Honestly? I really enjoyed it, and it would be awesome if some one would write a story around this. I can say i sort of understand what she's going through, being the youngest of five. Anyway, i would, if you agree of course, like to add in Dominique as a bad guy in my story about Lily II. Please PM me back, and please keep making great stories! :D Report Review
Its awesome, I loved the way you describe the mirror, and how we see the world through his eye.
LOVED IT *Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my story! I'm really glad you liked it. Keira :) Report Review
Hi, there! Thanks so much for doing your part to help Gryffindor take the cup! Here is your review.
Wow. This is an amazingly powerful vision you have here. Between review swaps and the House Cup and just general interest, I've read a lot of Next Gen stories. And I've never read anything close to the concept of "Dominique Weasley: Pureblood Destroyer of Worlds". I know that probably sounds mocking, but it isn't. The way you've presented this is so powerful and gripping. We know very well from the books how dangerous the Mirror of Erised is. But that danger was always portrayed as mostly affecting the viewer. The possibility that one might lose one's self in the fantasy world of the mirror and never return to reality. This was a whole different vision of the dangers of unrestrained fantasy made real, and it was even more frightening.
Your portrayal of Dominique as the prototypical unremarkable middle sibling fed perfectly into the events that were to come. It made all of her needs and desires perfectly sensible. It was sad, in a way, but you have to temper that sadness with the clear realization that she has lived a life of relative ease and privilege. You can't feel too badly for her, in spite of what I guess you'd called her "rich wizarding girl problems".
The mirror quickly cuts to the core of who and what she is. What you created there was truly terrifying. The parallels you were able to draw to Voldemort, that Dominique was able to draw to Voldemort, were unnerving at a deep level. There's an obvious note of self-deception here, but that's what the mirror excels at. As her feelings of inadequacy and neglect slowly morph into ambition and hate, it was frighteningly plausible. I thought the crowning touch of the whole piece was how she even managed to scare the mirror, itself. This ancient, all-knowing presence that has seen the hearts of countless people was even alarmed at what it found.
I did notice two relatively minor typo's that you might want to take a second look at:
-- "Her cheeks burned as red as her hair, something which would of never happened to her beautiful sister." - would have
-- "She girl didnít understand what I was, she thought, just like her Uncle, that I was a mere fortune teller." - The girl didn't...
Otherwise, your writing was lovely. Everything flowed nicely and you had a terrific mix of narrative, dialog and the mirror's inner monologue.
I love this story. Perhaps someday you can give us your vision of the rise of Dominique Weasley. Report Review
Hello! Thanks for entering my challenge! :)
This was fantastic! A very nice read too! :) I've read it previously to this time and it's great no matter how many times you read it!
I loved how it was from the Mirror's point of view! It made it so intriguing. :) I loved the fact you compared Voldemort to Dominique as well, that really shone for me. :)
The part when the Mirror wants to warn Bill was a brilliant addition! The whole chapter just fitted together nicely and nothing seemed out of place! :)
Your spelling and paragraphing is great, I couldn't spot any mistakes or anything! :)
I wish there was more or you could continue this or something! It was so good!
Overall, a great chapter! Well done! :) The results will be up shortly! :)Author's Response: Hello :)
No problem - the Mirror of Erised is such an interesting item that any stories about it immediately evoke interest. So your challenge was brilliant to enter.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story! :) Report Review
This is a really great one-shot! I really liked how it was in the perspective of the mirror - which is interesting in itself! You're a talented writer and the description was good :) I thoroughly enjoyed this one-shot! What a fantastic idea for one. I never even thought of the Mirror of Erised being able to think! From now on that's what I will think about when I read about it I'm sure! Great job!
RecenseoAuthor's Response: Hi! :)
Oh - well thank you so much! It was a slightly random idea, and I'm so so so glad that you enjoyed it!
Thanks for reading and leaving a lovely review. Keira :) Report Review
wow tis was dark yet something I would like to see more of. I love how Dom is the odd one out. Thanks for me enjoying such a great fanfic.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing (again!). I'm glad you enjoyed it - perhaps one day I'll continue it! :)
Keira :) Report Review
An excellent one shot. I like how the mirror could delve into your mind and pick out your true desire. And now it looks like a new mistress of the dark is about to rise. You should do a sequel to this. It would be interesting to see how far this could be taken.
