Reading Reviews for Just One Kiss
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by horcruxxx Chapter 1

16th February 2015:
Hello :) I'm here for the BvB review battle!

I chose to review this story, because I love the endless possibilities that come with Ron and Hermione relationship. There are so many opportunities and ways to write about them. you chose to break them up and you got my attention :)

The story is nicely written, I can easily relate to Hermione's emotions and doubts. I think you explained the reasons why she was going to break up with Ron very well. You really convinced me that after all these years they had nothing in common.

And just a few words about the first paragraph. I think it is great that she complains about the ring being gold and I can see how this could be the final factor that contributed to her decision. I mean, if the guy who wants to spend life with her doesn't even bother to buy a ring she would like - what's the point then?

Will read more chapters for sure :)


Author's Response: Hi Monika

I'm not really much of a Ron Hermione shipper, but at the same time, I don't see Ron as someone who would cheat. I feel Hermione is so driven that they would just drift apart. While you may know you're not completely satisfied, breaking up with someone is never easy. She does love him, she just isn't in love with him.

I don't see Hermione as a materialistic person, I also don't see her much of a jewellery person. The ring was more a symbol of how little Ron really knows about her. He's just thinks she'll always be there for him no matter what.

Thanks for the review.

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Review #2, by bittersweetflames Chapter 2

23rd December 2014:
YAY! :D I get to read on, woo! Anyway, here from the Claw Christmas Gift Tag and, also, I am completely loving this story.

Anyway, I feel so very much for Hermione here. Anyone and everyone deserves to be alive and feel happy and have a purpose and the contrast you've shown between her time with Oliver and her life with Ron is done harshly. You can't blame Hermione for wanting to spend more time with Oliver but you can't help feeling sorry for her when you see how torn and conflicted she is feeling.

She had been comfortable, comfortably unhappy -- how SAD was this line? (very. very sad). It's this feeling of being in a rut and I completely understand where Hermione is coming from. I think everyone at some point in their lives could relate to this and I am so sorry for her and even for Ron. I don't know what Ron is going through or how his life is like so I can't be mad at him but I just want, for both of their sakes, for everything between them to end. It just seems so miserable.

Anywho, I love how you wrote of Oliver and Hermione together. It's so seemingly innocent yet you know before long that things'll change and the balance will tip. That means you make us want to see what happens next so... THANK YOU FOR SHARING and keep on writing. :)


Author's Response: Hello...thanks for popping back so soon :)

I felt pretty sad for Hermione too. Its a really hard place to be, feeling like life is passing you by, but at the same time, not knowing if changing things will make it any better. While some people recognise this and make a change, others don't see it so much and this is where Hermione and Ron (at least I believe) are quite different. I think Hermione likes a challenge, where Ron would more likely continue on as always.

I liked writing the parts with Oliver...its kind of like being able to fall in love all over again through my characters :)

I'm glad you're enjoying this story and I hope you continue on. Hugs

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Review #3, by bittersweetflames Chapter 1

23rd December 2014:
Hiya. I'm here from the Claw Christmas Gift Tag thread. :) I'd always been meaning to check out this story so I'm glad I finally get the chance. *inserthappydancehere*

Ok, so, this was so painful because I think the worse kinds of break ups are those that still have 'love' in it but not the proper kind for a relationship to flourish and thrive. Hermione's thoughts and insights were rational but you can't help but feel sorry for her or for Ron.

I also really loved the imagery here. The wind, the ring, the sand and the water. They really add such a mood to the piece and flow so beautifully, I think. What was already a painful piece became only more painful and I loved that.

Then the way you explained how things happened after Hogwarts was great. You didn't go into very many details but you managed to use just the right amount of words and details to paint how those six years had been for Hermione (and Ron, of course).

