, who turns out to be their parents' carbon copy?
At any rate, you are not insane! And I'm really glad you like my Victoire, even though you usually don't like her (and I'm so happy you like my writing so much in general, what a huge compliment for me!).
I love that story about your friend from the Marines - that sounds so funny, and I totally would have had her reaction in that situation. :P Report Review
You didn't request it, but I stumbled across this and couldn't NOT leave a review. I don't even know how to describe it. I just love how you characterised both of them, and once again, I just can't get past the details you manage to put into your stories. From the bakery to the flowers to everything else, it's just amazing. It flows to well and you completely forget how long the story is (5000+? That's crazy!)
I feel useless when I review your stories because I never have anything remotely helpful to say; I just love them so much.
You're an amazing writer, I cannot stress that enough. Really, I can't.
- Adele.Author's Response: Aww, this made me so happy to see. ♥ I actually really love this story, so any time anyone reviews it, I get really excited.
I'm so, so flattered that you think so highly of me, especially given how much I enjoy your story. I just really cannot say how much I appreciate all of your support. :) Report Review
Normally I read only L/J stories, but I really love you Victorie/Teddy stories. You are a great writer and I have really enjoyed everything of yours so far! Now, onto the next!Author's Response: Oh, I love Lily/James, too - I have a story I'm working on about them as well. I think that Teddy/Victoire just edges them out, though, for me.
Thank you so much for the review. :) Report Review
Wow. I really liked this! Generally I don't read any one-shots, but I definitely enjoyed this one as much as any novel:) Great job!Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! :) I'm really glad you liked it! Report Review
Sigh... This was beautiful. You included so many "extras" in the story. You gave really good descriptions of things like the flowers, baked goods, door locks... You included so great vignettes like the one of Teddy flooing to Dragon Alley instead of Diagon Alley. I loved it all. Thank you for sharing your story!Author's Response: I'm really glad you liked it so much! Teddy/Vic fics are so much fun for me to write. :) Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
...and that would be the second puddle that I have become today. God, you're so good at just general fluff and romance and cuteness, you know that? You don't beat around the bush, you just get right down to it and I absolutely adore it. Me being a puddle shows that I absolutely LOVE it.
I have read proposal stories before but this has to be one of the best because it's so real. Like, it doesn't have the twenty thousand word speech that has their entire story in it and it doesn't have them on the top of the Eiffel Tower or anything, it's just them. It's Teddy and Victoire and them and how they like things and that's how it should be. No fuss, no drama, just them. Their love. And that's what I loved about this.
I tend to cringe during really fluffy stories. I still adore them, but I still cringe. I didn't cringe once during this.
I thought it was so sweet how excited Teddy was and how carefully he planned it. Every single detail. And what is amazing was that it wasn't boring. I was reading it and I was honestly shocked when I found myself reading the proposal and then it finished because this had my entire attention.
Victoire and Teddy are so comfortable with each other. You really get that sense in this. And because of the, the reader is comfortable.
Now if you'll excuse me, I feel like I need to go hug something and sigh and be all fangirly. Hee.Author's Response: Oh, yay! I was pretty pleased with the way this turned out, I admit (I know, you're shocked - I was actually happy with something I wrote :P). I'm really glad you liked the way I had him propose, because I dwelled and dwelled and dwelled on it. :P I'm also really glad that you didn't find it boring, because I know that it was long and that there was a lot of description.
Thank you! Report Review
Hey there! It's DarkRose from the forums, here with a review your requested a month and a half ago... :P I'm so sorry I'm epically slow. I've been really busy...
Anywayyy: here's the review!
I loved the story. I really did. I hope you did well in the challenge. The characterization of both Teddy and Victoire was perfect. They were so sweet and consistently well-written. I loved all of Teddy's inner thoughts. Adorable.
