This is the first time I've read a fanfic that explores the Draco/Snape relationship through Half-Blood Prince and after the war. Though it was a subject I'm not totally familiar with, I enjoyed it a lot.
I thought Draco was spot on! His characterization was pretty much perfect, especially when he was talking about how Snape was taking away his glory, just like he took away his father's glory. I had never thought about it that way before, but it completely makes sense.
I thought you implemented first person well.
My only suggestion would be to go through and check some of your punctuation. There were a few missing commas, comma splices, and small things like that. A beta would help clear that all up.
Oh, and I think your title should be "A Braver Man By Far." I loved, loved, loved that!Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to review. I really appreciate the feedback and I'm glad you enjoyed it. The inspiration for this story came so suddenly that I honestly don't know where it came from.
I was really worried about implementing first person so I'm glad you think that I did it well. I'm so happy that you enjoyed it and that you think Draco's characterization was spot on. I had lots of fun writing Draco but I was worried I didn't keep him canon.
I'll definitely go over and edit the comma splices, etc. Again, thanks for the review! Report Review
I think that this is an excellent insight into what Draco must have been thinking during his sixth year at Hogwarts. He can be viewed as the "villain" quite easily, so people can forget that he was just a boy and that he struggled under the weight of this order. The scene in the bathroom with Myrtle really brought this out in the book and I'm glad you included it in this one-shot. And you added that Draco had been meeting with her before- that would make sense, since he was probably already cracking under the pressure long before Harry walked in.
I love the line " Buds started to blossom, the weather became warmer, and Dumbledore was still breathing". It adds description to the story, adds life and shows his failure in a beautiful way.
And Draco's frustration with Snape! I love how you didn't actually name Snape until the very end, only referring to him as "he". It added a sense of mystery, even though we already knew who he was talking about. As well, I think you realized his frustration and anger very well. Draco was very proud and at this point in his life he didn't have much to be proud of. His father was in prison and his family name was in the mud. He didn't realize what Snape was trying to do until later.
I only spotted two things I think you can correct to improve your story. They're very minor. In the sentence "he had stopped interfering with my life it seemed", I think this would sound better if you put the "it seemed" at the beginning. As well, with "Six syllable", you should add an "s" to "syllable".
I think that your ending really rounds out the story as a whole. It shows how Draco's matured since Dumbledore's death and how he's come to accept Snape's help, that he only had the best of intentions. By the way, I loved the line you put on his gravestone. "A braver man by far" is a wonderful tribute to Severus Snape.
All in all, I think that this was a great story that revealed the trials of one Draco Malfoy. Great work!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! It means a lot to me! I am so glad that you liked this story and that you agree that not naming Snape until the end added mystery. I thought so too!
I loved the scene in the bathroom with Myrtle and thought it was necessary to write it in this one-shot. I'm glad that you also liked it.
Oh I wasn't even trying to make his failure show in a beautiful way but now that I think aout it, you're right! I never thought about that, but I'm glad you liked that line. It's a nice line I thought and helped the story progress but still kept the slow progression.
I will be sure to go back and correct my mistakes! Thanks so for your input and the lovely review! I really appreciate it and it makes me so happy to know that someone likes this story. I haven't written fanfiction in a while and I needed to get back into the swing of it.
I completely agree that "a braver man by far" is a great tribute to Severus Snape. For some reason, I didn't even have to think about that line. Dumbledore saying it just flowed into my head and I continued typing that. But he was a brave man and I'm glad you think it's a wodnerful tribute!
Draco was hard to write, so I'm glad that you think I captured his essence well. Angsty teens are never easy to write. Especially ones that are caught in the middle of pride and fear which is where I thought Draco was caught. Thanks again! Report Review
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