Finally, the part when you contrast 'in love' and 'love' was my favorite because I think that just those two letters can really change the way the heart could feel and hurt and just, ugh. I felt for them both here. (And I'm not even a Romione fan. haha)

Finally, at the end, you intrigued me. I hope that whatever DOES happen will make Hermione happy and she won't have cause for regret. Will be reading more soon. :)


Author's Response: Hey. I'm so glad you've been able to take a read. I really wanted to focus this story on Hermione and Ron just falling out of love, rather than making Ron out to be a villain. Personally, I just don't see them together, but at the same time, I don't think Ron would be one to cheat. You're quite right when you say these are hard types of break-ups because no-one has necessarily done something wrong, you still like the person, its just not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. But its such a big decision because if you let go of something thats ok, it doesn't mean you'll find someone better.

I love going down to the beach and watching the waves, especially during storms, so lots of the imagery was drawn from feelings and experiences I've had.

I'm really glad you enjoyed my first chapter and thanks for the review

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Review #4, by patronus_charm Chapter 1

7th November 2014:
Hi there, here for the review battle!

I really loved this insight into Hermione's mind as it was very interesting and different to what I usually come across. The focus given to the choice of the engagement ring was really introduced as it really did help symbolise the problems in her relationship with Ron -- that they both still loved one another in a way but they were just misunderstanding one another and not really getting everything right. I really liked that that aspect was included and it really worked.

Another thing I liked in terms of Hermione's thoughts was that she didn't not love him as much because she didn't like him, but more because they had fallen apart. I don't know if that makes sense but it just felt like a natural transition that they didn't like one another as much anymore and that was really interesting. You also briefly hinted at the impact the Battle of Hogwarts had had upon them so it will be interesting to see how a big a part that continues to be throughout the story.

Another thing I loved was how smoothly this read and there were no bumps at all. It might sound weird, but there's usually something which jars with me when reading a story but I didn't have that with this chapter, because as well as the flow of the story being great, in terms of grammar and spelling it was pretty much spot on too which is always something to be happy about as it doesn't often happen.

The ending was very intriguing I must say with the way it left Hermione all sad and reflective and I hope she doesn't go on to do something she may regret later on. I can't wait to read more anyhow as this was a really good first chapter!


Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was quite an emotional piece to write, because as you said, its not that Hermione didn't love Ron, its just, there was no longer that spark between them. The romance had gone and at some point, you do have to make the choice of moving on and risking something that's ok for something that could be so much better.

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Review #5, by Infinityx Chapter 1

6th November 2014:
Hi! Here for the BvB battle!

I absolutely love your writing style. For me, the first chapter and the opening paragraph is what determines whether it'll interest me further. Your descriptions in this are lovely and the polished sentence structures kept me engaged in this without any disruption in the flow.

It always saddens me to read something in which Ron and Hermione break up. Although I love them both as a couple, I think in my mind I always expected them to break up in the future. They're just so different and have contrasting aspirations and views on life.

Your characterizations here are great. I can totally see Hermione trying to get things working again because she's just not one to give something up without trying her level best. The use of imagery here is beautiful as well, especially the parallel drawn between the sea and her own relationship. Absolutely lovely.

Those small details about the ring added greatly to the effect as well. It gives a sense of finality to the relationship. Ironic, when it's supposed to be a new beginning. I suppose Ron isn't quite into it as he used to be as well since he's practically given her a ring that's totally wrong.

Anyway, loved this first chapter. It sets off the tone of the story very well and provides a direction to where this is heading as well. I don't have any criticism to give. I'll definitely be back to read more. Great job with this!


Author's Response: Thank you for such a lovely review. I never could see Ron and Hermione lasting. As you said, they're just too different. But at the same time, I didn't want to make Ron out to be a villain when it ended. I'm really happy that you like my writing style. Things like that always give the confidence a little boost :)

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Review #6, by Veritaserum27 Chapter 1

19th October 2014:

I'm here from the Ravenclaw common room for the BvB review battle. I really enjoyed this first chapter and I think you've done a wonderful job of characterization here. Hermione and Ron were always fire and passion, whether they were fighting or loving and, as soon as that aspect left their relationship, I'm sure they didn't know what to do with themselves. I can totally see Ron wanting her to keep the ring, holding on to what he thinks is the right ting to do.

