Reading Reviews for Greyback's Story.
  
29 Reviews Found

Review #1, by kalkay Azkaban

18th July 2012:
This story is wonderful. It's very hard for me to picture Azkaban different than my story where it literally drives you insane but I really like how you did it here. I get what you are saying with this sentence but for me it reads strangely: "You are deemed to a lifelong time in Azkaban!" I think it's just the idea of a 'lifelong time' that trips me up. The escape seemed...very easy. I would've like to see some more struggle there personally but at the same time I'm not sure how you would add it in. lol Over all I loved this chapter! Wonderful!

-Kaykay

Author's Response: Woo! It's wonderful! Your version is so much cooler than mine... Mine is... Really... wimpy. Hmm, with you pointing that out, that line DOES seem a bit strange... And, there's more struggle than there was before :P But I could've added more... I really glanced over it. :p

Thanks Kaykay! :D

Mike.


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Review #2, by ScorpiusRose17 Their Home

16th April 2012:
Hi there!

This was a great chapter and very interesting.

I think you do a wonderful job with Greayback's characterization. He's this tough werewolf that just dislikes everything, but in this story you have made him a likeable, intriguing character. With that said, he still scares me. His calm demenor and brutish tendencies are there hoovering at the surface and his way of knowing that someone is in the room with him when he can't see them gives me goosebumps.

I really like Sapphire. She is a very engaging and intriguing character. I am anxious to learn more about her and why she isn't intimidated by "Wolfy" as much as Nadia. I want to find out about both of them and Romulus. I have a feeling about Romulus, but I am not quite sure what to make of him entirely either.

I did notice a couple of confusing sentences. I have them included here and I wrote my comments underneath. Just to let you know that they are there and for you to think about.

"Nadia said some of the few words she's spoken towards me since Romulus busted out of Azkaban."

This was confusing because of the way that it was worded. Were you meaning when Romulus broke Greyback out of Azkaban or the both of them?

"I grabbed the dagger and I had a feeling similar to getting your wand run through me."

This one was confusing. I understood what you meant when I read the next sentence, but this was sort of worded weird when I even read it out loud.

Overall, I thought you did a wonderful job with this chapter. I love the way that you are making us look at Greyback in a different way. I love the mysteriousness of the story. It's holding my intrigue and my need and want to find out what else is going to happen. I am anxious to know more about Sapphire, Nadia and Romulus. I know that it's coming and I am anxiously looking forward to it and whatever else you have in store. Even with the minor little confusing sentences I think you have done a splendid job.

Keep up the great work! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Hey! I'm glad you like this so far, and like Greyback! I'm glad I am able to make him a likeable, and interesting character!

Hehe, you'll find everything out soon. :P

Ahh thanks for pointing those out, I'll try and fix them in another edit. :)

I'm really happy you like my story so far and it is holding your interest! Thanks for reviewing!

Mike.


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Review #3, by ScorpiusRose17 Meeting Them.

8th April 2012:
This was another good chapter. I think you're doing a wonderful job capturing Greyback's personality and that need to push away yet still harbor that curiousity of those he is with. I think that your other characters are quite interesting as well. I am excited and intirgued to see what their personalities turn out to be like.

So far I think that the plot is doing a great job building up and is working well with the flow of the chapter to give you that sense of needing to know what else is going to happen. The flow isn't messy when it transitions which is helpful for the reader. I did notice one line that was confusing when Sapphire says that "You do not was to test me right now wolfy, while I hold this plant I could easily take you down no matter how strong you are,"

I think you meant to have the would was actually be the word want?

I do like Sapphire. I think she is an interesting character and I find it funny and mental that she feels like she can just talk to Greyback the way she does.

Keep up the great work! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Hey there thanks! Yeah, I do meant Want... I'll edit that. Thanks for pointing that out! I'm glad you like this so far and that my characters are interesting! And that Greyback is Greyback.

Glad you like Sapphire! To be honest, she's my favorite to write...

Thanks!

Mike.