Spectacular job with the descriptions. All the pastries and flowers you mentioned while he was in Diagon Alley were wonderful. I definitely felt like I was in the scene. The only place where things fell flat, sadly, was when he actually proposed to her. I thought there would be more of a lead-in, more suspense, maybe he'd tell her all the reasons he loved her first...something. And then just...she walked in and he popped the question. It was a bit anticlimactic. :/
Other than that, though, everything was great. The plot flowed smoothly and things all fit together very nicely. I liked how you progressed from one thing to another. Really well done. :]
Overall, I think this was a very sweet story and I think you did very well writing it. Great job!
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Aw, no problem - I totally understand. :)
I can understand what you mean about the proposal being a bit anticlimactic. I'll go through and see about expanding it a bit. :)
Thanks for the review! Report Review
I really love this oneshot! It's so romantic! I love Teddy/Victoire, and I love the relationship you've given them, it's so sweet and their relationship dynamics are quite realistic. I like the description too, especially the bakery and the flower shop, it's all very inventive. Great job!Author's Response: I'm glad you like it! Thank you for the review! :) Report Review
This was a fantastic story. I love how you show how in love Teddy and Victoire are :)Author's Response: I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for reviewing! :) Report Review
it was really very sweet. It made me smile!Author's Response: I'm glad you like it! Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
A lovely story, it's always great to read Teddy/Vic stuff.Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it! :) Report Review
Wow! You are an amazing writer. I normally hate one shots over about 2500 words but you had me engaged and entrawled within Teddy's story.
I don't really have any critisisms because I think all the way through the atmosphere and scenes are perfect.
GinevraMollyPotterAuthor's Response: Oh, good! There were a couple bits that were a little more choppy that I edited a bit after posting this and getting some input, and I'm really glad it helped! :)
Thank you so much for your review. :) Report Review
Aw! Such a cute continuation of the Teddy/Victoire you created for "Fish out of water"! I loved it! Overall just adorable! Nice to see that Victoire has accomplished her goals and that they're still keeping in touch with school friends. Loved your take on magical pastries, landlords, flowers, etc, not something I've seen before! There aren't any changes I'd make to this story! :)Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! :) I'm really glad you liked it! Report Review
hey there!! Wow this was such a sweet fic!! It made me smile. your writing is always so awesome xD
I truly loved this!! And aw, you actually credited me for the ideas? Thank you, I'm so flattered!
I really enjoyed the story. The way you gave details and descriptions, and we could practically feel the love radiating off Victoire and Teddy while reading it. This was a very enjoyable and amazing read. So natural!
Great work!! 10/10
ADAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you so much! :)
And of course I credited you for the ideas! I was at a bit of a dead end, and I really wanted something awesome and special, and you were really helpful!
Thank you again, and I'm really glad you enjoyed this. :) Report Review
This story was AMAZING! I loved it! :D
I am definitely going to read more of your stories! If they are anything like this, I am sure I will be addicted! :)Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! That makes me so happy to hear! :)
I hope you enjoy the other ones just as much! Report Review
This is such a sweet, romantic read...it made me smile pretty much the whole time :) I love the way you describe Vic and Teddy's life together.
One thing you asked about was continuity, and I think you've done a great job with it here. There are little things about Teddy and Victoire that remind me of "Fish Out of Water," like Teddy saying he was "capable of patience" and Vic's response to the proposal. You've kept their personalities basically the same, but I can tell they've grown up. So, great job on that :)
I love the romantic feel of this, and I love your characterization of the couple. There's not that much more I can say, except great job! I loved reading this :)
--MaggieAuthor's Response: Oh, I'm so glad that you liked this one, too! I was a little more worried about it, because of the time lapse and because I always worry about consistent characterization across different stories, but I'm really glad you thought it worked well!
Thank you so much for the review. :) I really appreciate it! Report Review
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested. And ah! I'm so glad you did. A sequel! I guess when I read the second chapter of Fish Out of Water, I didn't realize it was over! But I'm so glad you continued on. It was too precious to leave at that. And this was a perfect continuation to it all!
A precious little piece. I adored it so much.
You wrote a perfect day for Teddy and the reader to enjoy with him. I loved how you started it. It was fast and a little-heart pounding. I thought you were starting off with something exciting, and you somewhat did. I got worried with the blood, but I'm glad it was nothing major. But it was a great scene that got the heart going and made your reader excited for the rest of the story to come. I couldn't wait to get into the fluff of the story and to see how it would all play out.
