Oh my goodness, this was so beautiful! I'm so glad I came to read it < 3
The second person POV was great! I've never really read second person story before but I absolutely adored this. You had some really great descriptions in this story and I loved how you kept mentioning that pink reminded Fleur of Dominique because of the flowers. It was a small, yet very powerful symbol.
The mother daughter relationship in here was really sweet :) I can imagine Fleur bonded so well with Dom because of how much they were alike and I'm glad you mentioned Vic and Louis in this as well. Contrasting the three of them really had me wondering about them and the relationship between them and their mother too.
I'm not going to lie, I teared up a bit when I realized Fleur had either dementia or Alzheimer's. The fact that she recognized her but was confused because she was trapped in her old memories was so sad :( she was so utterly confused but she didn't know why. I do have to applaud you on how you wrote her though. No body really knows what goes through the mind of somebody who's got this illness but you made it very believable and realistic.
So, so, so good! very lovely read! < 3
-Amanda Report Review
Oh my merlin. Another beautiful and heartbreaking piece of writing! Really, you're such an amazing writer Giola, it is really a pleasure to read your stories =)
First off, I loved how you wrote this! I usually have a hard time understanding second person narratives, always get confused somehow, but this was so clearly written that I had no confusion at all, so good job! I think it is a big feat to manage to write second person as well as you did, and also not make any tense mistakes in the process, so I am really impressed.
In this brilliant one-shot too, your descriptions and imagery was incredible. I am floored by your talent. The beginning was just so beautiful, and I could almost see a little girl flash in front of my eyes surrounded by pink flowers she'd conjured. As always, your imagery was so good! I liked how Fleur compared her to Victoire briefly here and there, as that gave us a little more insight into Dom. I liked how Fleur envisioned Dominique's future and wanted to watch her grow up, it was all so sweet and touching.
And then BAM! You realize Fleur is not completely sane and it is the past she's remembering, and it just broke my heart to see her state. I should have expected something of the sort from the title, but I didn't know the meaning, and I only googled the title after reading the one-shot, so yeah xP Anyway, the part where Fleur is not able to recognize her grown-up daughter and thinking that she's still eleven, was written just so powerfully and my heart just clenched painfully on reading that segment. The adult Dominique leaving a pink flower with her mother was the sweetest and most touching thing ever and I didn't know whether to smile or cry at that point. It kind of reminded me of Neville and the toffee wrappers (here it was the other way round though).
And then in the end when Fleur goes back in her memory, it made me all the more sad that Fleur wants to be there for Dom as she grows up, when in fact her daughter is grown up already and she doesn't remember anything at all. It was just all too painful, yet so so beautifully written.
This was a short piece but there were so many emotions packed in this and I am really really impressed by your writing of this, and it was just amazing, and I don't know what else to say except for WOW!
There was one tiny typo I noticed though, here:
"She grow up, blossoming into the beautiful woman you knew she would become." I believe it should be "She'd grow up...".
Apart from that, this was a perfectly written flawless piece of writing. I loved it to the core. Great job!
(AditiDraco95) Report Review
Well I picked this one because I didn't know what the title meant, so I googled it. I spelled it wrong and it ended up being some kind of species of mammal...yeah I was like...that can't be it. So I googled the right word and came up with the right definition and I was like Ahhh that makes more sense for this story :P
Second person! Oh you know how I have a hard time with second person. If I ever had to pick a second person to read, I'm so glad it was this one! I LOVED it. The descriptions here were near your best, with the pink flowers and the way you portrayed Dominique in contrast to Victoire. I just loved the whole thing.
My favorite part was when it snapped back to present day and you realize that Fleur has dementia, and she's confused about what's going on. It can be hard to portray that by itself but in second person? That was a very risky thing to do, because of how hard it is to pull off, but you've nailed it here. The vague recollection, the doubting of her person. It was just great. And she still brought her the pink flower which was adorable and so sad at the same time. I also think you did a marvelous job with the confusion in this section. It was well done with the sensitive subject matter.
This piece was short and sweet but I really enjoyed it. Which is weird because, as I've said before I really don't like second person. What I want to know is, did you already have this title picked out or did you have to research a word or did you already know this word? I did not know this word. So not only did I learn a new word, but I got to read a great one shot!
Merry Christmas!! :)
Ash Report Review
First off, lets start with the fact that I adore your summary for the chapter. Dominique and her Pink flowers I thought that was really sweet ^_^
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this, possibly because I really enjoy reading next gen, but this was a master piece all in itself. I reall like the way you wrote it, yes I am aware it has a particular name, is it Second Person O.o? But I really enjoy reading stories that are written that way :)
-The pink flower complimented her colouring, her fair hair showing it off to its greatest advantage. - This was a really good sentence, I personally thought it added to the structure of the story.
~Karni. xxAuthor's Response: Hey MMM!
Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked it. This one shot was actually inspired by it's banner, one I found over at tda, which is where the imagery came from. I had an image of a younger Dominique with her pink flower, and wrote that scene. After that, the idea of Fleur having Alzheimer's occured to me, and the rest is history! It wasn't planned at all.
Yes, it is called Second Person. Thanks dear!
-Giola Report Review
Awww... Wow, that was amazing!
Your writing is great! There was so much description, especially in the beginning. I loved the whole thing with the pink flower, it was so... nice! And I also like how it was written in... the cool way that you wrote it in. (; I completely loved this. You're an incredible writer. And I loved the part where it was like "One year..." that whole paragraph made me a bit emotional. :') Great job.
Keep writing x flufff
Also, if you ever have some spare time... could you R&R my fanfic "Darkest Night"? I would really appreciate it if you told me your thoughts on it... Thank you! x ;D
9.5/10Author's Response: Hey!
Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it! And your compliments made me very, very happy, thank you so much!
-Giola Report Review
Hi! I have come with your review :)
Wow, this was beautiful! I often see a lot more father/daughter, father/son and mother/son pieces on here, most of them the result of challenges, and I really liked this uniquely mother/daughter look at Fleur and Dominique. I also thought it was neat that Dominique was the daughter you chose, not Victoire. Again, I think that's fairly uncommon.
You mentioned tense, and I think it was fine here. The transitions between present and future tense were quite smooth and logical, and I really liked the idea of Fleur looking into her daughter's future and then being unable to comprehend how her daughter had grown when confronting her as an older woman. That last little bit transformed this from a mere fluff piece into a really poignant piece of work.
As I mentioned previously, the whole thing flowed quite well, and it was easy to follow your train of thought. I didn't see any issues with grammar, spelling or punctuation, either. I found your characterization of Fleur to be quite interesting, as I myself usually write her as being a bit more brash (concealed behind perfect gentility, of course), so I liked the change. I also thought Dominique was really adorable with her pink flowers. The visual image was really, really cute!
Great work here! Thanks so much for requesting a review, and I hope my feedback proves helpful to you :)
academicaAuthor's Response: Thank you for getting to this so quickly!! (And sorry it's taken me AGES to respond to this...whoops). Thank you so much, this piece was very interesting to write, the idea of having Fleur suffering from Alzheimer's didn't occur to me until I was about 200 words in.
I'm glad you liked it, I agree, the characterization of Fleur was, well, weird. I'm not sure why she came out that way...but she did.
Your feedback is most helpful, hahah! :D
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