Reading Reviews for Hopeless
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Erised They're going to die, you know

17th July 2013:
Wow, this was so dark and creepy but in a totally awesome way. JKR never really went into the locket's full effects so it was really interesting to see an interpretation of it. It was beautifully done.

The self-doubt and loathing seemed to be completely maximised by it and I think you expertly covered all of the things that Harry would be worried about. I like that he was most concerned about Ron and Hermione dying, which of course would make sense but it was more selfish than perhaps wishing for the start of peace or something. It made Harry a little more human.

The difference when Harry took off the locket was also clear too. I felt that the second person narrative really helped in showing this switch and also showing his emotions really well.

Loved it :)

Author's Response: I like to think of the locket as a dementor scarf except instead of making you remember your worst memories, it brings to the surface all of your worst thoughts and insecurities. Harry, of course, has a lot of ammo for the locket to use.

Thank you for all of your kind comments. I really appreciate hearing your thoughts about this story :)

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Review #2, by melian They're going to die, you know

14th March 2013:
I must say that I always hesitate a little when reading something in second person. It just doesn't sit right with me for some reason. That said, however, I thought this was absolute gold. I was a little unsure at first whether we were listening to Harry's thoughts or what the locket was telling him, but as I read on (and saw it was the former) I realised that they were one and the same thing. He was thinking that because the locket was telling him to. This is a really poignant look into a part of DH that we dont' think much about, which is strange considering it was in Harry's POV. I think, though, that this sort of thing was more than likely when Harry was looking after the locket, and he just chose not to impart that information in the narrative (so to speak). Really, really well done and quite inspiring!

cheers, Mel

Author's Response: Thank you for this review. I'm sorry that's it taken me so long to get back to you.

Second person pov was a bit of an experiment for me, so I'm glad you thought it worked well for this story. I really wanted to put the reader into Harry's head. I agree that this isn't a part of the story that we think about too much. I think it's really easy to get down on Ron for leaving the trio, without actually considering what the three of them are going through.

I think of the three, Harry would be best able to cope with the locket (I mean, Voldy has been in his head for years, and he's faced dementors quite a few times). During the day, when he could distract himself with other things, I think he would be at night. However, at night, I think it would be much more difficult to shut the thoughts off.

Thank you again for leaving such a lovely review :)

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Review #3, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing They're going to die, you know

14th March 2013:

I really enjoyed this one-shot. I thought the use of second person was perfect for it and you really got inside Harry's head. All his thoughts seemed to be very realistic of what he may have been feeling while wearing the locket. Everything you brought up, right back to his parents and Cedric fit perfectly together for the locket to continually torment him.

The descriptions in this piece also work really well with the story. While Harry is wearing the locket everything is in shadows and dark but then when he takes it off everything appears brigter to him. When he took the locket off I felt like I'd had a weight taken off my shoulders too. The whole piece is really dark and depressing until the last few sentences which show that hope is still present.

All in all I think this was a fantastic piece so well done!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. The use of second person pov was a bit of an experiment for me, so I'm glad you thought it worked well. My writing as a whole tends to be more on the fluffy side, so this was an experiment in that regard too. :P

Writing descriptions are not really my strong point, so I'm really glad that you thought they worked well.

Thanks again for your review!

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Review #4, by CambAngst They're going to die, you know

12th March 2013:
Hi, there! I hope you don't mind, but I'm snagging a review on your story for the Gryffindor/Slytherin review battle that's going on right now.

I thought you did a great job of getting inside of Harry's troubled head for this. All of the fears and anxieties that the locket preys upon were completely natural for him. He was definitely questioning everything about their mission at this point: whether it was even possible, whether he was the one to do the job and whether they had any chance of surviving. The way that you brought on the doubts and fears and depression in waves, rising and ebbing to the rhythm of Harry's thoughts, was a great way to go about this. You could almost feel him trying to fight back against the influence of the locket.

The imagery you put around the story -- the wind, the shadows of the trees on the top of the tent, the slivers of light from Hermione's bluebell flames -- created a perfectly eerie mood to go along with Harry's brooding. The whole thing was constructed so well!

So I did see one small typo, or at least I think it's a typo:

And when you fail, what will become of them who have allowed their lives to intertwine so fully with your own? - I think this should be, 'what will become of those who have allowed...'

All in all, a very well done if dark and angst piece that shines a small light on a difficult moment in the trio's year on the run. I really liked it!

Author's Response: First of all, I'm really sorry that it's taken me so long to respond to your review. I really do appreciate that you took the time to leave it :D Secondly, thanks for letting me know where all these new reviews were coming from! I was wondering why it had become so popular all of a sudden. :P

Imagery and description are not my strengths, so it's something that I made a conscious effort to work on in this story. I'm glad you thought it worked well. I was really trying to make it a push and pull of Harry trying to focus on sensory information as a way to distract himself from what the locket was "telling him," but being unable to push away the thoughts for long, because the locket is just so overwhelming. I'm really glad that you picked up on that!

