Reading Reviews for Grapefruit
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by rogovjm Encounter

9th April 2012:
So cute! I just wanted to point out that you have a few mispellings at the beginning. "You don't make it sound as good as Fred and George do" was one because it said is instead if it. They were just little things but I wanted to point them out.
-J.

Author's Response: Thanks for the note! I'll be sure to check it out!

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Review #2, by ariellem Encounter

2nd April 2012:
Ron nodded along with a friendly grin, Youre very odd.
Luna smiled to herself then gazed at Ron, I know.

^ This was so cute! I knew it picked the right story to review when I saw this one. :)

Author's Response: Aww, thanks. Happy you liked it, and thanks for the review.

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Review #3, by Cassius Alcinder Encounter

24th March 2012:
Review tag!

This was a very nice story. I remember it was a minor mention in the book that Luna's house was near the Burrow, so it's entirely probable that they probably did meet at some point before starting at Hogwarts.

The characterization was very good, Ron and Luna seemed exactly how I would picture them at that young age. I also liked how you managed to include some Percy pretentiousness and some Fred/George mischief. Good job!

Author's Response: WooHoo! Glad you liked my little Ron and Luna. And a pre-hogwarts story wouldn't be complete with out the twins lol. Thank you so much for the review! :D

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Review #4, by thesinandthesinner Encounter

19th January 2012:
Or be a pixie trainer. I hear they are pretty popular these days. Best line I've come across in a while. I really enjoyed how your wrote little Ron. Good job!

Author's Response: Aww lol, thank you! I had to add something funny.

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Review #5, by Beeezie Encounter

6th January 2012:
Hey, this is Beeezie here with your review for participating in the Seven Deadly Sins challenge! :)

This was a really sweet story. I thought that you captured both Ron and Luna really well; Ron seemed appropriately awkward and confused, and Luna seemed a lot like I'd imagine Luna to be as a child - intelligent and perceptive, but completely lost in her own world. When she asked Ron to help her look for nargles, I giggled, because I can completely see young Luna in particular doing that. The way she kind of talked around what nargles are rather than saying it straight out was also perfect, especially for a conversation with a very young Ron.

The only thing that seemed problematic about this story for me was your dialogue formatting. If a dialogue tag (he said, she asked, I whined, etc) directly follows a section of dialogue, there should never be a period between the two - it should be a comma, question mark, or exclamation point. Additionally, no matter what the punctuation mark you choose is, the dialogue tag should never be capitalized.

So, for example, the end of the first paragraph should have read, "I'm a shoe in if you ask me," the curly haired ginger said. The beginning of the sixth paragraph should have read, And whoever said that little Ron would want a hoity toity Ministry job?" interrupted Fred. There's a really great article on dialogue in the grammar guidelines area of the forums for a quick brush up if you need it.

Sweet story. Thank you so much for participating; I really enjoyed your entry! :)

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it!
About the dialogue formatting stuff, that bit has always been a bit awkweird for me (i'm not sure it was ever actually explained to me the right way) so thank you!


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Review #6, by madkatrob01 Encounter

14th November 2011:
Tag! Aw, this story is very cute and you got the characters spot on. Other than a few typos, this was a good. I love how they meet, and I could definitely see this happening in canon. Great story! :)

-madkatrob01

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! Glad you liked it! :D

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Review #7, by Jenna822 Encounter

8th November 2011:
This was quite cute. I liked how you used the characters as being youngsters, just having a nice calm conversation. It's nice to read non-romance stories sometimes. I think you portrayed the characters very well, from Percy to the twins, as well as Ron and Luna. I'm not sure what "or I'll brain you" means. Is that a British term for something?

I like the way you used the grapefruit. It seemed very Luna-esque. You had a good deal of grammatical errors and in the third paragraph, you said "thinks" where I believe that you meant "things". Also the dialogue was very formal, don't be afraid to use contractions or speak your lines aloud.