10/10.Author's Response: Hello! :)
Ah! Thank you so much! xD I've wondered about doing a sequel... or carrying this on to a short story - but at the moment I'm swamped with school work and other plunnies :P
But who know? Perhaps in a couple weeks I will! :)
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!
Keira :) Report Review
This story was so cool! It was inventive and I loved how the Mirror "spoke." The way you make the Weasley parallel Tom was great, and I really liked the comparison. This story is awesome! Congratulations on the Evil Challenge!Author's Response: Hello! xD
Thanks so much! (and thanks for reviewing :P). I really enjoyed yours! So congrats right back to you :P
Keira :) Report Review
Heya :) I thought this was really good! I enjoyed it thoroughly from start to finish. I thought it was really original and I loved your take on it, as I have never read anything like it. I think you're really talented. Your descriptions are amazing. Dominique was a really interesting character and it was lovely to see your take on her. In all, I thought you did excellently.
- SexyDoorFramesAuthor's Response: Woah.
Thank you so much! It was one of those slightly random ideas that just bounce into your head one day!
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
Wow. I didn't expect that... This was unlike anything I've read before. Very orginal :) Dom is not someone I would expect to want to be evil. Then again, she really just wants to be noticed, not 'evil', right? The way her thoughts changed when she thought of Harry and Voldemort was just...wow. And the fact that is was written from the mirror's point of view was certainly nice. You don't come across things like this very often. Great job, everything was portrayed quite nicely. It was very believable :)
Merry Christmas! and Happy Holidays!Author's Response: Thank you so much! (I love Secret Santa! :P) I hope you have a good Christmas aswell! Merry Christmas :D Report Review
I thought this was AMAZING- you have a talent girl! I really liked how it was from the perspective of the mirror, that was clever! Soo yeahh I am gonna read the rest now when I have time :) xxxAuthor's Response: Thank you :) Hope you enjoy them :D Report Review
Wow. Just wow. I really don't know how I feel about this story or how to describe it. It was so utterly different from anything I've ever read. It was deep and dark and mind-boggling. Well done.
I loved that you gave the Mirror of Erised a voice. It always interests me to read about characters that no one ever believed to be real characters. It was also nice that the Mirror mentioned Ron. I do wish it had mentioned Harry a bit more.
Praises aside, I thought it was a bit unrealistic that Bill would be so ignorant of how he treated his youngest daughter. Being a member of the Weasley family and growing up with five brothers and a sister, wouldn't Bill understand that every child should have the same amount of attention?
In addition, there were just a few capitilization errors- like at the beginnings of some lines of dialogue.
Overall, this was really well done! Nice job! It was so different and spectacular!
classicblackAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Ooh - I'll go fix them now :) It was a slightly random idea I had during the summer, so I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Ah - Bill. Yes, I've had some trouble with him acting this way aswell. It's something that I'm attempting to re-adjust, my original idea was that he was absorbed with work that he often got carried away, and since he'd spent the last twenty years living with part-veelas - he had gotten used to perfection. But I don't think I've exlplained that correctly yet (nor here!) so - its a work in progress :P
Thanks for the review :) Report Review
It was a lovely story. It was very powerful, well-written, and I liked hearing the Mirror's perspective on things :)Author's Response: Thank you very much :) & thanks for reading :D Report Review
imaginary lines here!
wow. honestly, i think the way you portrayed dom in this was amazing! i enjoyed understanding the job of the mirror and its feelings of telling the heart's desires.
the way dom was feeling was also interesting too. her opinion on her family and the way she craved bill's attention was heartbreaking and understanding.
the mirror. i can't think of anything else but how you portrayed the mirror as the narrator! i had never thought of that, and when reading this, i was amazed. like i said before, understanding the job and the feelings that the mirror feels each time someone looks at his or her reflection makes my heart break. it cannot escape the life it is forced to lead.
well done!Author's Response: hehe thank you very much!
I'm glad you liked it! It was a random idea I had after opening word to start and write!
Thanks for the challenge, review and 2nd place :D Report Review
Here's your first review! Just PM me as you decide where you'd like me to use your other nine. No hurry. :)
First off, a couple brief mechanical things.