Thanks for pointing out that typo, I'll go back and check it out. :)

Thank you again for your review!

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Review #5, by CloakAuror9 They're going to die, you know

5th March 2013:

Okay, this is probably one of the best angsty one-shots I have read for a while. I love how it's written in second person! I haven't really read a lot of stories that are written in second person, so finding this is like a little bit of treasure. Choosing to write this in second person is a great decision, I thought it worked more effectively than if you used first or third person.

Hopeless. The title is absolutely perfect. It says everything about the story. Even I was starting to lose a little bit of hope as I was reading the story, and I already know the outcomes of the series! It's a depressing too, isn't it?!

Gah, this is just a really great one-shot. It sounded so canon and these probably were the things that was going through Harry's mind when he wore the locket.

Amazing job! I absolutely loved it! ♥


Author's Response: First of all, I'm really sorry that's it's taken me so long to reply to your review. I really do appreciate you taking the time to leave it.

Thank you so much for the compliment. I'm not usually an angsty writer. My stories tend to be a bit more on the fluffy side, so I'm glad you thought this was well done. The second person pov was also a bit of an experiment, so I'm happy to hear that you thought it worked for this story.

I can't even imagine having to wear that locket. It would be absolutely terrible. As if the trio didn't have it bad enough, fleeing for their lives, on the longest and worst camping trip ever, they also have to wear a dementor scarf all the time. Poor trio. :(

I really strive to make my stories as canonical as possible, so I appreciate that you thought it felt true to the story. Thanks again for your review!

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Review #6, by Celtic_Dreamer7 They're going to die, you know

2nd March 2013:
This was a very well written one-shot. I loved the way you wrote it in second person. It makes the whole piece completely different than it would have been if you wrote it in first or third. I actually feel like it is me that is going through and feeling what Harry is feeling. The details and description of what they are going through and what they have witnessed was very well thought out and gripping. The flow was just right and I didn't see any misspelled words or grammatical errors. I love how you wrote the locket, like it was speaking to him. Great job. I wish there were more chapters to this story, just to read more in second person. Definitely a great piece.


Author's Response: Thanks for leaving such a nice review. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. I'm glad that you enjoyed the second person pov. It was a bit of an experiment for me. I was hoping that it would put the reader into the mindset of wearing the locket. Thanks again for your review!

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Review #7, by Snoopyy They're going to die, you know

7th May 2012:
I loved how this was written in 2n person, it was very clever and very well pulled off. I found it hardto write my first 2n person story so I know how hard it is to get it right. I am going to ignore what you said in the AN, you pulled both 2nd person and consciusness writingoff perfectly so here's a cookie fr your trouble.

*gives cookies*

This was beautifuly written and the way you describe his feelings was spot on! I lved evry moment of this stor and encourage you to write more just like it because this was fab. Well done and avery good read.

Snoopy x

Author's Response: *noms cookie* Thanks!

I really appreciate your comments on the pov and stream of consciousness. I tend to be really unsure of the things I write, so feedback is the best thing in the world (especially when it's positive).

I'm so glad that you thought the descriptions were done well and in character. I know it's a bit melodramatic, but I figured that's what the locket would do to a person. I'm glad you agree.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #8, by The Last Marauder They're going to die, you know

8th October 2011:
I love this! Everything about it was great, I loved how the stream of bad thoughts was broken by the second person narration, I loved how you ended each parragraph with a one-word bad thought. It was brilliant. I really liked this, it seems completely believable and realistic. Super job! And here, you wouldn't know that it's in rough draft form, it really seems like it's a pro at work here! Well done! 10/10

Author's Response: Whew! I'm really glad it seemed realistic and believable. It's super angsty, so I was worried that it was really over the top, but I'm glad you seemed to like it so much :)

You're really sweet for reviewing so many of my stories. I really appreciate it a lot. Thanks so much!

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Review #9, by SourceoftheTicking They're going to die, you know

21st September 2011:
Loving the second person. The 13 year old angst was palpable, but from the way the locket was described originally, that's exactly what it would evoke; I aways imagined it as a regurgitator of the ill-formed, immature fears that lurk in our heads, that wait to one day lure us into a psychotherapist's office and burn our money. All round really satisfying.

Author's Response: I'm really glad you liked the second person. It's new for me, so I wasn't sure how well I did. I love your phrasing of the locket's effects :P I thought the ridiculous amounts of angst could be excusable considering the locket. I'm glad you agree.

Thanks so much for your review!

