Reading Reviews for Into The Light
31 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PaulaTheProkaryote Prologue

21st August 2016:

I came here obviously to provide birthday reviews but I started browsing your AP and you have SO MANY AWESOME LOOKING STORIES. I think a lot of people say that to be nice but I just added EIGHT (count them with me, EIGHT!) stories of yours to my reading list. Holy guacamole. Why did you not tell me you write stories I would love? Have I mentioned Jily is my OTP?

I love the very beginning of this chapter comparing James and Severus. You did such a good job contrasting them and honestly it almost makes me empathize ever so slightly with Severus (who I notoriously am not fond of). The bit about him having to fight for everything compared to James being blessed with all the graces of life was quite moving for me because I guess I hadn't really considered it. It wasn't exactly equal playing fields.

They both kinda suck a bit in the beginning with pretty significant flaws (prejudice and invincible). I think it's nice that you didn't nice James up a bit though. You didn't immediately play it off as "OH, he's barely a jerk, just here and there." You gave both of them plenty of depth and I love that!

This line was really powerful to me: "Both made life-altering decisions mindlessly. One used a single word to do so. The other used two."

And there went my sympathy for Snape. Ugh. How annoying. To assume that Lily would fall head over heels because he could "bring grown men to their knees." Ugh, does he even know Lily? Sweet, caring, muggleborn Lily isn't interested in your power, Severus.

You can't love someone who is the very thing you detest. Your mind isn't going to let you. It doesn't work that way.

I like the way you deal with this nastiness though. I love the way you show how every single decision you make builds up to who you are.

"One day, she made a choice without thinking, and somehow saved the world." WOW. What a strong line.

I completely loved this prologue and considering I have a bad habit of skimming (or often skipping) prologues, that says a lot to me. You really did such a good job of setting the story up, of characterization of these lovely characters, and most importantly hooking me into this story. I can't wait to read the next chapter!

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Review #2, by pathfinder Descent

31st March 2016:

You’ve done a great job capturing the common disasters of adolescent relationships...both with friends and boyfriend/girlfriends. I also like where you’ve started the story...after the ‘events’ that we all recognize from the novels. The only danger of that is skipping over all of the past relationship development.

As with all of your stories, you have a knack for conversation and your dialogue flows and reads very naturally - there aren’t any forced conversations and you’ve captured the style of language well, making it flow easily and stay believable.

I have some general cc for this chapter which you can consider:

You start the story with Lily being upset with a ‘mystery event’ that happened earlier in the day and then with a series of unfortunate events to cap off the terrible no-good very bad day. The perception that I had as a reader was that the ‘mystery event’ was the most traumatic thing to happen to her - and then later we find out that it was Severus apologizing. I think this could be introduced sooner in the chapter rather than build up the whole time to the reveal when she’s talking to Edric. Also, because we don’t have the backstory - what happened in the months after the ‘mudblood’ incident - it was hard to understand where Lily is coming from: why can’t she forgive him? Why is she so vexed that she’ll start a fake relationship with James just to cause him pain? What does she hope to gain from it?

The relationship with Oliver seems disposable and is almost comical it how it doesn’t affect her at all. Some of the thoughts I had in my head as I was reading: How long had she been seeing him? Did she just date him to tick off Snape? Wouldn’t Snape have been trying to break them up?

A minor word choice recommendation: “‘What’s gotten into her?’ Meg asked when she thought Lily was out of earshot. She paused on the stairs to listen.” Clarify that this is out of sight...but not out of earshot since Lily can continue to hear the conversation.

Typo: The student’s obliged (remove apostrophe)

More thoughts from this chapter: In the introduction you pointed out that this is a story about Snape and James and Lily, but so far, Snape has already been ‘shut out’ of the narrative. I’m wondering how Snape plays into the story from here on out. Lily is obviously the main character, but how is she going to struggle? What obstacles will we see her overcome?

Regardless of the cc, this is a great chapter and definitely supplies enough intrigue with Lily’s plot to befriend James to keep the reader interested. I’ll keep reading.