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Review #4, by ScorpiusRose17 Azkaban

6th April 2012:
This was a very interesting chapter. I've never read anything on the fan fiction site about Fenirir Greyback, so when I saw your request I was quite excited.

I think that you did a great job describing the surroundings of Azkaban. It isn't a pleasant place even after the dementors have left, so I thought you did a good job of capturing the atmosphere.

You did a good job portraying Greyback's character. I thought you found a good balance between his wolfish features and his arrogant attitude. (where all people should fear him because he is the werewolf that sets out to curse children)

The flow of the chapter was also done in a nice way. I didn't see any messy transitions between what was happening. I did spot a few minor typos here and there. As for the plot, I can't really give you a definate answer to just yet, because I've only read the one chapter.

Overall, I think it was a good chapter. I found it interesting and it held my attention and sparked my intrigue to want to read more to find out what happens and why this guy Romulus is helping him escape.

Keep up the good work! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Hey there! Glad you were excited to read my story! I'm glad you liked my story! And getting his personality has always been a problem, so I'm relieved I was able to achieve a balance with it! Yay my flow was good! I'll go comb my chapter again to see if I can find those minor typos. :)

Thank you! I"ll definitely be keeping this story up. :)

Mike.


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Review #5, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Meeting Them.

25th January 2012:
Fenrir with feelings! It's odd to see, but to read. It's different; good different. I wonder who this Sapphire woman is. I look forward to finding out. I agree with what you put in your A/N; definitely a very well written chapter. I can't say if it's one of your bests, as ibe not read the rest yet. But it's the best so far. :D

I'll get to the next chapter soon. :)

Author's Response: Sam!! Yay for good different! Thanks a lot! And just so you know, I'm re-writing... Everything so... I'd not get too into this plot (Although this'll be mostly the same)! ;)

Mike.


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Review #6, by NaidatheRavenclaw Insanity

4th January 2012:
Hello! I wanted to stop by and see how you're doing after I reviewed your early chapters all those months ago, and I'm super impressed! You've really gotten a good grasp on grammar, and your plot events are much slower and more orderly now. I can follow them a lot better, and your characterization is still spot on (I distinctly remember that being a strong point for you, so I'm glad to see that you've kept it up!) I still think you could work on slowing down your plot events juuust a tad, but you've gotten way, way better at this! You've turned this story into something riddled with grammar errors and a confusing storyline into a really nice, well written story that I would definitely click on and read if I stumbled across it on the archives. Good job!

-Naida

Author's Response: NAIDDAA! Thanks! :D I'm glad you stopped by! THANKS! When I got this, you really made me happy. Grammar and plot events! :D Characterization was always a strong spot of mine? Woo! :D I'll slow it just a tad down then. THANKS A LOT NAIDA! :D

Mike. Is now super happy.


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Review #7, by ariellem Insanity

13th December 2011:
Hello again! I'm sorry these reviews have been so short but I've been so curious about the next chapter, you're good Mike, you're very good. :) I'm going to be favoriting this!

Author's Response: Thanks! I don't mind that they're short. any review is awesome!

Thanks :D Favorites woo!

Mike.


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Review #8, by ariellem Their Home

13th December 2011:
Oh, I like this so far, you have a nice writing style, Fenir is ooc, but this is an AU, so that can slide. Other then that, good job!

Author's Response: Yeah... :D

Thanks so much!

Mike.


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Review #9, by ariellem Meeting Them.

13th December 2011:
Sapphire/Fenir? Is this what the story is going to turn into? Still curious. :)

Author's Response: You got that from the second chapter? Jeez xD

Thanks! :D

Mike.


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Review #10, by ariellem Azkaban

13th December 2011:
Hello! Sorry that you had to witness my sister's behavior, she's normally like that.

Onto your story! I went in skceptical, and I came out...curious. I'm wondering what's your thought process and everything when you write this character, or are you going to make him ooc?

Author's Response: ELMW and I act like that all the time, even though we don't know each other off of HPFF, so all's good :P

Curious is good! I think... Anyways, he's going to end up OOC... Majorly... Because I wrote him really... Fatherly in my other fic and I needed to explain WHY... THEN THE BIRTH OF THIS! Taaadaaa!