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Review #10, by Aether They're going to die, you know

3rd September 2011:
Nice one-shot. :) It was very angsty, but at the same time it explored a part of the seventh book I hadn't really considered. Harry is extremely believable, and the way you intersperse his stream of consciousness with the physical feel of the locket around his neck is great. It sort of reminded me that this is not Harry acting weird and OOC, this is Harry being mentally and physically affected by Voldemort's locket.

The combination of stream of consciousness and second person pulls me in as the reader and is really well-done. Sometimes I take issue with second person stories because of the amount of times "You" is used at the start of every sentence, but your story doesn't do that (in part because of how stream of consciousness provides thoughts without informing the reader that "you think"). I like how the stream of consciousness gives the reader a sense of what Harry's thinking minute by minute, and how the second person pulls the reader closer to Harry.

I really don't have a lot of critical things to say about this story! It was extremely well-written. :) I may take issue with the genre (extreme angst), but that's just a matter of preference at this moment. It was still enjoyable for me, and I was in awe of the way you combined second person and stream of consciousness. Really excellent job! Have you read Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Wolf? I'm sort of curious as to where you got the idea to do stream of consciousness. Loved this one-shot!


Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review :D I know that this story is super angsty, but I was hoping the fact that Harry is a wearing a dementor scarf (as I like to think of the locket) would excuse that a bit. :P

I'm glad you thought Harry was believable. I wanted to explore a bit what it would be like for Harry to wear the locket. We don't get a whole lot of insight into that in the books. I figured, during the day, when he can keep himself busy, he can kind of push the locket's influence the back of his mind, but at night, when his thoughts are free to roam, it's harder to ignore.

The interspersing of the sensory scenes, was supposed to kind of be Harry's way of fighting back almost. Like, he is trying to focus on the sensory information to push aside the thoughts the locket is bringing to the surface. But those scenes are so short, because he can't do it for long. Or, that's just me overthinking things..:P

I'm really glad you thought the combination of stream of consciousness and second person pov worked for this story. As the author's note said, I've never written a story with either of them, so I wasn't sure how it was working.

The story was primarily written for a stream of consciousness challenge, in which you were just supposed to sit down and write a stream of consciousness story and submit it without editing or even re-reading. I tend to edit things to death and back, so the no-editing aspect was really appealing to me :P Also, I used to do a lot of stream of consciousness writing when I was a young teenager. Most of them were about as angsty as this story is :P So I think that stream of consciousness and angst have been irrevocably tied in my head.

I have not read Mrs. Dalloway. Um, I did watch the movie, 'The Hours' which doesn't count at all...:P I'll have to check it out. I haven't read Virginia Woolf in a long time...

Thanks again for reading and reviewing, especially because this story isn't exactly your cup of tea. I really appreciated hearing your thoughts :)

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Review #11, by Pacific Wizard They're going to die, you know

28th August 2011:
Singularity: I wish I could write a "final draft" as good as this. I love your short and sweet one-shots. You get into the plot and character so quickly and immerse the reader in an intense story that creates vivid imagery and emotions and then suddenly we're done. We want more but we also got the point of what you were driving at in the story. As much as JKR's wonderful story is about magic, wizards and witches, your fabulous tales are about the character's human strengths and frailties.

You can feel the depression, self loathing and doubts amid your descriptive narrative of their surroundings to put you right there with them, feeling their angst and pain. Then you have Hermione coming in to take the locket as if she knew Harry had enough. Only true friendship could have someone rise to the occasion like that.

This is another gem in your collection.

Well written, well done. PW 10/10

Author's Response: Hey, PW :) Thanks for reading and reviewing. This is quite different than what I usually write, so I'm glad you thought positively of it. Part of why I always love your reviews is that so often, you really 'get' what I was trying to do when writing the piece, and you explain it so eloquently. It's awesome and really means a lot. I bet you're a great writer.


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Review #12, by siriusloveforwriting They're going to die, you know

28th August 2011:
I really liked this because I feel like even though the books are always inside Harry's head, sometimes they don't portray as much guilt or uncertainty as Harry is feeling. I feel that this story did that extremely well. Having it written in the second person made it even more effective because it forces the reader to feel what Harry is feeling. Great job.
Sabrina :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!

I agree that Harry has a lot of guilt and doubt, but he pushes it to the side and does what he has to do, which is highly admirable. However, the locket won't be pushed to the side so easily.

I've never written second person pov before, so I'm glad you thought it worked.

Thanks for your comments and for reading :)

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Review #13, by Lady of Tears They're going to die, you know

24th August 2011:
Your experiment was successful! I really enjoyed the emotion in this, and the angst works because he was wearing the necklace.

The stream of consciousness was clear, and the thoughts progressed naturally. The thing that I wanted more of was Harry's thoughts on his surroundings and the environment he was in. I think that would have made me feel more grounded in reality. You had some things in there, but I think everyone, especially in such an uncomfortable setting would notice little things, like the feel of a blanket, or more. It's hard because you want a nice balance; you had some wonderful thoughts, such as the floral scent or the cold of the necklace. I just wanted more of that.

