Reading Reviews for The Snake or the Stag
  
62 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MrsRoonilWazlib2312 XI:End

3rd August 2012:
Wow, that was really good:) I think you should be really proud of yourself:)

Author's Response: Thank you! I am, I think this is the best story I've ever written.

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Review #2, by Erica IV: The Train

1st July 2012:
it makes me kinda sad about dorcas and remus cuz of Tonks ... (:

Author's Response: Yeah...but Dorcas dies during the first war.

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Review #3, by sparkleshinestar88 I: Prologue

30th June 2012:
Haha, I love this story so far! I think the characters are pretty accurately displayed. I just think maybe Lupin would know the reason Snape and James hate each other: because they both like Lily? anyways, good job(:

Author's Response: Thanks! And...maybe, but then they've hated each other from day one in my mind. :P Thank you for the review!

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Review #4, by ginerva_molly_weasley II:Hogsmeade

25th February 2012:
Hmm another interesting chapter.

I was intrigued about the Hogsmeade visit and more importantly the fact that lily was going on a date with Severus. I had never really seen the side of Lily that actually liked Severus rather than a friend.

I love James and Sirius in this though and I almost feel sorry for James that Lily's turning him down (although that is through my preconcieved opinion of Severus). I think you have written them both very well and I can see Lily and James making a nice couple. It;s interesting to see though that you haven't made James repeatedly follow her like a puppy dog, instead accepting her rejection.

The one thing in thisb chapter I felt you didn't really explain was why Lily decided to sit by the marauders. I know you probably meant for Dorcas to get to know Remus a little bit more but I felt you didn't fully explain that, instead just sitting there. Sirius's comments were quite amusing though!

The fact Lily is Severus's steady girlfriend, I think you could do a lot with that. I understand Severus not wanting people from Slytherin to know as Lily is a muggleborn however I'm interested to see how Lily's dorm mates react to the fact that they're going out as I feel you have already shown their strong disapproval of Severus so it is obvious that they will find out eventually.

Another good chapter!

Author's Response: I'm glad you still seem intriuged :) I haye the.puppy dog constant asking out James. No ome does that, so why should he, you know? So I fixed.it. :) as for the rest,.I cant say much without ruinimg the.rest of the story.

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Review #5, by magicmuggle01 I: Prologue

22nd February 2012:
Hi. Here as promised is the 2101st review.

Ahh a new look to the Potter, Evans, Snape love triangle. this should make interesting reading. I like seeing stories about these three.
I like the start of this story, I wonder how Lily will weather this storm between the three of them. 9/10.

Author's Response: Thanks, glad you liked it!

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Review #6, by ginerva_molly_weasley I: Prologue

14th February 2012:
Okay so I said I didn't like Lily and Severus but this was actually so well written I don't see how you couldn't like the ship.

I love the fact that it's not actually Severus who is pining over Lily but Lily is the one who actually likes Severus. It makes a change from seeing Severus as the slimy pathetic one and the ship doesn't seem nearly so bad!

The fact that Severus makes her happy is good as you show that within the first few lines with her sauntering to class late. I also love how you've made it seem that even by 5th/6th year she still wasn't that acquainted with James and she still didn't really know who he was.

You show the beginnings of a firm friendship with Remus in this chapter but also show that Lily is bright with her working out that Remus was a werewolf, but you also show well that Remus is really her only connection with the marauders.

I think this is a strong first chapter to a story so well done!

Author's Response: I'm glad you've decided it's not so bad! (To be honest, I've never read a Snape/Lily story so...yeah :P ) I wanted it to seem like at least a normal HS relationship in most aspects, so I'm glad it's alright that way.

I'm glad you thought it was good! Thank you for the review!
~Lily


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Review #7, by The Last Marauder VI: Secret Released

1st January 2012:
Ah there is the reaction from Snape I was looking for in an earlier chapter! Finally we get a proper reaction from him and I liked it. Well done.

