Hi, there! Making a stop on your author's page for the Review Battle!
For some reason, I had never considered the possibility that Hermione might have waited for many years to go find her parents after the war. To me, it seemed like something she would have done straight away if she was ever going to do it. But the way that you built her up in this piece, the incredible guilt that she carried for the act of erasing herself from their lives, made it make sense. She understands the reasons why she did it, but that only seems to assuage half of her guilty conscience.
I loved the way that you set the scene for the piece and showed the various reasons why this hurts her so much. The comment about their grandchildren -- who I assume are Rose and Hugo -- makes it sting even a bit more. If she's able to bring them back, I can't imagine how difficult it's going to be to help them recover what they've lost.
You have a real knack for writing Hermione. This really sounded like her, with all of the preparation and planning that went into sending her parents away her precise memories of doing what she felt like she had to do.
I thought your writing was excellent in this. I didn't see any typos or grammatical problems and everything flowed really nicely. Well done!Author's Response: I'm really glad that you like this piece. I reworked it so many times to try to get it read right. I am really happy with where it ended up. I approached this piece as though, she had tried in the past to get them back but for some reason she couldn't reverse the spell. I'm not sure that comes through very clear though. I'm really glad you enjoyed this piece! Thanks for the review! Report Review
Quite an improvement over the original text (though I did enjoy it that way too :P) So I'll try to give you a comparative review rather than a fresh perspective.
I liked the new perspective of the story, Hermione looking back on it, it seems more fluid than before. It feels smoother too. It felt a little juddery originally but it runs better now.
Don't like that she's with Ron. I don't care if it's canon, I just don't buy it :P
I like the emotion Hermione goes through, and you can clearly feel the pain in her actions. She has to make the choice between what is right, and what is easy.
I think my favourite part though is the ending line, I want to find them. So good, I almost can't believe she left them there so long before going back, but it adds so much depth to the overall story.
I think its a very good change from the original and I know at least one person who prefers it this way. A very good job, Kalkay.
~TyrannicFeenix~Author's Response: I'm sorry that you don't like the canon but I'm fairly stern when it comes to that and I don't see her with Harry. Sorry bud.
I really like this change and am happy with it. I wanted to set it in the future because I wanted to have her look back on it with a different sense than she would've directly after the war. I think that she would've found them much sooner than this though.
Thank you for reviewing the changes! I'm glad that you enjoyed it (mostly). Report Review
Quite an interesting tale you weave there young miss. Full of intrigue and suspense. But also a good look at a scared little girls (possible) last moments with her parents. Also knowing that should she never return, it was she who deprived them of their little girl, not whoever pulled the trigger.
I quite liked it, the first time I read it (a few days back, sorry can't not review it now) and it was still a delightful read the second time through.
Two minor mistakes I noticed:
I whipped away the stray tear" sounds like it should be wiped to me, though maybe I'm wrong there
"getting everything ready for dinner" not read
"as my parents met my eyes" rather than meet
Overall, not as disastrous as you seem to want to make it out to be. I think it is quite good. Now off to the tea then the other chapters before you rise.
TyrannicFeenixAuthor's Response: I'm glad that you enjoyed it and took your time to review. Report Review
This was such a perfect use of the phrase! Excellent job! Thanks for your participation, sorry this took awhile, but the winners will be posted in the Hall of Fame soon.Author's Response: Can't wait! I'm glad you enjoyed it, this was a fun challenge. I just wish I would've found it sooner. :) Report Review
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