Reading Reviews for Bruises
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by NeverKnew Bruises

9th March 2012:
Wow, simply wow.
You do a miraculous job of writing pain. I love this story, it's beautiful.
My hats off to you.
~ NeverKnew.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review :) I'm really glad you liked this one -- pain is difficult to write, so it's great to know you thought I did a good job of it.


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Review #2, by Salem Bruises

1st October 2011:
Agnes here with your review!

Sooo soo so sorry about the wait! I recently got a new computer and the word document with your review got lost in the file transfer so here I am writing up a new one for you.

I knew from the moment I read the title and summary that this piece was going to be serious and involve some type of abuse--poor Merope. One of the more pitiable characters in the entire series, I think. She didn't deserve what life threw her way :c

I think this was a wonderful retelling and elaboration of the events in Merope's miserable life. The characterization was fine, the dialogue was fine, and the flow was a bit choppy since it was broken up into particular events but I think that worked rather well with the story overall.

Poor girl suffered so much through her life, and I think you captured her tragedy very well. Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. The summary was particularly hard for me so I'm glad you liked that. And yes, Merope was going to suffer abuse -- that, I think, was inevitable.

Yup, the flow was choppy because of the different definitions of "bruise" so that's why. Thanks again for the review!


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Review #3, by academica Bruises

24th September 2011:
Oh my, I've taken forever to review! My apologies. It's been a very hectic week. But I'm here now with your requested review!

Let me start off by congratulating you for your bravery. This is an incredibly sensitive subject, and I think it takes real talent to tackle it with the appropriate maturity and respect. You've certainly done that here. I loved how Marvolo resorted to Parseltongue in his rage. The scene where he brands her with the knife was just breathtaking. I could tangibly sense her desperation and unrelenting relief as the Ministry men came in and saved the day just in the nick of time. She must have felt a variety of things -- confusion, hope, sadness, joy.

Your description of Merope drugging Todd was very interesting as well. I could easily picture her waiting, taking charge even in her timid appreciation of him and forcing him to become hers. You painted a neat contradiction in her character there, and it's easy to see how loveless Voldemort could have risen from a union as involuntary as this was. The ending was amazing as well. I loved how Merope was so close to finishing it all, and then she felt something for the tiny life growing inside her. Her selfishness was perfectly in character. I really thought you did wonderful with sticking to canon throughout the whole thing, and your imagery was fantastic.

All in all, I loved this, every word of it. I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation mistakes, which is wonderful. It flowed perfectly well and I thought the dialogue was appropriately based on canon and natural-sounding. I'd love to know how you came up with the idea for the story and the different conceptualizations of "bruise" -- that was a nice way to tie together these painful moments in Merope's life. You might even have inspired me to try my hand at writing her, as I can see that she's certainly an interesting character.

Wonderful work! You should be proud of this. Thanks so much for requesting a review, and as always, I hope you find my feedback helpful :)


Author's Response: Hiya, Amanda.

Yes, it's definitely a sensitive subject, but it was written for a challenge over on MNFF so I didn't have too much choice about its subject matter. The banner had to have a title and catchphrase; the title was Bruises and the catchphrase was "they cover you". I'm so glad you liked it, and the scene when Marvolo branded her with the knife was a hard scene to write and one that I added after much consideration. So thank you.

You meant Tom, I'm assuming? :P Merope's characterisation was very, very difficult, I must say. Thank you again. I have my betas to thank for forcing me to write a proper ending. I didn't have one at first, since this was the first proper story I've written for months, and I ended up sending multiple drafts to both betas. Bless them for putting up with me, LOL.

I'm glad you thought it flowed welll, though I am considering sending it to a third beta to try and polish it up more. Depends, I suppose. And I've inspired you? :D Yay. Merope's a really interesting character although I heavily doubt I did her justice. I just got some dictionary definitions of bruises, LOL.

Thank you for such a thorough review and I will so return the favour :D


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Review #4, by Remus Bruises

23rd September 2011:
Hey! Its Perelandra from the forums with your review! :D

Your entire story is fantastic. I liked how you took us in Merope's sad journey from being a child to finding out she was pregnant with Tom. And sadly you know how its going to end with her death because of despair. Characterization was fantastic with Marvolo. He was truly a horrible person and I absolutely liked that you took it a bit further. He believed he was like that in the books but JKR didn't want to really add much because its a children's book.

The description of Tom being under the potion's influence was great. Her reaction was really spot on as a foolish girl blinded with love. You write well, however I have two things to point out. The first paragraph didn't flow nicely as the rest of your story did. It felt like some comas were unnecessary. Also, the name is Cecilia, not Cecelia. That name stuck with me cus its my middle name and was excited that it was used in the book even though it was a tiny part. XD

You didn't have a lot of dialogue which sometimes irks me, however...with your story it worked wonders, so great job! Anyway, other than that...its a fantastic story! Sad but great!


Author's Response: Hi! Thank you such a lovely review. It's nice to get some feedback on this :)

I'm glad you liked the characterisation of Marvolo and Merope. I know that parts of it didn't flow well and one of these days, I will bite the bullet and make some corrections -- when I have the time, that is. And Cecilia/Cecelia -- thank you for that. Yes, I shall correct that when I have a moment spare.

I know I didn't have a lot of dialogue, so I'm glad you thought it worked well. Thank you for your review and have a nice day.


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Review #5, by adluvshp Bruises

22nd September 2011:
Hi there! This is AditiDraco95 from the forums with your requested review.