And it was all beautiful. You have written a Teddy that I have just fallen in love with I love him; he is perfect. I hope I am lucky enough to one day have a man like him.
I loved following him around. You kept the atmosphere light and high-spirited. I almost felt as if we were in a movie and we needed a chipper song to go with it because you just got such a good tone going throughout the entire piece and you really kept up with it. Your descriptions were beautiful and matched perfectly. You really put me directly into the piece.
So you really nailed the descriptions. Perfectly. There was so much life in the entire thing, so well done with that. You really have nothing to worry about in that area.
As for characterization, they are both great. You could definitely tell that it was a follow piece of Fish Out of Water. The characters stayed the same and true to the personalities you gave them in the original, and yet there was a lot of improvement. You could see the development in their relationship.
There were many times in the piece when I thought back to Fish Out of Water and it made me think of how much they had grown. Scenes from the first when they were just starting to get to know each other and here where they just know each other so fully and perfectly. They are to the point where they can complete each others sentences if they wanted, and you can tell with that. The talking of the changing of Teddy's hair and eye color made me think to the developing of their relationship. In the first, Vic was so stunned at first when they changed on their date, and here it has just become so natural between the two. That was brilliant. :)
Their dialogue to each other flows together seemlessly. This also shows their sense of completion in each other. You have really written two characters that are clearly a match made in heaven. :)
You did such a great job with this piece. You could definitely tell it was a follow-up, and the characters stayed true to themselves. As such, you had no need to do all the dull introductions, so I'm glad you avoided that. You jumped right into the plot beautifully and got the story going. That same pace kept true for the entire story, and I loved that. It gave me a really good feeling all around.
You had a beautiful flow. Your tone was just perfect. I could feel like a person who was deeply in love and wanting to propose to their girlfriend. You really got it across all perfectly. :)
I passed a few misplaced words and a few commas, but nothing major at all. I can't even remember exactly where they were, and my only constructive criticism to the story and your writing is this one thing. I feel like the paragraphs are a little cramped together at times when you have actions and then a lot of dialogue. Here is one in particular:
“Sorry,” he said, and pointed his wand at the glass on the floor. “Reparo.” The glass sprang back together, and the cup wobbled a little before settling. “Here, give it to me.” He motioned to the dishtowel.
There's a lot of he said this, he did this, he said this, did this, etc. just within one paragraph, and it feels awfully cramped, to me at least. The way I learned to format my writing was that there is dialogue and the speaking descriptions in one paragraph, and then the rest follows in the proceeding paragraph. That proceeding paragraph can end with a new set of dialogue, but then it moves on to the next. I would just suggest to spread it out a little bit. That way it wouldn't feel so cluttered and cramped.
But other than that, this was simply beautiful. I enjoyed it so much. :) Thank you so much for requesting this piece, and I hope this was helpful to you! Thanks! :)Author's Response: Thank you so so much for the review! I really appreciate it! :)
And yes, I see what you mean. I'll look into editing that a bit. :)
Thank you again, and I am so glad you liked it! Report Review
EH!! You were right when you said angst isn't really your thing - this was lovely! So, so adorable, and I loveloveLOVE how Teddy proposed and all the minor characters! :D
Now then, your concerns...
Characterization: It was terrific! Victoire was very, very well-done as Bill and Fleur's daughter and Teddy was spectacular; the perfect boyfriend! Also, like I've said before, I really do like the minor characters like Enid!
Description: This, right here, was actually my favourite part of the story. The whole thing is described very well and I love the interesting little quirks you've inserted, like the charmed bakery items and Teddy's weird safety concerns. Me gusta. :D
Flow: In a word - BRILLIANT.
Just a point to add though: you should go over your stories with a fine-toothed comb after writing to avoid some minor grammatical and spelling errors that do occur. E.g. you've written 'since he’d moving out' in one place which I realise happens unintentionally sometimes when your thought process is speeding, but it's minor errors like that which keep your work from perfection.