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Review #3, by pathfinder Prologue

31st March 2016:

It’s always a challenge to dive into a James-Lily-Severus story because everyone is so familiar with the tale - and so many others have chosen that for their own stories. So I applaud your courage to tackle this and find a way to make it your own.

I like your prologues - they really do a good job (especially for a WIP) telling the reader where you intend to go with the story and how you see the characters as an author. The way you’ve written this chapter really helps set the stage for the rest of the story and gives a glimpse about the future.

As for cc, I only have a couple of thoughts for you to consider as you go forward. The first is that it seems easy to hate Snape from the very beginning - to show him as a repulsive person, but I’m wondering if you could elaborate on why Lily liked him - she was friends with him for a reason.

Secondly, when you write about Snape’s thoughts: “She would finally see that there was nothing missing, she didn't need her sister, or her stupid mudblood friends.” It seems to me that Snape would know that Lily was herself a mudblood - and since he loves her (always has...always will) it would help to understand why he would use that term so loosely.

One more thought: “Only when he had steadied himself could he see that the bridge he had been standing on was never really there at all.” I’m wondering if Snape ever really feels that the bridge is completely gone. For example, when he goes to Voldemort for the first time, he made the deal so that he would be “rewarded” with Lily. I’m thinking this means he believed that he could still win her heart...even years later.

As usual, your prose is great and I couldn’t find any typos or word choice items. I like the tone you used (omnipotent narrator) as it gives the feel of sitting around a campfire and having someone tell you this story. I also like the attention you paid to how just a few words can change the path of someone’s life and legacy. Pretty powerful stuff!


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Review #4, by princesslily_36 Prologue

5th March 2016:
Hello Katie!

Ysh here from the forums for the HPFF review-a-thon!

Your AP was filled with so much Jily I felt like I was in my OTP heaven! I didn't know what to pick. Honestly! I was trying to go for variety in this Review-a-thon but you have tempted me too much!

The beginning was darn poetic! I loved how you brought in the two raven haired boys and pointed out the similarities and differences in them. I love the narrative you have employed here, like someone is setting the scene, and narrating the story - the words used were so casual and yet so potent.

The flow is amazing, and the way you have narrating the prologue, there seems to be a promise of something big, something much more! The shift to Lily's PoV from a narrator's PoV seemed a little off to me, but the overall effect was preserved so I wouldn't say it was entirely a negative.

This little peice just summed up the whole James - Lily - Snape situation upto the OWLs scene in just so few words, using emotions more than incidents. I absolutely enjoyed reading this!

Adding it to my currently reading list and hope to come back for more soon!


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Review #5, by Gryffin_Duck Descent

24th January 2016:
Hello again, SunshineDaisies! I'm here with your last review (well, unless you request again, which you are free to do!)

After reading the prologue I was excited to read this next chapter. As I mentioned in my last review, I really liked the prologue set up. The first two paragraphs of this chapter seemed to follow in the same style, although that dropped off after you delved into Lily's mind. I think it could work really well if you started every chapter in that style (which you might've already done).

I feel as if I really got a sense as to Lily's personality and what she's going through in this chapter. Her angst came across quite well and I could easily tell how torn up she was about Snape and James (and a bit torn up over Oliver as well). I did think it was terrible of Oliver to break up with her while she was late to class, though. Not a fan of him because of that. But it only added to Lily's angst, so it worked for the story.

What subject does Zimmermann teach? I got the sense that it's Charms, but you might want to edit in what he teaches somewhere.

I'd love to learn more about Lily's roommates. Even if you somehow worked in a random fact about each one of them I think the reader would feel a bit more attached to them.

Aww, James and Lily have declared a truce! Which means it's only a matter of time before they start falling for each other.

For purely selfish reasons, I'd love to see a bit more Remus. :D I definitely enjoyed this chapter. Feel free to request again! :)

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Review #6, by Gryffin_Duck Prologue

8th January 2016:
Hello, SunshineDaisies! I'm here with your requested review. I like the way you've set this up. The prologue is short, but filled with information. It drew me in immediately, with the comparison of the two boys.