So yeah!

Thanks!

Mike.


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Review #11, by Luna Azkaban

1st December 2011:
COOMAS! besides that, it was good :) nice story liine.

Author's Response: Commas? Trust me, my writing get's better (By ch3, I believe).

Thanks! :D

Mike.


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Review #12, by LunarLuna Azkaban

26th October 2011:
This was really good! Not too much angst (much less then I'd anticiapted comming from you! :P).

Grayback was a little OOC but I already knew that would be the case. You love Grayback too much too make him overly evil! :P

Other than that, there are a few minor grammar issues, but it wasn't too bad.

My only question is: How did they become animagus without having wands?

Now I know I sound all critical and evil and all.

And I am kind of evil, but that's not the point.

I actually really liked this!! :D It made me smile at a bunch of place and even give a little laugh for the dentist comment.

I thought the ending was really cute and sweet, and well written!!!

Great chapter!

I love Romulus.

Why??

...

Because I just... do.

I hope I didn't kill you with the CC!!! I love it, really!! 9/10 :D

-June

Author's Response: Trust me I've had FAR MORE cc than this :P

It get's angstier later, TRUST ME >:D MWAHAHAHA!

Yeah I make Greyback OOC cause I love him so! XD

Werewolves have an easier time with animagus spell! :D It's explained in my other story (Slightly).

For a second I had to check which story this was cause I also have a dentist line in my other story, cept it's cute cause it comes from a little kid.

:D Glad you liked the ending!

*Cough* Romulus. XD

*Insert Chrono Trigger Victory FanFare here* I had too XD Sorry.

Mike.


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Review #13, by Goldemort Azkaban

25th October 2011:
OOHHH WOW THIS WAS RATHER FUN WASN'T IT?

As I am a nice and good reviewer I will give some constructive criticism because I am less hyper now. Well, me thinks that this was an awesome chapter (yay for epic werewolves!) but it just seemed a little... Rushed. Though that may have been the desired effect, as it was a fast moving plot bit at the end. I think that when he was being put in Azkaban though, there could have been more description, so we get a better feel as to what it was like (even though he wasn't there for long). *is trying to sound clever but probably failing*

I really liked the beginning though, with the introduction to all the memories, giving a nice introduction to the story. I also really like the tone and style of writing, though there were a couple of grammatical errors (which are easy to edit!), but they didn't really detract from the story.

Gosh, I'm sounding all proper and reviewey, aren't I? THIS HARDLY EVER HAPPENS! Oohh look, some nice caps lock to make it sound more like me again XD You can probably tell my hyperness has worn off...

GREAT STORY THOUGH MIKE! 'CAUSE IT WAS WEREWOLVES, AND WEREWOLVES ARE COOL, AND IT WAS AZKABAN, AND THAT'S ALSO COOL, AND YAY!

... Mostly worn off...

Author's Response: Werewolves are amazing :P Chapter 3 is when this get's better grammatically. I grow a lot in the process of writing this, like... A LOT. Anyways, glad you liked it! :D *ForeShadowing, there's death later... Like chapter 10 later... I haven't even written ch 5*

Oh yeah, my writing style was rushed-like when I started writing (As this is one of my first 5 chapters) sooo It slows down (After the super fast next chapter >.


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Review #14, by NaidatheRavenclaw Their Home

23rd October 2011:
Meh, I fail at finishing reviews. Sorry again!

I love seeing how much you grow while writing. For example, I couldn't find a single glaring grammatical error in this. Compared to the first chapter, I could've sung after reading this :P Just the change in grammar has made me enjoy reading the story so much. Funny how such a little thing can make all the difference in the world.