Anyway, I have a bit of constructive criticism for you with regards to this chapter, but you don't have to take it, if you don't want to. But, I would have liked you to have gone into more detail about Dorcas thought about Lupin being a werewolf, you don't exactly reveal an awful lot, it might be interesting to explore that a bit more. Have things changed between them? Has this information affected her feelings for him etc. You don't just find out that your boyfriend is a werewolf and then ask your best friend why she didn't tell you, you would have more of a reaction than that (I think anyway).

Finally, I really love how you characterised Peter in this though, you show him as a human being. Most people tend to forget that, tend to get caught up in the whole betraying James and Lily thing. But he was part of the Marauders and he was in Gryffindor, so he must have been very brave and loyal and likeable at some point, but he was definitely part of the Marauders and you captured that so well, so well done and fair play for that!

Anyway, great chapter, looking forward to reading on now!

Author's Response: Thanks! You're right, Dorcas doesn't really have a reaction to it...I should probably add some in to that...
And I'm glad you like my Peter. I was very proud of him when I wrote it. I'm tired of him always being stupid or evil or not as good as anyone else. So I fixed it. :)
~Lily


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Review #8, by The Last Marauder V: Christmas

1st January 2012:
Again this was great! I am noticing a lot more grammar mistakes and typos creeping into the more recent chapters I've read. But you said you have a Beta, so that's OK!

I liked this chapter, particularly the bit at the end about Sirius, how it turns out that he has never actually kissed everyone in his life. Sirius is very amusing in this story and definitely my favourite character, I think you've written him so well, so fair play and well done on that front!

I also like how Snape is rarely off Lily's mind either, she seems to be afraid that they are growing apart, but at the same time does not want to admit it. I think that's a very good angle to take, it's very realistic and believable.

Again, James seems a perfect gentleman in your story, which seems a bit at odds with the James in the books, but it's not really much of an issue because your James works really well in your story, and I like how you've written him.

Anyway, again this is a great chapter, and again I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it :) I always figure the James in book 5 was blowing off stress, as was everyone else, as that couldn't possibly be how they always behaved...but maybe I am downplaying him a bit. I just can't see James another way. Glad you like him though.
~Lily


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Review #9, by The Last Marauder IV: The Train

31st December 2011:
Wow! Things just got very complicated very fast, but I liked that. Up until this point everything seemed really inoccent, now it's much more interesting to say the least. I really like how it is dawning on Lily what Snape is becoming: a Death Eater, he is no longer simply her ever-good best friend, he has gotten in with the wrong crowd and it is starting to show.

I will say that I was a tad surprised at Snape's non-reaction to Lily breaking up with him. I was expecting some sort of reaction, but got nothing, just a general, that's fine, let's stay friends. I don't know if I bought that to be honest... (sorry if that sounds a bit mean...)

But I think this story's greatest strength is the Marauders and how you characterise them. I think you have it perfect. I loved Lily's little comments on each member of the group, you made them human, normal, ordinary, sometimes people wash over that a bit, and get caught up with the pranks and everything. You made them real, well done for that.

I also loved how you showed Lily's nervousness at the beginning, how she didn't want to break it off but knew she had to, you captured that so well too! Well done on that front!

All in all, great chapter. Look forward to reading more.

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. As you said in another review, Snape does have a reaction. He just can't on the train, or the others will know and Lily will become more targeted.
~Lily


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Review #10, by The Last Marauder III: Like a Brother

31st December 2011:
Again, this chapter was really brilliant. Sirius made me laugh so much! And I like how you characterised Snape as well, I presume why he doesn't want anyone to know they are going out is because he doesn't want Avery and them to know he is in a relationship with a Muggle-born? I liked how you show how torn Snape is, how he clearly loves Lily, but at the same time does not want the future Death Eaters to know.

I also like how you have separated out Lily's feelings for both boys; how she loves Snape like a brother and loves James romantically. That was great, because you'd be surprised how many people have had that problem; mistaking brotherly feelings for romantic feelings.

