AH! Len! I'm finally reading this!
I'm so sorry it took me so long to read it. You know how crazy busy I've been, and it's two in the morning, but I just had to read this. I couldn't wait any longer.
I had read a few excerpts and all of that, but I was so excited to be able to read the whole thing in its entirety.
I loved it so much. This was such a unique and great take on it. I don't think there are that many Peter stories out there that focus on this, and the ones that do aren't planned out that great, and this one definitely stands out among them! I have got to say it is the best Peter story I have ever read. :)
So good. I love the way you write in general already. I just fall in love with your style, your language, and all of it! And I hate Peter. I really do. He's a jerk and a nasty man, but in this piece, you had a way of writing him that just made me really sympathize for him and I actually felt bad for him, and I wanted him to have something better.
I always wondered truly why Peter did it, and I like how you address it. You start if off by saying he's not truly sure, and in honesty, I think that's the best answer that can be given.
Your descriptions were wonderful, and gah this was such a movie piece! Really great job, Len!
I loved it so much. This is great. :) ILY! Report Review
A Peter story! They're so rare and I don't think I've ever read anything detailing exactly how Peter was convinced and coerced into betraying his friends so there are some automatic brownie points for originality.
I just didn't feel convinced by Peter and his reasons and I don't think the first person helped. It has a very conversational tone to it which detracts from the seriousness of the plot and made it quite hard to feel involved in the story. The paragraph about him being a Gryffindor was good but the phrasing was awkward and repetitive: it had the potential to be a really powerful, reflective moment but didn't quite manage it.
The grammar and spelling were a little iffy too: a few typos, missing commas, sentences that didn't make sense - Who else would he have picked? Certainly not me. I could keep them safe. - that seemed very contradictory to me and I think maybe you were writing so quickly that you missed out words in the process. There's a tense slip halfway through the conversation with Voldemort too; it's nothing a careful read-through wouldn't solve but it does detract from the fluidity of the writing quite significantly.
I liked the structure, though, the way that the story was framed with the present and the retrospective nature of it. The end of the main story could have been a little neater; it sort of hangs there and feels incomplete. I think bringing it back to Peter there, taking one of his thoughts and exploring it to finish, would have had a better impact. The dialogue was really well executed throughout; it demonstrated the tension in a way that the description didn't quite manage and I got more of a sense of the characters from what they said rather than what they did. You got the sinister part of Voldemort and the Death Eaters across and Peter's cowardice in his short, stuttered lines too.
The last paragraph was perhaps the strongest in the story. That was the moment that really captured the essence of Peter, the last two sentences, and it rounded off and closed the story really well.
I hope this wasn't too harsh. I find it hard to review when there's nothing specific to focus on. I think it just needs some tweaking and TLC to make it flow a little better and feel more together as a whole. Report Review
okay, here to review hun and WOW.
it is a brave move to write peter, and especially to write him like this. i think you did a marvellous job on someone so perpetually hated - you gave him something more, some sort of humanity, and i always like that when an author does that with his character. you made me pity him and feel for him.
his voice is what drew me in - it is simple and understated, as i imagine he would be. peter would not use grand statements or even make grand gestures. in wanting to preserve his life you kept him very real, and by making that the sole reason he initially did what he did was also very real. the rest came later, i suppose - the loyalty and everything else.
i have always imagined him ruled by his cowardice and i love that you make him aware of that. he knows he is not the strongest or the bravest gryffindor - he questions why he was in that House in the first place - and i think you handled his inner turmoil about his years at school and his place in the marauders really well. you didn't make him out to be the tragic, flawed martyr - you just made him, himself.
there is an honesty to the way you have written him and i really love that. it doesn't even need justifying, the things he did. you have made it clear why he did them without having to tie us up in a huge big back story, woe-is-peter sort of thing.
i really like the fact that he does find his strength in the end - even though it is misplaced and completely self-serving.
thank you for requesting this. i thoroughly enjoyed it and you should be really proud of this darling.
Kate xx Report Review
Hello! I'm here with your requested review.
Before I start, I must say, this is the first Peter story I've ever read and I'm so glad I did read it!
At the very beginning, I fell in love with the very simple voice you gave Peter. His thoughts are scatty and not very complex and yet he thinks very carefully through the biggest decision of his life. His train of thought made a lot of sense - we can see what it may have been like for him in that very moment, in front of Voldemort, surrounded by all these people he had feared for all these years.
I also was really impressed by how at the beginning, you feel sort of bad for Peter. He's all alone, his friends are all gone, drinking at a bar by himself, the sort of unimpressive young adult who's lost direction in his life. Just as we kind of see his side, he makes the decision to betray his best friends, we see the side of him we saw in the novels. However, we do feel a lot more for him than before. It was very artfully done!