Your description of the raging sea shore was a beautiful contrast to Hermione's emptiness and listlessness. She isn't fueled by anger and fire, but rather a dull ache at the loss of her first (and so far) only love. I loved the description of the grain of sand that was no match for the powerful wind that blew it around at its whim. But I couldn't help but think that although the sand may find itself keening in the ocean or on the shore of a distant land, it will still be intact, just having taken an unintended journey. It is a beautiful parallel for your story.

I love that you gave us a hint at Hermione's future, but absolutely no indication of who she will meet. I didn't read the story summary, so I'm glad to be kept on suspense.

Great first chapter! You've set the tone of the story, introduced the main characters and gave enough backstory (but not too much). Also, left the reader with a little curiosity as to who she will meet!

Thanks for the story!

Beth (Veritaserum27)

Author's Response: Thank you for the nice review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I live quite close to the ocean so and it always gives me so much inspiration, I could really picture Hermione sitting by a raging ocean while trying to work out what to do.

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Review #7, by academica Chapter 1

10th February 2013:
Hello! Here from Team Blue for the Review Battle!

I'm happy that I chose this story, because the beginning you've crafted is really quite intriguing. I love how you started and ended with the ring and used it throughout as a symbol of why Hermione and Ron aren't meant for each other after all. I also liked the line about how she's sitting out in the storm to take her mind off of her own inner storm. I thought your characterization was very nice here.

I noticed a few places where the flow of the sentences is a bit awkward and some technical errors were present. I know this is an old story and it's completed, so it's probably not in the forefront of your mind. If you were already thinking of maybe getting it beta-ed or proofing it one more time, though, I think that would be a good idea.

I'm also a tiny bit confused about the end. I couldn't tell if you meant that she's going to meet someone tonight, as in after she's walking on the beach, or before she goes for her beach walk, or on a night in the past that hasn't been referenced yet. Any clarity you could put in there would be helpful.

Nice work :)


Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review. I haven't thought much about this story for quite some time. If I get a chance, I will go back and edit and fix up the ending. Thanks for pointing it out. This started as a one shot in my mind and just grew from there.

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Review #8, by LittleWelshGirl99 Chapter 1

13th February 2012:
Hello! *Team Bronze*

I think you've got a great friest chapter here. I ADORE your descriptions throughout-particularly the one of a wedding ring. Just beautiful.

So I read that first paragraph and I thought: this is going to be a lovely Romione.but then.
I discover Hermione's breaking off the engagement! So an interesting build up of tension...It doesn't seem quite like Ron's character to have purposefully got Hermione a gold ring if he knew she didn't like them though.

I have a feeling this will become a Dramione.I forgot to check what ships there were.

But I really enjoyed your writing!

LWG :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much :)

I admit, I'm not a hugh Ron fan at all, so the part of his character I was playing with for the ring was his lack of attention to just get anything, thinking it will do. And to Hermione it was the last thing that showed her the Ron wasn't for her, for all they had been through, she felt he hardly knew her at all.

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Review #9, by clairevampiress Chapter 8

19th December 2011:
I loved this story! I have read it so many times now hehe

Author's Response: Thank you for all your reviews. They have been most appreciated.

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Review #10, by dreamer13 Chapter 7

11th December 2011:
Awww this was cute! Poor Hermione, Oliver moved on, that's so sad! Add quickly please, Im interested to see how this ends!! :)

Author's Response: It's nearly done :) I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far and I hope you enjoy the ending.

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Review #11, by clairevampiress Chapter 7

11th December 2011:
Poor hermione. So much has happend to her with three diffrent guys.

