Reading Reviews for Secrets of a Malfoy
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Erin Chapter 1

26th December 2011:
It's brilliant. Period. Please please please continue =). Please. I love ScoRo and how you write it, it has darkness.

Author's Response: Awww, thank you! I was getting a bit lazy recently, but this has inspired me to write again =0D!

Thank you!

Sackvase


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Review #2, by Jules Chapter 1

30th November 2011:
More?! Please please please

Author's Response: Thanks for your review!

=0)

Sackvase


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Review #3, by Cal Chapter 1

5th November 2011:
Once I got round to reading if wasn't half bad, room for improvement but it's promising :) and I wanna read more.

Author's Response: Thank you! I know there's room for improvement, nothing I ever write is going to be perfect. I'm gonna polish it up soon. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Sackvase

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Review #4, by Beeezie Chapter 1

4th November 2011:
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review!

First off, I want to mention a mechanical issue I saw in both your chapter summary and your chapter: line breaks. It's really, really minor, and formatting can definitely be a pain, but for me, at least, it makes a huge difference in readability. More than two line breaks in between paragraphs in a chapter tends to really disrupt the flow for me, and the big block of blank space at the bottom of the chapter and the chapter summary is also a bit distracting for me. Minor, but at the same time, it's also an easy fix.

I also noticed that while you usually format your dialogue correctly, there were points where you didn't include punctuation or capitalized the dialogue tag. There's a great article about dialogue tags (he said, she replied, etc) in the Grammar Guidelines section in the forum that explains formatting dialogue really well, and I recommend that you check it out!

In general, I thought that your writing style was good, and your characterization of most of Scorpius's family so far worked well; the annoying little sisters in particular made me smile, because his reaction to them is really believable.

However, there were a few specific points that Scorpius didn't seem quite real to me. He refers to his father as "Draco," which seems odd to me. He also describes his mother as being beautiful and wonders how his father managed to get her, and that doesn't sound like remotely like the thought process of any teenage boy that I have ever met.

I also didn't love the way he talked about the Trace being different; explaining that it had changed broke the fourth wall a bit too much for me. I would have found it much more believable if he'd thought something along the lines of being jealous of his father, who talked about the old Trace, or something like that, if that makes sense. Other than those specific things, it was fine, but I did want to point those out because they really stood out to me.

I also didn't love the bit about the Goyles, or about Goyle's daughter flirting with Scorpius. In general, our closest friends later in life are not the people we were close to in high school, and it just seemed too neat that it had somehow worked out that way.

It's an interesting start; I like the fact that you didn't make Scorpius hate Rose, and he generally just felt like a normal person to me, rather than the oh-so-cool-teenage-hearthrob he's frequently portrayed as.

Feel free to rerequest as further chapters get validated. :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm not too good with my dialogue and I'm kinda new to the site, so the stuff about the guidelines is really helpful! Some of the things about the names and things like that I was kind of on the fence whether or not to post it in the chapter or leave it as it is. I guess my fears were confirmed. I'm glad you liked the whole 'kid sister' thing, since I'm an only child and have to base it off how I interact with my friends and how I see the interact with their siblings. And I did try to make him not the whole teen heart-throb thing, as I think that that's not realistic either. Thanks for the tips on how to re-write it. I'm glad that (overall) you kind of liked it. (Also re: the line breaks, I hate that too, but it's the only way I could get it to submit. I'm going to try and fix it asap)

Sackvase

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Review #5, by house elf Chapter 1

3rd November 2011:
This seems really interesting so far! I'll be looking out for more :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I won't be updating too quickly, but I've got my first draft of the second chapter written, so I need to go and polish it up before posting (and sort some issues with this one)

Sackvase

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