I thought you could have set up that he was wearing the necklace right at the start. For the first few paragraphs I was like, "Harry's really emo." Then I remembered the horcrux and it all made sense.

Other than that, I thought it was great! I hope I addressed some of your concerns.

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! It really gave me some things to think about :) I know the fic is pretty angsty, but we all know that Harry can be pretty angsty even without the locket (OotP, anyone?) But yeah, it's mostly the locket.

I think you have a good point about adding more description. Basically, my thought process was that I wanted to put some of that in, but not very much. It was supposed to kind of be Harry's attempt to pull himself out of the negative thoughts by focusing on his sensory data. I kept them short, because I wanted to show that, try as he might, he couldn't pull himself out. The locket had hold of him at that moment, and he couldn't escape it. However, you're absolutely right that balance is key, and possibly I didn't write as much description because I'm not very good at it :P. I'll go back and see what I can add once the challenge is over. (I'm not allowed to edit, at least until then.)

I also purposely didn't introduce the locket until a couple of paragraphs in. I kind of wanted to readers to be thinking, what the heck? a little bit. :P I'll re-read and think about this as well.

Thank you for taking the time to leave such a great and helpful review. I'll definitely think about your suggestions :)


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Review #14, by Woodrow Rynne They're going to die, you know

24th August 2011:
I loved it. As simple as that. I myself can never write a second person point of view, and I must say you managed quite well. I'm jealous :P

The ending was poweful, according to me, at least. I think you captured Harry's emotions quite well. A good piece. :)

Author's Response: Aww, thank you. I've never tried to write second person POV before, so it was kind of an experiment, so it's nice to know I didn't completely fail :P

Thank you for commenting about the ending. I was hoping it would come off that way.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #15, by charlottetrips They're going to die, you know

23rd August 2011:
Hi!! As soon as I saw the chapter summary and the “you”, I was like YES!!! second person POV!!! I love reading stories like that. Not sure why, but I just do.

Oooh, we're going to take a look at Harry's side, eh? I like it. Angsty. I gobble up angst. I'm an angst monster. OK, you're going to have to ignore me because I'm apparently in a very weird hyper mood.

Aw geez. This first paragraph totally brings up the insecurities and the conflict that Harry exhibited in his determination to do what is right and what is good. How many people have died for him? How many more are going to go? Is he willing to sacrifice his friends? I think you've captured that quite well here. OK, must move on to the next paragraph or we'll be here all night.

“Ron must be outside keeping watch, for the tent is devoid of his familiar snores.” Ah, needed levity. Ron's always there for us on that one.

Oh man, this paragraph about all the deaths that Harry's thinking about. I feel like I'm being stabbed in the gut...and it isn't even anyone that I know and love personally!! (I, of course, know and love them from the books.)

I like how you ended it with him taking the locket off. I don't think (despite my angst-monsterness) I could've stood the story ending on a note of defeat. Harry was always about surviving and going on and persevering and you captured that in the end.

Very well written. I didn't notice any misspellings or grammatical errors. The flow was also very good and the thoughts easily slipped into by the reader (moi). I was gripped by the story and pulled through.


Author's Response: I've never written second person perspective before, so I hope I didn't kill it for you :P You finished the story, so I'll take that as a good sign :)

I enjoy your weird, hyper mood. "Angst-Monster" cracked me up :P In my head, I've always thought of the locket as a Dementor Scarf. It's kind of like wearing a Dementor around your neck, except instead of your worst memories, it pulls out every insecurity and doubt and fear that you have. So I tried to write a small snippet of what that would be like for Harry. Poor guy :(

I'm a sucker for a happy ending, not that this is exactly a happy ending, but I didn't want to leave the reader (or myself) in such a dark place at the end. I'm glad that worked for you.

Thanks for reading and reviewing :)

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Review #16, by Christine_Nighting They're going to die, you know

22nd August 2011:
Oh, so good! I love it. I did this challenge too, and it really is quite fun.

This is a very engaging and interesting piece. I like how your thoughts travelled. Great job!

Author's Response: It was a great challenge, wasn't it? I'll have to check out your entry.

Thanks for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you liked it. :)

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Review #17, by OneBlackRose They're going to die, you know

22nd August 2011:
Wow, this is great!

I actually felt really hopeless and sad myself whilst reading this, so you definitely did something right with the second person narrative, it really got through to me.

You really captured the essence of what having the locket on would feel like. I loved every second :D


Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing this! I'm not sure how I feel about it, so it's nice to get some positive feedback :)

I'm glad you thought the second person perspective worked (I have never written it before) and that it seemed realistic.

Thanks for reading!

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