I like how you gave an overview of the story within the prologue, but also provided necessary background information (such as how James and Snape were raised). I think the style of the prologue works very well and sets up what should be an intense story.

You've done a great job with characterization in a short amount of words, which is perfect for a prologue. I think the reader can already get a good sense of James, Snape, and Lily just from this first chapter. But you've also left me wanting more, which is good!

I'll talk more about the plot when I review the second chapter. But so far I think it's very well written! :)

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Review #7, by KLB1234 The Start of The Snow

24th December 2015:
Really enjoying this story. I think you write the characters really well, and I love the new characters that you have introduced. Keep it up :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! These characters are definitely some of my favorites and I love writing them, so you'll definitely see more of them.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #8, by cinder616 Gloom

19th October 2012:
I love this story. Google tells me you have another chapter, but it's still not showing up! It's been more than 2 weeks!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!

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Review #9, by malfoygirl101 Gloom

4th July 2012:
fantastic story! Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for the review!

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Review #10, by malfoygirl101 Prologue

4th July 2012:
this is a fantastic start! so great!

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for the review!

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Review #11, by AnnaKay A Pause

26th April 2012:
Poor Lily. I know she is doing what she thinks best, but it seems to really be bugging her, and quite a few people around her.

I think that this was a good chapter. You had a nice flow, and even though Lily really seemed OOC, it's because that's the way you wrote it. I think that it was really good.

You gave a good reason as to why Lily would act like that, and it helped give a feeling of good when the other characters noticed her acting strange. So good job there!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #12, by CloakAuror9 A Pause

9th April 2012:
Hey there!
Extreme apologies for taking forever to do the review! I really just don't know what it going on with my life right now. Ugh.

I adore Lily, I honestly do, but right now she is being a terrible person and it is not acceptable anymore because she knows that what she is doing is wrong. She is keeping James' up when clearly she doesn't want anything to do with him. She's just doing it to make Severus jealous, and I am not happy with this.

Like she's hitting two birds with one stone really, though maybe she didn't mean to hit the other one, but she's going to end up doing it anyway. I think what we learnt from this chapter is that Lily is really smart when it comes to academic stuff, but when it comes to relationships...well yeah, she's not the smartest knife in the drawer.

Sorry for that! I don't mean to hate her! I seriously love her, I really do, but sometimes her character just irritates me.

Your chapter is really great, especially in length! Dear me, how could you write something like that?! I really like the way you're characters aren't all 'Aww! Its so cute you're talking to James now!" like...normal people don't do that.

Normal people wonder why someone is suddenly talking to someone after years of not even having a civil-not-threatening-conversation, and thankfully your characters did so you deserve a pat on the back for that! *pat-on-the-back*

The only thing I would like to see is James' take on what's happening. I mean sure he's happy about this, but doesn't he wonder about why Lily is suddenly talking to him.mhm.

CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: THREE YEARS LATER. I'm sorry for not responding to this! I have no idea what happened. But I'm glad you enjoyed it, even if Lily is a bit irritating. Thank you for your feedback!

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Review #13, by Sapphire_Skies Prologue

31st March 2012:
Interesting. I always think you have to judge prologue’s slightly differently to an opening chapter as they are much more designed to hook and lay the foundations of a story. I think you did it in a fairly interesting way here, and I wonder what the style is like in the following chapters, because while I think it works here, as an introduction, I don’t think it would work as the main narrative of a story. At times I thought things were a little too ambiguous, like you were trying to make up the word count by filling it with little descriptive sentences that when you got down to it, didn’t really mean very much. However, generally, the style worked.

