ok, here's my review! I wasn't expecting you to want to review mine too, that was awesome of you :) so, unfortunately I'm not a big fan of Angst and all that. I understand introducing us to the situation, but I found it kind of hard to keep reading all the sad emotion the whole time. It was very well written, I just tend to get affected by people's writing sometimes.(ok all the time lol) this is a good thing, but it might be a good idea to put in some of her happy memories of him (maybe how they got together, something like that) it also might end up amping up the hurt she feels because there WERE good memories of him. Maybe even some good memories of her sister to make the betrayal even more real to the readers. If she didn't know that he went out with her, how is it really a betrayal of sisters? Victoire must be feeling hurt that her sister is all of a sudden not talking to her right? (that's what I think of)
Anyway these were my thoughts. I hope I wasn't too annoying. You did do a very good job of writing, it just happened to be too angsty for me.
great job!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I like review exchanges at the moment :) I'm heading over to do your review now... school and everything spent the afternoon trying to eat me. Anyway, that makes complete sense that it would make it hard to keep reading with the sad things.
This is just the first chapter of the short story so there's going to be a lot more that happens. I promise it won't all be this sad. I think it's more that Dominique feels that Victoire should have made sure that Teddy didn't have anything going on? It's not really a betrayal but to her it is if that makes any sense? And it's a betrayal from Teddy's side most definitely. I am sure she is, the relationships will definitely develop over the course of the short story.
Your thoughts were lovely thank you for giving them to me. I'm glad that you thought I did a great job writing, I'm sorry that it was too angsty for you. Thank you for the review ^^ Report Review
Teddy is such a horrible person! First he kisses Dom, then without explaining it to her or anything he kisses Victoria.
You wrote a very emotional one-shot and you really pulled it off. Kudos!Author's Response: I love that reaction. People have said that they find it easy not to like him but nobody's said that he's a horrible person so I like that, it was kind of what I was going for. :)
It's actually the first chapter to a short story but thanks for saying that and for the review ^^ Report Review
Good first chapter! It was interesting that Dom is not veela, like her sister. It makes the story very interesting. I'm curious to see what Teddy's thoughts on all of this are...
This was really well written, and the conversation between the characters flows really nicely. You left the story at an interesting point, and I look forwards to reading more about how Dom is going to react towards all of this.
Leanne :)Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you thought that was interesting. Hopefully Teddy's thoughts won't disappoint you :D
Thank you, it's lovely to hear that the conversation flows nicely. I'm glad you thought that it was an interesting point to leave the story given I wouldn't want people to be bored by the end of it all. Thank you for your lovely review! ^^ Report Review
Hi! :) Sorry this review took ages to get here!
Firstly, I think this is a very nice story to begin with. I think the best part of the story is when you settle into third person- it's when your prose really shines. I think the best way you can improve your first person is by maybe helping your punctuation, I noticed a couple of missing commas and it didn't help the flow. Also, after the third-person section there was a shift in time and setting, but I had to reread it a couple of times to actually realise it and notice where the shift started. I think if you explained that it was a few years later then it would be easier to read :)
Other than that, this is not a bad start! I really feel for Dominique, but I feel that maybe after being the average Weasley in the family she would perhaps fight for Teddy, or tell Victoire what Teddy had done, etc, etc. Perhaps that's where the story will go :)
Good job!Author's Response: Hey! That's okay, I understand taking ages, I took ages to get this reply done to your review :)
Thanks, I expected that really given I've written third person a lot over the last few years but this was the first time writing first person so I'm hoping it will get better than it was. I'll definitely take a look at the punctuation. The shift was really back from the day she found out to the day that it had already been on before the third person bit? So it wasn't really years later from when the story had started... Did it read like it was a different time from the beginning of the story?
I'm glad you don't think it was a bad start. This is just the beginning, I'm counting on Dominique to have a backbone for the story to actually progress so we will see.
Thank you. ^^ Report Review
Brilliant writing. Seriously. Just- wow. I wouldn't have known this was your first attempt at first person writing, if you hadn't said so. Teddy/Dom/Vic love triangles are quite common in fanfiction, but I ddon't care, because it was a fantastic piece of writing. First off, the summary was brilliant. I couldn't NOT read this after reading the summary. :P
The way you described Dominique's feelings was really, really powerful and I enjoyed reading every bit of it. :) The best part? - the ending. It was perfect. Seriously. You've got me hooked, and I can't give up on this story now. :P I'm adding this to my favs. :D I'm glad I dropped by to read this! :)
Um..CC? I didn't find any problem with this. Even the flashback was well written. However, there *were* some punctuation problems, mostly in the beginning of the chapter- very minor mistakes.
