Reading Reviews for An Amusing Year
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Beeezie 90: First years weren't amused

17th September 2011:
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review. :)

I want to mention some of the mechanics first. Some of your phrasing is a little awkward or confusing (for example, James says that Hogwarts is his home, but also says that he has to do a lot at home - I know what you meant, but it's a little confusing). You also have some misplaced capitals (for example, "James's Father," or "He said."), and some of your adjectives feel a bit off (for example, "glared playfully). There were also points that felt very overdramatic, most especially when anyone was shouting or screaming. It just didn't seem realistic to me. You also don't have enough description of their surroundings to go along with the dialogue (which is always my problem, too, haha).

However, those are really the only negatives. The interactions you have between characters are quite realistic, your prank was spot on with my idea of what James and his friends were like, and you paced it all quite well. I can understand where the story might be going, and you established where James and Lily stand by showing, not telling, which a lot of people find very difficult to do.

This has the makings of a good story, and I think you've got the most important parts - the characters, the plot, and the pacing - done well. I just think you need to polish the writing a bit. I don't have the time to beta an entire story, but if you want me to beta this chapter so I can point out problem areas in more detail, I'd be happy to. Just PM me about it. :)

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review this. I was a bit skeptical about this chapter, and the fact that I wrote it really fast because my brain was jumping every whichway. You know? When you have an idea and you have to write it quickly, or you know you'll lose it? That's how it felt. I'll make sure to go through it again. Thank you.

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