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5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by patronus_charm I

2nd March 2013:
Hello there, itís Kiana from team blue!

I really liked the beginning of this, as it was just perfect, and made me laugh so much. The way James called Lily petal, and her reaction to it, then Sirius chipping in, seemed in character, and humorous!

Your characterisation was really good, and it all seemed very fitting. The only thing is, correct me if Iím wrong, I didnít happen to see the mention to what year theyíre in, and that threw me a little, as I didnít really know what to expect from them.

I liked the little details you put into it, such as the edition of the nimbus broom, and Lily being able to make a hardened criminal in Azkaban quake in his boots, as thatís what Sirius later turned into, so that was a good use of foreshadowing.

I would perhaps suggest that you reviewed your spacing, sometimes it seemed as if each new sentence was indented, and that got a little distracting at times, as it made me pause in my head, so if you just got rid of those gaps, it should be fine.

Other than that, I thought this was a fun one-shot, and the characterisation was great!

Kiana!

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Review #2, by RosieQueen I

7th November 2012:
It's Rosie from the blue vs bronze review battle! :)

This is a really good start! I really liked the characterizations of all the characters, especially Sirius. Lily's 'fiery' temper was portrayed very well, and James seemed just right! I like how you didn't over-exaggerate them, either, which I find a lot in Marauders era stories.

I liked the detail and the overall flow as well. The only thing I'd recommend that you do to improve the flow even more is to check your spacing after some of the dialogue, like here: They know. THEY KNOW!" Lily shouted. There's an extra space after "know." Not a big deal, but it's kind of distracting.

Overall though, I loved this very much! I always enjoy Jily and you're doing a great job with them. :)

~Rosie

Author's Response: Hi Rosie, thanks for stopping by, much appreciated :)

I'm glad you enjoyed the characterisation and flow. And thanks, I'll take a look and see what you mean, like a double space? Oops lol, thanks for pointing that out. Glad you enjoyed it, hopefully you enjoy what's to follow if I ever get around to updating it again lol. Thanks! Bobby xx


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Review #3, by Aphoride I

7th September 2011:
Haha, poor James! I love it - it's definitely an original idea and an original take on the situation the characters are in. The characterisation was pretty much spot on - especially Sirius. I can definitely imagine him being completely oblivious (or just not caring) to what he's causing. No problems with flow or grammar or anything. I definitely want to read more.

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph, thanks for stopping by to review, much appreciated, sorry about the seriously long wait for the reply!!
Thanks! It was just a random plot bunny I had so long ago now, really need to get back to finishing it. I'm glad you enjoyed my characterisation, and you thought the writing was good, much appreciated thanks. Hopefully will have an update soon-ish. Real Life is taking over a lot with kiddies to run after lol. Thanks hun! Bobby xx


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Review #4, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriend I

6th September 2011:
Hi Kate, I think read this story back on TDM already, but it's still funny the second time around.
I love how Lily is ragging with anger, only to turn around in the end and make James more scared of her by being calm.
And I love how you've intertwined Sirius into the story. Very realistic. The characters were very good written. Very much like the description J.K. Rowling gave us in the books. You seem to be completely in sync with her words of the characters!
Great job!
Also very happy to see you've been posting again. Missed your stories since TDM ended. This gives me reasons to come back here again. Haven't been this site too much lately.

--Dagmar

Author's Response: Hello lovely, how's it going? Bit late on the reply wouldn't ya say? God I'm so slack lol... Yea, I miss TDM too... I have thought about restarting it over the years but just never got round to doing it... I guess now that I have Lily I don't really have much time left to run a website... Though I am extremely tempted!!! ... I dunno, maybe lol :)
Thanks for stopping by hun, and sorry for the long wait for the reply, slack I know lol. Loves ya! xx


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Review #5, by Woodrow Rynne I

6th September 2011:
Hehe. Really liked this one. I think you conveyed Lily's angry personality quite approppriately. James, oh James, he was perfectly in character. The ending was really good; it made me grin.

I think, and I'm saying this again, the characterisation was what was the best. I loved it. I didn't really like the petname 'petal'; but that's just a personal thing, so no worries.

This was a really enjoyable read. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :) and yea, I wasn't entirely sure about the petal thing, but just had to throw something a bit more endeering for James to have said in there given the circumstances of what was happening lol. Thanks again! Bobby xx

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