Reading Reviews for One of Three
  
12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Veritaserum27 One of Three

12th July 2014:
Hello!

Great job with the five hundred word challenge. I always like reading about minor characters and this is a great piece. It is sad and beautiful at the same time. Your descriptions are moving and I really enjoyed reading this. I love the line about lying on the ground because that is as close as Bertha's sister (or brother?) can get to her. It is so moving. You managed to portray her entire life, love and personality within such a short space of writing. I am really impressed. I feel like you've really mastered this character that is, for all intents and purposes mentioned only briefly in the books. This story makes me want to read more about her. Nice job!

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

Whenever I read the books, especially about Bertha's death, I always felt so sad because no one really seemed to care about her - so I wanted to fix that, and make EVERYONE care about her >:} hehe

Thanks for such a lovely review, it means so much!

Laura xxx


 Report Review

Review #2, by jessicalorewrites One of Three

11th July 2014:
Hey!

This is so so amazing. I'm completely floored by how much power and impact you created in just 500 words! A sign of a true writer, of course. Only the talented can create such a dank atmosphere in such a short amount of words.

The relationship you show between Bertha and her sibling is so intricately detailed and yet not overdone at the same time. Only the bare necessity of information is there. Enough to satisfy my curiosity but not too much that I am bored reading the details. It is clear Bertha meant a great deal to her family which I love because she is typically an overlooked character. It's nice to see someone truly cared for her.

But can we talk about your metaphors for a moment? Because they are FLAWLESS. Seriously, the imagery you create gives me the greatest sense of motion in my head. I can see everything as if it is happening right in front of me. Incredible.

The last two paragraphs have to be my favourites. They are bittersweet in a very sickening way.

Overall a wonderful story! 10/10!!

xo

{House Cup 2014 Review - Gryffindor}

Author's Response: Hey lovely!

Eek thanks so much for such a gorgeous, amazing review. Honestly, I am so flattered! Thank you so, so much!

I am really proud of this piece - its definitely my favourite that I've got posted, so it means so much to me that you really, really liked it. I'm so glad it worked well.

Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a review, too! You're the best ♥

Laura xxx


 Report Review

Review #3, by nott theodore One of Three

10th July 2014:
Hi there!

Oh my goodness, I can't actually tell you how excited I was to read this story when I realised who it was written about! Bertha Jorkins is one of my absolute favourite minor characters from the series, and I've not found anything written about her before other than the story I wrote myself. So finding this story was absolutely amazing!

The way that you wrote the relationship between Bertha and her sibling was so amazing. I just think that this was such a powerful piece of writing and it made me so sad, especially the way that the sibling was lying by the grave at the end of the story. The idea of Bertha's last adventure and last mistake were so touching and poignant and I loved that idea so much. I just loved this, it was perfect. The description and imagery, the concept, the characters... everything. Wow, seriously, thank you so much for this!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Heya!

No, thank YOU for stopping by to review this! I'm really glad you liked it :) I really enjoyed thinking more about Bertha's character, because I really feel like her death is so tragic and so underplayed in the books.

Thanks for such a lovely review, and it makes me so happy to know that you enjoyed reading this!

Laura xxx


 Report Review

Review #4, by Pretense Of Perfection One of Three

9th July 2014:
Wow, this was a very sad fic. I don't think I've ever read anything about Bertha Jorkins or any of her family, but I might just have to change that. It's sad to see such a free-spirited and silly girl's life waster over nothing, and I think you really kept in touch with the spirit of things by having her sibling wonder what Voldemort thought, if he did at all, of her death. My favorite part was when he laid down on the ground next to where she was buried, just to feel closer to her. Anyone that has ever lost someone can relate to this, and it was beautifully written. I also like how the MC seems to have a very clear head about the situation. She/he didn't delude themselves into thinking that Bertha was some sort of saint, as most people do when someone dies. They remembered and missed her for exactly who she was, and it makes the story that much more real, tragic, and touching to me. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors, and I think the pace was perfect. The plot was unique and original, and I really loved reading it.

--house cup 2014 review--
pretense of perfection, gryffindor

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thanks for stopping by to review :) and to leave such a lovely one at that!

I think the relationships between siblings are really special, so I thought I'd draw on that, especially as I have two older sisters I hardly see but that I love more than anything! It's a really special bond.

Thanks for stopping by :)

Laura xxx


 Report Review

Review #5, by LadyL8 One of Three

7th July 2014:
Hello!

This was amazing. I'm speechless. I don't have any words to express just how blown away I am by your story. And to think this is only 500 words. Wow. You're truly a talented writer.

I loved your descriptions. They were flawless, and I saw the whole story in my head. I imagine it happening, and that just shows how good you are at creating images.

I loved the relationship between Bertha and her sibling (not sure if it's a brother or sister). Having a difficult relationship with one of my elder sisters myself, I know that when all comes to all, I'd do anything for her. And I feel like that's the relationship between Bertha and her sibling to. They aren't close, but when she dies Bertha realises how much she needed him/her. And I can really understand that feeling.

I like when people take minor characters from HP and write stories about them. But I have never read one about Bertha before, probably because she isn't the most known character. But I really loved it. You managed to make me feel for her and connect with her in only 500 words.

I'm just so impressed. This is stunning but also so heartbreaking, but I absolutely loved it 10/10

- LadyL8

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Thank you loads and loads for such a lovely and thoughtful review. It makes me so proud to think that this made you reflect on your own siblings - it means a lot to me that it meant something to you too.

I love the Every Word Counts challenge - I think its such a good one because you needn't exhaust yourself with it. It really makes you think about how to phrase things - and to not ramble, too!

Thanks for stopping by :) and thanks for a lovely review

Laura xxx


 Report Review

Review #6, by teh tarik One of Three

15th July 2013:
I'm reading and reviewing this for the House Cup, and I have to admit, I'm stunned. I'm just absolutely blown away by how beautifully written this is, how intricate are the details and how carefully you've constructed the sibling relationship between Bertha and her unnamed sister. Or brother. In just 500 words, you've created such a tragic atmosphere of loss, grief, and of life.

You've taken a relatively unknown character from canon, whose death didn't even cause much grief due to her depiction as a somewhat bumbling, stumbling woman and just made her so human, so real. And of course, to her family she must've been beautiful. SHe must have meant so much, and that her death and murder would have shocked them to the core.

The narrator lying down beside BErtha's grave and imagining warmth and closeness and the configuration of her body and the colour of her dead skin was a breathtaking image.

The dark soil still lay disturbed, raised only slightly amongst the mossy pebbles and scattered, soggy leaves. It made me wonder how neatly you lay, whether you were a tangle of ivory or whether the Ministry worker who had found you had respected your broken stature. I tried to imagine the colour of you, whether you were yellow like the starshine or white or brown or not even there at all.

This has got to be my absolute favourite paragraph, this and the last two sentences.

Stunning writing.

-teh

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

This review is perfect, thank you loads and loads! :} this is my most favourite piece that I have written - I am so proud of it and it feels really wonderful to receive such beautiful praise. Thank you!

xxx


 Report Review

Review #7, by HeyMrsPotter One of Three

15th July 2013:
This was just...heartbreaking! I love stories about minor characters and yours didn't disappoint. I think you conveyed the grief of her mother (I assume?) really really well. It seemed very fitting that she was buried where her last adventure was. And well done for writing in just 500 words, that's an achievement in itself :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing! It feels really special, thank you.

It was actually based on the pov of her brother, but its ambiguous, so really anything works :)

Thanks so so much! x


 Report Review

Review #8, by Sunflower One of Three

8th July 2012:
this... this was absolutely magnificent. First of all, cudos for writing such a great story in just 500 words. I could never do that. And even within these 500 words, there is so much detail. You really did well with this one.
This paragraph did me in:

I apparated to the forest for the first time in April, the air heavy and my shoulders hunched from something stuck between despair and denial. The evergreens towered over me ominously like guardians to the Underworld, tiny beads from the rain the night passed greeting me, clinging to my robes as I pushed past the branches. They decorated the cotton, rich like pearls. As the light faded, the great trunks seemed to have clustered together, as though they were cowering under their canopies, children beneath their blankets, hiding from the approaching night.

