I just read the story seekers podcast about this on HPPC, and this story sounded so great, I had to come and read it, and it certainly lived up to my expectations.
It just had so many metaphors in it, which are so underused in fan fiction. Using them meant that you viewed the Black brothers in a different light, and it helped you view the dynamics of their relationship in a different light.
I feel that most of the stories about Sirius are just about him being a playboy, but this story showed him in a different light, as someone who was born with so many expectations placed upon him, and how he had to grow up living with those expectations, and knowing that he would be a ‘king’ one day.
You also highlighted how the Black family was really just full of females, and it made you realise how important Sirius and Regulus were to the family, and how they had to carry on the family line. Yet both of them fell from grace and died in a pitiful conditions.
Overall I thought this was an excellent one-shot, and I’m so glad that I read it!
-Kiana :DAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you found it and decided to read it, haha. :) (having a story featured on Story Seekers basically made my life)
I have a serious problem with loving metaphors. (metaphors, metaphors everywhere) I do think that literary devices are definitely powerful tools when used correctly, so I'm glad that it seemed to work here.
It bothered me having Sirius just be a playboy, so I decided to write about it, haha :P Really though, I think there's a lot of potential in his character and a lot of interesting things to think about, especially relating to his upbringing. I'm a bit of a nerd, but I can't help but find the Black family in general fascinating - they're really all such interesting people.
Thank you for reviewing! It was a lovely surprise. :) Report Review
Whoa. Just, holy moley.
This was so powerful, and so amazing, and I loved it. The imagery was stunning, it truly was. The stars and the planets, it such an obvious connection to make, but you've really made it unique with the planets and the shooting stars- that was fantastic.
Also, the Atlas metaphor was so fantastic, I love Greek myths/the Titans and that kind of thing. I loved the whole inheritance thing as well, it sounded medieval and royal and superb. Totally amazing.
'The crown had been hastily shoved on him, and it felt a bit crooked.' that line, was just amazing.
I'm totally in love with this story, it's superb, it really is. Well done :)
PS. Found this story through HPPCs Story Seekers podcast, FYI :)Author's Response: Story Seekers? Wow! I never expected that! :D That's really cool, so thanks for letting me know!
I'm so glad you liked it. The stars were sort of an obvious route to take, but I really wanted to go for it, so I did!
yay for metaphors! (the amount of metaphors in this is bordering on crazy) I've always found the Atlas myth to be really interesting - actually, Greek mythology in general. There's just a lot to do with it, I think, you know? Lots of interesting paths.
Thank you so much for such a lovely review! It made me smile. :) Report Review
Another review, another 10/10. This is wonderful. I adore Sirius (siriusly I do...) and Regulus and the whole dynamics of pureblood culture and you've captured it perfectly. It's a lovely little one-shot like a lot of your others that I love, small and perfectly formed. Ahh this is my favourite. I wish you'd do more chapters like you're going to with the Black sisters! Made me tear up a little. I'm an emotional reader. Thank you for this beautiful piece!! xoxAuthor's Response: I siriusly love the Black brothers as well! I find the pureblood dynamic really interesting and tried to put that in here. I'm so glad you liked it! And no worries, I'm an emotional reader myself. Thank you for such lovely reviews! ♥ Report Review
Ahh I think I love you! I always have and always will love the Black family as a whole, but especially Regulus and Sirius, and here you've looked at such an interesting aspect of their lives and relationship with each other.
This is so poignant and well-crafted that I'm still flailing :3
-TashaAuthor's Response: Thank you! The Black family is one of my favorite, and I do love the boys. I really enjoyed writing this, so I'm glad you liked it! Thanks ^-^ Report Review
I love the Sirius and Regulus dynamic too! I have two one shots planned for the opposite moods challenge about them!
Well I think you did a fantastic job with them. All the way through you had pretty short paragraphs, which isn't a bad thing at all, but it sort of gave it an almost poetic feel which I really liked. Although I've got to say that I think your flow worked better with some of your other stuff - Everbloom and any other world, but it was still pretty darn good all the same.
I didn't think you went overboard with metaphors at all! Got to love metaphors and yours worked really well, I though.
The idea that sirius remained a prince was just perfect, something I've always thought, and actualy I loved the bit when you focused on their parents lost without an heir. I've actually never thought much about how it must have felt for them when there sons were gone - one dead, one in prison and actually, that must have hurt. They can't have been so unfeeling as not to care at all, can then?
"...and sometimes it fell down upon him around his ear"
^I just think there's probably a better way of wording that because its just a little off. But thats me really nitpicking so I can try and come up with something constructive to say.