You asked about characterisation. We don’t really see much here from anyone aside from Snape, and even then, you’re telling us a lot of things about him, rather than showing, which I think you could have probably saved for your main story. In regards to the portrayal of Snape, I think you both hit and missed. I think Snape would want Lily to realise ‘how powerful he was, how he could create spells to bring grown men to their knees (or string them up by their ankles), but I don’t think he’d think it was inevitably going to happen. If he did, I think he’d be a lot more confident, self-assured and a lot less jealous of James. If he was so sure, why would he worry that Lily would find someone else attractive? I also disagree with this part,

‘One thought his blood made him superior to others. (He would be proved wrong). He used whatever type of magic he wanted, no matter how dark it was, and would do anything to have his way. He was selfish, rude, and mean.’

Personally, I really don’t think it’s Snape. To start with, Snape is a half-blood, and there is no evidence that his mother was a Pureblood, so even if he did want to think his blood made him superior, there would be other children from fully Pureblood families who would put him in his place.

What I do like, though, is the way you talk about the deterioration in Snape and Lily’s relationship, especially in contrast to what you say Snape is thinking, and I also like the way you refer to Snape calling Lily a Mudblood as making his choice. A good way to describe the situation in not very many words.

Something that I thought jarred the flow of the prologue, though, was the jump to talking about Lily at the end. I had been enjoying your thoughts on Snape and then all of a sudden, that stopped and Lily took over. It almost felt as though you had written two prologues and forgotten to delete the one at the end.

However, your spelling and grammar are good, as are most of your choice of words in your sentences (there were a few places where I thought an extra word could give added meaning to a sentence, and I think you’ve misunderstood what ‘toeing the line’ means). I enjoyed reading this, it was a good beginning and I’m intrigued to read the rest of the story.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your insights! I'll keep them in mind as I revise and continue the story!

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Review #14, by Ravenclaw_Charm Descent

30th March 2012:
Awesome second chapter! I really enjoyed reading it! :D Now, onto the areas of concern:

Grammar: Just simple grammatical errors that you've might've overlooked. "Stair case" should be "staircase;" there should be commas after years; I caught one or two run-on sentences; and I noticed a lot of misused punctuation in your dialogue. Just skim it over before you post, and you should catch most of these :)

Plot: Nothing wrong here! You've established all of Lily's relationships in this chapter, which is great :) I love the way the chapter ended, with Lily and James becoming friends. I can't wait to see where this leads! I also really enjoyed reading about the paper war in Zimmerman's class; it made me laugh haha :) In addition, adding the breakup where you did was perfect - it just added fire to the flames and started off the chapter just right.

Flow: Nope, no problems here! Just smooth sailing! ;) Your writing style is brilliant!

Characterization: No problem here either :D I absolutely love all your characters and how you describe them (even Oliver, haha)! My absolute favorites have to be Edric and Eliza. They're like the ultimate best friends: they always know what to say, do, or think to make Lily feel better. Zimmerman reminds me of one of my favorite teachers at school, so I hope to see more of him in future chapters; he's like the perfect teacher: chill yet strict. James is...James. You've done a great job characterizing him as well. We can obviously see how in love he is with Lily and that he'd do anything for her - but we've also seen him act childishly (the paper-throwing), so that gives us a good idea where he is maturity-wise. We know he grows up a lot between year 6 and 7 (from JKR's writing) and that's why Lily finally goes out with him. So it'll be fun to watch him mature and see how Lily will fall for him. (Or, at least, that's what I'm hoping for :D) Lily's character is fun to read, and she's exactly that red-headed, brave, intelligent girl JKR envisioned - awesome job! My favorite lines from this chapter has to be:

"Miss Evans!" McGonagall had paused her lecture, Lily immediately returned to her forward facing position, "Is there something more interesting about Mr. Potter than what I have to teach you?"

"No, Professor," Lily responded, "Not at all."

So excellent job on your second chapter! :D Thank you for re-requesting!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a detailed review! I'll try to watch my grammar while I'm writing, but I have to admit, commas and the like are definitely not my strong suit.

