That was really good. An interesting take on on a character who I haven't seen a lot about. Well done.Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
This was really good! Interesting and such! I'd never thought to ever write this, or even think about reading it! It was really good and the repetition made it even more strong.
Mike.Author's Response: well, I'm flattered that you chose to read this, then :) Report Review
I'm here with the review I promised for your participation and submission for the "One Challenge to Rule Them All!" Let me start by saying that I haven't read anything from the perspective of Helena Ravenclaw before, but I really love how you've portrayed her and the way you've chosen to narrate this story. So much is revealed about her character by the way that you've portrayed her feelings about her own actions and the conversations she shares with others, and in a way it's a very unique insight into the life of a ghost as well.
I particularly like how you've opened this piece, which immediately alerted the reader to how she came to be at Hogwarts despite the fact she died in a forest in Albania, that and how she gradually accepts her role in everything that happened. The line: " I had stolen my motherís diadem. I had run to Albania. I had refused the baron, and paid with my life. I had come back and searched for the diadem for four hundred years, and failed. I had helped Tom Riddle become Lord Voldemort. I had helped Harry Potter. I had fulfilled my destiny to protect Hogwarts." Really summed it all up for me, having it growing over the course of the story was a really great way of showing how things were changing and she was growing as a character. While there were a few spelling mistakes they were nothing entirely major and could be fixed up with a quick beta.
Another of the things that I really liked about this was the fact that it told us about her, and her role in everything, the focus was always on her, and how she impacted the events that unfolded and her attempts to change things when she could do very little as a ghost. I really loved how you also had the focus on her name being her identity, because really she was just the "Grey Lady" until the final book, when really she was so much more. This was really well written and very interesting, well done and keep up the great work!
(P.S: The challenge results shall be posted in a blog shortly, so keep an eye out for it!)Author's Response: Oh wow, long review! I'm glad you liked it, I'm very proud of this one-shot:)
I'll keep an eye out for the challenge results! Report Review
First, things you did right:
It's a really interesting viewpoint you chose, and you characterised Helena as an interesting and multi-faceted person: her guilt, how difficult it was for her to love, how she felt overshadowed. You really developed her as a character, which is unusual in one-shots, but very good all the same.
It was also really great how you put her POV into the conversation with Harry, and thought of how something completely different must have been going on in her head as opposed to what she was saying.
There were only a couple of little things in this one-shot I wasn't so sure about...
I think the character of Voldemort could have been a little less informal, even though he was a teenager. I also think you could have maybe made him more of a dominant person, and emphasised how she may have been a little apprehensive or fearful of him.
Overall, I loved this story and think you're a really great writer. You created a compelling twist for a minor but influential character, great job :)Author's Response: Oh, man, first review for Helena.
I tried to really think about what she was thinking. I mean, there was obviously a backstory that Jo doesn't explain. Being a ghost, she has to have had a lot of experiances that were good and bad.
In her conversation with Harry, I had already written out what Helena's character was, and when I wrote the conversation with Harry, I just stuck to her character, which was that she was...well, really guilty and reluctant to trust people in general.
Writing Voldemort, even as a teenager, was difficult. How do you write someone so evil and heartless? I didn't make him to dominant because when I read over Harry's conversation with Helena, she said that he had flattered her, and obviously not tried to force her to give him the information about the diadem.
Thanks for reviewing! It really makes my day =)
~Delia Report Review
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