Reading Reviews for Foot Prints.
  
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Aether Keeping Secrets.

21st May 2012:
Good fourth chapter. I like that there is more dialogue. I feel this story could be more interesting if you were to break it up with different moods or with bits of humor. Even Shakespeare, used comedic scenes to break up the depressing/dramatic bits. Having a bunch of sad, angsty scenes does characterize Seamus's state of mind but it doesn't really pull me into this story.

Also, something I recently read was that writers should use less monologues. Readers prefer action, and the writer should be able to give all the same description within the actions of some character.

Anyway, this review sounds really critical, on inspection. But these are just some suggestions I thought of while reading. Overall, I think you have a great idea for a story here, and you are a good writer. I don't see any obvious spelling or grammar errors. Sorry for the ridiculous wait! :)

Aether

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Review #2, by Aether Letting Go.

21st May 2012:
I think it's really cool that you're including George in this story! I've never thought of it, but it's nice to see him returning to Hogwarts now that Fred is gone.

I think you might have been better off identifying George straight off the bat. Also, at this point he's less of a boy and more of a man.

Great story! It's a lot of angst, but I think that it's warranted. I'm enjoying this so far. Reading on...

Aether

Author's Response: I am currently under-going a construction for this story, and will definitely take your review into consideration when going over it :)

Thank you for your CC, It always helps :)

~Karni,


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Review #3, by Aether Understanding.

21st May 2012:
Great beginning! It sets up this story as being dramatic and angsty. Also, I'm intrigued by Seamus Finnegan. I don't think I've ever read a story centered around him. This chapter really gives a sense of how stuck he is, sort of buried beneath his sorrow and pain. I feel that not giving his name until the end left me confused, thereby interfering with the flow of the story. But, I think maybe I just have something personal against stories that hold off on character names. It seems to be a popular device on HPFF nowadays.

I'm so sorry for taking so long to review! Actually, you requested a review from me on September of last year. I had to abandon my thread for a while because of college. Anyway, great start to the story! I look forward to reading on...

Aether

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Review #4, by atellam Letting Go.

4th February 2012:
And i'm back for chapter two. Unfortunatly I won't be able to review the other two chapters tonight, so just pop by and re-request if you want them done :) Anyway, onto the review!

First of all, this chapter was far easier for me to read/enjoy because of the dialogue. I really liked that, and while there wasn't an overload of it, I do believe it helped the chapter immensely.

Having George in this scene was surprising, but pleasantly so. He provided the 'kick up the butt' that Seamus needed as he had his own perspective to provide. While our Irish friend still appears to be far from okay, he's now on his way there and this scene helped set that tone well.

Characterisation was good again, although I hope Dean makes an appearance soon; one, because i've always loved his character (:P) and two, because it will be interesting to see how he's coping with this loss as well.

Pacing and flow where fine, as again, this really was just one scene, but yeah, good job :)

Don't have much to say in regards to CC, other than that again, commas could have been used in places. Though, if you disregard that, well done :)

Keep up the writing, and I hope you re-request/found this helpful in someway, haha
- Adele :)

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Review #5, by atellam Understanding.

3rd February 2012:
Wow, still wrapping my head around this; it was rather intense.

Okay, phew. This was more of a prologue than anything else, but that's fine. I can already see the emotional difficulties Seamus will have to overcome through-out the story and it's an interesting take on his character, as opposed to the happy-go-lucky Irish boy. Either way, i find it interesting and original. So yeah, what i'm trying to say is that characterisation was really good.

Pacing and flow were fine, especially as this was more of a prologue to help establish the scene for the rest of the story.

Imagery was excellent, as you really got a feel for the turmoil that Seamus is experiencing through the death of his friend.

Overall, an intense start, and i'm interested to see where this goes. A few places where a comma could have been used, but overall this was good.

Keep up the writing, looking forward to more,
- Adele :)

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Review #6, by louise_loves_hp Understanding.

23rd December 2011:
Hey there MyMyMiss
This is great I love the feels that Seamus has and I can really feel them. The way you worded these emotions to very powerful, I am close is crying with the sorrow that is bough forward. I like the way the you explain the blame but you also in this chapter gave enough to get in hocked into the OC so that I have this want to find out who she is. But also want to see how Seamus goes for here.
Merry Christmas
From your Secret Santa

Author's Response: Hi!
Naw thank you sooo much!!! I am sorry I almost made you cry :/ x
I am glad you can feel the emotion that Seamus has and how much that girl meant to him.
Thank you so much for being a lovely secret santa :hugg:
Thankyou!
Merry Be-lated christmas too you too.
~Karni, x


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Review #7, by Jakumo1 Keeping Secrets.