Author's Response: Yeah, they have. But with every person you learn a little more about yourself and ultimately it leads you down the right path :)

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Review #12, by Fred Chapter 6

23rd November 2011:
Hermione is an idiot. She can't patch things up with Ron. If she needed to leave him to be happy, well thats fair but she can't expect him to want to be around her anymore, thats totally not fair.

She also sounds like a silly fourteen year old. Wondering about a guy she kissed once months ago.

Hermione needs to grow up.

Author's Response: Love makes people act stupid and hold onto things that may never be. Yes, she is acting young and stupid but is ultimately confused with how she feels as her reality and her childhood dreams drift further apart.

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Review #13, by clairevampiress Chapter 5

21st November 2011:
aww bitter sweet. Can't wait for the update!!!

Author's Response: Thank you. Every little bit of encouragement is nice to hear :)

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Review #14, by forsakenphoenix Chapter 1

19th November 2011:
This is an intriguing first chapter. I think you've really delved in deep into Hermione's feelings and exposed her raw for us readers to appreciate the turmoil she's going through. I love the comparison of the war raging inside her to the storm going around outside her - it's lovely imagery like that which makes the readers really feel.

It's sad to think of the end of Hermione and Ron's relationship, but you a wonderful job describing the divide between them and the comparisons you used were effective in getting the point across to your readers - especially the idea of them being on opposite sides of a river mouth. It's natural for people to drift apart, and as much as I think Hermione and Ron belong together forever, I think Hermione was right in her decision to not accept his proposal. Especially if this person she met has something to do with it. They've been best friends for so long and sometimes, the love that made you more just goes away, and I don't know, I'm just glad Hermione has recognized that she isn't in love with him anymore than just saying yes to his proposal because it's expected of her and then living in a loveless marriage. I think that would break my heart more than her and Ron no longer being together.

I really loved these sentences in your story: The fire, the attraction, it had all been lost to the vagrancies of time. The past had consumed all the feelings that she had every held for Ron, and she couldnít fight the current that was pulling her away from him and towards someone else.

It's just really gorgeously written and your imagery is superb in this chapter. :)

A few minor corrections: "against the waters fury." - There should be an apostrophe in waters (water's) and then this line: "and slopped it into her jacket pocket.." I've never heard of slopped before in this context, so just wondering if you meant slipped?

Overall, what a wonderful first chapter. You drag the reader in and really make them want to stick around to read more. Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for such a detailed review. I was walking along a beach one day in a storm and all the sights got my creative spark going which eventually wound itself into this story.

Hermione's pretty much a mess in this chapter. She knows things aren't right but there is always that fear that things might just get worse if she decides to let go of the familiar. But she knows she doesn't love Ron anymore, they've just drifted apart.

I love that sentence too. 'Vagrancies of time' just popped into my head and I thought it sounded pretty cool so its so nice to hear that someone else thought so too.

And yes it is meant to be 'slipped' whoops. I'll fix up those few errors. Thanks for pointing them out.

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Review #15, by Aiedail Chapter 1

5th November 2011:
HI IT'S LILY FROM RAVENCLAW~ here for the review tag :)

I find it necessary to say that you have an obvious ability to write--your descriptions and the turns in your story are all interesting. I find that you implement the idea of a biased narrator usefully as well.

The way that Hermione feels about her relationship with Ron to me doesn't sound like a doomed relationship, just one that's become less focused and probably has worn out of its 'honeymoon stage' passion (as much as using that term is hateful to me ... I couldn't think of another way to say it right then)--it seems like, you're right, they're best friends, and although it is problematic that she doesn't feel like she loves him anymore, especially since he got her a gold ring, it doesn't seem like their relationship really has to end. Maybe if they overhauled everything and started over.

So with that in mind, I think you've given yourself an interesting platform to build from. The way that Hermione sees the waves mingling with the sand on the beach as a violent act is really interesting to me, as it's never seemed violent to me personally before, and it tells us a lot about Hermione's character; that's something difficult to do without a whole lot of actual character interaction. So bravo for that :)

It's really interesting (SORRY MY THESAURUS IS ASLEEP RIGHT NOW) also that Hermione looks at her school days as condemned memories, because she obviously loed school very much. I think if she feels strongly enough about Ron for him to be able to reduce her passion for learning to the idea of something painful, she doesn't quite understand what it actually is she feels for him yet, and that will be fun to play with as the story progresses.

