oh, wow, this was beautiful! :) I don't know how you managed to do it, but fitting in so much depth and detail to a moment that couldn't have exceeded 5 minutes is purely amazing! I don't think I've ever read a story like this before, and I can pretty much count on it being because other authors probably found their stories dragging on, very unlike this one did!
I really liked how you kept us waiting until the end to show us who the characters were. It proved that you were showing and not telling through the entire story, and I really love when authors seem to do it so seamlessly :)
Another thing I really loved about your story was the characterization you were able to give Lily and Scorpius simply by detail. Your story didn't have much dialogue in it, and I find it amazing that you were able to give them such prominent personalities without it! :)
Definitely a 10/10! Really good job and I can't wait to read more of your future stories :DAuthor's Response: Hello again!
This is definitely one of my favourite things that I've written because it was actually very challenging to write so much about just a few moments in time, so I really had to focus on description and senses.
Yes, I tend to leave names out until the end... I'm a bad person. :P I'm so glad you liked it though!
Thank you for all of your lovely reviews and I'm so glad you like my writing! Much love! Report Review
Here from the Gryffie common room :)
It's a real credit to your writing skills that, although I really don't like Lily/Scorpius pairings, I found myself loving every word of this story. It flowed very well, allowing the reader to keep up without going unbearably slowly. I also loved the characterization, particularly Lily.Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you liked it, it's great to know that it isn't too slow because I found it quite hard to drag out a couple of moments into 1200 words, haha! Also I'm glad you liked the characterisation :)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hi! That was absolutely lovely!
Even though I don't read next-gen very often, I really enjoyed reading this one shot. It was beautifully written and it just.. pulled me in from the first sentence and didn't let go of me until I reached the end. It was absolutely wonderful to read.
The way you used descriptions was magnificent, I could almost feel it. The details were so lovely. The characters were also very much alive, almost real. Overall I think you did an amazing job on this one-shot!
Well done!Author's Response: Hi! I'm really pleased you liked it - I worked really hard on the details in this and your comments have made my day :)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hey. Wow. You're writing style is mesmerizing, your word choice is perfect. You're really talented and this was amazing. Your descriptions are a work of beauty, seriously, wow, they are so powerful. The little details you've added were perfect. I adore this ship, and you did it more than justice. I liked how it didn't have too much dialogue, it really suited the story. Thank you so much for a wonderful read, I adored this.
- SexyDoorFramesAuthor's Response: Hi and thank you so much for your wonderful review! I'm so so glad you liked it - this is the first one-shot I've written in a long time so your comments really mean the world :)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
This was so adorable!
I really like your writing. It so full of details and description, making everything flow perfectly. Great work!
This was such a beautiful one-shot. It felt so complete, you managed to get so much feeling into it even though it was quite short, so that's amazing!
I liked the fact that you didn't reveal it immediately who the two characters were, it added more to the interest and kept me guessing till the very end.
Awesome! I'm glad I picked this one and can't wait to read more of your work (:
~EleniaAuthor's Response: Hi! I'm so glad you liked it, I really loved writing this piece so it's lovely to get good feedback on it! Thank you for reviewing :) Report Review
I don't normally read Next-Generation because the shippings are freakily cliche'd (so are the storylines) but yours isn't which is really refreshing :) I've always heard as Lily II/Scorpious but i've never really given it much though but I loved how you portrayed their relationship :) It was a nice snippet of their relationship.
I didn't pick up any grammatical errors which was nice :) ALl in all, great story!!
JazAuthor's Response: Thank you! I think I've managed to avoid the cliche's by literally using a few minutes long time frame haha. They're a slightly less popular ship but I love them! I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
'Tis I, fauxthefox from the forums, with your requested review! :)
I like this a lot. It's sweet, simple, and full of emotion. Your writing style is great; clean, but full of meaning. I also like that you haven't taken the easy route and done a Scor/Rose.
Usually I'd say I wish that it were longer, but this is all I need. It's so nice. :) The only change that I think would really benefit the story would be more of the couple's past together. I wanted to know about their background, and how they fell in love!
FauxAuthor's Response: Hi!
I'm glad that you liked it! As much as I adore ScoRose, I feel as if Lily II is a neglected character who has so much pontential. I have this perfect image of her formed in my head, and wanted to use her as a character.
I really wanted to focus on a tiny moment in time with the couple, so therefore no backstory :)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hello! Dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap here with your review request!
I have one word for you: WOW.
If only that counted as a proper review, eh? If this is you after not writing a one-shot after awhile...well, take as many breaks as you need too! This was amazing. I'm actually not a big fan of one-shots (only because they usually leave me wanting more) but enough about me.
I felt everything. Every touch, every moment shared between the two. I was a bit surprised in the ending with the pairing and then my heart lurched a bit because I thought he would be gone for much longer than a week, a year maybe or forever. The sap in me shouted, 'No! Don't go!'
Your writing is exquisite. The way you pay attention to even the slightest detail, one word can send shivers down my spine.
Seriously have you just soaked this in? I'm soaking this in. This was my favorite part:
One broad hand skimmed down a white arm, alighting the senses until it reached those fragile fingers. He loved her small hands. A calloused thumb, hardened from life stroked its partner's, a touch so light she thought it was imagined. They stood, unnoticed by time, as the world passed them by. A second hand travelled upwards, passing the curve of a pair of lips, an upturned nose until it reached the pearly tear, making its voyage down a sea of pale skin. It wiped it away earnestly; he couldn't stand to see her cry.
