Wow! Never expected Hermione to get made at Harry. But I did expect Ginny loving Harry not by whom he is. Report Review
An interesting start to the fic.
I am surprised that Harry would be so calm in the circumstances that he was in. I would have expected for him to be a little emotional during the row. Ginny's part was totally believable though.
You have a nice amount of detail here, which is a good thing. Your descriptions are well done. The emotions were described well.
Over all, nice job.Author's Response: Well thank you for thinking that the first chapter is interesting Timechild.
As for you surprise that Harry would be so calm in the circumstances he was going through at the time, for me after all Harry went through in the book. I could only imagine that an older Harry out of Hogwarts would be able to control his emotions and remain calm. Especially with the more mild circumstances around him now than those he already went through in the books.
Now as for the lack of emotions from Harry during the row with Ginny. First off the argument wasn't about anything new. Second Harry is detached from any emotions because he has already made his decision, and its the one he made back in the cemetery.
Lastly thank you for thinking that over all my work was a nice job and that I put in a nice amount of detail and descriptions with well described emotions. I hope you continue to read this and any other fanfic of mine in the future.
Yours truly Morpheus_Dream_Maker. Report Review
I can't understand how Harry could just transfer his memories into a five year old and expect everything to be alright, there is no way you could pretend to be a normal child if you had the memories of a forty year old version of yourself, you would lose your childhood innocence, How could you make friends with children when in your memories you have already raised children of a older age, Plus it would be hard not to greet people you knew in your memories as if you have never meet them before, I just don't think it would be possible to keep the act up for a long time.
Don't get me wrong I love the idea on paper but in theory it just doesn't work so well.
One mistake I noticed was this.
Harry though at been left behind with Mrs. Figg though he had preferred it that way
- Harry though had been left behind with Mrs. Figg*
Great story please continue!Author's Response:
First off the older Harry just turned thirty-eight when he cast the spell. Secondly the younger Harry doesn't have all the memories of the older version. He has snippets of knowledge about the wizarding world, the events that will take place at Hogwarts for the next seven years and a few years beyond. He has knowledge about being in a loveless marriage to Ginny Weasley all the friends and enemies he has.
There is a section on magic spells and instructions how to on create certain magical objects like the wand guard that future Harry wore in the graveyard and a few other things needed for the task ahead.
Oh and lastly in that package of knowledge is a crash course in both Legilimency and Occlumency. One of the technique of this crash course is how to separate one's thoughts and emotions and compartmentalizes them safely within your own mind.
As for the not greeting people Harry knew in the future. The younger version has had six years to control and plan out how to deal with that. In truth the younger Harry has only crossed paths like Tom the barman or Mr. Diggles that was all in brief passing.
As for making friends with kids younger then the had by the older version. The younger Harry is simply living out his childhood and having fun torturing the Dursley family with things like the surname of one of his friends and such. Report Review
Really amazing chapter.
I really don't like the fact that Harry practically sacrificed his children's lives in preforming the spell it just doesn't seem ethical and raises questions like the adverse effects of him changing the past and how it could affect the future, that's why time-turners where so dangerous.
Also some questions have to be asked like the spell in general I'm sure there is something everyone wants to change in their lives and why wouldn't everyone do it.
I found two potential answers in the chapter and was wondering if any of them are correct, or maybe everyone can change the future and things like alternative universes with all the different choices people can make during their lives but then it gets too confusing like watching the Matrix, haha.
Oh yeah my two theories are:
1. The spell requires the use of the Elder Wand and anyone who has read the Deathly Hallows will know that it is usually past through death of the previous owner of the wand, Leading to the fact that the person who owns the power of the Elder wand could manipulate their past to increase their power or respect but would ultimately could not change the past without people suspecting and hunting them down to gain the power of the Elder wand.
2. The Potion could just be newly interpreted from some kind of scroll or something and never been tried before explaining why Dumbledore when in control of the Elder wand didn't stop Voldemort when he was younger.