Again, I really have no complaints, except maybe with James. Your James he much less of a prat than the James we see in the pensieve in Order of the Phoenix, who is arrogant and always showing off and just curses people because he can. Your James seems much more mature; how he backed off when Lily asked him to, how he is respecting Lily's relationship with Snape, how he even said Snape could come over at Christmas (I'll admit that seemed a bit strange, because the two hate each other). I think your James is much less hot-headed, beyond his years even, because Sirius told Harry that his ego didn't deflate until seventh year. Are you going for a sort of mature James here or is he simply putting on this calm, sensitive persona to impress Lily?

Anyway, that aside, it was a really great chapter. Well done and I look foward to reading more!

Author's Response: Some of it is him, some of it is to impress Lily. And as for inviting Snape over...if Snape had shown up, James would have blew up. He knew Snape would never come to his house, so the invitation couldn't hurt anything. Almost a taunt, really, if Lily asked him.
~Lily


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Review #11, by The Last Marauder II:Hogsmeade

31st December 2011:
Again this was great. I particularly liked how you characterised Sirius, he amused me a lot, even though we saw him only briefly. Also, I love how you've captured the Marauders as a group of messers, just having a laugh, I really like it. I also like how you've done James as well. And your original characters are great too!

I have no complaints or criticisms to give here. The story flowed so well, it was really engaging and really well written! Well done

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it so much!

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Review #12, by The Last Marauder I: Prologue

31st December 2011:
Hi there, I'm here with your requested review!

I don't see any problems here at all really. The characterisation was perfect, I found the note James gave Lily very amusing. I like how you showed a friendship between Lily and Lupin, how Lily, like the other Marauders, did not have a problem with him being a werewolf.

As far as prologues go, this was great, it set the scene really well (we see the start of a potential love triangle between James, Lily and Snape). All in all, very good, really draws the reader in. Flow and pace were perfect.

The only thing I can point out is Lily turning James into a toe-rag, don't know if that works, because the meaning of that word has developed in England and it's just become a disparaging term, the original old meaning (of a toe-rag being a type of make your own sock by tying rags to your toes) has lost its meaning, so I don't think turning James into that works. Also can you turn living people into inanimate objects? Not so sure... might be better if you chose to have Lily turn him into an animal of some sort, or since it's only second year and they are not that advanced at magic, have Lily change his hair colour or transplant his ears onto a cactus or something.

That's the only criticism I can make, over all the story is great, really interesting and engaging and I look forward to reading more!

Author's Response: I had no clue that was the meaning of a toe-rag. I honestly had no clue what a toe-rag was, I just assumed it was an object. So thanks for that :) I don't think I'll change it in this story, but I'll keep it in mind for later. Thanks for the review, and I'm really glad you liked it! And sorry for not replying sooner.

~Lily


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Review #13, by Guestpotterhead XI:End

23rd December 2011:
Hey,

All in all I truly loved your story it was magnificant. You have a real talent for story telling but I do wonder A) If you're american because you tend to use a lot of terms that British people (I am British xD) Don't use so I was curious, Also watch the changing of tenses? It tends to take the reader out of the story. I honestly found it very moving if I'm honest. I do enjoy a good story and I tend to read a great amount though I've only very recently started to read Fics on this site (This was the second, actually!) because most of the ones I've found on other sites for lack of a better word Suck xD But I did enjoy this tremendously! I applaud you and your ability to tell a story, aside from the occasional americanisms, spelling mistakes and changing of tenses I truly honestly don't think anyone could possibly state that you have any problems with your writing. You are obviously talented when it comes to telling a story and I'd like to read more from you in the future :)

Author's Response: It makes me happy to know you enjoyed it so much! You don't know what it means to me :) Yes, I am American :P I try to use britishisms as much as possible, but I don't know a lot of them. And I have a beta who's working on cleaning up my tenses and stuff for me :)

I was the second story! I feel honored :) I hope you stick around (even make an account!) and read more stories here. You'll find that there are plenty of quality stories on this site. We work hard to make it good :) The staff work hard to make it a good site too.