Other than that, it was a fab chapter! :)Author's Response: Wow thank you so much! That means such a lot to me that you think it was brilliant. I'm glad it's not completely obvious. The triangle was originally assigned for a challenge and even though the person has taken that challenge down since then I still wanted to try my hand at writing it. I'm really glad that you liked the summary. It did its job then :p
Thank you! I'm so glad you thought it was perfect and that it got you hooked! That means to much that you're adding it to your faves! And thank you, I'm glad you thought that the flashback was well written. *nods* I'll go and have a look at it. Thank you for pointing that out.
And thank you so much for your lovely review! ^^ Report Review
Here with your review!
Loved it, I didn't really think of Dom + Teddy as a couple, but it's really sweet and I loved it so much. Love how the epilogue was incorporated too. Can't wait for an update! :)Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you loved it. I wanted to make it something different from what you would usually read about the sisters and Teddy so I'm hoping it will turn out that way. I'm glad you loved how the epilogue was included, that was something I was hoping people would like but wasn't completely sure.
Thank you for your lovely review! ^^ Report Review
OMG! You are becoming one of my favourite authors! I'm adding you to my favourites list! You write so well, I love everything I've read from you! :D
I love Victoire/Teddy/Dom fics, and you portray them beautifully! I love the idea that Dom could like him to, and I loved how it went from them 'snogging' to her being told they were getting married in like 5 minutes, it made the story really exciting!
I look forward to more updates, this was really good, and I could see it turning in to a very popular story!(:
I likes the little flashback scene, it was done really welll(:
I also like the fact that her and Teddy did have a fling, and she hasn't just longed for him from a far lol, I find this much more entertaining! If I were her, though, I'd be giving him a piece of my mind for suddenly being in love with my sister! lol
Great Job, hope to read more :D 10/10 (:Author's Response: Oh my goodness! My roommate has had to put up with me squeeing from the beginning of your review. Thank you so much :D That just made my day. I'm so glad you love everything you've read from me! That makes me really happy.
I love them too so I'm glad you think that I portrayed them beautifully. This is kind of meant to set up why it is that she's so unhappy with the fact that Victoire and Teddy are getting married. So I'm glad that you thought it was exciting the way it was set up.
Aww thank you! You have no idea how much that means to me. I'm glad that you thought the flashback was done well and that you liked the fact that she and Teddy had actually had something. I wanted to make it slightly different from the other fics I've read about the three of them so I'm hoping that I managed.
Believe me. There are a lot of emotions in there... I wouldn't count a confrontation out just yet, Dominique was just in the uncomfortable position of a deer in the headlights at this point. I'm sure she'll recover :D
Thank you so much for your wonderful review! ^^ Report Review
Okay! After hating logging in, I can review. It had me blown away. It was a very, veeery good first try in writing 1st person. I had honestly never thought of Dom/Teddy (here's my fail in Nex Gen again).
I totally understand how Dom feels. It's a horrible feeling. And you did a good job with describing it. I really felt horrible for Dom and for a split second I even thought of hating Teddy - no problems with hating Victiore though.
I would warn you on the use of nicknames. I'm not so familiar with Nex Gen and I had a little confusing about finding out who 'Torie' was as you said that before you said Victiore.
Didn't notice anything else in particular... so good job ^^Author's Response: LOL technology likes to mess people around doesn't it? I'm so glad you said so thank you so much. I was really worried that it was not going to make sense or something. I really wanted to do something different with the three characters because it's always Teddy/Victoire from the beginning.
I'm glad you thought I did a good job describing that feeling. I kind of do hate Teddy in this particular context :p Okay, I will definitely keep that in mind. I'm sorry that confused you.
Thank you very much for the awesome review ^^ Report Review
First of all, this is a very good beginning. It seems you've put everything in it's place to set and start the story. Second, I like that it's looking to be a Teddy/ Weasley girl other than Victoire story! Kudos, keep it up!Author's Response: Thank you very much. I'm glad you like the fact that it's going to have aspects of a Teddy/Weasley girl other than Victoire story. I got the three for a challenge and didn't want to do the same old 'Dom does something to Victoire's relationship with Teddy without any background reason' type of thing because I feel that that has been done - in some cases rather well - before. I'm glad you liked it though.
Thank you ^^ Report Review
I really liked this. I thought Dom was a great person, and I like to think that Victorie and Teddy are perfect for each other, but there is nothing wrong with having a major crush on Teddy.
I don't know what you have planned for this story, but I know that I would like to see something where she ends up with this boy she meets at the rehearsal dinner or something.
I don't know it's up to you, but I feel that this story is quite good, and in fact you just got yourself a favorite.
Lizmusic16Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that you thought that. I am going to see where this goes, and what it evolves into, but I will definitely keep that idea in mind. That might be rather interesting if done the right way.
Thank you very much :D I'm glad you like it and I'm super excited that you favourited it!
Thank you a bunch ^^ Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection