Reading Reviews for Yellow.
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by apocalypse Lemon.

3rd October 2011:
Hey this is apocalypse from the forums, here with your requested review!

I'll start with characterization first.

Fred: I think you have done a really good job on him by making him sound as he did. Making him a broken and sad man was highly appropriate and I liked the fact that you still retained his sense of humor to a certain extent =)

Charlotte: I know it was only a one-shot but I must say that you could have described her better. You definitely did describe how Fred felt about her and how they had spent so much time together but it would have been even better if you had described how she looked or had inserted a memory of Fred's contrasting the 'sad her' with the 'happy her'. I hope you know what I mean =)

George: Well, he didn't have much of a role in this piece so I'd say that he was almost fine. Only problem he had: Maybe he WAS involved with Charlotte behind Fred but don't you think that kissing her almost exactly after his twin's death was a bit too much? It looked as if he barely cared and had no problem in betraying his brother.

Plot: A one-shot has a basic plot usually and I think that yours progressed nicely. I really liked the idea of Fred's POV; it's always awesome to see stories that focus on secondary characters.. =)

I hope I have been of help and really sorry if I sounded harsh anywhere =) Good job and Happy Writing! =D

Author's Response: Thanks for the helpful comments! I definitely agree with your opinions on Charlotte and George, I will go back and edit some of that. Anyway, thanks again!

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Review #2, by iheartzuko Lemon.

25th September 2011:
Hi!! Brielle here with the requested review!

I'm going to focus on what you asked for :)
COHERENCY:
Okay, so I read this a while ago and forgot to review, so I'm glad you asked for this! Overall, this is a really good idea. I've always been one to adore the Weasley twins, so to read a love triangle about them is lovely. You're writing is impeccable, and the way it flows. I don't know if you meant for this to happen, but the fact that she's WEARING yellow kind of makes the story, because to me it seems symbolical to Fred. The fact that she's uncomfortable in the dress is symbolical to George, and that's who she ends up with.

PLOT:
For a story so short, the plot is the whole thing, and it moves along really well. I honestly don't have a lot to say on this, other than the fact that if someone's fiancee just died, they probably aren't going to be kissing his brother.
I think you should write a prequel to clear up confusion :)

CHARACTERIZATION:
Again, it's so lovely that I can barely say anything on it. You have Fred perfectly portrayed as a broken man. Dead, realizing that he's never going to come back, seeing the woman he loved with his brother. It's honestly the perfect set up for a story, and I'm surprised I've never seen anything like it before. You're original with your portrayals, something you don't often see in such a short one shot.

good work!
10/10
-Brielle :)

Author's Response: Yeah, other people have told me about the unrealistic-ness of George kissing Charlotte...will clear that up. Ooh a prequel would work!

Thanks again for the helpful comments.


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Review #3, by SilverSaphhire Lemon.

14th September 2011:
HIII ANNABELLE! pretty good, but quite nostalgic isnt it? like,in a poetic kinda way. i dont get it, is it in george's pov or fred's? seems kinda both

Author's Response: Hey thanks for reviewing! It is in Fred's POV. He is a ghost.

Thanks again,
~P.O.P


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