Or the risks behind the potion or the spell could be incredibly dangerous but I would still imagine people like Voldemort would be willing to try anything for that kind of power considering he tried Horcruxes and Unicorn blood.
Before I get too carried away I better finish it here,
Loved the chapter.Author's Response: Yes I agree with you that it isn't very ethical but Harry has spent the last nine months struggling with his decision. Especially after he learned that he was in a shallow and loveless marriage, that he couldn't legally get out of.
The older Harry is a bit desperate to find someone unlike his current wife who will love him for who he is and not what he is. He also does have a desire to save as many people as he can from dying in the past as well. Now I know that doesn't make up for his actions but it is another thing driving him to attempt the transporting of knowledge into a younger version of himself.
As for the stone and the potion in my story Voldemort couldn't have used them. Because they had only been unearthed at a dig site near Stone Hedge eight years before that night. After that it was being held in the Department of Mysteries in a secured lab. Though not secure from access from people like the older Harry who is the head of the Aurors in the Department of Law Enforcement. Report Review
Loved it, Just loved it.
One reason is that it doesn't actually change the story line at all when compared to JKR books, We are just told that Harry ends up marring Ginny and Ron with Hermione etc.
Second reason is generally amazing story telling you managed to make me feel like I was at the graveyard or at Grimmauld palace without interrupting the flow of the story.
Couple of little mistakes I've noticed.
her bushy chestnut brown hair that was both partly pinned up in a bum
- I hardly think it was pinned up in a bum but a bun might be more probable don't you think, haha
Their wedding had happened thirteen after being together for six years together
- Just don't understand what you are trying to say here, maybe this is what you meant? - Their wedding had happened thirteen years ago after them being together for six years*
Especial since such a thing has never happen in the history of my family.
- Especially* since such a thing has never happened* in the history of my family.
Oh, please spare me false disgrace and the claims that I has never happened within your family Ginny.
- It* has never happen with your family Ginny.
I spotted the glimmer of your eyes from the light of my study when Ginny forgot to completely close the doors earlier. Harry replies back kindly
- replied back kindly*
Great story.Author's Response: Thank you for the tips and I will get around to correcting them shortly. I feel very luck that all of it happen in one chapter. It would be taking forever to do that with the waiting process for changes and such. Report Review
[content from story in bracket] followed by comment/correction/idea.
[Especially since it had been a bit tricky in delivering a single, peddle to Sirius Black in his Azkaban prison cell, especially as he had to avoid both Ministry and Dumbledore’s security and surveillance measures.]
Pretty sure my college English professor would call it "awkward." Only need 1 'especially' in this case.
[“Oh and why is that?” Vernon inquired in a firm grunting]
Why what? So confused. Something to do with the "If..." question of Harry's that was never finished in the paragraph above it.
[shoebox...small and polished peddles...]
Pretty sure you meant pebble, not peddle. MS Word should have a replace all option somewhere, it's hiding in Word 2010, if you can't find it it'll be annoying fixing all the peddle's...
Nice start. Make sure the "check grammar" box is checked, it'll at least make you think about what you want to say more. Don't automatically accept the changes it suggests (blue/red spelling 'error's & green grammar 'error's) but use it more like a beta reader.
Also, keep some kind of track of what you've already told us (the reader). So many times throughout the 3 chapters so far you've been incredibly redundant, to the point I almost quit reading.
Hope I'm not discouraging you, it's a nice start but the above things bugged me :)Author's Response: Thanks for the advice and I will get on it when I can.
Now if you liked this fanfic of mine you might be interested in a least checking out another fanfic. It doesn't have a shipping of Harry and Hermione like this one does. If that is what drew you to this fic but does have leanings and it too is a bit of a time travel plot line for the series it starts up.
The name of the fic is Harry's History Rewritten though you might be best to simply write in the search box Rewritten to find it and give it a glance over. Report Review
please continue with this story soon! Report Review
can't wait till the next chapter!!!Author's Response: You will have to wait for my plate is full and it will take some time to get any more chapters posted up. Report Review
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