I'm glad you enjoyed it! It's always nice to be told I'm doing a good job! :)

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Review #15, by CloakAuror9 Descent

30th March 2012: you told me that you wanted Chapter Two reviewed as well so here I am! :P

That was such a bittersweet chapter. I have read about Snape and Lily's fight so many times, but every time I heart just gets torn up into millions of tiny pieces. Its so sad! But its Snape's fault anyway...should've never let his tongue slipped. -.-

I must admit, I was quite shocked by the length of the chapter...compared to the first one this is like five times longer than it normally yeah..was a bit surprised. :P

The pace was also quite fast, personally, I don't think Lily would become friends ever so quickly with James like that after years and years of hate on him, but on another side I think its reasonable enough because Lily is a very forgiving yeah..I'm in the in-between. xD

Overall, again a well done chapter and I just love this story!

Green With Envy 2012,
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review this! I really appreciate it, and I'm glad you're enjoying it!

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Review #16, by CloakAuror9 Prologue

30th March 2012:

*ten minutes later*

Okay...I calmed down now. So sorry for that introduction, your story was just too amazing and I literally sat here in front of the computer for a minute of two thinking 'Is it just me or is did some unicorn sneeze all over her work and made it so magical?'

That was. so. so. so. amazing. Jeez! Amazing doesn't even cover it. Like...that was THE BEST first chapter of a story I have ever read in my entire lifetime. Oh my gosh...I am awesomeness metre just broke down. Holy sheesh.

Oh my gosh...I am so sorry for the unhelpful review, but this is literally THE BEST ever. Omg. I can't even breathe properly. So amazing...super...just absolutely wonderful.

Why does this have seven reviews? This needs a gazillion more! Oh My Rowling...phew! I seriously love the story. I really like the way you described and compared Severus and James. I like the way you mentioned their flaws and didn't make it sound as bad as it was. I don't know why, but it feels likes fairies sprinkled some fairy dust on your story and made it so fantastic.

This fantastic. Omg. Your story is too high quality to be rated :P I'll give you a 10/10 though...but only because the rating thingy doesn't go any higher. :(

Green With Envy 2012,
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: This actually made my entire week. :D Thank you so much! I'm very glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #17, by WeepingWillows A Pause

28th March 2012:
Plot: Once again your plot is just fine and I am really thoroughly enjoying this story. I love the flow of the story and I just love your style. My favorite part of this chapter was everyone being shocked about Lily and James becoming friends and I just loved how Meg gave Lily a hug after practice because James cut practice short.

Characterization: Is great! The flow of the characters is nicely and I think that you write Lily very well!

10/10 :) Can't wait for an update so that we can see what happens next!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! It means a lot to know that you enjoy reading this! :)

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Review #18, by WeepingWillows Descent

28th March 2012:
Plot: The plot and the flow of this chapter is just perfect. Your writing style is excellent. I really enjoyed the paper fight and I just loved how Lily's friends were trying to guess who was it who had her so worked up and their reaction when they realized she was mostly overall upset about Snape. I enjoyed the interaction with James and Lily at the beginning of the chapter and how they came to the truce!

Characterization: Characterization is perfect as well! I feel like I can actually hear them talking and your characters are just so real! I am really into this story so far :) And I can't wait to continue reading! Its such a good read. 10/10 so far :)

Author's Response: Telling me my characters are real is probably the greatest compliment you can give me. I try so hard to make the dialogue sound natural and for the characters to seem realistic, so it's so nice to hear that it's working.

Thank you so much for reviewing!

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Review #19, by WeepingWillows Prologue

28th March 2012:
What a great way to start the story! And I loved your writing style for the prologue. It made the reader (or at least me!) More curious to find out about what's about to happen. So far the flow of the story is excellent!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad the prologue is serving its purpose in making you interested!

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Review #20, by Deltaris A Pause

28th March 2012:
Lily's dry sense of humor is captivating.

Her logic is certainly upside down, though. Being friends with James to anger Snape? Honestly, it's something that I can completely see her doing. I know too many people who have done this; heck, I've done this. It's a terrible thing, but makes complete sense at the time. (And, it helps that we know it works out alright, for the most part. Disregarding the fact that they all die.)

