Reading Reviews for Fracture
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Jayna who do you see?

1st January 2016:
Wow. Just wow. This was so emotional and all of the emotions came of so clearly. I loved how you only revealed a little bit at a time, it really kept me on my toes. I also liked how you highlighted the differences between the girls. The ending was perfect, the lyrics fit well, the title is splendid, and overall this was a wonderful one-shot. I also liked how you kept repeating that everyone had always known that Teddy would love Victoire. Lastly, the flow was extremely good and each word really did count in this one-shot. I can totally imagine this playing out exactly how you wrote it. Overall, this was just a wonderful story and I don't have any suggestions.


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Review #2, by maskedmuggle who do you see?

12th July 2014:

This was such an amazingly well written one-shot, honestly. The writing was absolutely beautiful in this - I love your writing style! I was utterly engrossed in the story from the very first line. It would be so hard to pick a favourite line, but I think this one so perfectly presents Dominique's perspective: "So who was I, expecting you to love me?" You really depicted Dominique's feelings so very well - it seemed entirely realistic and believable. I just loved the way Dominique questioned all these different aspects of herself and compared it to Victoire. Despite only using 500 words, you gave me such an incredible insight and depth into Dominique, and I really enjoyed reading this and admiring your writing.

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #3, by teh tarik who do you see?

12th July 2014:
Hello Shiloh!

Wow, wow! This was amazingly and very beautifully written! Your prose is so graceful and fluid and delicate; I love Dominique's voice in this, how naive she is.

She is quiet and proper, her voice a lilting cadence I could never copy. My laughter is loud as the bells in the church down the street, not sweet as the tinkling silver bells on Mamanís tree at Christmas

I love reading about how Dom compares herself to Victoire! And the imagery you used about bells and the 'lilting cadence' were absolutely gorgeous!

I've come across quite a few Dom/Teddy/Vic triangles before, and none of them end happily. :P Teddy is always the player sort, and he toys with both girls, and either Vic or Dom will be left heartbroken by the end. In your story, it's poor Dom, which is so hard to read, because she's such a beautifully written character, so hopeful and earnest. And I think we can all understand her, and the immense amount of hope she must feel, and her heartbreak at the end. It's awfully sad.

This was an absolutely lovely piece! I enjoyed this!

House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #4, by UnluckyStar57 who do you see?

12th July 2014:
Well, I can certainly see that you hate Ted/Vic in this fic. :)

Of course, Teddy is thinking about Victoire, but he can't have her. He can only have Dominique, so he settles for "second best." (The quotations are because she's not really second best. She only thinks of herself as such.) It is so hard for Dominique to be in love with a guy who is in love with her sister, and the comparison of their bodies and physical features shows her insecurity. :/

I hate Teddy for saying the wrong name. That is just gross and indecent. So I guess you could say that you made me hate Ted/Vic, too. Well, in this version of events, at least. :)

Great work on this!

House Cup 2014 Review


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Review #5, by Pretense Of Perfection who do you see?

10th July 2014:
This was so emotional and heartbreaking, I can't help but feel sympathy for Dominique. Her insecurities and jealousy of her sister are portrayed very well, and the raw power and intensity of her emotions felt very real to me. You captured the true essence of what it's like to love someone that you think doesn't love you back, and the fact that she thinks he loves her sister makes it that much more believable. You started out very strong, and set the scene well. I like how Dom compares her and her sister, and the tone was perfect, especially when you describe the diner. It felt like a subtle yet perfect analogy between the two sisters, and I loved it. The flashback to their childhood of Dom sort of being left out while Teddy and Victoire played was perfect, and I think it works very well with the rest of the story. The title is simple yet eloquent, and fits the story perfectly. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors, so great job there as well. The pacing was perfect, I was so eager to read more, and I really really want to know what happens.

--house cup 2014 review--

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Review #6, by Veritaserum27 who do you see?

9th July 2014:

This was really beautiful and passionate and moving. I could tell through the entire piece that, although Dominique is questioning in her head if Teddy is using her to replace Victoire, she already knows that answer. It hangs in between them - at the diner, with each kiss and in their bed. She holds on to the hope that he is choosing her, not Victoire. When he speaks her name, there can be no more doubt, nor more hope and her heart breaks. Aaarrrgh - you just gave me quite the feels on this one. Really nice writing, all of your details just enhanced the story and didn't seem to be there to make the minimum word count. I am always impressed with the five hundred word stories!

House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #7, by jessicalorewrites who do you see?

9th July 2014:

I loved your narrative style in this oneshot! It very clearly showed how Dominique was feeling in a way that showed her insecurities about her sister and whether Teddy reciprocated her feelings. Most of all Dominique felt REAL. Her slight mannerisms, like the constant comparison to Victoire, is a very real human trait. We as a species are always comparing ourselves to others: people who are better and people who are worse.

The ending sort of confused me a little since the dialogue came out of nowhere. Is it Teddy's greeting - an accidental misuse of name? Or is it him confirming he sees Victoire not her? I think this could maybe be cleared up a little with a tiny bit of editing.

Other than that, this is a practically flawless piece! The flow is good and the description even better. It really felt like I was watching a movie in my room at times!!


{House Cup 2014 Review - Gryffindor}

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Review #8, by onestop_hpfan18 who do you see?

11th December 2011:
Aww, you dedicated it to me -hugs- I'm sorry I'm just now getting to reading and reviewing this, too. Things got a bit hectic with classes, but I'm here now.

Anyway, I really loved reading this again. It was actually better the second time around. I could feel the emotions and intent behind each word as I read. And I easily pictured everything happening in my mind as though a home movie reel were playing in my mind's eye. Over all, excellent voice and characterisation of Dominique and just over all flow of this. Brava! :)

Author's Response: Of course I dedicated it to you! You're my favorite Fez ♥

Thank you for such a lovely review. I'm so glad you liked it. And thank you for reading it the first time around!
You are too kind :)


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Review #9, by MajiKat who do you see?

14th September 2011:
hi darling
i thought i would return the favour of your awesome reviews with one of my own.


this is so sad, so very sad and i felt for Dom. her voice is wonderful in this piece and i love the narrative style. i love that she is talking to teddy, that he is the 'you'. it would not have worked any other way i don't think.

there is such poetry here and the opening paragraph contains the most wonderful imagery. i love the comparisons she makes between herself and her sister throughout the piece - that made it real and very human, because we always compare ourselves to those we think are better than us.

this is my fav line: But I invite you inside anyway, inside with me and my fragile heart and my doubts.

just beautiful. i am adding this to my favs. such a lovely piece of writing and so heartfelt.

Kate xx

Author's Response: Thank you Kate ♥
I was not expecting this when I opened up new reviews, it absolutely made my day. Thank you so much.

I'm so glad you liked it! This was the first new piece I'd written in quite some time, and the first I've ever written that could possibly be Teddy/Victoire, so I'm rather fond of it. And nervous about it too! So it makes me happy to know you enjoyed it.

Thanks dearie

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Review #10, by scarlettandgold who do you see?

11th September 2011:
Oh Shiloh, this is beautiful. It was so so incredibly well done - from the description at the beginning to the heartbreaking word at the end. It's so carefully sculpted and executed. I'm in awe! You're so incredibly talented, dear! This was tragic and yet I loved every bit of it! Very, very well done!

Author's Response: Thanks love :) I'm glad you liked it. It was... interesting, for me to write.


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