Your praise makes me want to blush :P Thank you so much! And as for reading more, if you click on my name then it will take you to my Author's page with all my stories (and you can do that with any author.)

I hope you stick around! Have fun and Merry Christmas.
~Lily


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Review #14, by HipogriffDancer XI:End

21st December 2011:
AMMAZING

Author's Response: Thanks!
~Lily


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Review #15, by tangledconstellations IX:O.W.L.'s

13th November 2011:
Oh no, oh no! I've come to the end! :( Please update soon! Perhaps maybe in December though, so not as to distract you ;) I'm doing NaNo too but pretty much failing, haha! :P

Again, you've left me hot and cold! The way time has literally slipped by...it was really effective. I so know how they feel though. I hate exams, and worrying about them somehow brings them closer and closer. It's easy to let life slip into the backseat and focus on other things so much you forget other stuff is there. The dissolving of the relationships was really effective.

Sev, in the last chapter - I just really don't know what to think about him. In a way I feel bad for him, but then...do I really? The way he just kissed her - its as though everything she's been saying is in one ear and out the other. He's frustrating, and I just feel so bad for Lils. I'm sure you do too, when you're writing this!

I can't wait for more though, really. :) Laura xxx

Author's Response: Your reviews leave me with a smile, seriously. I really am glad you like this story so much! Thank you! And Sev! Ugh. He is a pain right now! But we just have to remember, he's a teenage boy who isn't nearly as charming as our darling James :D
~Lily


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Review #16, by tangledconstellations VII: Effects

13th November 2011:
Oh! You are so mean! My emotions are all over the place!

At first, when I was reading this chapter, I was like, OH GOD this is even worse, oh Dorcas! But now I'm like, THERE IS HOPE! The tension in those last few lines...it was just flawless. I love your writing style, the way you don't faff about too much and you just give us the bits we need, the bits we can piece the scenes together with. Less is more. Each scene is so uniquely our own, because you let it be. It's really great.

I do worry about Lily and her place right now. It's as though now she's cut herself away from Sev she's drifting. When she noticed that Remus didn't call her his friend...it was really sad! It was as though she really was picking up on the little things, and of course they always do add up, don't they? I hope this situation is resolved soon, because the gravity of the whole werewolf thing has the potential to harm a lot of relationships.

Laura xxx

Author's Response: I'm happy you like my writing style! :D it makes me, well, happy :P And I wouldn't worry about Lily too much, we know she eventually finds herself, right? ;)
~Lily


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Review #17, by tangledconstellations VI: Secret Released

13th November 2011:
Oh Dorcas :( Oh Lily :( Oh everyone! This chapter was just heartbreaking.

I feel so bad for Dorcas, finding out like that. I can imagine she felt really isolated. In a way, I'm a little annoyed that Lily knew first, though of course it does seem the most natural. It's just a little cruel. Though I doubt the sitch would have worked any other way. Just, oh, Dorcas.

I feel awful for Lily, too, because Sev is just ridiculous and its really sad to see him 'change' like this. It reminds me of being in high school and watching friends you used to be close to change and switch friendship groups. It's an almost pining, hollowing feeling. I can totally relate to Lily, though her feelings must be 100 times worse because she used to have feelings for him. There's no denying it though - he was not good to her. She has got to do better than him.

The whole part with Peter was really beautiful too, because it makes me really sad when people portray him to be scheming, even at age 15, 16 or whatever. Of course he wasn't :( He must have recognised what good friends he had at the time, because turning to Voldemort was so difficult for him. I felt like it was just handled really sensitively, because in the back of my mind there was 'you betray Lily! you betray Lily!' yet I knew there was room for growth in Peter. It was just really unique to see.

