Woah, can I read more please!!
Keep up the good work!!
padmoonyfoot7: over and out!! Report Review
HI!! I somehow came across your page and I saw that this story could use some lurve, so I decided to give it a read :)
I thought this was a really interesting beginning--your writing is really good, too! Some of your descriptions are marvelous, and you clearly have a good command of language. I saw this scene very clearly; the way you have it laid out is really concise, but still beautiful in a way.
It's interesting that the eyes are the focus here, and that even in the dark Edie's eyes are clearly grey. James obviously is transferring something to her or is going a little cray, and it's intriguing to consider what's going on in his head. I thought Edie's emotions were wonderfully described, and the way you laid out her thoughts was so well-written...things like "her thoughts stray, hopelessly, to the agreeably mundane" and "a strange intensity – that sets him apart somewhat, making him linger for longer than usual in the memory of the casual passersby" that are fantastic. You have to be a real writer to be able to produce phrasing like that and GUESS WHAT??? THAT MEANS YOU ARE DOING ALL THE RIGHT THINGSSS.
I really enjoyed this first chapter. I think your give and take of information is a good pace, and you've got me interested at this point. I hope you update again!!
-lilyAuthor's Response: OMG OMG i only just noticed your review! i'm very sorry for not responding sooner- stupid me for not checking. stupid stupid (thwacks self on head)
more importantly, thank you!!! my first review ever! and what a confidence-inspiring review, too... if you knew how much i laboured over this single chapter (i am an incorrigible perfectionist when it comes to writing. agh) and how often i doubted myself - well this review makes all that stuff worth it. so thank you lily!
james is certainly going rather crazy. does seem so, right? i'm so chuffed you noticed the thing about the eyes.
and yes, i will be updating soon (fingers crossed). FINALLY.
sasha Report Review
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