28th November 2011:
Will you be writing more for this story? :-3

Author's Response: I will be :)
It's just taking me a little longer than expected ^_^
I'm about to go back into a few years back to when they all meet :)
So keep an eye out for the next chapter ^_^
x


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Review #8, by adluvshp Letters of Sorrow.

14th November 2011:
OMG Karni you make me tear up :(

I loved this chapter though. It was so beautifully written. The pain, the angst, as always, came off so well. I loved Karni's letter too - the way you incorporated the situation was really good, I never thought of that when I actually gave out the situation. I think you've done an amazing job with this. I truly felt touched reading this.

A brilliant piece of writing deserving 10/10

Love && Hugs
~ Angie xxx

P.S. If this were an entry for my challenge, it would have been one of the winners :D

Author's Response: nawww angie your too nice :)
Thank you so much fo lovely review, and Im sorry I couldn't get it into your challenge in time, maybe next time eh ^_^ xx

~Karni. xx


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Review #9, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Keeping Secrets.

14th November 2011:
Ugh! You made me cry, not cool, it's too early in the morning for me to be crying. Seriously didn't know what to expect when I first started reading this. I thought it would be filled with angst, angry emotions that would make my heart beat in my chest rapidly, worried about Seamus, that he would be in Azkaban, wasting away.

You create such wonderful OC's. Skylar was a wonderful addition to the story, the ending was perfect, the entire chapter was so painful yet beautiful to read. I'm afraid to find out what's going to happen next because Seamus just keeps experiencing so many painful events and he's dealing with such painful memories. Excellent job, update whenever you can.

Author's Response: And yor back ^_^ Oh I feel so flattered ^_^
I am so, so , sorry I made you cry. I honestly had no intentions of making anyone cry and I am terribly sorry!! *hands another tissue*

I wanted it to appear that I was talking about Azkaban ^_^
So I am pleased you picked up on that ^_^ and I would never, in my entire live let Seamus Finnigan rot away in a place as horrid as that. I would be the first to save him ^.^

Naww, you flatter me too much! I am glad you liked this chapter and you enjoy reading about my OC :)
Poor Seamus, actually the next few chapters that I add will be from years 1 - 7 so they will be infront of Keeping Secrets and Letters of sorrow ;) So keep an eye out for them :) x
Thank you so much for another awesome review ^.^

~Karni. xx


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Review #10, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Letters of Sorrow.

14th November 2011:
Wow, I feel like I must be the worst reviewer on the site right now because that's all I can think of to say. It's so interesting how you incorporate this girl into the story, she's dead and yet I feel like I know so much about her, I know who she is and how she acts by the small amounts of information you gives us, the letter just really opened me up to who she was.

The ending was beautiful.

Author's Response: Wow, I think your an amazing reviewer, who is welcome at my stories anytime you like ^_^

Karni *hides from shame of using my nickname as girl in story, yet is nothing like me :P* is a very difficult character to incoperate into these chapters lol. :)
I don't find it particularaly easy explainging someone - in so much detail - through another persons eyes.
I am glad you liked yet another chapter in this little story ^_^
Thank you so much for reading ^_^ - again.

~Karni, x


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Review #11, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Letting Go.

14th November 2011:
Oh wow! I thought this was going to be a romance and I'm so glad it's not, it would take away from the true feeling of the story. This chapter was painful to read, I'll be honest, I have some tears threatening to come out of my eyes. I just, I never would have thought about it, the way you put it out there...about Fred and what George would have went through, how he would move on. This was one of my favorite parts:

The war has ended, people have moved on. Pieces of their lives are slowly being pieced back together. Yet, at the same time their lives are still this giant Jigsaw puzzle, you place that corner down and think your puzzle is complete, you're happy, you get this sensation at the bottom of your stomach that tingles with joy and excitement because your puzzle is perfect.

I LOVED this and what came after, but when I first read this part I took a deep breathe and just went, 'wow.' It was an excellent metaphor! I need to go read your other stories!

Author's Response: Hi ;D
Romance and me sort of don't palm out very well :P, but I thought me and angst didn't either, so who knows ;) lol.

I am sorry that you were on the verge of tears :/ I didn't mean to make anyone/you cry, *hands tissue* Sorry ^^

I actually ^^ To be honested, loved writing that part, I know this might sund stuck up, prude, and lots of others words ;) but I really thought it went well with the chapter ^_^
I really enjoyed writing that paragrpah and the paragraph after it :P

lol I actually thin you've nearly reviewed all of my stories ;) lol. x

Thank you so much hun :)_
~Karni. xx


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Review #12, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Understanding.