Over all, great job! The only real concern I have for this is some of the wording; it's eloquent in a way but you want language to look effortless somehow. This looks like it's trying a bit too hard--don't force things to be beautiful. Don't try to write a big story with big themes--just try to explore a relationship if that's what the story wants to do, and I know that you can do that well :)


Author's Response: thanks so much for such a thorough review. And I'm glad you mentioned that I do have an ability to write. It's always nice to get some reassurance.

There relationship wasn't doomed as such, but Hermione was tired of fighting what was feeling like a loosing battle. Basically she is at that point where she's in the relationship for the sack of it and is afraid of the change. More of this is revealed in later chapter.

I have a thing for the sea and the sand from living close to the beach. Its such a calm place but then can also be so violent when in the midst of a storm. The coast just takes on a totally different life. It's awesome that you thought it reflected so well with Hermione's state of mind.

I might have been a little strong with my word choice in 'condemned memories'. She still loved learning and most of school, she just wanted to forget the war. I'll have another look at that.

Thanks also for your last comment about wording. I know what you mean and I'll make a concerted effort to make sure I don't over do things. Thanks again. This has been a brilliant review.

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Review #16, by clairevampiress Chapter 3

25th October 2011:
great chapter three. I think hermione is makeing the right decision . She was unhappy before Oliver showed up. But thats just how I see it.

Author's Response: I think Hermione is making the right decision as well. She was unhappy, it just took her a little bit of time to realise it. Thanks for your review :D

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Review #17, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Chapter 1

8th October 2011:
Hello! This was a good start to a story. For all the Romione shippers out there, Hermione and Ron are very different people and you approached this falling out of love quite well. Hermione's thoughts are rational and believable.

The only part that stuck out, for me, was the first paragraph. Hermione has always been a very logical thinker, and rarely or never judges things by appearances. I understand that there can be an expectation for men to know their almost-fiance's ring preferences, but considering Ron's cluelessness and Hermione's reason, I find it difficult to believe she would care so much that Ron got her a gold ring instead of white-gold. Irritation yes, but as a final straw sort of thing, maybe not. Just a suggestion. ;)

Thought at first I was concerned that this would a typical feeling-sorry-for-myself first chapter, you added that bit about the end and cleared up any worries. It keeps the reader's interest, and just has a nice sound to it in general, with the phrase "engagement ring sitting in her pocket" ringing in your mind (no pun intended!) after the chapter's over.

So well done, it was a nice read and I'll check back in a bit for chapter two.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and your thoughts. It's always nice to know that things are believable and my characters thoughts are rational.

The gold ring wasn't the final straw as such. It was more the final confirmation that Ron didn't really know her at all, even after seven years. She had been with him so long and could tell you everything he liked or didn't like, but he wouldn't be able to do the same for her. She realised that she would always be left disappointed, but it didn't have to be that way. I'll have a read over and see if I can make this clearer.

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Review #18, by clairevampiress Chapter 2

27th September 2011:
Can't wait. Its interesting. I like the oliver twist. Thats new to me. ...Omg I just re read that when preveiwing. Oliver twist..its a book.. Ok Loved this chapter. Need to stop reveiwing so early in the morning. Makes me crazy

Author's Response: hehe...Oliver Twist...I like Oliver, he's a somewhat under rated character but quite driven and I think that's what Hermione likes in people, a drive, a dream and a focus.

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Review #19, by Emmanuelle Chapter 2

15th September 2011:
I am loving this story! I also think the chapters are a bit short but where they are ending feels right when you are reading it.
I am looking forward to reading chapter 3!

