Reading Reviews for Unravel Me
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nmb Unravelling

6th March 2013:
Loved it! I'm going to read your other stories now. Hope you write some more.

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

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Review #2, by ScarletEye158 Unravelling

3rd March 2013:
aw, yay! very cute ending :D

I like the way you kept Dominique's past hidden from the readers until the very end. I was wondering why she seemed so quiet and reserved and that sure does explain it!

I felt bad for her with the way she thought she didn't deserve to be around other people. She must have been virtually alone for a while :(

Brad was such a sweetheart and Dom is lucky she found him! I'm glad he still liked her even after he found out about her cheating with Teddy. It is very wrong of someone to do, but that was her past and she obviously felt sad and upset about it. I just hope that he'll be able to help her gain more confidence :)

Again, I feel like we really didn't get to know him very well and see what their relationship was like before they came home together. If you ever revise this or anything, maybe you could add in a little bit of it in the second chapter? It would just add a little more understanding into the story and make it more believable :)

this was a very cute short story and I'm glad I came and read it! Thanks for the read! :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thanks for sticking around for the third chapter! One day, I'd really like to revise chapter two and add some more encounters/interactions.

Thanks for your reviews! :)


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Review #3, by ScarletEye158 Cinderella

3rd March 2013:
hello again!

This was a cute second chapter! I was hoping that Dom and Brad would get together in the end, but I didn't think it would happen so fast! Was the romance helped along by alcohol? That would definitely do it, and I hope she doesn't regret anything the next morning!

I really liked your descriptions at the beginning. I thought at first that she was in her bedroom at her house and thinking about the one from her childhood and it made me laugh to discover that she was actually in the middle of a store relaxing on some random bed :P it was really cute and funny.

I would've liked to see a little bit more interaction between Dominique and Brad before they actually hooked up, but the story is still good without it :) They obviously had an attraction to each other right away so maybe it was a form of love at first sight? ;) I think too romantically sometimes lol.

great chapter!

-Amanda

Author's Response: When I originally wrote this, I wanted it to be kind of a fairytale (thus, Cinderella), which is why the relationship is very simplistic. Looking over it now, I'd really like to give them some more time to get to know each other before hooking up, like you said. One day I'll get around to editing it.

Thanks again for reviewing! :)


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Review #4, by ScarletEye158 Thank You, Come Again

3rd March 2013:
Aw this was so cute and fluffy :) I really like how you characterized Dominique, she seems very relate able! I am also one of those people who gets distracted easily and has it effect my whole way of thinking for awhile so I can totally understand where she's coming from! She must have really felt something for the anonymous customer to be thinking about him so deeply and I'm excited to see some future meetings between them :)

I thought overall that your story had a really nice flow. It really sucked me in immediately and I didn't stumble over anything or notice any grammatical errors so that was really nice! I got to read a very good quality story :) It'll be interesting to see where this story goes and if Dom and the stranger will eventually end up together! (Fingers crossed? :D)

Nice job on the first chapter and I'm excited to read the next two (:

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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Review #5, by TheOnlyDevnet Unravelling

29th January 2013:
Very cute, I really enjoyed it :)

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

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Review #6, by Aether Unravelling

22nd May 2012:
Nice end to the story! Everything made a bit more sense after Dominique explained why her family kicked her out.

This chapter did feel a little rushed to me, which I think took away from some of this story's power. Maybe I'm just being greedy, but I feel this chapter could have been split up into several more chapters (Eg: Dominique leaves, they get to know each other better, Dominique returns, etc).

However, overall this story is very enjoyable and well-written! Great job!

Aether

Author's Response: Thank you! I think I'll probably end up revising this and deepening/continuing it a bit

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Review #7, by Aether Cinderella

22nd May 2012:
Beautiful second chapter! This story is a very enjoyable read. The way you characterize Dominique is excellent, and I like how ironic her situation is. Many stories show strong female leads breaking away from their restrictive home life or future in the kitchen, and I like that it's reversed here. It's clever and unexpected.

At this point, her romance with Brad seems a bit superficial because they don't really know each other that well (or maybe I'm just not enough of a romantic). Either way, this chapter was very well-written, and I think that Dominique is a very believable and interesting character.

You actually requested I review your story last year, but I went on a hiatus from fanfiction because of college (sorry!). Anyway, great second chapter! 10/10

Aether

Author's Response: Thank you! If I end up revising this at some point, I'd like to add a few chapters in between so that they get to know each other a bit more, because I think your second point is absolutely right!

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Review #8, by SpringSinger19 Unravelling

14th January 2012:
Awww, I wish there were more! :) This is so wonderful and lovely. I am really rooting for Dominique. I feel bad for her, even though she has made so many mistakes. Again, the writing of this chapter was perfect. I thought you did a wonderful job of wrapping up the story.

This was perfect!

Author's Response: Awww :) Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Your reviews were so sweet! :)

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Review #9, by SpringSinger19 Cinderella

14th January 2012:
Ohh this was wonderful again :) I love your writing. This was again, believable and sweet. The beginning description about her room was wonderful. And Dominique is continuing to grow on me, as is Brad! However, be careful with him ;) he seems a little too perfect right now. I'd like to see some of his imperfections!