I'm not sure how to write this next part because I'm conflicted about it myself xD The amount of swearing in this chapter took a huge jump. One on hand, I didn't like it at all. I tend to turn away from stories that drop swear words every other sentence, because most everyone doesn't talk like that. On the other hand, all the swearing in the chapter was a great move towards Fenrir's characterization. It showed how angry and frustrated he was, because in rages, people do swear a lot. So now I can't decide whether or not I likedthe swearing...Well, for now, I'm going to say I like it :) The sudden increase in swearing is a brilliant move, but only as long as that goes down again in the next chapter, I think. That way, it really is just a stroke of genius in characterizing Fenrir. And sorry for being so confused there! xD

I am very very confused about the transformation though. I honestly don't understand what happened. Why did Romulus transform? One moment they were fighting, and the next, he was a werewolf? If it was full moon, then wouldn't Fenrir have transformed too? That entire section moved much too quickly. I had no idea what was going on for pretty much the entire time, and then suddenly you moved to a year later. Or was it always a year later? The section was a blur, quite honestly. If you went through and picked it apart some, adding in sentences to tell me where I am, instead of just describing the action, you should be able to clarify that pretty quickly :)

Honestly, though, you have improved SO much in just three chapters! If you're improving this quickly, I can't even imagine what the end of this story will be like. I love seeing writers grow like this, and your quality of work is so drastically different now than in the first chapter. You're doing so SO well so keep up the amazing writing and I know I'll be seeing a lot from you in the future :D

-Naida

Author's Response: I made no glaring grammar mistakes? *Insert singing angels here*

I must've been angry when I wrote this chapter because I don't remember adding lots of swear words... Even if Fenrir himself was angry... Maybe I got into the mood :P Yeah, that's it. I'm happy that something I didn't even realize made the chapter better!

Ohhh This is the chapter with that... OH! Ok, Erm... I re-read that part and I confused myself XD Not helping myself at all, but... It tells me to edit after a day's rest for now on!

The year passed after the transformation... I guess I put that in there for character bonding?

I'm happy that I'm growing as a writer! :D Like super happy! I'm also glad that you're enjoying this story! Even I can't see the ending as I keep re-ploting that part about every day...

I'm still happy that I'm growing as a writer! Woot!

Mike.


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Review #15, by NaidatheRavenclaw Meeting Them.

15th October 2011:
And I'm back xD Also, I just realized that I left you an 800 word review on the last chapter, so I'm sorry for rambling so much :P I guess this just proves that I talk way too much.

Your grammar was much much better in this chapter! There were still a few minor issues, but compared to the last chapter, this was fantastic. I love seeing growth in an author, and I can tell that you're doing that, which is fantastic. Great job!

I realize that I may have come across differently in my last review, so let me say that I don't oppose changing canon a bit at all. If we all stuck exactly to canon, there'd be no point to fanfiction xD Fenrir should definitely have some feelings and emotions. I love the idea that he was kicked out of his own house. It gives a great premise for how simply horrible he becomes. And while I do like gradual change more, as opposed to a more sudden change like you have in this story, it's more of a question of personal taste, so I can accept the way you've done it as well.

Just one little note. You said Fenrir is 42. Well, this is after the Second Wizarding War, which puts us at about '97. If he was 42, he would have been born in approximately '55, but he bit Remus because he had poor business dealings with his father. I seriously doubt he was 15 and doing business :P So I'd say to make him a bit older.

In terms of plot, I have one issue, and it's with the wolfsbane. First of all, the plant itself doesn't do anything to control a werewolf-it's a potion. Secondly, the potion has to be taken by itself, as Remus said sugar made it useless in PoA. So adding wolfsbane to chocolate milk would do absolutely nothing for a werewolf...

And then I'm going to talk about something that probably won't make sense at all, and I can't decide which category it fits in :P You seem to be moving too fast in the story. One moment, they're on a boat and catching fish, then they're meeting some random girl named Sapphire, then Fenrir's being attacked by dementors, then Ministry officials find them. That's a lot to cram into one chapter xD I'm all for having a lot of action and plot events, but you just have...too many. Your writing sounds jumpy at times because it goes so fast, actually. It'd be a lot easier to read, and a lot smoother, if you elaborated a bit on each section. For example, with the dementors, give me a bit more of a lead up. Can he feel the hair on the back of his neck tingling? Maybe he draws his wand just in case? And then maybe he feels it getting colder, and he can see the grass around him quivering. And then he's attacked. And while he's reliving memories, don't be afraid to go into a little more detail with it. Put me in the mind of your character in the moment he's in, instead of just summarizing it. Do you see what I mean? I want to feel what Fenrir's feeling. And doing that will help me see him changing more clearly as well :)

Once again, I'm really loving the idea of this story. You've grown so much between this chapter and the last, and I'm sure I'll continue to see growth as I read on! Again, sorry for all the rambling, and I hope the review helped a bit!

-Naida

Author's Response: Thanks! :D I don't mind the long review, it really helped! Once I finish editing my other story, I'll be editing this one!

Ok, I'd like to say I'm not the biggest fan of AU, and I would like every little bit of help in making my story more canon, but then again it IS fanfiction... I'd probably go and make his personality more gradual, and not spike it up and down like I have done so far.

... I didn't think about all the math... Ok, I'll make him 47! That makes him 20 when he bit Remus right? I spent like an hour one day trying to do all the math so I could have this and my other story fit correctly and... I forgot about Remus... I'll fix it soon!

I'll go and elaborate, make each thing a different chapter maybe? Maybe... Or I'll make this one super long and separate it inside of itself so I don't confuse everyone.

The review helped a lot! Thanks!

Mike.


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Review #16, by NaidatheRavenclaw Azkaban

15th October 2011:
Hi! Naida here from the forums with your review. I am SO sorry for the wait on this! School decided to be a monster lately >.<

I know you mentioned that you know the grammar needs work, but to be honest with you, parts of it are unreadable. I have to read a few sentences more than once just to make sense of them. My suggestion to you would be to get a beta. They're LIFESAVERS. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without my beta. If you get your grammar all fixed up, it's going to make your story ten times better easily. Grammar is such a small thing, really, but it makes a huge difference. I don't want to sound harsh or mean, but I think it's harder to get a good repsonse on a story when it has grammar errors, so getting a beta would definitely be the first step for you :)

Moving to characterization. Fenrir is an interesting character to pick, I think, because he has so many undertones of pedophilia and he's definitely a sadist in the stories. It makes him both harder and easier to write, because his personality is developed in the stories, but you can also get away with just about anything. The Fenrir at the beginning of your story was most certainly not like that, so I'm wondering how and why he's going to change. As long as its gradual, and you have a good reason for it, you should be fine on that front too.

Fenrir in Azkaban is a different story. He's definitely angry there, and much more like his self in the books, but I almost thing he's too angry. In the books, Fenrir was sinister and menacing, and that made him even creepier. I think I was more scared of him than Bella or Voldie at times because he was so sinister and eerie. I'd love to see you tone down the anger he has in Azkaban just a touch, and make him darker and brooding. Just a suggestion though ;) If you do want to keep this angry Fenrir, just make sure he's angry all the way through the story.

Plot. I love the idea for your plot. Not a lot of people write from the POV of a villain, and this story is so different than 99% of what's out there today, which I adore. It's great to see original ideas done well, and you're completely doing that. With Romulus for example, I loved the name and how you incoorporated him into the story. Touches like that make me adore your plot.

I do, however, have a few issues with how realistic it is in some cases. Starting with Ron, Hermione, and Harry all being Professors. Actually, I'm not sure if they were all Professors, but the sentence was worded in a way that made me think they are. If they're not, just change the sentence to make it clear that they aren't, and you're good. If they are, it just seems unrealistic that all three of them would become Professors. Maybe just pick one of the three, if any, since none of them became Professors in canon.

Next, I found it odd that the dementors weren't guarding Azkaban. I mean, the dementors were such a huge part of it in the books, and they really are the ultimate punishment. They're make Azkaban the ultimate prison, becuase no one will be able to find a way to escape if they're going mad in their despair. Even after the Wizarding War, I think they'd go back to Azkaban. What else would the Ministry do with them, for one thing? They can't be allowed to roam freely. And the dementors need a steady feeding source, which Azkaban provided. So I definitely think you either need to edit this slightly and put the Dementors in Azkaban, or at the very least, give some reason as to why they're no longer guarding the prison :)

Lastly, it doesn't seem likely to me that Romulus and Fenrir to be able to turn into animagi like that. First of all, the transformation is incredibly difficult, and it would be hard to do with little food and sleep. I would also think that, at least for the first few times, you'd need some kind of spell. I don't think you could turn into an animagus with just your power of will :P Thirdly, the animagus thing just resembled Sirius's escape too closely. Especially with no dementors, there are a thousand other ways to escape Azkaban, especially for two werewolves.

I hope that didn't sound too harsh. I think this story has a TON of potential, and I love where you're going with it. Great characters, a super interesting plot, and I can see a ton of originality in the idea. You're doing a great job so far, and I can't wait to read on!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!

Thanks for being honest about that and yeah I was planning on getting a beta :D

I like that you think that Fenrir is an interesting character to choose! I should probably go and read all the parts with Fenrir in the books again, just so I can get his character for these beginning part down well.

When I go to edit this even more I'll look into his anger and fix him!

I'm REALLY relieved that the plot is original. Generally, I get scared when ever someone reads this that it isn't original, or as original as it could get!

I knew something about that would come up! Ok, to clarify only Hermione is a professor, Harry and Ron are Aurors. I'll probably clean up the sentences when I get around to it!

I just sorta thought that the ministry would get rid of the dementors, but I might add them back... I probably should... Or like you said give a reason. I'll do one of the two! :D

I guess you could say that I got a little lazy when thinking about their escape... I could've been a little more creative about it... Maybe on the full moon instead. Oh and about the animagus thing, I'd like to think that being a werewolf makes it easier. Because they already transform during the full moon so why not any other time?

I'm glad you really like my idea! :D I'll be sure to edit what you pointed out, get a beta (Hopefully), and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story I have up so far!


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Review #17, by BKL8008 Insanity

10th October 2011:
Good characterization, fighting the ones who are right and want to help you. Still a very interesting take on Greyback, and wanting to see more.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing and reading again! I'm glad you liked my characterization! I haven't started the next chapter yet... But I do have a general idea!

Thanks for reading and reviewing my story!

Mike.


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Review #18, by BKL8008 Their Home

10th October 2011:
I was a little unclear on how long they've been searching, but it seems like a while. Slow down, though. I mean this constructively, but you're still rushing it a bit. Good story, though.

Author's Response: It's about a year... I think... I haven't gone through/written any for about 4 days...

Thanks for reviewing and reading!



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Review #19, by BKL8008 Meeting Them.

10th October 2011:
The bit with the Dementors was well done - exactly what one would expect of Greyback. Onward!

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the Dementor part! :D I was worried about that when I was writing it...

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Review #20, by BKL8008 Azkaban

10th October 2011:
A bit rushed, but a good beginning. Interesting enough, with Greyback being interviewed, to make me want to see more.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! :D I'm glad you want to continue reading!

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Review #21, by katebabelovesharrypotter Meeting Them.

10th October 2011:
This chapter is much better (not to say your last wasn't fantastic!).

I think you're really getting your legs for wiritng here. It's still very engaging and your descriptions continue to be fantastic. But now yit's flowing a bit better and seems more properly laid out.I don't know, it's just better xD

Keep up the good work and this will just get even more awesome! I'll be back to review more after I get some of my own writing done (finally!). :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing again! *Smiling cause I'm happy now*

I'm glad it's flowing better, I should get better as I write more!

Thanks and I'll be sure to review some of your stories!


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Review #22, by katebabelovesharrypotter Azkaban

10th October 2011:
Hi! This is Kate (candycoatedhappiness on the forums). I came to read your stuff! Yay!

*clears throat* anywho... I like your writing. It's very engaging and you paint a nice picture with your words. It is a bit choppy and some of the wording needs to be worked on, but it's good and can only get better!

One little (okay, huge) thing is that in more than one place you say "dispair"...it's "despair"! Sorry, I'm a spelling nazi!

Author's Response: Hey!

*Phew* I'm glad I was able to paint a picture, that's what I am mainly afraid of...