Author's Response: The finished product of this story is a lot different from what I first thought it would be. It was just one long story and I went back and broke it into chapters where I felt they naturally fell. They are much shorter than I normally write but I think it's just the nature of this story.

Thanks for leaving a review. I'm really happy you're enjoying it :D

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Review #20, by BlahBlah123 Chapter 1

10th September 2011:
loved it! where is the rest?

Author's Response: It's coming.I just put up the new chapter for validation today. So give it a week and it will be up :)

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Review #21, by Aphoride Chapter 1

9th September 2011:
I really like this. It's a very original take on a break-up (most of them have Ron cheating on Hermione) which is always good to see, and your characterisation is pretty much perfect as well - especially when you're talking about their relationship. I'm really interested to see where this goes - and what happens to Ron, as well as Hermione.
Update soon!
Aph xx

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I know what you mean about Ron cheating. I don't really see him doing that sort of thing. I'm glad you like the characterisations of Ron and Hermione too :)

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Review #22, by Snapdragons Chapter 1

7th September 2011:
Ooh... generally I am a pretty big R/Hr person, but this is really interesting!

What I liked best about this was the way you portrayed their relationship. Something that I noticed a lot when reading Hermione with someone else, especially Draco (I know this isn't a Dramione, but just something I've noticed! :P), is that Ron is shown as a selfish pig and slob and just a generally no-good person.

What I liked here was that it was just somebody falling out of love. There isn't a big fight, she still likes him as her best friend - but it isn't love anymore. It was refreshing to read something realistic and true and a bit bittersweet, so that's great!

Grammar was good. Everything flowed nicely. I spotted a couple of spelling errors, but they were minor and I didn't really noticed them very much.

I'm really curious to see where this ends up and I'm looking forward to reading more! I love where this story is going. Wonderful job! :)

Author's Response: I'm not really a R/Hr person...I have a bad habit of completely destroying Ron's character. In terms of some of my other stories, he came out pretty well in this one. You're right, Hermione just fell out of love with him, he didn't do anything to cause her to lose her love, it just happened. Thanks for taking the time to review.

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Review #23, by Bobby Dazzler Chapter 1

7th September 2011:
Hello there! How're ya going? :) Just stopping by to leave a review for ya for the Blue vs Bronze Battle currently taking place. Obviously you've entered it too, so good luck as well! :)

What caught my eye about this one was the upcoming romance that would no doubt take place between Oliver and Hermione. I find Oliver to be a highly underrated character, as he is definitely one of my favourites, and I was very happy to see that he'd be a key character in your story. Can't wait to see how you go characterising him! :)

I found Hermione in this to be quite her canon self and easy to engage with, and I liked how you developed her character to suit her age as well. You managed to capture her mindset in this peice very nicely, well done :)

There were a few silly spelling mistakes throughout this that I did pick up on which were a shame, and there were also a few run on sentences and sentences using mostly "him" and "her" descriptions, which can get a little confusing at times. Try working on your sentence structure a little bit to include names a couple more times, just to break up the bulk a little and personalise your story a little more to help engage the reader, and dont forget about our lovely friend commas, rather than using "and" all the time, as it can really drag a sentence out which can become confusing at times for readers and distracting too. You can sometimes end up lost within a sentence due to the dreaded "and" appearing too many times and causing problems... :)

A very nice start to your story though regardless, I thought your description of the beach and the wind to be quite good as well, as it carried throughout the story seemlessly, well done! Can't wait to read the next chapter shortly, nice work! :)

Author's Response: I like Oliver too. He seemed the perfect person for Hermione, a little bit older then her and determined in his pursuits. I'm really happy you thought I got Hermione right. She is older, but in essence, her personality and traits are still the same.

I'll have a read through and correct the mistakes. Thanks for the review.

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Review #24, by Emmanuelle Chapter 1

6th September 2011:
A very well written chapter.
I look forward to reading more.

Author's Response: Thank you. A new chapter will be up in the next week or so so look out for it :)

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