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Reading Reviews for Back to Godric Hallow
  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Marauder_Weasley  Family Dinner

12th February 2012:
PLEASE UPDATE SOON I LOVE THIS STORY

Author's Response: sorry I have only just got on. I will start working on this and get an update asap. Thanks for your support

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Review #2, by Marauder_Weasley  Family Dinner

17th December 2011:
LOVE IT UPDATE SOON PLEASE

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm afraid it will be the new year before I can update this. So keep an eye out for it.

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Review #3, by Akussa  Family Dinner

8th December 2011:
Final Hi!

Sorry to say this but this chapter was disapointing a little. You could have done so much more! There was no emotion through that meeting with his mother. Harry seemed to show more interest in the elf rather than his mother... I would seriously recommand you work on adding some emotion to this chapter because it could be excellent; the storyline is good, the charactesr are interesting but there is no life to tie all this together.

I'm interested in the rest of this story and how they will change things and I know you can make this story realy interesting and good; the previous chapters needed work as well but your talent was still evident. I have high hopes for the rest of the story, no matter if I feel disapointed with how this chapter turned out.

Keep up the good work, I can't wait to see the rest and how this party will turn out!!

Author's Response: Thanks for your reviews. I am not offened at all, this is why I want people to comment so I can improve my writing. Thank you. I will make changes and I hope they will meet your expectations.

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Review #4, by Akussa Meeting the Potters

8th December 2011:
Hey again!!!

What a lovely chapter; I really like Harry's grandparents! The action was really well written. The characters were acting into their personalities (I mean that they were not out of character) and I felt just as happy as Harry that he got to meet his family.

There were still a lot of grammar issues and typos. I'll point out a couple to you but you really need to check it over because this is only some of what I spotted:

"...he seemed very ease"; should be 'at ease'

"They finally reached the door of Potter Manor. Dumbledore knocked the door"; this is redundant, they reached the door and Dumbledore knocked, there is no need to repeate that he knocked on the door

'I heard what that boy done,"; wrong conjugaison, not sure if it should be what that boy 'did' or "what that boy has done"

'Is so like James!'; you forgot a word at the beginning of the sentence

Like I said, check it over again because these are simply some of the errors I chose to point out. I saw others but I think you can see them for yourself if you take the time to read it over carefully.

I like this story a lot; it is moving slowly but the action is touching and well written. Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review

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Review #5, by Akussa The Portkey

8th December 2011:
Hey!

I really like how this story is developping. Although this was quite a short chapter and one where not much happened, I liked it anyway!

There was a lot of typos and errors in it though, and that is not a good thing, especially with such a short chapter. It seems like they are popping out even more. I think your story would beneficiate from the help of a beta reader or simply a more thourough read before you post it. Here are most of the things I noticed :

'The minister would'; "Minister" nedds capitalization

"...the Headmaster was in.' Dumbledore informed them"; this is something that needs to be changed all through the story. When you finish a piece of dialogue, it should be a coma at the end and not a period (eg. :..."the Headmaster was in," Dumbledore informed them.) I saw this little error in the first three chapters so you should check them again to see where you did it.

"...like at eighteen? this was Harry's chance"; 'This' should be capitalized

'Ah, good your all here.'; should be 'you're' and not 'your'

"...and Ron fill over him"; small typo; should be 'fell' and not 'fill'

"...looking at Sirius as he was fluffy"; should be 'as IF he was...' and "Fluffy" needs to be capitalized

Lastly, I wonder why the three last sentences are inbold. Is it an error or volontary?

Overall a good chapter, not your best but still good and it builds up the expectation for what is to come. I hope you aren't offended by my reviews, I simply wish to help you improve this story because it's a good one and for people to enjoy it more, some little things could be changed. It is up to you though, what you decide to do, I'm simply trying to bring a different piont of view to it!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review

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Review #6, by Akussa Dumbledore's advice

8th December 2011:
Hi again!

The action is moving quite fast and I like where it's going. What I mentionned earlier, about the lack of descriptions, still stands. If you were to include more narrative paragraphs, describing the environment and the actions (eg. Harry held his hand out, wanting to touch Sirius in order to make sure he was real...) it would give your story a different feel. I could describe it by letting the story breathe and have a second layer.
The story is good, the action that happens is also very interesting, it's the format that needs work; the way you present the action. I also want to say that your characterization of the Trio as well as Sirius is very good. Dumbledore seems a bit too gulible to my liking though! I mean, he simply accepted their story, no more questions. We have to remember that back then, they were at war too so I'm pretty sure he would doubt them a little more before believing their story. That's my opinion though, you can throw it away if you want; it's your story after all!

I noticed a couple typos and grammar errors in this chapter that I wish to point out to you.

'No, we're from 1998.' Ron said, sirius seemed; "Sirius" needs a capital letter

'...wormtail, Lily and James's death'; again, "Wormtail" needs capitalization

'...In your case of all this.'; not sure I understand this sentence and what you mean by it, did you forget a couple words or put too many?

Great work though, over all. The story is interesting, the characters are well written and I have a great time reading it. Sure this story could beneficiate with a bit more descriptions but it's still good as it is. Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review

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Review #7, by Akussa The time loop

8th December 2011:
Hi!

This is a very interesting opening chapter, I'm already into this story and can't wait to read the rest and what will happen. You did a great job creating the mystery and suspense.
Although this chpater could have done with a little more descriptions (scenery and emotions, for example) you did a good job and I enjoyed it a lot! On to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review

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Review #8, by Abby The time loop

6th November 2011:
Oohhh, this feels like the start of a really exciting adventure. A great start to the story!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. Hope you enjoy it.

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Review #9, by lightningninja The Portkey

14th September 2011:
this is a good, creative writing. i think that you need to work on making the dialogue sound a little more natural, but other than that i have nothing but nice things to say about this story =) i hope you update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you, will look over the story again.

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Review #10, by Opalpixiechick The Portkey

14th September 2011:
Love it. I hope the next chapter is done soon. : )

Author's Response: I'm working on the next chapter, hope to have it up soon

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Review #11, by Opalpixiechick Dumbledore's advice

14th September 2011:
Does he get to meet his grandparents? Can't wait to see what happens next. : ) Love your story. Keep it coming please.

Author's Response: I'm not going to say what happens next, but the next chapter is in the works

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Review #12, by Topher13 The Portkey

14th September 2011:
I'm rather enjoying this, though I know it could never happen, but the idea is intriguing. Write, but be sure to edit, you have lots of typos. :) Keep posting

Author's Response: Will look over the story again. No story is ever going to happen, but this allows you to write what you would like to happen. Chapter 4 is in the works

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Review #13, by Opalpixiechick The time loop

29th August 2011:
Love it. Can not wait to see how you have him explain how he knows who Sirius is. : )

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm just working on chapter 2 and hope to have it up soon

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Review #14, by xDearDiaryx The time loop

29th August 2011:
Please write more :) its great

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm just working on Chapter 2 and I hope to have it up soon

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Review #15, by caspersocks The time loop

28th August 2011:
Very interesting keep on writing-cannot wait to see where this goes!!

Author's Response: Thanks for the support. Hope I don't disappoint!

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