Overall, it was spectacular and I loved it! :D
10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) I'm especially glad you liked the safety concerns and bakery items and stuff - I was afraid that people would say that it's too much of a distraction from the story or something. So glad that you don't think it was!
And think you for pointing out the typo! I always read through multiple times, but somehow I always manage to miss at least one typo. Blegh. :P Report Review
This is... adorable. That's the perfect word to sum it all up. Victoire is adorable, Teddy is adorable, and you are adorable! Well done, I thoroughly enjoyed it.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it! :) Report Review
Hello, my dear!
This is a really lovely story! Your Teddy is so sweet and loving without making me want to puke all over myself. I'm really glad that Victoire isn't just some uber-beautiful vela that has no real job and just floats around being hot. I can almost not stand to read stories that have velas in them because of the stereotypes. I really love that she has red hair, as well! I wasn't expecting that and I had to read over that line twice, but, she is a Weasley! So I shouldn't be that surprised!
The descriptions of the flowers was so lovely, and made me want some wizarding foxgloves! It was very amusing to me that Teddy found some charms unnecessary, I think they would be extremely useful!
The only thing about this story that I would alter in any way would be to make Victoires reaction to being proposed to would be bigger, if they've really been together for that long I just see her freaking out a little bit more, no matter how grounded she is!
This was absolutely lovely, my dear! You are a fantastic writer.Author's Response: Aw, thank you! (Both for reading and for reviewing!)
And yes, my only next-gen kids without red hair are Fred and Roxanne (obviously), James, Dominique, and maybe Lucy. Gotta keep the Weasley red hair legacy intact! :P
I'm definitely going to extend her reaction a bit more. :) Report Review
hey there - makemeover from the forums here!
I'll start out by saying - I have nothing bad to say about this! I loved it. I tend to get easily bored with fluff but I wouldn't have been able to stop reading without finishing this, which is awesome because stories that you just HAVE to finish are the best.
I read this without having read even the summary of the prequel/original story, and there was nothing confusing about it in anyway. It's definitely a great stand-alone one-shot and I agree that's it's complementary to the first and not obligatory, and vice versa.
The thing I loved the most was how absolutely sugary-sweet Teddy was without being overbearing or nauseating. He really just loves Victoire and thinks about her all the time. My favorite part of the entire story was at the very beginning when he kisses her on the forehead. It's so sweet and simple. Not that kissing someone on the lips is over-played (I think it's impossible to over-play that), but it was a nice change.
I also like that Victoire seems a little clumsy and has no "household charms," as well as having red hair. With Fleur as her mother, it's easy to see why writers usually make her very elegant and poised with great manners and long blonde hair and all that jazz. It was nice to see her as more of a regular person than a straight up Veela. Her only questionable trait, though, was that sometimes she seemed a little formal. I'm not sure how you picture her in your head and for all I know that's exactly how she's supposed to be. But the way she speaks to Teddy sometimes is a little too proper for someone who's casually speaking to their live-in boyfriend.
I was expecting a little more nervousness and anxiety from Teddy throughout the story, just because of the story description. The story isn't bad without it, it just doesn't match the description as well as it could.
And lastly, I would have loved to see a little more emotion or excitement during the proposal scene. It just seems a little rushed. I realize it's a longer one-shot but I would have rather seen a longer proposal scene than maybe some of the earlier parts. I realize it's hard to delete things after you've written them, especially because your details are amazing (I love the parts describing the foods and flowers!), but I think the proposal scene could be a little longer and more detailed. After all, it's what the entire story leads up to.
It was definitely a great one-shot though and you've opened my eyes to a new and beautiful couple that I'd never really paid much attention to before! I'll definitely be keeping a look out for them in the future, as well as reading the prequel to this. I'm intrigued! I hope this all was helpful :)Author's Response: Very helpful! :) I can see what you mean, and when I upload my chapter image, I'll make some of the changes you suggested. I'm so glad you liked it, and thank you so much for your review! :) Report Review
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