Oh my gosh, I absolutely love it!!! I was literally on the edge of my seat when reading this. Firstly you write exceptionally, your character portrayal is spot on, the dialogue is witty and the whole idea is so unique and creative. It plays out beautifully and is so realistic. All of this truly makes a great piece of work. It has been a while since I've read a really good James/Lily so thank you. (10/10)Author's Response: Thank you very much for this amazing review! I'm so glad you liked it and found it both unique and creative (something I always seek to make my writing). This definitely made my day. Thanks! :) Report Review
wow! ur story was definitively amazing! i luved it how u developed the tension between the two and all that! Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Love it! I can see this actually happening! Love it!
MELAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your requested review! I'm so glad that you found my last one helpful, and I hope that this one is helpful, too!
- There were a couple minor mechanical issues. In the third paragraph, you say "as if" following her when he was following her, which I found a bit odd. You also had a few typos (for example, "not one annoying comments" instead of "comment) and a couple instances where there were misplaced commas (for example, "after all, the less people, the better" should have followed a period, a colon, or a semi-colon, not a comma - and I think it should technically be "fewer" instead of "less"). All very minor stuff, but I thought I'd point it out.
I thought that the flow of the story was great on the whole. I only had a couple issues with it. First, I felt like she dropped a huge bombshell when she said that her mother had died, and it got a couple lines of acknowledgment before they went back to being light-hearted. That didn't really work for me - in a lot of ways, I think I would have preferred it to be an old family thing that her mother had just given her over the summer, or maybe something she'd gotten from her grandmother years before. Something that explained the emotional attachment without being so dramatic, if that makes sense.
I also thought that it was a bit odd when he started talking about beating her in a duel when she just made a comment about knowing who to blame. It seemed out of place to me.
But other than that, I liked the flow. I also thought that the interaction between James and Lily was great, and I especially loved your portrayal of James - that is exactly how I always think of him. (I adore James. He is quite possibly my second favorite character in the series, which I am aware is ridiculous considering how little we see him.)
Great story. I'm so glad you requested a review for it, and I hope you find this helpful as well and continue to request in the future! :)Author's Response: Thanks for yet another very helpful review!
I guess some things slip past me when I'm in a hurry. Haha. I'll fix them asap, maybe editing a little more things into it, helping clarify some other things you mention.
It's funny. I had actually been thinking a lot about that part with her mother, not sure how to phrase it or just make it another relative. I thought the time that had passed would help the flow, plus in my head, Lily had sort of already dealt with it... Anyways...
James was being very far-fetched with the whole duel - he took the chance to brag a little about his abilities. Even Lily thinks he's a tad weird here, which James realises and tries to save it with a compliment, said very confidently.
I understand your facination of James - I feel the same way, haha. I love him and Lily in these situations, and I love writing them like this, so I'm happy you enjoyed that.
Thanks yet again for the review! :) Report Review
Awww, cute. I loved how you portrayed James and Lily in this story. Great work! (:
~KhanhAuthor's Response: Thanks very much! :) Report Review
Fantastic story! I loved it.Author's Response: Thank you! :) Report Review
Loved it. Are you going to add anything to it?: )Author's Response: Thank you very much. No, sorry. Forgot to click the 'completed'-box :P Report Review
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