An excellent one shot that I really enjoyed reading and reviewing :)
-ACAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review! :) I'll definitely make sure to check out your one shots with them once they're posted - I do love these characters!
Glad it flowed all right. I have to be honest and say that Everbloom was much easier to write, so that might have showed a bit :)
I always have thought of Sirius as a prince in his own way, and it was something I sort of wanted to explore here. And yes, I agree - they might have been awful, but they weren't Voldemort. They must have had some feelings, wouldn't they? To lose both your children must be pretty awful.
Thank you for pointing that out! I'm planning on going back and editing this later (well, after November, most likely) to try to fix some of the more awkward sentences, so I'm on the lookout for them!
Thank you so much for your review! ♥ Report Review
I think this was a wonderful one-shot about the Black brothers... I loved all of the symbolism and metaphors cleverly disguised in here! :)
There were very few errors, but one thing I noticed is that "well-mannered" and "well-behaved" should be hyphenated.
Also, the last line was very good, but it contained a subject-verb disagreement since "one thing" is singular. Maybe you should change it to something like "The one thin that both Sirius and Regulus never was... a king." :)
Overall, it was a very enjoyable one-shot... Great job! ^^
~Khanh (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thanks for the review! :) Symbolism and metaphors are some of my favorite things to sneak in.
Ooh, good note! I'll go ahead and fix those - I've been planning to give this an edit.
And AHH THANK YOU. I've been really annoyed at that last line, because I know it sounds a little bit off, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to fix it. I really like that and I think I'll put that in when I edit it!
Thanks for reviewing and for the feedback! super helpful ^-^ Report Review
:O THIS WAS AWESOME fjdlszj
I love how there was a rhythm to this. I was tempted to read it aloud because I knew that with the right pauses this story would sound epic. But anyways :P You should get this podcasted somehow. for sure!
The way you structured this was really cool. I like how it the sentences were concise. You didn't beat around the bush, you got right to the point, and I LOVE THAT. Even if you were concise, you still conveyed so much through this story.
Your repeated references to the crown made lovely little mental pictures appear in my head as I read the story. Kind of like a comic, I guess, though that really has nothing to do with the tone of the story! :P It really made the story relatable for me - goodness knows I used to take those flimsy, paper Burger King crowns and wear them lopsidedly on my head xD
The overall concept of the story was truly brilliant. The continuous comparisons of Sirius, then Regulus, really set up the whole picture very well.
Excellent job! I don't usually read stories about the Black family, to be honest, but when I saw TenthWeasleyWriter write such good comments about it in the BvB thread, I knew I had to read it! :D
10/10, of course. :)
--jordanAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review! ♥
I love reading things out loud. xP I actually tend to read my own out loud before sending it in - it's a good way to catch silly mistakes! I think I'm one of those rare people that actually enjoy public speaking.
Being concise is something I struggle with generally so I'm glad to hear that! ^-^
Oh man I always wore those paper crowns too! They always were lopsided... I'm sure I looked quite stylish anyways though. ;)
I'm so glad you decided to give it a try. It means a lot! :) Report Review
Okay, I am finally here! I am so sorry it took me this long to finally read this story, but you know...school gets in the way of a lot of things.
So, I love the Black brothers, as I'm sure you're well aware. I think this was an excellent representation of the brothers and the expectations that their parents had of them, being the last two Blacks, expecting to carry on the family name. I think, therein lies the sadness with this piece, understanding that both Regulus and eventually Sirius die and there is no one left to continue the Black name.
The theme of royalty here is so well developed and woven into the story line. It's gorgeous. There are so many lines here that just really make you stop and think about what all of this really means for the boys. I loved the contrast between Regulus and Sirius - how both were named after bright, brilliant stars but Regulus's just wasn't quite as bright as Sirius's and Sirius ended up outshining him everywhere else, until it was time to be Sorted. Your depiction of Sirius, by the way, is fantastic. That he's a wild child and still a prince despite losing his crown along the way...just really brilliant. The idea of Sirius needing Regulus to help hold the world up was nicely done too - making us realize that while Sirius thinks he is perfect and strong, he still needs his brother.
I have such a fondness for the Black brothers and the use of royalty themes so this story is definitely one that I appreciate and admire.
Very well-written and just...excellent characterization all around. I definitely loved it. :)Author's Response: School certainly does get in the way of things! But thank you so much for reviewing :) Your reviews always make my day!