The description of the forest where she lays was haunting and beautiful, as if the protagonist's entering a new world. There's some sort of fairytaleish, dreamlike sense to the air, of an undiscovered world. It came together nicely with how the protagonist was feeling as he/she visits her resting place for the first time.

Also, the repetition at the beginning and at the end was very powerful:
If I close my eyes and I lay where you lay, we are almost touching.
First off, that sentence is gahh heartbreaking - but it seems that the protagonist has to assure himself/(herself?) that Bertha Jonkins and him are still close, that she isn't totally gone. I loved how you made it the tale of the brother and sister. Of how there was a balance that couldn't be restored. That demonstrates the effects of war perfectly, how family's are affected by war.

I liked how there wasn't that much focus on the protagonist, but more like on the side effects of Bertha's doings - her childhood, her foolishness and eventually her death and how they affected the siblings. There is a bitterness in the protagonist's words, and yet so much love for her as he lies on the ground to feel closer to her. Also, this is the first time he's gone to see her on her travels, on her last travel. That was kind of neat. And the napkin bit... Brilliant.

I loved this little piece, especially the fact that it was about Bertha Jonkins who is probably the last person I'd ever read anything about, but now that I did, I can't see why I ever thought it boring. This was magnificent, dear. 500 words of pure brilliance. Well done!

(This is nearly as long as the one shot... hehe sorry! :D)

Author's Response: Thank you so, so much for such an amazing review! Ohmygosh, just thank you, I am so flattered right now!

I am so glad that you liked this. Of all my pieces I think it is this one I am most proud of, which is saying a lot because normally I hate everything I write :P I really wanted to create like a numb and hollow atmosphere about this, and really make it all about Bertha and emphasise the loss in it. I picked Bertha because there's so much to her that is just never explained and her death has to upset someone, even if Ludo Bagman just scoffs and makes jokes about her... I loved the challenge too, because normally I don't write things that are very long anyway, and it made everything seem very neat and tidy :) Oh god, I'm rambling, because HONESTLY, I am just overwhelmed and so flattered. Just, thank you so much!

AHH. THANK YOU. Laura xxx


 Report Review

Review #9, by ashling586 One of Three

3rd January 2012:
I am a big fan of details and descriptions. In fact I catch myself all the time when reviewing, asking others to add more details. My own stories have tons of descriptions. So I can appreciate the effort that you put into this one shot in all those little details, however, there are times when too many descriptions can become confusing.
Since this story is so short, all the descriptions seem to clutter up, making the flow seem weird. There were times when the sentences just seemed to go on and on, even with the comma's breaking them up it seemed too long.
When I first saw the title I thought that the story might have something to do with the golden trio and the lost of one of them. However, I liked that it was something completely different than what I originally thought.
I like the fact that you had the courage to pick a topic that not many others would have used to create this one shot. This is the first time I have read anything to do with Bertha Jorkin's death and how it might have effected her family. I think that you might have gotten too caught up describing everything around the speaker, when you could have gone more in depth with how she was feeling. I get the feeling of sadness with your character, but not much else. Is she angry with the one who killed her? Could she be mad that her sister for going off on that trip to begin with? Mad with the ministry workers for not bringing her home? At the same time relief that at least you have a beautiful view where she is located? Is her extreme sadness due to the fact she feels guilty about not being closer to her sister?
You have a nice little story here.

Author's Response: Helloo!

Thank you for your lovely, lengthy review. I do know what you mean about a lot of the description though, and will definitely take this on board. Again, this is a one shot about loss, much like 'He', but I tried to approach them differently. I wanted the sister to feel bland and quite numb from everything, really dwelling on her sister and her relationship with her. To me Bertha is a really interesting character that has been so underloved. I felt doing her death justice was needed, rather than scoffing at her stupidity in the books.

Thank you so much for a brilliant review. I will certainly revise this one shot.