14th November 2011:
Wow! This was so heartwrenching and different! I have never read anything with Seamus or Dean before. But, a murderer, well, that's beyond anything I've ever thought of. You really hit the mark with the ending there, I literally felt a chill fill my entire body and my stomach dropped and then I screamed out, 'What!' Oh and I love repetition, love, love, love it! Especially when it's done right and you clearly did it right, loved it.

Author's Response: Well hello ^_^
Really? Seamus is my favourite of all character so you might find a lot of Seamus in a lot of my stories :P
His not actually a murderer ;)
But you'll find out why later. :P
I'm sorry you felt chilli :/ Oh thank you so much for your lovely comment ^_6 It made me smile.
But thank you in general for a wonderful ^^ and many more review ;) lol
Thank you!!
~Karni, xx


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Review #13, by adluvshp Keeping Secrets.

2nd November 2011:
Missy, you made me cry :( *wipes a tear*

This was so touching. Really. *sigh*

I loved this piece. It was so well-written. It's hard to believe that this is un-betaed. It is so good!! The narrative, the scene descriptions, it's so perfect. And omg the emotions were so raw, I felt them through. Gosh really I got tears in my eyes right now. This was a heartbreakingly beautiful piece dear.

Superb job!! 10/10

Love,
AD

Author's Response: Oh I am sorry, please do not cry... :)
Nawww thank you ^_^ *blushes*

Unbeta-ed, and its actually missing a lot of spelling words, :/ whoops, I best be sending this off as well...
Thank you so much hun, please don't cry!! :D

Thank you ^_^
~Love, karni. x


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Review #14, by Jen Keeping Secrets.

1st November 2011:
This is beautiful. Very sad and oh so heartfelt.
Your OC's are fabulous and I very much appreciate your interpretation of the Canon characters as well.

I am wondering what happened to chapter 3??? Is it mising, or was this labeled 4 in error?

Author's Response: Nawww ^_^ Thankyou!!
Umm no, Chapter 3 for the moment is missing, but I promise it will be up soon :)
OC's I find a lot easier to write about because we can make them up !! :D That's the best part about fan-fiction when its not canon!!

Thank you so much for your lovely review ^_^ x

~Karni, x


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Review #15, by Tonks32 Letting Go.

18th October 2011:
Wow this is GREAT!! I'm glad this story isn't some cheesy lovey fluff. Haha. Even though I do wish that it's a Seamus and hermione thing. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. Deal? :)

Author's Response: Nawww your beautiful ^_^ and that is so nice, there should be another chapter of this out tomorrow and then another two next week, so be on the look out ^_^
Sorry, but No it wont be too cheesy, but it's actually a drabble of like lots of little stories put into one, just with the same character, but it got a pretty much main plot line. :D x
There is a litttle, but very little, Seamus/Hermione stuff, but I write more Seamusn and Hermione in another story of mine ^_^

&& Deal ;) x


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Review #16, by Beeezie Understanding.

16th October 2011:
I found this is to be really chilling and creepy (but in a good way). I think that you depicted a kid first confronting and really dealing with death well - how when you're younger, it's much more abstract and you're much more self-centered, but as you get older and start to lose people you really care about, especially when you have something to do with it, it gets harder and much more real.

Great job! :)

Author's Response: Are you like raiding my page O.o or was this for the review tag thread? x :P lol

Thank you soo much!! I actually love this story, as it is all my littler stories piled into one. :D x Like all my challenges and stuff ^_^

Thank you so much for your review hunny bunch xx


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Review #17, by megan2u Letting Go.

2nd October 2011:
This is such an emotional take on my silly back to school challenge, and really caught me off guard. I never would've thought to set the plot following the Battle of Hogwarts, and I commend you for doing just that. Poor Seamus with all his guilt and emotions, it was interesting to see that George went back to Hogwarts following the war. So touching to see them both work through their sadness together. When George first entered the compartment, I was sure it was Dean (knowing how close Seamus and Dean were), so I hope they work out their issues in the coming chapters. Two small errors I found "determind" should be "determined", and "douln't" is "couldn't". Thanks again for participating in my challenge!

Author's Response: Yay!! judging! I love Judging!!!

I thank you very much for taken the time to read this!! and also for considering this an entry! I wanted to put this in here as i sort of needed it with the plot line and well Seamus returned to school, so i kinda flowed in with your challenge ^_^

Thank you for second place too ;)

Nope, not dean, tricked ya ;) lol They will indeed work out this issue, little devil Seamus is, how rude is he not talking to his frind for that long :?O

I wanted emotion in it as obviously it is stil sad that he lost his best friend!! x one of a few anyway :D x

Thank you so much for you challenge and your judging!! I look forward to your future challenges! x

~Karni. x


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Review #18, by adluvshp Letting Go.

