Hey here I am for the review tag :)
I really liked this story because it just sent us on an emotional rollercoaster with the infusion of events this contained.
First of all I felt her sort of anxiety as she waited for 6 o'clock to come. It seemed to be the only constant within her life, waiting for this man to walk in the pub through the door everyday because of the war that was waging on. I sort of get that she loved this man so much and she desperately wanted him to stay alive.
I also like the fact that she assumed the worst as soon as someone came through the door saying 'he's dead'. It showed her love for him but also it showed that it was what she feared the most. She didn't even know who that man was talking about yet she jumped to the conclusion that it was her love.
I'm so glad that you made the ending so it was still alive although it threw my emotions once more. It just managed to round it off and was just really sweet!
Well done!Author's Response: Hello and thank you for your review :)
Yes you are one of the few who caught the romance within this fic! I love this little one shot and I'm happy to see that I was able to pull out a roller coaster of emotions :)
Again thank you! Report Review
I've always loved reading stream of consciousness's they have this dreamy aura that's fascinating^^ Yours wasn't an exception, apart from general confusion as to where it is and what was going on, this was really great. Then again the confusion might have been what you were aiming for I don't know... :) In any case, the ending gave the flavor to it. A sort of abrupt ending we don't really understand. Like a mother hugging her child and suddenly, he can't his bruise anymore? That sort of this. It's an odd feeling and I'm not sure if it's positive or negative but it's certainly unique and interesting!
That was possibly the less useful, less clear review I've ever written, xD So since I personally hate to be confused as to if the reviewer liked or disliked my story, I shall clarify: I loved it. It's weird and special and fun and I love it. ;)
-JuneAuthor's Response: I loved writing SOC I think it's the best way to write, I've always gotten the best results from it.
The ending was confusing wasn't it XD I think it was meant to be that way.
Thank you for the review :) Report Review
This was a pretty good one-shot, I must say. I love that you wrote it from the eyes of someone who wasn't a major character. In fact, they remain nameless. At the same time, the bias factor is taken away because the readers can't form prejudices. Sometimes the picture of the war is painted so that we tend to forget about the others who were fighting - the silent heroes.
I like the emotion drawn from this story, and could easily relate to the importance of her boy coming in at exactly the same time every day. Eli's panic was well written, and I got a sense of her heartbreak. I was relieved to see that he was actually alive! A happy ending in the midst of a nightmare.
LiaAuthor's Response: Thank you for your compliment :) I never gave them names because I wanted readers to identify themselves with the MC like you said we tend to forget about the unsung heroes :)
Thanks for the review :) Report Review
This was a great, short-but-sweet and very intense snapshot of a story. I think if it had been any longer the balance of intensity would have been lost, so good judge there.
Elli seemed like a fairly-well developed OC, and it's interesting to see her point of view as well. I think she could have been a little more fleshed out, but considering the shortness of the piece there wasn't a lot of room to develop her, which is fine.
I really like your writing style and how you portrayed the tension and sadness with all the characters, it really added to the story. I wish some of the dialogue was better punctuated with commas and capitals, but it's not a big deal.
Great work! :)Author's Response: Thank you for your review :)
I wish this could have been longer but like you said the intensity would be lost, I think out of all my one-shots this one is my favorite. I love Eli and she's actually featured in another fic of mine :) Thank you for the compliment and I'm sorry for the mistakes it's been a while since I've been able to edit. :) Report Review
Aww this was great. I thought it was really fantastic at portraying the war atmosphere and conveying how people are so scared for their friends, family and loved ones during these times. You very much succeeded in getting me to really understand what Eli was feeling during when she was waiting and when he came, a bit late.
"We all did that, we all counted the people hoping that it be there would be the same numbers as yesterday." I really liked this line because it was really effective at giving me an understanding of just how powerful a threat the war is. Nicely written, I really liked the idea of it! :)Author's Response: Hey maskedmuggle I was just reading one of your one-shots (expect a review soon!) I love this one-shot and I sometimes wish it were longer .