I loved this chapter, though. It was sad and counterbalanced the last chapter. This isn't going to be easy for Lily :(

Laura xxx

Author's Response: No, it isn't going to be easy :( But growing up isn't easy, sadly. I'm glad you liked it too, and I'm really glad you like my Peter. I hate it when Peter is just thrown to the side and forgotten, or just an evil guy from the start. Like you said, people change and groups fall apart. Thank you for the review!
~Lily


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Review #18, by tangledconstellations V: Christmas

13th November 2011:
THIS CHAPTER.

The cutest. In the world. I swear!

Again, I apologise profusely for taking so long to getting round to reviewing. Real life is such a pain, haha. I wish I could just read fanfiction all the time, genuinely haha! It's so much better than homework :P

This chapter really was so lovely though. It felt like, to me, like a recovery process on Lily's part. To have her giggling and to see all their in-jokes was just super. The way you're carrying the plot along is really great too - you address so many things in each chapter which is always good to see in a story, as it keeps us on our toes. But I'm sure you'd do that anyway, even if you had filler chapters! I love your writing :)

Lily and James' growing relationship is also super cute. I love that they're both kinda unsure of each other, but then there is something in both of them that feels right, too. It was really very realistic, and just...CUTE. I'm feeling the cute right now. I've said that so many times in this review! The way you've brought in the parents, too, was really effective, because it reminds us that they are still kids (ok, teenagers) and that despite everything going on guidance is still there and needed. It was very grounding.

I can't wait to see where else you'll take this :) Laura xxx

Author's Response: So..it's been like a month...but I'm responding finally :) I'm glad you still like it, especially this chapter. I was worried about the whole Lily-kissing-James thing, and I'm glad you thought it was cute instead of extremely OOC. Thank you!

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Review #19, by quidditchscribbler IX:O.W.L.'s

12th November 2011:
I really love how you have Lily split between Severus and James, it's so much cleverer than the usual approach of her hating James the whole time and falling out with Severus after exams. I also like the reflective parts in this chapter with Lily wondering what she is going to do and where time has gone.
That last sentence though has got me, I think I can see what is about to happen and I'm very excited, please be quick with an update!

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you like it and I hope you like the next chapter as well.
~Lily


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Review #20, by CC IX:O.W.L.'s

9th November 2011:
I am SO looking forward for the next chapter!
I wonder if Severus will call Lily a Mudblood.
Continue on uploading!

Author's Response: Thanks :) I will! I'm glad you like it and...well, we know from the books that sev calls her that :P
~Lily


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Review #21, by LilyLookALike IX:O.W.L.'s

9th November 2011:
Wow!! tension is gwttin sooo high between everyone. Cant wait too see how you put the next scene. Jkr already has it pretty much spelled out but i love how each and every writer puts their own spin on it. :D

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like it :)
~Lily


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Review #22, by Bluestreakspirit IX:O.W.L.'s

9th November 2011:
Oohh! I LOVE THIS UPCOMING SCENE! letsgooo

Author's Response: thanks :)
~Lily


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Review #23, by michaelasaurus IX:O.W.L.'s

9th November 2011:
Still good, just make sure to watch the tenses!! It makes for a very confusing read. and "quite" you have been using for both "quiet" and "quit" just make sure you know which words you are using.

Author's Response: Thanks for pointing that out. I'll try to watch that as well. And thanks for the reivew, I'm glad you like it.
~Lily


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Review #24, by michaelasaurus VII: Effects

9th November 2011:
I like your story, just make sure to look out for switiching tenses... like "Dorcas was curled up on the couch" and "everyone is silent for a few moments" It gets a little bit confusing and you should just stick to one. :)

Author's Response: Thank you :) I'll try to watch that, and hopefully my beta will catch what I don't.
~Lily


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Review #25, by Firefly VIII: The Talk

8th November 2011:
James, Lily is a nutjob and most likely has a mental defect.

Fiind a pretty girl with better choices in friends who can make up her mind about things. Lily isn't worth the trouble.

Author's Response: sorry you feel that way.
~Lily


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