23rd September 2011:
Hey Karni!!

Ah, I read this again and this is brilliant like I said before. You've done a great job writing this!

I don't know whether they skipped my notice while beta-ing or not, but I found a few errors (grammar):

1. "The thing that surprised us all, is not once did we ever get feelings for each other" - replace the "get" by develop.

2. In the continuity of the same sentence (above) you've misspelled Nothing as Nothng - correct it :)

3. "In honestly it still doesn't make all that much sense to me, but at the same time it did." - it should be "In all honesty,...

4. This one here ".showed me how much I had done and how many people I was hurtng, over such a small amount of time." would read much better (and less confusing) if you replace the "over" by "in".

5. "All I needed was too hear it from the right person" - the "too" should be "to".

Yup that's about it. They are kind of distracting, so I pointed them out. A quick edit could fix them :)

Apart from that, the overall writing was great. The flow was awesome and the narrative was superb.

Loved this!!

Cheers!
AD

Author's Response: ANGIEE1!

You know what i've done O.o i've erased your notes before adding it in *smack self here* I was re-reading it just then when I read your comment and I was like what a tool. I know where things should of been and there not :P i'm so bad ^_^ x
But thank you ;) ill get to them right away :D

Yeah stupid Seamus, cause I can't spell it. :P And his depressive state. Silly boy :)

Nawww Thank you for your loveliness nuh :D love you!!!

~Karni. xx


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Review #19, by SilentConfession Understanding.

22nd September 2011:
wow wow wow! This is so lovely and heartwrenching at the same time. You write this so brilliantly and i love your wording, it really adds to the atmosphere of this whole little tale. It's just so beautiful and i felt so sad throughout it.

I also loved that you didn't tell us everything at the beginning, i hate when authors spill everything about the story as if they were trying to spit it all out in one breath. Really great job with letting us know things bit by bit. I loved the bit where Seamus is talking about his hands. My hands. i looked down at my hands. They're stained with blood. These short sentences really are so powerful and it was like a WHAMO of emotion in those few sentences.

Also i love that you brought your OC to life through someone else's eyes and giving Seamus a voice! I adore minor characters so much and i loved what you did with this. I can't think of one thing wrong with this, it's just a really well done and beautiful piece of writing! 10/10 ;D

Author's Response: ust find time to respond. Message sent to Karni. Robot recieves notification.

~Karni!! is here! :D

Thank you so much for your wonderfull review hunny bunch!! :D it meant a lot too me! Wording? I do not know how to word properly. :P No, seriously I actually don't, I just write it down on paper and hope that it sounds okay when i'm finished!! ^_^

The blood scene was actually too intense for me, lol. When I re-read it I was like oh dear, I think that's relly good, but damn its hurt full O.o not meaning to sound stuck up here, but I did like that part :D

I loove minor characters too!! ^_^ xx

Thank you so m uch for your lovely review hun !!! ♥

~Karni. x


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Review #20, by bri_5_stars Understanding.

20th September 2011:
So... whoa. (don't worry this gets good.) I don't normally read Seamus stuff, probably cuz of his actor. But I am pretty darn sure that I could get over it, if he is written the way you have. This is a pretty intense and deep chapter, and I didn't even know the main character's name til the last paragraph. Now that's some good writing. :)
brithewriter

Author's Response: oh thank you soo much :) this makes me smile so much ^_^ why because of the actor :O have you meet him? :O do you not like him? :O

The entire drabble is almost written like this lol. Some of them are a bit of Irish fluff and humour, but most of it is the Karni saga. So it does get a lot emotional. Even though I CAN NOT write emotion for my life lol :/ x

Thank you for your lovely review :) xx

~Karni. xx


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Review #21, by adluvshp Understanding.

17th September 2011:
Wow. This is amazing. And you say you can't write angst? THIS IS SOME BRILLIANT ANGST Karni..!!

I loved reading this piece. The narrative was superb. The flow was just perfect. It was a very impacting piece of writing! Great work dear!

10/10

Cheers!
AD

Author's Response: Nawww thank you so much angie !! ^_^ No I can't write angst, this was my first attempt and I don't like it!!! O.o It scares me lol. x

But I died, can you believe it? it died? :P Poor Karni. LOL.

Thank you for your loveliness of a review ma'am !!!

Love
~Karni. xx


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