Reading Reviews for My Best Friend
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dreamer13 Albus

7th January 2012:
This was really touching. I always imagined Albus to be a sweet, kind-hearted boy and this story, though tragic, brought that to life. Very well written.

Author's Response: Thank you! :D x

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Review #2, by Dramionie_Child Albus

7th January 2012:
Woot! I really like this, and I'm so hyped to be your 100th review. Bet someone's beaten me to it, now ;)

You've captured Al's thoughts very wel, and didn't use any speech apart from his 'confession'[I know it was for a challenge, no 'just saying'!], and it really drew attention to it.

We didn't really get much introduction to Sapphire, though. I wish we could have. [hint hint!]

Childy xx

Author's Response: Haha, thank you Emem for being my 100th review :) And thank you for the lovely comments within this review :)
And meh to that. But I am thinking of very very maybe adding more to this in the far away future. So yeah. Maybe you will have then :)
Amy xx


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Review #3, by BlackIsAwesome Albus

5th January 2012:
That was amazing. Really beautiful. I'm a sucker for happy endings, and this was definitely anything but that, but I feel that you wrote it out really well. It was extremely sad and it made me cry, but that's how great this was. The character's emotions were displayed so well, very realistic. You captured the emotions and their reactions perfectly.

Congratulations on a well written piece.
You have great writing skills, keep it up :)

Author's Response: Aww thank you so so much! This review made me so happy! *squishes*
Thank you again! ^-^


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Review #4, by LunarLuna Sapphire

28th December 2011:
This was really sad... :( And well written. It made me think of Alice Longbottom... and... me promising to dye my hair blue on my 21st B-day xD

The only thing I would change was the ending, I'd put emerald eyes, instead of emerald eye...

Then again there isn't much difference xD

It's a really good story by the way, and I hope you write that other chapter!! :D This was very sweet and sad :)

-June

PS: I find it quite humorous that we both included the Cruciatus Curse in the story we are reviewing xD

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Review #5, by Secret Santa Sapphire

18th December 2011:
Hey there, it's your Secret Santa again! Once again, I'm so sorry that this is late. :( I promise everything else will be on time! Hopefully I can make it up to you.

D'aww, this is sad! :( I thought this was a very sweet and touching piece that drew upon their friendship. I loved all the flashbacks to past moments between them - it added a sort of bittersweet element to it.

I really think you did an awesome job here with imagery and description - several lines really stuck out to me. "thunderous tremor ripples through the ground", and "eyes dancing with malicious glee" for example.

I'd like to know more about the situation and how they got to be where they were. Some explanation, maybe, about why and who the people breaking into the castle were? Also, just being super nitpicky here - the c in "we just... Clicked" should be lowercase, I think.

Also, this sentence "So the now blue haired girl and the black haired boy run up the stairs to bathroom, where we try to rinse it out." I think is a little confusing in the subjects - it sort of switches between the girl and the boy and then to we.

Honestly, though, I'm being nitpicky finding these errors and I thought you did a really wonderful job all around. I loved the format it was written in - the short little vignettes. Sweet touch! I loved their friendship - it was heartwarming. :)

You did an excellent job here! Really liked it.

lots of love, your Secret Santa

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Review #6, by Dramionie_Child Sapphire

15th November 2011:
Aww :( That was really sad :( Didn't actually cry, but I felt ike I was about to.. Really. Loved it to the moon and back (3 Childy x x

Author's Response: Aww thank you EmEm! =D x

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Review #7, by xxJazminexx Sapphire

13th November 2011:
Oh my god why does this have to only be a one shot! I could see a novel from this! I WANTS TO READ MORE! You know I actually found myself holding my own hand through this story, I didnt even notice until the end.

It was a beautiful story. I really want to know who them evil people are who hurt Saph and the friendship between her and Albus was adorable though I could so see it becoming more than a friendship ;)
It is really sad though because the ending. I take it she has gone forever and now I'm sorry I am seriously crying while writing this! It was just so sad :( All the memories and everything and now I cant stop crying... I have been really emotional today, I am not normally this bad. Promise!!

I have calmed down now. The only thing I would say is that sometimes it did feel a little fast paced if you get me. Like you were rushing through the memories a bit too fast but besides that everything was amazing and if you ever decide to link make a novel out of this (Or even a short story) Hint hint... Tell me!

x

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Review #8, by Millarz Sapphire

6th November 2011:
This is so cool! I love the detail you put into the story. Was she crucioed or something? Yes, it was a little confusing, but are things going to be explained later? Boy, I hate reading WIPs. The pause between chapters TORTURES me :O Keep going! This story is really good :)

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Review #9, by Happy Hedwig Sapphire

28th October 2011:
I love how you started the story off, the sentence was short, but dramatic, and set the air of mystery for the story without giving too much away.