The first paragraph is a bit repetitive at the end in particular - there were a lot of "I've seen"s, and I would suggest either combining some or cutting some out (or both). I ended up feeling like they weren't really adding much, and were just kind of distracting.
In the sixth paragraph (which starts with, "It was the youngest girl"), you say "awakening the forgotten painting that awoke with a start" - I think if you restructure the sentence to use "awake" only once, it would feel smoother. In addition, for the sentence starting, "Hey father sighed and casted a blue spell" - it should be "cast," not "casted," and you should have an "and" before "silence descended."
The paragraph after she reads the caption above "Erised" is a bit unclear. I wasn't really sure what you were saying in it.
Finally, I would recommend checking out the article on dialogue tags in the grammar guidelines section of the forums, because I noticed a few errors in how you were punctuating your dialogue. :)
I like the basic idea, but the specific premise is a bit shaky. How did they get into the Gringotts vault in the first place? Didn't Dumbledore donate all of his belongings to Hogwarts? I also never got the impression that the Dumbledores were especially wealthy, or that they would curse their belongings. I wasn't sure why Bill would bring his children into a potentially dangerous vault. I would have liked it more if you'd just said that the mirror had been recovered and Bill was going through the fairly mundane task of sorting through the gold and making sure that nothing was cursed, or something along those lines - it seems plausible that he'd bring his kids to work then.
I also felt like the mirror was a little inconsistent. It comments that she was different and special, but clearly remembers Ron and Harry just fine.
This is very minor, but you refer to Victoire's hair as both white-blonde and golden. Which is it? There is a difference.
I did, however, like the interactions between Dominique and her family, although Bill's concern for the treasure rather than for her seemed a little unrealistic, given what we know about his character. However, feeling dwarfed by her siblings, being teased by her sister... that all made sense to me. It's classic middle-child syndrome.
I do like the way that you had her find the mirror, and why the rest of her family didn't see it, although I questioned all of the climbing she had to do to reach it. How could she read it from that far away, and how did the rest of her family not notice?
I really liked what you had her see, and how you compared her reaction to Ron's. However, you lost me on some of the details. I think that your depiction of the wizarding world is a bit too overstated - the idea that the pendulum has swung that far over wasn't realistic to me, and I wasn't sure how people would know that she was pureblood without knowing the she was a Weasley (or, for that matter, how they could identify muggleborns to pull them out of lines). It felt a bit unrealistic and, like I said, overstated, to me. Something more subtle would have been nice - for example, people talking down purebloods and then telling her that of course they don't mean her, she's different, or her feeling like people who didn't actively fight against the death eaters in the war were mistreated, or hostility from muggleborns, or... you know? I really love the idea, but I wanted a little more subtlety so that it was more plausible. Does that make sense?
All in all, though, this was a good piece, and I really enjoyed the very different take on Dominique! :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review :) Sorry I took so long to reply - I was using it to reference the changes. I think I've changed most of the mechanics (thanks for pointing them out) and have altered the plot slightly to make more sense.
I've kept some of it the same because if I ever do decide to turn it into a short-story - i have a plot to go from :D
Thanks for the review :D Report Review
Wow that was so in depth and beautifully written too! I love the similarities you made to Voldemort and how Dominique is such a dark character. She contrasts a lot to the way I imagined her, this shy meek girl who just hid from the world. In a way she did, at first. Now the mirror of erised gave Dom her reflection and her future to world destruction. I love how you personified the mirror of erised too, I've never seen that before and it was a great touch because that mirror must have seen so much and for it not to have an opinion is a bit strange. You'd love to know what it was thinking throughout it all wouldn't you!! So thanks for giving us that little window into the mirror of erised's...mind, sort of?
Bex Author's Response: Haha, Thankyou very much :D
I don't really know why I decided to personify the mirror, but once I started writing - I realised I'd written over 2000 words! :P
Thanks for the review :) Report Review
Wow. The way in which you wrote this from the Mirrors perspective was thoroughly intriguing. The description of the mirror, incredibly captivating. The idea that in an effort of redemption muggle-borns are given superiority, very clever. Just when we though Voldemort was gone and everything was safe...BAM. I would definitely read on!! I LOVE the way you write.Author's Response: :)
Thank you deary :) I'm glad you liked it :D Report Review
Oh, I really like this. It's great how it's so realistic, you aren't afraid to make Dominique determined to be like Voldemort, and I like the way you have predicted the future for the wizarding world, the way muggle borns are given priority. It would be very interesting to see Dominique at school.Author's Response: Thank you very much!
