Reading Reviews for Apparition Gone Wrong
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DracoFerret11 Apparition Can Be Difficult

10th July 2014:
Hello there! I thought I'd check this story out and leave a review. So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was interesting. At the beginning, I didn't expect how the rest of the story would go. The apparation lesson seemed very standard until Neville disappeared. I was glad he was okay! (Even if he got illogically stuck in a toilet.) I was surprised they broke into Snape's office! That was both bold and pretty stupid of them. At least they didn't get caught (yet).

Characterization: This was a bit weird for me. Harry, I think, was the closest to believable. Neville was decent too. Ron was a bit too goofy and off-kilter to me, though, and Hermione's dialogue felt rather stilted. Since this story relied heavily on dialogue, it was hard to get the mannerisms of the characters down, so I couldn't really get adjusted to your versions of them.

Descriptions: Again, since there's so much dialogue, I couldn't really experience much of the story. I couldn't see, hear, smell, feel, etc. the settings and characters, so maybe some more details could help.

This was funny and unique, so good job on those aspects! The characterization felt off, but if you ever wanted to edit this, maybe that could be something you work on. Overall, good job!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review, Educational Decree #7)

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Review #2, by TidalDragon Apparition Can Be Difficult

7th July 2014:
Hello again!

This ended up being a pretty humorous story set during a time in the series when we didn't get a whole heap to laugh about.

Ultimately, I think you could have bolstered it by focusing on achieving a bit more balance. Most of the story was unfortunately devoid of detailed description or internal thought, relying too heavily on dialogue between characters. Without much variation in the dialogue tags, sentence length, or overall structure, this quickly became repetitious and sounded a bit like a rapid-fire exchange because it became difficult to differentiate one statement from the next, what tone was being used, or how much time was passing between speakers or overall in the conversation.

Focus on achieving that balance and varying the ways in which you use dialogue (including the words actually used by the characters - they should be differentiable) and I think you can make this more impactful.

Thanks for sharing!

House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #3, by Hogwarts27 Apparition Can Be Difficult

8th January 2014:
Hi, this story popped up on my 'similar to' page and I had fun reading it. I especially liked the part where Hermione asks Snape if he enjoys teaching. Nice little story.

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much. I am glad you liled it and thank you for reviewing. I appreciate feedback.

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Review #4, by Gred N Forge Apparition Can Be Difficult

29th November 2011:
lmao: you may end up stuck in a toilet!

Author's Response: Umm...Is this a good or bad thing? Anyway, thanks for reading.

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Review #5, by LunaLover Apparition Can Be Difficult

18th September 2011:
That's hilarious!
Heehee corbklin.

Author's Response: Thank you!!! I know, it's fun to say, corbklin corbklin corbklin.

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Review #6, by Tonks101 Apparition Can Be Difficult

15th September 2011:
You are brilliant! Hehahehahhaahahhah that was funniness! Hah hah. Hah...Neville...hah. Anyway! God job! :) :D =D :{D

Author's Response: HeeHee! Thanks! I'm thinking of doing a Luna one, but you know, not apparition and toilets, but, yeah! Thanks!

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