Laura xxx


 Report Review

Review #10, by SilentConfession One of Three

21st September 2011:
Hi!!! Wow wow wow. This is marvelous hun so so beautiful! I don't know if i can find the words to say how emotional and lovely this is. I can almost feel myself there feeling the same hurt and wondering what it would be like to lose a sibling. Gosh, your wording and structure is brilliant and lovely and it makes me think of sunshine and daisies and sunrises in the desert. :D

okay i should stop gushing but i can't think of anything wrong with this piece, it's really touching and i love how did it from this unknown perspective and really gave a voice to Bertha. i loved the imagery of the paper napkin ripped in shards and the one in three, a third, a fraction. Simply lovely how that part was written. I also love love love the last sentence. Perfect way of ending it and it really pulled how the sibling love, even if they weren't close transcends all. Lovely job
-zay

Author's Response: Thank you so much! You're so kind, thank you!

I really racked my brains to think of who to write about, and when I thought of Bertha I knew it couldn't be about anyone else. She is too under loved, and a voice is exactly what she needs.

Thank you so much for this beautiful review. The loss of a sibling, of a part of oneself was an idea I had never explored before, but I really enjoyed writing this. Thank you loads :) Laura xxx


 Report Review

Review #11, by Indigo Seas One of Three

20th September 2011:
Goodness! This was gorgeous. I'm absolutely, positively, 100% in love with your diction. Bah. Word choice. It's really, really lovely.

This had to be my favorite line (well, one of many): "a neglected lamb, shuffling into situations you shouldn't be in and keeping your stare vulnerable and innocent." The imagery is unique and I love that you were able to find such an original metaphor.

And the "rich like pearls": absolutely gorgeous. I can't say enough about this one-shot! I'm in love. Probably the stupid kind where you get cartoon hearts in your eyes and drool a little, but I'm perfectly OK with that.

Lovely. I'll say it again. :D
- Rin

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so, so much! And to have these compliments coming for you is just.wow! Thank you!

I really tried to include as many metaphors as I could, and I worried it sounded a bit rigid, but I'm uber chuffed you thought it was alright. I loved the challenge, though! I was really proud of this once I had finished ^.^

Haha, no, cartoon hearts are cool! You're adorable, thank you loads! This review was brilliant, thank you! Laura xxx


 Report Review

Review #12, by scarlettandgold One of Three

10th September 2011:
Laura. Oh gosh. I can't even.
This was so incredibly beautiful. Honestly, the whole piece was this wonderfully executed work of art. Gosh, I'm in awe of your talent!
For your first one-shot, you did wonderfully. This piece had just the right amount of detail. Between the first paragraph and the banner, I could tell it had something to do with death, dying, etc, so it all made perfect sense.
Your choice of words here is magnificent, like it is in everything else you write! I love the way you describe her as the child that never grew up. I also simply adored the section about the 1 of 3. It created this sense of hollowness that made me so incredibly sad reading this!
I love love love your use of second person. It's done so incredibly well. I can imagine her hurt and grief as she struggles to talk to her dead sister but she knows she cannot. It's so insanely sad and yet I can only marvel at how well you write!
I'm so amazed at your talent, Laura! Teach meee! No honestly, I bet this is the most useless review you've gotten but there's simply nothing wrong with this piece. The idea and execution of it is marvelous. I love this piece, as I love the rest of your writing!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you, so so much, for this beautiful review! It means so much! It was my first real stab at a oneshot, but I'm so chuffed you liked it, I really am! I wanted to suggest that theres this underlying sense of binding between siblings, even those not so close, and grief was a big theme. The way she was blank, almost dead herself. And yeah, totally, I've always seen Bertha as a big kid who just dabbled in the wrong things...because thats really what happened. From the books we know she followed Peter into the forest and thats how she died...she was a fool, through and through.

I'm really over the moon you feel there's nothing I can add to this, cos, like I said, it was my first real attempt at a one-shot. It's amazing to know it was okay! (Though this may have to do with the 500 word length...what a helper, haha!)

Thank you tons! You're the best in the universe, thank you! x


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login