I've often throught about extending the one-shot to at least a short-story etc to include her at Hogwarts, so who knows? :P
Thanks for the review :) Report Review
OH MY GOD. I am blown away. This is the most amazing, unique one-shot I have read. Why doesn't this have more love? The last thing I expected for her is to see such an evil her in the mirror. And your mirror is spectacular, terrific!Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I'm not too good at promoting my stories so they tend to stay pretty unknown! But thanks so much for your review :)
Keira7794 Report Review
This was so amazing i would give it a 100 out of 10 if that were possible! :) Just perfect!Author's Response: Thankyou so much! I'm glad you enoyed it :) Report Review
Okay, this was a very interesting story. I think the best part is that it was written from the mirror's perspective. The unique perspective is what made it great.
The comparison between Dominique and Ron, then Dom and Voldemort was rather surprising. Specifically the comparison between her and Voldemort. Her resentment in being overshadowed by her cousins and muggleborns getting top priority is twisting Dom into becoming a dark witch. It also makes me think of what might have happened to Ron if he was not so lazy and actually tried to make himself better than his brothers.
I'm also kind of interested in seeing what becomes of Dominique now that she's set her mind to following this path.Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Yep, that surprised me aswell. I didn't plan to write it like that but once I started - it just felt right!
Thanks :) Report Review
Wow, I think that is one of the most interesting stories that I have ever read!
I am old, yet I am new. I tell nothing but the truth, yet everything is a lie. I am perfect, yet full of so many faults. I am everything they wish me to be, just nothing like what they desire. Iíve seen life. Iíve seen death. Iíve seen love. Iíve seen hate. Iíve seen jealousy. Iíve seen desire. Iíve seen time.
I love this description of the mirror; it's perfect! It's almost haunt g and beautiful. It really inspired me to read on. The first little point I'd like to make is about why the mirror specifically remembered Dominique? Wouldnt it have remembered Harry more or someone a little more exciting with a very Interesting reflection shown? I do think you wrote it in a very original and lovely way though. Really good!
-LWGAuthor's Response: Thankyou so much!
As for your query about why Dominique, in my mind the mirror only projects the person's deepest desire, not the person they actually are. So when the mirror saw Harry's desires, it was just another person who desired a lost relative. Nothing important (to it). However with Dominique she wasn't blinded by a major fault (like fearing death) or wanting to be rich etc. She was happy as she was, she didn't want to change, she wanted the world to. Becuase of that, the mirror thought her as special.
Thankyou for the review and giving me the chance to explain myself!
Keira :) Report Review
Hey there, makemeover from the forums here!
WOW! That's a whole different side of Dom that's never seen! I loved it, though.
I think it's really cool that this is from the mirror's POV. I felt like I was almost holding my breath as I read since the mirror sounds so ancient and full of wisdom, like if I didn't listen carefully enough it would scold me or something. I feel as though it's pretty tough to get a good story out of an inanimate object or from it's POV (as inanimate as the mirror is!), and you did a great job.
I also love your characterization of Dom, even before she looks into the mirror. Since J.K. never wrote about Dom, writers have to create their own Dom, and since her mother is Fleur, it's easy to make her into this perfect creature with long silky hair and perfect skin and really smart and good at Quidditch and so on. I like that she has red hair and isn't really athletic, it's a fresh new take on her. I just read a one-shot in which Victoire had red hair and wasn't perfect and said the same thing. It's not an awful thing to make them perfect and all Veela-y (I'm guilty of it myself), but it's nice to see her in a different light, which is what this story does.
I really enjoyed this story. It's disappointing to start reading a story and then half-way through be like, "Ehhh, I don't really care if I don't finish this," but that wasn't the case with this one. I WANTED to know what happened in the end, especially because it could have gone in a number of different ways. She could have immediately started doing evil things in order to make the vision come true or just laughed and blown the whole thing off or gone and told someone about it in shame/worry (these were some of the things running through my head as I was reading!). But I liked the fairly simple ending. They casually saunter out and she acts like nothing happens. But then that last part! When she thinks, "soon." That could be a great ending that leaves it to the readers imagination, but it also opens the gates for an entire novel on what happens in her life. I love it.