I really felt thrilled reading this story. You've captured it wonderfully. The angst emotions come off really well. It truly captivates the reader.
The characterization of Merope and Marvolo was done quite well. You wrote them both very nicely.
The story flowed well too. The pacing was good and overall a brilliant read.
The only criticism I have is that the first paragraph, in particular the opening sentence of the story, is awkward to read. It doesn't sound quite right so I suggest re-phrasing/editing it.
Apart from that, the entire story was heartbreakingly beautifully written and you've truly done a remarkable job.

Good work!



Author's Response: Hiya! Thanks for your review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it and that you thought their characterisations were done well. I agree that some parts were phrased slightly awkwardly, so I may at some point in the future get a third beta to look at it -- but only if I can be bothered, LOL.

Thank you so much for a wonderful review and I hope you have a nice day.


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Review #6, by harry_vampire Bruises

21st September 2011:
Hey-a!I'm here with your requested review!

After reading through the story...One word came to ma mind Awesome!

Why did u choose this title 'Brusies'?Neways it is your choice:D

There was flow of emotions in every scene!Every scene seemed to perfectly connected.There wasnt any abrupt ending!
The characterisation of Merope is good, you showed her feelings in perfect light...a woman who had been in so much distress!There were some dialogues which needs to be edited but other than that it is really really good:)



Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I wrote this for a challenge over on MNFF and it was to select a banner which already had a title plus a catchphrase to go with it. We had to write a story based on the banner of our choice. Plus, I thought it was fairly obvious why the title was Bruises -- hence the different definitions of the word etc. Thank you for your review.


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Review #7, by CambAngst Bruises

21st September 2011:
Wow. That was a lot of intense emotion in a short story. It does a great job of capturing what I've always thought was the essence of Voldemort. He comes from pain and loneliness. Pain and loneliness shaped every aspect of his life, even before he was born. It explains why he can't understand love.

Technically, your writing is flawless. Everything flows wonderfully from paragraph to paragraph and from scene to scene.

If I had to offer one minor suggestion, it would be for the second scene. Knowing what I know, I was able to figure out that the Ministry official was there because Morfin had attacked Tom Riddle, Sr. But you might want to make that just a bit more clear. The effect is good, it does require some thought. Perhaps just a little too much for some readers who are less familiar with HBP.

Outstanding job!

Author's Response: Hiya! Thank you for such a thorough review :)

I'm glad you enjoyed it so. This story has given me a lot of grief, as you can probably tell. And yes, I get what you mean about Voldemort and everything -- he does indeed come from pain and loneliness just like his mum.

As for your suggestion... I don't really know what you mean. Everyone would know who the Ministry official was; and Merope definitely wouldn't know that his name was Bob Ogden, at any rate. It was better, I think, to keep his identity a little blurry. I made it quite obvious that this was set in HBP during the incident Harry and Dumbledore witnessed, made clear by the footnote citing the quotation.

Sorry for rambling :) Thank you once again for a lovely review!


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Review #8, by kestral14 Bruises

20th September 2011:
10/10. Wish I could write a longer review, but no time. Great writing, keep it up!

Author's Response: Hiya! Thank you so much for the 10/10 rating, and don't worry about leaving a short review. This story has been so ignored so far so I really appreciate it :)


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Review #9, by DetectiveMenace Bruises

19th September 2011:
Poor Merope! If only she had never fallen in love with stupid, snobby Riddle! A great fic, I really loved the layout of it; the different definitions of a single word and how it applied to different times in her life, and at the end 'heal.' Fantastic job. (I must apologize for the terrible review, I'm very tired.)

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reviewing.

I know, poor Merope :( Ah well. I'm so glad you liked it. As I said in my End Notes, this has given me so much grief. It was for a challenge over on MNFF and I picked the one era I have written nothing about -- not quite founders' but not quite marauder either.

Anyway, I'm so pleased you liked it and thank you for reviewing as always :)


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Review #10, by Beeezie Bruises

19th September 2011:
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your requested review!

The premise is an interesting one, and you laid it out well. The definitions at the top were a nice touch, and the way you separated out specific awful moments in a pretty miserable life was perfect. So was your ending it with "For now."

A few of your descriptions were a bit awkward (for example, when she's thinking about her neck still hurting from the locket), and occasionally, the dialogue didn't quite fit with the time period (Marvolo accusing her of "going after that Muggle," for example). Other than that, I thought that the mechanics and the dialogue were fine.

Your characterization was terrific. Marvolo comes across as positively deranged, and Morfin seems outright sadistic. They were similar, but you definitely distinguished between them, which was great. Merope was by far the best, however - you give this picture of a woman who is abused and defeated, but rather than just make her sympathetic and a victim, you give her a strain of ruthlessness and almost cruelty as well. I could see the resemblance to her father and brother. I hope that was what you intended!

A couple small things:
- How did she know when she'd made the potion correctly?
- I wasn't sure what you meant when you said "She doesn't know if she will last" toward the end.

I'm glad you posted a request. Please feel free to do so with other stories in the future - I like your writing style.

Author's Response: Hello!

The premise isn't really mine -- well, not entirely. The challenge on MNFF was to select a banner and write a story based on that. The banner had the catchphrase "Bruises -- they cover you" and it had to be centred on Merope Gaunt.

But thank you! I despaired the most with that bloody ending. So cheers. Yeah, I know the description was at times awkward. However, I'm not quite sure what you mean with the time period thing -- in canon, Marvolo berates Merope for "hankering after that Muggle".

Oooh, I'm so glad you liked the characterisation! Marvolo *is* deranged, no doubt about that! And thank you so much -- I struggled the most, by far, with Merope.

Merope didn't know that she made the potion correctly, but she had spent four months, every waking moment in that time making the potion, researching etc. She wasn't the greatest witch but she did know a thing or two.

As for that line, what I meant was that Merope doesn't know if she will live or die (since dying in childbirth wasn't uncommon back in the days).

Ta for such a thorough review!


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