I'm happy to think I conveyed the emotions that I wanted to, when I wrote the sentence you mentioned I felt shivers down my spine. Thank you for your reviews :) Report Review
Although this story was very short, you managed to pack so much emotion into it, it really came across pretty strongly.
It was good how you were able to get in your MC's head and convey her thoughts, the emotions really came across well. He could feel the stress and apprehension that somebody would deal with everyday if they were involved in a war like this. She would definetely be constantly on edge and fearing the worst. And we could really understand the sheer panic she would feel when he didn't come home when she was expecting him, as well as the relief when he finally did.
Good job!Author's Response: Hello!
Thank you, the reviews on this one shot mean alot to me :) I loved writing this and hope to repeat the same in the future :)
I'm glad you thought I was able to convey all the emotion especially since I've never experienced anything like that before :)
This was really powerful for such a short one-shot. The panic, the worry, it all comes across really well in this story. The readers can obviously feel for this girl as she struggles to deal with this relationship of sorts in the midst of the war. I like how they have a routine, that he walks in the same time every day - something she can rely on during these terrible times. But then that blind panic when he doesn't show up. I'm glad he did show up eventually, and that he promised to be early the next day. That made me smile.
There were some grammatical errors that I noticed. A quick read-through will help clear those up. Otherwise, this was nicely done.Author's Response: Thank you.
It's funny because I didn't imagine them as lovers , they're friends and she like him. But I like the fact that you can sort of think of it both ways. I loved the routine too I thought it was cute (and believable.) I almost had him not show up but I didn't want it to be a sad one shot.
Thanks and I will look this over when I get the chance. Report Review
For such a short one shot, this was very powerful. It was a brief snippet of the toll war has on a relationship. The nervousness, the near panic -- they all were very accessible feelings. There is nothing more unnerving that seeing a man crying in my opinion, especially one you share a relationship with. The last line was very powerful here and well executed.
Good job.Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I agree it's a bit short but it sends the message :) I'm glad the feelings were all accessible :)
(I enjoy your writing a lot so this means loads.) Report Review
This was a very interesting one-shot about the toll a war takes on a relationship. The way you wrote this really makes the reader fell for the girl- the way she will live the rest of her life depends on these next few moments.
I think that you got across her panic and her nervousness very well and I think that stream of consciousness was a very good choice for this story. It really helped the reader to connect with her thoughts and understand why she was feeling the way that she was.
I thought that the last line was really sweet and powerful. "I'll be early tomorrow"- I just loved it and I think that it does a great job of showing the affection and love between the couple in very few words.
I did notice that there were several places where a comma could have been added or a word was mispelt- easy to fix. As well, I didn't quite understand what it was that you were trying to say with the sentence "that it be their would be the same numbers of heads as yesterday"- are there a few words added there?
All in all, I think that you did a great job of communicating the distress of a character as well as their mindset during a war. I quite enjoyed reading this story!Author's Response: Don't worry I going to edit this and hopefully get a banner for it :) I loved writing this it was my first soc and I'm really happy I was able to get her nervousness across and to keep their mindset during the war!
Thank you for the review! Report Review
This was quite powerful, especially with the fact that your main characters are unnamed, and OCs. What you might want to do is go back and look over everything because you do have some mistakes and typos. :)Author's Response: Thank you I'll edit this a.s.a.p because it's one of my favorite one-shots :) Report Review
Its brithewriter from the forums. While there are quite a few spelling errors, I do think it captures many of the emotions that those who survived the battles would be struggling with. It was a little hard to tell who was refering to who, but thats nothing a good edit can't fix. :DAuthor's Response: Sorry for the late response! Thank you for pointing out the errors I really appreciate it :) Report Review
Nooo, that was so sad! But in a good way. You wrote is so awesomely (I don't think that's a word but um...) yeah, it was really well-written. Lots of description and everything. And you made me feel all sad and stuff, so you know, that's a good sign. You're able to create certain emotions in your readers. ;D Anyways, great job. I loved this!
Keep writing ~ flufff
And also, if you ever get the time, I'd really appreciate it if you would R&R my fanfic "Darkest Night"! Thank you. ;DAuthor's Response: I will R&R your fic, thank your for reading this one-shot and I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Report Review
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