great first chapter! I like how Scorpius is best friends with Albus Potter. looks like it will be a good read! :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm still writing and I'm on chapter six. I just need them to be approved! I read yours too, it was great!

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Rachel is...horribly annoying o.O God. She's even worse than Cho Chang. Good work. I like how you write Scorp :)

Author's Response: Yeah. I found that now, she can be like Cho Chang. She cried a lot. She's kinda obsessive and if she feels threatened by another girl, she cries. Cho was jealous of Hermione, and Rachel is jealous of whoever Scorpius' love interest is, which is Rose, though she doesn't know.

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This is really good :D I like it. I didn't stumble over any of your writing, which is a very good sign. :) And I like how you portray Draco.

Author's Response: Hi Yarrow! Thanks! I tried to make Draco somewhat like he was when he was in school, so I thought if he was like that in his parenting days, his reputation wouldn't change.

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Awww poor Scrop. His dad doesn't love him.:( I think its cute how much he likes rose. When he said im in love with is amazing cousin i was like awww how cute. i wonder what he lied to rose about that would hurt her so much? can't wait to read more so keep up the good work and update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and commenting on my story! I'm getting chapter two ready. I can't say what he lied about, but I can promise that something unexpected will come from it.

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This is a good start and I like your characterisation of Scorpius. One thing though - you can only be head boy/girl in the final year. Each year there are a head boy and girl for the entire school, not for each year group. This is not only the case in Hogwarts but in the UK in general. Just thought it might help? Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thank you! I forgot about that! I'll just make them prefects. It doesn't really show in the story, it's just there so you know. Thanks for telling me!

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You have the beginnings of a good story. I like the way Albus is defending his cousin, almost like she was his sister. I would like to read more so plz update soon. 9/10.

Author's Response: Thank you for sending me a response! I'm working on chapter two right now and I'll have it put up soon! Thank you!

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