I really enjoyed your story and thank you for entering the challenge! :) --Jenna

Author's Response: It was very different for me to write, just because they are children with a no romance plot (partly cuz I don't see that ship at all) But I'm very happy that they were close enough portrayals.
You don't know that means? Lol, im not sure what the correct explanation for it is and im not sure its British, but I think its something along the lines of getting smacked upside the head. :D
I'm not to surprised by the grammar, cuz its not my strong point. I don't mind to much as long as the story comes through. :D I think part of the lack of contractions and causality is because I got reprimanded for it once in a very early review and that sorta stuck with me. Lol.
Anyway, thank you so much for making this challenge, I really enjoyed writing it and am glad you enjoyed reading it! :D


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Review #8, by marissa lily potter Encounter

14th October 2011:
Hey there, marissa lily potter here with your review!

I noticed that over here "Ton approached her" I think you meant to say "Ron" instead of "Ton" but that was the only grammatical error I could spot. Other than that, your story was fine, grammar and punctuation wise.

This was a very cute story. I found it adorable. The introduction was perfect and you got the characters' personalities very right! I loved how you introduced the story with the boys talking about Hogwarts.

The story moved at a very good pace and I liked how you introduced Luna Lovegood into the picture. I think she's adorable and even as a nine year old, she was still the Luna we know and love. Over all, great work with this story!

-marissa lily potter

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! It's so sweet! And totally fixed the error, thank you again. I'm so glad you liked Luna!

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Review #9, by Woodrow Rynne Encounter

2nd October 2011:
Hey, I've joined this challenge too, and I must say you did a very good job! :)

My favourite part was the characterisation; I loved that Ron and Luna actually acted like young kids. Also, the characters of Fred and George were so spot on; I couldn't stop grinning :P

One thing though- Ron and Luna didn't meet until the fifth year, right? I mean that's what JK implied; but it's very possible that Ron forgot about it- so very like him.

A few typos I spotted- "You dont make is sound as good as Fred..." It should be "make *it*", right?

Also, somewhere in the middle- you mistyped Ron as Ton. Very minor mistakes; I'm sure you'll spot them at once. :)

I must say it was a very cute one-shot. I loved the last sentence. It was an interesting plot idea. Overall, I really enjoyed this well written piece :)

Author's Response: Dang typo's! Thank you for catching them! (its not my area of expertise) :)
I kinda figured that he might have met her as a child since they were sort of neighbors; and that when they met in fifth its really Harry meeting her. (but idk lol, I need to re-read them :D)
Anywho thank you so much! I am really glad you liked it!! I do my best to keep the characters in... well, character. ;)


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Review #10, by lizmusic45 Encounter

28th September 2011:
Ok...Ron and Luna this is a very different ship, but I have to give you credit I think you did this very nicely.

I thought you wrote Luna wonderfully, and she is a very hard person to write. So I'm giving you credit on that.

All in all I think you wrote it quite nicely :)

Lizzie

Author's Response: My thoughts exactly, I have no idea what made me think of these two to write, lol.
And thank you, I think Luna is so hard just because she is so much her own person, even as a little girl. Thank you so much for your reviews!


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Review #11, by LunarLuna Encounter

26th September 2011:
This was cute!^^

I think Ron's, Percy's, Luna's and the Weasley twins' characterisations where really good, and realistic. Molly might be a little off, but, since she's not very present in the fic, I don't think that`s really a problem!^^

I also really like how the characters seem their age. I mean, I've read stories where ten year olds act like they're 12, and even more so when they act like seven year olds!

You seem to have a nice balance in the age, and all in all a really sweet, cute little story!^^

Author's Response: Thank you! I always worry so much about the characterizations, especially on characters like those since they are the ones people tend to comment on.
I'm glad they seem to act their age, I am around kids enough that I should know how they are lol :) Thank you so much for the review, and sorry it took me so long to get to it.


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