Sorry I rambled on a bit there in the end, I just really liked this one-shot! I hope the parts where I actually left a real review were helpful!Author's Response: Haha they were! Thankyou so much :)
I was unsure where to go with Dominique but found as soon as I had started - the story pretty much wrote itself!
Thanks again :) Report Review
Wow you're a really talented writer!
You were worried that writing it as the Mirror's POV wouldn't work. Are you kidding? It works perfectly! I am surprised at that as well, because reading your summary and areas of concern I was beginning to think that it was really weird and wouldn't fit together right, but you proved me wrong, great job!
I don't actually have anything bad to say about your story; it was so brilliant. I love how Dominique's brother and sister inherited their mother's Veela hair and stunning looks and how Dominique looked like a classic Weasley. You'd think she'd get more attention from her father, but I thought it was good that he sort of favoured the other two better.
That was so fantastic; thank you for letting me review your wonderful story. 9/10
GAuthor's Response: Thanks for such a great review :)
I did wonder about Bill and his relationship with Dominique but somehow this just felt right!
Thanks again :)
Keira7794 Report Review
Hello! Dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap here with your requested review. I'm SO sorry for taking forever but real life has been a pain. I did get the responses to your reviews, thanks for responding for one and for enjoying the reviews! I'm so glad I could help and I hope I help again with this one-shot. Lets get reviewing!
I'll be doing a running review by the way!
Wow, I have to say I'm only on the second paragraph and I'm already deeply interested by this. The repetition makes the story almost poetic in a way. Nice job. The descriptions are also extremely well written. I can get a sense of who the 'red-haired curse breaker is' without you actually mentioning his name. My heart aches for the way Dominique is regarded.
But wait before I continue I have to say, you wanted to know if it was awkward reading from the point of view of the portrait and it isn't at all. In fact if you wrote from Dom's point of view or anyone else's I wouldn't have been as convinced by the story.
It's actually moving, the portraits thoughts. My favorite line so far is: I know all emotions shared, all feelings, all signals, everything.
Because I have never put all that much thought into the life of a portrait. In reality they do realize everything, they should know all the traits of humans because they were human at one point and because their life and their job is to really watch their surroundings.
Wow, you just keep throwing curveball after curveball at me. Honestly I can't even get through one paragraph without being amazed. The imagery! The imagery is so wonderful. I'm astonished, I can see Dom and her determination climbing over relics of another time. Another time. Just those two words create this clear image of the vault in my head. I am imagining this scene in my room, I feel like I'm in the story.
Calling her ordinary is painful to read, my heart lurches in my chest wanting to reach out and hug poor Dom.
I don't even know what to say and to be completely honest I have tears in my eyes and I don't understand why.
I really don't understand why.
That...that was one of the best one-shots I have ever read. Honestly my favorite one shot is titled 'Inglorious' and now 'The Mirror's Reflection' is tied with it. I just can't believe it. Well, I can but I can't...does that make any sense?
You have molded everything so perfectly in this one-shot. It is poetic. It is dark, it is depressing and extremely heart-wrenching. I have no criticisms whatsoever. Nothing. To criticize this would be a terrible thing to do.
How did you come up with this?
I can't even form coherent sentences. I'm sorry my review is all over the place but it was just wonderful. The way you really traveled through her mind was extremely believable. It was as if you examined every nook in her brain and pulled out all these things that Dom was too afraid or too ashamed/didn't understand and pieced it together one by one to create this image that this little girl would soon become. I'm not even angry that she would be the end to the Wizarding World. Or that she would love to watch her family cower at her feet. That's not what it's about for me.
Thank you so much for requesting.Author's Response: Wow.
How am I meant to respond to that! :O
Thank you so much for this amazing review! I'm so happy that you've enjoyed it and thank you for making it a favourite story! It was just one of those things where you start to type... then suddenly you've written 6 pages! Haha!
Thanks so much
Keira :) Report Review
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