Lots of love for the Black brothers! ♥ They're such excellent characters to write, although I admit I was a little nervous about doing it. Hopefully I did them some justice.
This isn't a very good response to a very lovely review, and for that I'm sorry! :P But thank you so much for reviewing :) and I'm really glad you liked it! Report Review
Wow. Just, wow.
I absolutely adored the style you wrote this in. The whole short sentences and phrases just worked so well in this context. And I loved how you had both Sirius and Regulus, instead of one or the other. And the Atlas references were amazing too. The entire thing was perfect!
All your stuff is gorgeous, but I think this is my favorite thing of yours that I've read. Just the metaphors in here, and the way the Blacks were in perfect character. Agh, everything about it was so flawless!
-NaidaAuthor's Response: Thank you! ♥ I loved writing Sirius and Regulus together. Maybe I'm a softy for siblings in general thanks to having one of my own? -shrugs- The Atlas references definitely came from listening to "What the Water Gave Me" by Florence + the Machine almost constantly while reading this! :)
Thank you so much. It's one of the pieces that I'm most happy with, so that really means a lot to me! ♥ Report Review
I saw that this was about the Black brothers, and I immediately clicked over -- I'm in a Sirius-writing slump right now, and once planned a novel based around Regulus, so they're boys dear to my heart. And this is one of the best stories surrounding them I've ever read. I remember now that I gave you second place in a challenge a few months ago, and now I remember why. You are an extremely talented writer!
I love the whole metaphor of the princes and kings, and especially the continual references to celestial things. That particularly strikes me as brilliant, knowing that a lot of the Blacks are named for stars. To take that metaphor further, to comets and planets, and have it all fit seamlessly, is really, really admirable. I am in a slight state of awe. :D
It's easy, upon reading the books, to look upon the Blacks as, really, snobs. After all, we only really see them through Sirius's eyes and he doesn't disguise his disgust for his family and their ideals. But you've sort of cast the light on the other side, on this dying, proud family, and it really made me stop and think a bit. You've entered your story whole-heartedly, and it's so fantastic.
This was an incredible story, and I am so, so glad I clicked on it. You've done amazingly here!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! That means so much to me. ♥
I seem to be a fan of metaphors in general. Sometimes I think I overuse them :x But I'm really really glad you liked them here - the king one was sort of (a little bit) planned, but the star/celestial objects one was spur of the moment. so thank you!
While I can't say I really like Sirius' parents or believe in what they did, I wanted to look at them with a little more... objectivity, I guess. They always had this proud, almost regal air about them despite the fact that there were almost none left. I always do have trouble picking a side on an argument! Besides, I truly doubt that anyone is wholly evil - except for Voldemort, obviously :P
Thank you so much - your review made my day. :) It really means a lot to me! Report Review
Hi! I'm here with your review :)
So I loved this! Loved it. You had some really great points and lines in there, e.g. the bit about how all boys grow up eventually, and yet Sirius somehow did not. You also made a wonderful point about the Black sisters -- daughters, as wonderful and perfect as they may or may not be, will eventually trade their names and bear other men's children. The family line rests in sons, and there is the pressure found.
The way you described the changing of burdens was so tangible. Sirius threw his crown onto the ground and left, and the weight of the world toppled onto Regulus's shoulders, just like that. I loved the bit about the house elves, too, about the different ways that the two brothers related to them.
This was just lovely through and through. I thought your characterization was nothing short of perfect for all involved. The flow was also perfect, and it sucked me in immediately. The imagery you created with your metaphors was fantastic. With regard to editing, I didn't see any mistakes there.
Wonderfully done! This was a pleasure to read. Thanks so much for requesting a review, and as always, I hope my feedback is helpful to you :)
academicaAuthor's Response: Sorry that this took me a bit to respond - I saw this but I didn't have time to earlier during the school week. But thank you so much! :)
I'm so glad you liked it! And yes, the pressure was definitely on the brothers, because that's where the family name would continue. It's sort of ironic that the sisters outlived them, isn't it? :P
I always felt sorry for Regulus - we don't know much about him, other than his brother left him alone and he joined the Death Eaters. But in my mind, it would really difficult to have to take the burden of being the heir all by yourself.
Thank you so so much for your feedback - it was really appreciated and super helpful! :) Thanks for the review! Report Review
Firstly, I adore both Sirius and Regulus almost as much as it seems you to (and, for that matter, pretty much all the Death Eaters) and I love this little piece. You've characterised them both so wonderfully, without anything from either of their points of view. The flow, the structure, grammar - everything is practically perfect. Very mellowing as well, which it should be.