Even though it's a little unclear who the attacker/s are, everything seems to fall into palce throughout the coruse of the story, and I love how you've included little flashbacks of Sapphire and Albus's time together.

My favourite line has gone to be "A single picture, the last thing that makes me want to hold on, that and his hand, Albusí hand, holding so tightly onto my own." I love that! It's so descriptive, despite being only one sentence, and it's just so sweet!

I appreciate this is only a one-shot, therefore it's hard to include all the relevant information for the story, but I have to admit, you've managed this incredibly well, it's awesome! :D

As for your writing style, it has that air of suspense and mystery that fits this story perfectly, and you use such deep, meaningful sentences which also fit the plot amazingly! Your use of commas and pauses is in all the right places, and the use of paragraphs is great too, much easier to read than a big chunk of letters.

I would love to read another chapter, I have a feeling this story has so much more to give! Well done :D

~ Happy Hedwig :D

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Review #10, by Owlpost68 Sapphire

24th October 2011:
I don't know how else to describe this besides wonderfully terrible. You're an amazing writer! Somehow I didn't expect that she'd die... oh, and I have to say, that Banner? yeah totally scared me lol. I thought something was going to possess Al or something the way it looked. The point is that the description of the memories, the scenery in them, and the characters are all absolutely amazing. The only thing I could really see to improve slightly are the few spelling errors... But that was hardly important. I could feel nearly every emotion that pours out of this story, really great job!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! Hehe, that was the first ever banner I made - I really need to redo it =D. I'll make sure to have another quick read through for spelling, and thank you so much! (sorry I haven't reviewed yours yet =/ I will as soon as I can though, I promise =D)

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Review #11, by PrincessMoony Sapphire

4th October 2011:
Hey Fish... congrats on the challenge placing! I am here to thank you so much for entering, this story has had me gripped even though its short, but it still captures the mood perfectly! I love the whole genre and the relationship Sapphire has with albus; its special! I can't wait to see you finish this story and thankyou again for your entry. you are joint with Dramionie_Child!:) 10 10 10!

Author's Response: Yay! Thank you May! Hehehe, I will get round to writing the second chapter, hopefully before November! =) xxx

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Review #12, by forsakenphoenix Sapphire

2nd October 2011:
This is...interesting. I don't mean that in bad way! But more in a peculiar, what the heck just happened? kind of way. Why did the Death Eaters - I'm assuming they were DEs - burst into Hogwarts and seem to only target Sapphire? I think that's the biggest question on my mind right now.

Aside from that confusion, I really enjoyed this one shot. The memories you chose to show us, I think, really emphasized their friendship well and it made the ending more heartbreaking. I really enjoyed the idea of her forgetting certain parts of her memories but remembering other details. The fact that she couldn't remember Albus's name until the end - that she kept referring to him as the boy with the jet black hair - was a nice touch, though I guess the sappy romantic part of me wishes it was Albus's name she remembered all along.

Your descriptions are really nice here. I particularly liked this line, "And just as a candle lights the dark night with a flickering flame, a picture, a memory, sparks into my head." It's lovely imagery.

I'm not sure if Albus's POV is necessary here unless you want to use it to clarify more about what happened. But if the point is to leave the reader pondering what has happened, questioning the meaning of life (just kidding!), then I say leave it as it is. :)

Poor Albus. You should write another story about Albus and Sapphire where they live happily ever after!

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Review #13, by charlottetrips Sapphire

1st October 2011:
Hullo, nice to see you around the Corvarium!

You're beginning here is quite intriguing. I want to know who those Death Eaters are, who Sapphire is to Albus, what is happening here??? So I guess I'll continue reading :P

"I hear [fain] murmurs of people talking, people beyond my
reach." - faint

I like how you intersperse memories into this, giving us a taste of their relationship. The childhood innocence of the memories also lend a bittersweet tang to this one-shot. I haven't reached the end yet so I don't know if it's good or bad, but I'm liking how this is going.

Your descriptions are also very nice and tangible. You draw comparisons to things people should be fairly familiar with and so can relate more to what's happening in an otherwise imagined world. Very nice.

Oh man. It is a bittersweet story. These last few moments of her life. I don't know if you really need to do Albus' point of view but maybe so, if only to explain what happened here, how we came to this spot. You could also wring more emotion out of everyone that reads this just because we'll know Sapphire better. But that's just the angst-monster in me talking :P

Overall, very moving and nicely written.

xChar

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it =D

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Review #14, by Its Obvious Sapphire

28th September 2011:
iz nice, but u should do another chapter

Author's Response: I'm going to...

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