What? Oh my God, you've really gone all the way with this one! I'm giving it an 8 just because it all seems too far fetched but nevertheless I must say I liked it. It's rater intriguing that Harry doesn't say a word and simply goes there and dies and then this hardcore, heavy metal version of Neville (loved it!) kicks in and just gives Riddle the old one two, doesn't he?
Somehow, Ron and Harry dead did not come with much grief, I think that may be because I was drooling in 'Longbottom Awesomeness'. No wonder Hermione was left with a child from him! =P Anyway, I think it felt a little bit like a rush (everything happenning so fast!) and, even though "prophesy" is accepted I would have kept the Canon spelling, but can't blame you.
(I found you stories and am taking the time to read them all, at least the complete works, now that I'm set in your mood of writing it would be disturbing (at least for me) to change to another author and then return, so, since I have you here I will read all your stuff and see what I can find out =) greetings from Argentina!)Author's Response: I want to write more of this Neville but haven't yet found the right plotline.
You seem to like what I do and I am so grateful for that.
Thanks and muchisimas gracias, amigo. Report Review
Hi :) In your first paragraph I would try combining some of your sentences because they are kind of short and choppy. This part of the next paragraph "Ron was not there, Ron was dead. She had witnessed with her own eyes the Death Eater called Scabior hit him with the green light of the killing curse. " can be changed to "Ron wasn't there, he was dad. She had witnessed with her own eyes when the Death Eater called Scabior hit him with the green light of the killing curse." You also spelled prophecy wrong. You also don't need quotation marks when you say 'as my equal.' Take out "I can tell you" before "they have left..." There is not apostrophe in Weasleys. I really liked the idea of the story, even if it wasn't canon, and I hope I wasn't too harsh.Author's Response: No you weren't too harsh, I don't mind constructive criticism, even if I don't neccessarily agree with it. I take your points on board. Spellcheck seems to accept both versions of 'prophe(c/s)y.
I'm going to do a cheeky review of your review.
'Ron was not there, he was DAD.' Hmmm.
Thanks for taking the time to review. Report Review
Hey, LeCygne here with your review!
Well, that was unexpectingly dark, wich I absolutely love! And yet, it's worth a review, because it could've been better.
First, I don't think the format you chose actually fit the story.
It's a shame, because your plot is actually pretty good. Badass Neville comes a bit out of nowhere, but hey, he slained the snake, so it's alright.
But a one-shot? I always felt one-shot were for precise moments, insights, or for several levels of reading. But there, you're trying to recap a lot in a very short time.
You plotted well enough for at least four chapters there, so why the rush? Everybody loves a good several chapters long story...And it's a bit frustrating when nevill's speech is so cool we imagine 4 chapters like that.
It's that precise choice I've had a problem with. because it also ruins the pacing of your chapter, wich is overly unbalanced.
Apart from that, you write pretty well, maybe a tiny bit grandiloquent -the suicide, particularly, came overly dramatic-, but it fits the story well...
Your characterization is also very good. I love your Ginny, and
I really enjoyed Hermione too, she usually one of my least favorite characters, but you respected her style.
So, great potential mate! You can keep on writing happily and without stress. But as it is, it's still too short, too much, too fast. Still worth a 7 though.Author's Response: Well, thank you so much. You have given me much food for thought. 3 or 4 chapters, I'll see if I can block it that way. It won't be anytime soon though, I have other issues to deal with first. Not least a new bathroom in my house!! Report Review
I don't know why you do not have more reviews for this story. I think it's brilliantly written. A whole new prospective for the battle for Hogwarts and beyond.
I never expected Harry to die, when he stepped forward I thought right he'll sort Voldy out, but then you killed him off. And then Neville did the honors, nice touch.
But it's a shame that he commited suicide at the end. At least he'll live on in his son. 10/10.
By the way, if your the one who reviewed my writers duel entry the surprising life of Hermione Granger. I thought I'd let you know that I took your advice and started a more indepth version. 1st chapter is up and running.Author's Response: I am always disappointed by the lack of reviews for all my stories. However reviews like this one give me a warm glow. Thank you for the kind comments.
I did review your entry and am pleased that you are giving it a try. I'll read the first chapter and I will leave a comment.
Needless to say there were no reviews for my entry, 'Toes in the sand'. So frustrating.
Thanks again. Report Review
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