I love it!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Heh. I admit I have a certain fondness for exploring Death Eater's characters... all minor characters, really! :) Sirius and Reg seem to not get nearly as much love as I think they should. (which is to say, more love than humanly possible!)
Thanks so much for the review and I'm so glad you liked it! That means a lot to me :) Report Review
OOOH I love a good Reg or Sirius story. I adore the premise--I think it captures the serious tone of old world regimes, something I wish wasn't terribly absent from the majority of stories about the marauders-era stories.
Because even though we know Sirius was a joker, etc etc, the rebel boy who was sorted into Gryffindor, there was still, I imagine, a certain strictness to the manner in which his life was sorted out for him from the beginning. It's interesting that the boys were born princes but never became Kings--it's also sad to think that Death was what stood in their way, ultimately, even though I think neither of them would have followed in the footsteps their parents anticipated.
There's a certain drama to the long-line-of stories, and I think this is chilling. Drinking my chocolate while reading this, too, and I still got chills! But something that's also interesting about this is that since you tell it in such a neutral tone, you also feel a little bit of, I think, the horror that the parents must have felt to see Sirius breaking the mold. Everything was, in a way, lost on that. It's hard to be able to sympathise with parents who seem mindless and emotionless enough to adhere to such a strict regime and set of ethics/traditions etc, but they're people after all, too, and are also capable of having their feelings and dreams crushed a bit as they watch everything they'd put their hope in falter. Not that those hopes and dreams were necessarily something honorable or correct, but they were hopes and dreams nonetheless. It's easy to forget that, and even if you didn't mean it to, this story reminded me of it.
So for that I congratulate you heartily! It's a breath of fresh air, basically, after seeing the interpretation of so many--er, young people, I guess--fail to cross the line between the emotions of the son and the emotions of the mother. (Love forevs to JKR for showing us Narcissa's love for Drakie :D)
This is well-written, as well. I think, though, to make it a little more immediate and dark, I'd go back and take another look at phrases or words you could trim. Dark/Horror, in my experience, generally functions best when words are used only in necessary places and trimmed where they can be spared. Just for example (and of course this is just my preference!), this pair of sentences: He was born with a crown sitting upon his head, from the cradle. He was pampered and carefully taken care of, because he was precious. I'd change it and take out 'and carefully taken care of,' since pampered already implies that. There's a good rhythm to 'He was pampered because he was precious.' Also alliteration is generally useful in slithering pieces, which I feel like this one is.
One other thing, just in general, that may be a little distracting is the pairing of Regulus & Sirius together and then referring to them both as not being one thing. That's confusing. Herm, well, like this: "They were not Atlas." Makes total sense, but it might read easier if you clarified just slightly by saying something like "they were not, either of them, Atlas." It's still powerful, and separates them into two beings, like you do when you differentiate their fates.
Overall, though, this is a great one-shot, and sometimes you just have to go with the plot bunnies even when you're working on something else! Stories like this one should remind you that's always okay :)
-lilyAuthor's Response: School's been crazy, so I didn't get to responding to this before (err, actually, I should be writing an English paper at the moment... -whistles-) but I just wanted to say thank you, because this was so lovely to find waiting for me. ♥
One of my pet peeves about Marauders-era stories in general is the way that the war is skirted around completely, or the seriousness that I think was probably present. I mean, I'm sure they had fun and all (who wouldn't in a magical boarding school?) but I wanted to take a look at the life of Purebloods and how growing up as one would affect their lives.
One of my problems (well, I'm not totally sure it's always a problem) is that I tend to have difficulty picking sides, because I like being able to see both sides of the story. while I'm not a fan of the Black parents, on one hand, I think I could understand why they might have difficulty with Sirius' decisions. They were humans, after all, despite what Sirius might have thought. So I'm really glad that came across!
(so much love for Narcissa and Draco! ♥)
And thank you so so much for pointing out specific examples and sentences - I'm always looking to improve my writing, and sometimes it's hard reading over my own work, cause it makes perfect sense in my head! :P I'll take a look at those and the story and see where I can fix things up.
thank you so so much for this review, it actually made my day! :) So helpful. -hugs- Report Review
this was an amazing piece. Glad I stumbled upon it!
You have portrayed the two brothers awesomely and the narrative style is brilliant. I loved reading this - it was truly an epic piece. The characterization and plot was superb - the flow was wonderful. There were no grammar or any distracting errors. I think you've captured this beautifully. Great piece of work! 10/10
ADAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! I'm so glad you liked it, that really means a lot to me! :) Report Review
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