I could see the pearly tear making it's voyage...good grief! It's voyage. If only I could italicize voyage to emphasize just how much the word reached out to me. I am at a loss for words. You are an amazing writer.Author's Response: Hi! Okay, I have the same for you: WOW. Haha. I seriously have no idea to reply to this because right now I've melted on the floor in a puddle at this awesome review!
Seriously, I don't know how to thank you enough and I'm so happy that you enjoyed it. My aim was to focus on a small window of time and really go in depth as much as I could.
Seriously - THANK YOU! This review may just have me squeeing for the rest of the year. Ah! Report Review
Oh so beautiful! For being such a short fic, you managed to make a chill run down my spine. The writing was so smooth that I could probably ice skate on it! (lol...i had to say it). The descriptions were spot on and made me feel like I was the one experiencing this moment. You write with a lot of passion and the story wasn't to drawn out or to hurried at all. You captured a perfect small scene, a powerful one of two lovers saying goodbye. The way you wrote it is almost dreamy, even the title is hauntingly dreamy. The whole atmosphere is very powerful and fragile. I think you did a wonderful job on this and I really can't find anything to criticize. Usually, I cringe at extremely angsty love scenes, but this one was just so ethereal and beautifully written. It made me smile. Amazing job! :DAuthor's Response: Hi!
Eeee thank you so much! It's wonderful that you liked it! The aim was to pinpoint a moment in time and to really focus on it, so I'm glad that you felt as if you were there! Ahh there are so many compliments here, I cannot say thank you enough times :)
Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
It's Roots in Water here with your review!
This was a lovely one-shot. You captured one moment in their lives and you wrote it beautifully.
I loved the way you didn't say their names until the very end. It helped to give an air of mystery to the piece as well as give the impression that this could be any couple, at any point in time. You wrote it so that we could definitely feel the love they have for each other.
The style was very descriptive and poetic. You didn't include a lot of dialogue, which suited this story- sometimes dialogue can lessen the power of the story. I don't think couples would speak much during these moments- they'd instead comfort each other physically, like you've showed.
Just a question: any particular reason why you chose "adore" over "love"? Just wondering.
The flow was great- each paragraph, each description flowed smoothly from one sentence to another. As well, you described the scene well without reusing or overusing certain words or phrases, which was very nice to read.
All in all. I enjoyed reading this story. It was a very sweet and emotional piece that wasn't too short nor too long. You wrote this one-shot very well!Author's Response: Hi!
I'm glad that you liked it! The mystery aspect of it all was more of an accident when I realised that I hadn't mentioned their names yet haha, but I decided to go with it :)
There's no particular reason why I chose 'adore' instead of 'love' - I just liked the way it sounded really, as if the extra syllable meant more. Weird, I know haha.
Thank you for such a wonderful review, I'm blushing! :) Report Review
Hello, its mangagirl from the forums with your review you asked for! So, wow, what a story this is. From the first sentence you captivated the reader, they wanted to go on, I certanly wanted to continue, to see what it was about.
I love your description. I mean it is so beautiful and powerful and doesnt fail to make me feel the emotion of the peice. And there is a lot of emmotion and the reader feels it with you because you have described it so well! I have to say this is one of the best stories for description. Ever.
I like your characters, I like how you describe them, how they seem to come off the page. One thing I love is who you dont actually know exactly who they are till the last paragraph (I was guessing Rose and Scorpius) and when you reveal it its so cool because I love that pairing, and I'm sure many others do too!
Overall, this is an amazing story despite it only being a one shot! Well done, youre a great writer!
Emma xxAuthor's Response: Hi! Okay, first of all: SQUEE. This is such a wonderful review and thank you so much for the incredibly high praise you've given me! It really means a lot :D
I don't really know what to say haha, apart from THANK YOU! The mystery aspect was actually unintentional until I realised halfway through I hadn't mentioned their names yet, so I decided to keep it up and I think it worked well :)
Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
Jenny wrote a one-shot -sings-
First things first, I loveee the way that you refrained from identifying the characters until the end. I knew who they were because I spotted them in the character list but there's certainly that lovely element of mystery and anonymity for them until the very end. I'm jealous :P I've never really mastered identifying characters after a long period of time like this.
It was so adorable, Jenny. I'm not a Scorpius/Lily shipper - I'm not a Scorpius/anybody shipper really - but you made them so right for each other. It's funny how I was thinking of you very much when I read this :P Like a little snapshot into you and James when he goes away to college.
The way they both think of each other, the closeness and the hope and the future that that last sentence ensures is just so perfect. It all works and flows together beautifully.
I'm so angry at Marina for not telling me you'd (a) finished this and (b) put it in the queue and (c) that she'd validated it. It's as gorgeous as Beryl on prom night ♥
xxxAuthor's Response: RACHEL! :D
To be honest the whole mysterious thing was a bit of an accident! I seem to just automatically do it when I'm writing an opening chapter... weird. Anyway, I thought it sounded better not knowing who the characters immediately were so I'm glad you liked it :) oh and you know how much I love Scorpius ;)
Also: LOL. This is so not me and James. I'm more like K BYE. GO AWAY. Kinda thing. ;)
I'm glad you liked it dear, it means a lot :) and no one is prettier than Beryl! Except maybe Jerry...
xxx Report Review
That was so sweet. You wrote it extremely well, and I loved all the detail about their hands and everything :) It was great. You have a lot of talent! :D You're a wonderful writer. I really liked this...
Keep writing, flufff ~
Also, if you ever get the time, could you r&r my fanfic "Darkest Night"? I'd really, really appreciate it! Thank you! :DAuthor's Response: Hi, I'm glaf you liked the story! Thank you for reviewing :) Report Review
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