I want to comment on the length. It's fantastic, really. The prologue was shorter than these past chapters, but that is expected from a prologue. I always have a heard time writing a chapter with ~4/5k words, but find that they are definitely (when written well, as yours) much more captivating to read, draw me in more.


Author's Response: I'm glad you thinking Lily's actions are realistic, even if the logic is a little off. That's the point though, isn't it? She's letting her emotions get the best of her, and when that happens, you don't always make the best decisions. It happens.

As for the length, I'm glad you like it! People have said they're too long, so it's good to know that you're enjoying them. :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to review this!

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Review #21, by Deltaris Descent

28th March 2012:
This was amazing. I love the paper fight in class, I can completely see that happening at some point. And, it was a wonderful way to ease the tension of the chapter, something light and fun to counteract the turmoil of Lily's emotions in this.

Lily seems so real, so human in this. I think we've all been where she is now; the build up of frustration and emotion just breaking loose all at once. It was well written, and Edric and Eliza are just what Lily needed at that moment. I love people like them, the people close enough with you to know that sometimes you just need to cry and then change the subject.

"In the fireplace, the last of the embers extinguished itself." Brilliant use of imagery! It's like the clock running out on the time Lily has to take back her offer.

I adore your writing style, too. How a story is written tells just as much as the words used to write it, you know what I mean?


Author's Response: People comment on the paper fight a lot, and it's strange because I really didn't put that much thought into it. I'm glad it worked out.

I'm so glad Lily is coming across well. I was so worried about her! It's so relieving to know that people like the way I'm writing her.

I do know what you mean! I'm a firm believer in it, and I'm so glad that you think I'm doing it well. :)

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Review #22, by Deltaris Prologue

28th March 2012:
I'm very glad you requested this.

I'm a huge fan of the way this is written. The 'there once were two boys' is very reminiscent of how old fairy tales and legends are written. The Lily/Snape/James story is one of those legends that will stand forever in the hearts of HP fans everywhere.

The comparisons between James and Severus show just how different they are at the core of their beings. And just how similar they are; their lives will be equally ruled and ruined by the love of one woman.

I'm very interested to read the rest of this :)


Author's Response: Oh, Thank you!

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I tried really hard to get it to sound just right. I'm so glad it came across! Thank you so much for the review!

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Review #23, by Ravenclaw_Charm Prologue

26th March 2012:
What an awesome way to start off a story :)
You have provided an excellent background to work off of. Don't change this chapter, seriously. Sometimes direct characterization can be dull and annoying, but here you wrote it well. I see no problem with the plot - although since we already know James and Lily's story (and you've already told us how it ends), you will really need to spice up your chapters to keep readers hooked. But other than that, I see nothing wrong with this. Keep writing! I would love to do more reviews for you on this story :D

Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I hope you the next chapters are up to par with it! Thank you so much for taking the time to review!

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Review #24, by ScorpiusRose17 A Pause

25th March 2012:
Hi there!

I really liked this chapter!

I thought you did a wonderful job characterizing Lily and James and their friends. I really liked how it showed them as friends, but Lily kind of felt like she had to hold back some. I also thought you did a great job showing the characterization of Slughorn and Severus. Slughorn with that turn my eyes and look the other way attitude and Severus being upset.

I thought the flow was great along with the pace of the chapter. I didn't notice any typos/spelling/grammar errors or odd senetnces. I can't wait to find out what is going to happen next!

Keep up the great work! =)


Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad you enjoyed my characterization! I'm always so worried about it. Thank you so much for taking the time to review! I really appreciate it!

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Review #25, by AnnaKay Descent

14th March 2012:
I liked this chapter as well! Reading it was a bit of a bite. I think it drug just a little bit, but it wasn't so bad!

I think that you did a really great on this chapter. Again using the first chapter which was a great start, you added more body, more depth to your characters, which turned out really nicely!

I think you did a great job, and I really loved it.

Author's Response: Thank you! Apparently this chapter is long. I am sort of used to reading close to 100 page chapters on fics, so I didn't even realize how long it was! I hope it was too boring! I'll try to tone them down a bit in the future. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for taking the time to review!

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