... Whoops... Spelling isn't my strong suit... I'll fix that!

Thanks for the review!

Mike.


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Review #23, by Roots in Water Azkaban

1st October 2011:
I don't think I've ever read a story before focused on Fenrir (or any werewolf) and I think that this is a very interesting idea. I liked the beginning of your story since it shows where the story will eventually end up. As well your use of the pensieve (by the way, it's "pensieve" not "pensive") was a nice touch since it'll allow readers to experience his memories without it being a true flashback. Will you be using the pensieve method of telling his past the whole story? It certainly is a plausible method of doing so.

You used the phrase "unsubstantially soft" and I'm afraid I didn't understand what you meant by this. Did you mean that he will turn "soft"? As well, I was under the impression (though I definitely could be wrong) that Teddy Lupin was "hidden" from the world or at least that the wizarding world wasn't really aware that he had been born so Fenrir knowing about him threw me a bit. However I think that it's an interesting perspective that Fenrir views Remus as the "one who got away" or a "missed opportunity".

I think that it's an interesting idea that even in Azkaban, even among other criminals, werewolves are looked down upon. Keeping with that idea it would make sense that all the werewolves are put in the same cell, or at least isolated from the rest of the prison. I definitely think that it is something that the Wizarding World would do- they are a prejudiced bunch, aren't they?

Wouldn't a werewolf keep better track of the moon cycle, especially if he didn't want to harm anyone? If I remember correctly, Remus would feel weaker, more tired, in the days before the full moon. However Romulus is an interesting addition to your story and I like the significance of the name.

I think you have a really interesting and unique idea- keep on writing!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!
Soft to the point where Fenrir couldn't stand it (Which means soft at all).
I'd say he knows about Teddy at all because of Remus' AND Tonks' deaths. That his name got around and everyone knew.
The Wizarding World is pretty prejudiced, that's part of why Romulus got put in with Fenrir, only partly though ;)
I'd say it slipped Romulus' mind, they aren't perfect so I thought, why not? They should be able to forget it once in a while.
I'm glad SOMEONE caught the significance if his name! XD I wondered when someone would.
Thanks again!
Mike.


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Review #24, by WitnesstoitAll Meeting Them.

1st October 2011:
OMG.

Literally, this chapter is like night and day to the first one in terms of grammar, general sentance construction, and flow. Personally as a reader/writer, there is nothing better than seeing the growth of a writer. Good for you!! I love the feeling that comes with the description in the beginnig of this chapter. I wasn't a 100% convinced of the rapid change in Fenrir's character (but this is a personal opinion, nothing at all to do with your writing). Generally, I like to see a gradual change in character when a character 'turns over a new leaf'... but I'm willing to accept this and am actually curious to see how it turns out. I do hope you keep writing this story! You most definitely have a gem in your hands with it.

Great job!

Author's Response: I knew I had his character change too fast! Ok.
Thanks so much! It means a lot, I'm like smiling from ear to ear here.
I'm glad you like it! And I have a whole plot for this, so it's definitely going on. I'm writing chapter 4 at the moment.
Thanks again!!
Mike.


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Review #25, by WitnesstoitAll Azkaban

1st October 2011:
Hmm.

I applaud you for taking on such a rarely explored topic, and hope to see this story come into fruition. It is far to rare that we get to see a story about Fenrir... and ever rarer that it is from his point or view. I won't harp on your few grammatical or spelling errors (since I've seen you've been informed in previous reviews) but I will say that this story is worth the effort to clean up with the help of a beta!! It reads well, the description is appropriate (not too heavy or too light) and is a testiment to your natural ability as a writer. Keep it up!! It is evident to me that you've got a fabulous story on your hands.

(Love the use of Romulus btw)

Great job!! (onto chapter two)

Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah, grammar, spelling... Not my strong suit.
I didn't think that the description was good enough, so someone telling me it is is a HUGE relief.
Thanks! And I'm liking my use of Romulus too, you'll see later on what else I'm doing with him. :P *Foreshadowing*
Thanks again!
Mike.


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