Again, great chapter! Can't wait to see more!

Author's Response: You're right, I should probably fix Brad up with some more imperfections. Thanks for the tip! :)

Thank you so much!


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Review #10, by SpringSinger19 Thank You, Come Again

14th January 2012:
Hey dear! :) Sorry this has taken so long, but I'm here to review!

This chapter was amazing! I instantly fell in love with Dominique. She was sweet and likable. Your writing also flows very well :) You know how to transition and write things that the reader really relates to and comprehend. I also loved the flaws you gave her and I thought her perspective on magic was fresh! She's just lovely!

Great start! I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: No problem, thanks for stopping by! :)

Wow, I'm glad you liked it so much! I wanted Dominique to be different from the typical really-awesome-at-everything-and-loves-it character.

Thanks again!


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Review #11, by EverDiggory Thank You, Come Again

2nd January 2012:
Details were beyond fantastic(: I think the banner is lovely,by the way! I think Doms characterization was beyond satisfactory! Great job! I'm not even a big next gen shipper,but this is awesome(:

Author's Response: Thanks again! :) I'm a sucker for next-gen..

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Review #12, by Dmlong Unravelling

19th October 2011:
Aww that was cute. Dom is kinda a big screw up, but you did a good job. :D

Author's Response: She is sort of a screwup, but I think it makes her a better character. :) definitely more interesting to write about!

thanks for reviewing! :)


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Review #13, by Dmlong Cinderella

19th October 2011:
Aww I love this. Its really good. :D

On to chapter 3 (& hopefully not the final. lol)

Author's Response: Yayyy :) Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #14, by Dmlong Thank You, Come Again

19th October 2011:
I like it. It's really good. I love how Dominique is different from the rest of her family and lives in muggle london.

Going to read the next chapter now. :D

Author's Response: Glad you like it! Thanks for taking the time to review :)

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Review #15, by Aether Thank You, Come Again

31st August 2011:
Wow! Excellent first chapter! I really enjoyed this. I love how original this is - I've never read about a character born in the wizarding world who prefers to live as a Muggle. Also, I think Dominique as a character is really well developed. I love how she has so much depth - her flaws (distractedness, lack of of ambition, shyness) and her strengths (self-acceptance, maturity, independence) make her really interesting to read. I think it was Dominique's character and narration that carried me straight to the end of this chapter, without pause.

I do have some questions about how it would be possible for someone who was born in the wizarding world to adapt to working in the Muggle world. How would she find the documentation? The proof of "Muggle" schooling? The technical (electronics) know-how necessary for most Muggle jobs these days? Wouldn't her co-workers find her to be really odd? How does her Veela genes affect Muggles? But maybe I'm just being nit-picky. ;)

I love, love, love this story's first chapter. Overall, great job on what promises to be a very creative story!

Aether

Author's Response: Ahhh, a lovely review... :)

I would never have considered writing something like this until I joined SpringSinger19's challenge, but I'm really enjoying it. I wanted Dominique to be sort of ordinary - not confident or witty. Hopefully her characterization will be consistent as the story continues!

Eek. You're right about all of this. I guess I'll try to explain the documentation/proof of schooling part in chapters to come. Maybe I can make up a Ministry service for that, like a Muggle relations thing...(?) At work, all that Dominique really has to use is the pricing/scan system, which I'd imagine they explained to her (although it would probably have taken her a while to get the hang of it).

Thanks so much for the input! You've really given me some important things to think about! :)

Faux


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Review #16, by Manga_girl Thank You, Come Again

27th August 2011:
~Requested Review~

Hello, its mangagirl from the forums here for your review! First of all, I have to say I liked this. It was simple yet the reader knows what youre getting at! Love it!

So, I like Dominique as a character. She is different from all the other versions of her I have seen so she isnt a cliche. I can see she is original and I like this because sometimes people want to read something different and out of the norm!

I like the way you describe how she is feeling and so far, I like how the plot is going. I dont think this is boring and it is engaging. I havent noticed spelling and grammar mistakes and I like it so far.

If I had to give you one thing to improve on it would be to make sure Dom has some quirky fact about her so she definatley isnt a Mary-Sue but I love this and her character! So cool!

Emma x]

Author's Response: Thanks for responding so quickly! :) I never get around to my reviews that fast... ^^;

I'm glad it's not to boring - I was a bit worried because it's such an uneventful chapter... I wanted to write Dominique without defining her as "that charming, pretty girl everybody wants," which is what I usually see going on.

I'll make sure to throw in something strange/quirky! :) Thanks for the suggestion and thanks again for the wonderful review!


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Review #17, by lightningninja Thank You, Come Again

24th August 2011:
You are a very talented writer. When reading the description I wasn't particularly sure if I would like this story, but I am definitely interested in it now.
One little thing is that Falling Slowly is actually written by The Frames. but thats all okay because i liked the chapter! =)
good luck to you!

Author's Response: Thank you :) Maybe I should change a description, it is a little vague...
And oooh! Thanks, I don't watch Idol so I'm never sure what songs are original or anything...
Thanks for taking the time to review!


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