I also like the friendship dynamic he describes at the beginning. He's sort of doubtful of his own self-worth but at the same time he does realize his friends love him dearly and he loves them in return. It helps the reader see him as more of a real person rather than just "the betrayer"
One thing I did notice, however, was that in the middle you switched to present tense rather than past tense like the rest of it. This ruins the flow of the narrative a bit.
Other than that, this story was a lovely read! You've given this a lot of depth and thought and really made me as a reader revaluate my thoughts on Peter. Wonderful job! Report Review
This is amazing! I was curious what kind of story would come with the song I drew for you. And just... GAH. SO AWESOME. This is one of the most poignant stories about Peter I've ever seen. He so often gets overlooked, just being the dumpy boy in the corner that so rarely gets a mention. You've captured him here, so perfectly. The guilt and remorse and jealousy and fear - you made his betrayal so much more complicated, like I'm sure it really was. It wasn't just a decision on a whim, he was weak but he did love them. And you really brought that through in this piece.
Well done my dear! An awesome entry :)
ShilohAuthor's Response: When I first listened to the song, I had no idea what I was going to do with it. Then I took a shower and this plot attacked me. It seemed to fit so well.
While I don't like Peter, I think I did a pretty good job writing him. I wanted people to get a glimpse into Peter's mind. Not to feel sorry for him, not to think he has redeeming qualities, but just to understand what he might have gone through when that moment came up and he had to make a choice between his life or the life of his friends.
Thanks for the lovely review! Report Review
First of all, thank you so much for writing this! A Peter story, and one about that blank period in his history, it's like Christmas. I'm very glad that you took up the plot bunny as you've done a wonderful job with it. :D
I'm fascinated by the voice you've given Peter. It's so naturalistic and suitable for someone like Peter, a combination of simplicity and forthrightness, with a hint of more in the background. That last section revealed a lot more about him than the earlier portions - anyone who can manipulate both the Potters, Sirius Black, and Voldemort has to possess many strong qualities. Peter makes himself out to be the weaker one of the Marauders, but it took these desperate circumstances to bring out his strength, however misplaced it was. He's realistic because he's contradictory and keeps editing his ideas as he goes along - taking into account his options, but he does miss things, and that leads him further down the rabbit hole.
It was also interesting to see how he wouldn't accept Voldemort's proposals of power and glory, how he recognized that Voldemort probably wouldn't give him those things anyway. That's something most writers often make as the reason for Peter's betrayal - that he wanted what he couldn't have as James and Sirius's friend. But instead, it's his innate cowardliness that rules him - he just wants to live. Maybe just to survive. It's so basic and rudimentary. But it's natural, and the majority of people would be the same way, especially ones who, like Peter, don't have lofty ideals.
There are so many great lines in this story that I can't possibly list them all. Like that one where Peter wishes he'd gone off with Remus - the division of the Marauders is what destroyed them in the end. Or Peter's understanding that anyone and everyone could be a spy for the Death Eaters - that there was no physical means of telling them apart. It really tells a lot about the kind of world he was living in.
And what's best? You don't force the reader into feeling sorry for Peter. I can see how he came to be in this situation, but you don't make him heroic or martyrish, and that deserves a lot of recognition. You just show Peter as he was, without judgment either way, and I like that very much.Author's Response: OMG! I totally wasn't expect any reviews on this to be honest. No one likes Peter all that much, so I wasn't really expecting any one to read it.
The plot bunny sort of attacked me while in the shower and I couldn't ignore it. I simply had to write it. While I don't really like Peter, I knew this story was something that interested me. I wanted to explore what might have happened, and how he could have ended up where he was.
Survival seems like something that totally fits with Peter. I remember the part in PoA where he was telling Sirius and Remus they didn't understand what it was like when you come face to face with Voldemort. It seemed, even then, that fear ruled him. That all he wanted was to survive. So I wanted to explore that.
I don't see Voldemort as the type of person (especially a villain), to give anyone what they really want unless it suited him. To be honest, I think the only thing that would ever sway Peter would be to be able to live. And that was what I wanted to come across in this one-shot.
The reason I don't force the readers into feeling sorry for him is probably because I don't feel sorry for him. I just wanted to show Peter as a human being who was unfortunate enough to be stuck in this situation. If it had never happened, I imagine things would have worked out in an entirely different way. But I was intrigued by this lost scene, so to speak.
Susan, I'm so glad you took the time to read and review this. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it, and it totally made my day :D Report Review
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