Oh my gosh, this was absolutely amazing... and so horrible. You wrote this so amazingly, Em, but it really put me so much in her place. Your description of the pain was just so real and awful, we could see exactly why Alice and Frank were so nearly killed. I don't know how anyone could have stood it.
But your last two lines were absolutely amazing! They were completely shocking and it really brought it home. This was just amazing, great job hun :) 10/10!Author's Response: Oh my gosh, thank you for the amazing review Lottie!! Report Review
This story is great. I've never read an Alice and Frank story before but it's so good.
Results for the No Dialogue challenge will be up soon in the Hall of Fame and in a blog :)Author's Response: Awesome! I cannot wait to see the results and thanks for the review! Report Review
This gave me shivers. I really love it. I know you said you love dialogue but your description is really immense. The whole thing really, was awesome. Like, I could actually see it in a book. The way you described the Cruciatus Curse was amazing. My favourite line was "For them the pain was over, though the journey to insanity was complete." I just thought that was so sad and heartbreaking, to think that it was inevitable. All because of Bellatrix.
One thing I thought; wouldn't Alice have thought of Neville at some point? You could have perhaps mentioned him. Other than that, it was amazing, your description was awesome and your imagery is so thought provoking. I can actually see what's happening in my head.
It's been a pleasure doing your Secret Santa this year; your stories really are very good :) well done and merry christmas! XxxxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much :). Merry Christmas, I have loved all of your reviews and they really helped me as well as brightened up my day. :) Report Review
Hello there Emma! Its Acrules here, or Helen if you like, coming to review your entry to my challenge. It feels strange that this is the first time I've read anything by you since, in my head, I know you pretty well (although obviously, I don't really... but I feel like I do) so, hmm... slightly strange but TO BUISNESSS
Firstly, your description of pain was brilliant. It was real and vivid enough for me to appreciate the raw intensitiy of the pain they must have suffered, and also I loved that you picked this moment to write about. I've got to write about Alice and Frank's tourturing for the next chapter of a WIP and I've never read anything of the sort before, and this was so very well written.
Actually, there was only one thing I could fault in the whole thing. Just one line which I felt was a little awkward, in the beginning of the second section (which, by the way, was really powerful and reinforcing the tragedy of the thing) when Frank is said to 'also be in the same state' just because it seemed like... well, I don't know - it just didn't feel right to me.
Anyway, brilliant entry! Look for the results in a blog soon :)Author's Response: Ohmygawd, this is such an awesome review! I'm so glad you liked it and am sitting on the edge of my seat for that blog though I know your challenge was so good so it might take you a while to read all the entries.
I know what you mean, I feel like I really know you, thats why the forums are so cool!
Thanks for pointing that out, as I look back it doesnt flow well at all, oh well I'll sort that out.
Thanks again for the awesome review Helen,
Emma xx Report Review
Wow, that was definitely very interesting! I really like the absence of dialogue in this (although usually I'm a huge fan, especially the witty repartee). I love your writing style - it's so vivid and provocative! The only thing is I wish it was a little bit longer... it was only just starting to sink in, and then it ended. But that's just me :P
All in all, well done!Author's Response: That you so much, this is awesome! Report Review
I love reading dark, twisted stories which bring such a sense of realism, desperation and anticipation to the reader, and this one-shot was a great example of it. I just love how it's been written and I think it could be the best one-shot I've read on the site. I would've liked just a bit more of Alice's perception, like her looking up at Bellatrix in terrified confusion, but it's great just the same.
I'd love to see more stories from you written in this style (dark) as you seem to have a good eye for it.
So yeah, love the story!Author's Response: Yay! reviews! Thank you for this so much, I love reviews and they mean so much to me!
I dont know why but when it comes to one shots, I really can only write twisted, dark or near to death experiences. Its a little weird because in a novella or novel sized story, I cant do dark!
Thank you, I should try and write more dark stuff for you then, should I?
Emma xx Report Review
Hi, I'm gonna remark something first before going to the story. You only mention Bella, but also the 2 Lestrange brothers & Crouch Jr. participated in the torture of Alice & Frank.
To the story. I really liked this piece. It made me sad and I could almost feel Alice' pain. No-one has ever written a whole piece about the Cruciatus Curse and you did a marvellous job on it. I can't really describe it.. you just blew me away with it.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing, I do love them! I guess I forgot that it wasnt only Bellatrix who participated in the torturing, I suppose I need to edit that :).
I dont know why I wrote this so sad and depressing, I was in a good mood when I wrote this (strangely enough!). Thanks so much for all the lovely comments,
Emma Report Review
Hi there! First of all; I like the idea of your one shot! I've always wanted to read a story from one of the Longbottom's POV, and you wrote it wonderfully! I think I'll definitely want to read more story's about them in the future.
The way you used descriptions was really, really good! It got me pulled into the story, and it made me want to read on to find out how things would turn out. It was dark indeed, but it was so real.. I felt so sorry for Alice. It was a little short though, I'd love to read more about Bellatrix and how it happened in the first place. But nevertheless, you did an amazing job on it. Well done! =)
x IndianSummerAuthor's Response: First of all, thanks for the fab review, you're the first for this story! I'm just gonna say I'm terrible at responding to reviews so bear with me!
Thanks for the comments, I wrote this stort about a month ago and it has been gathering dust in my documents so I thought it was finally time to post it! I decided to write this from Alice's POV because I have always wondered what the Cruciatus curse would feel like and I know thats horrible but I wanted to write something like this where people feel the pain (yes, not very nice!).
I could edit this longer, it would be nice to see how everything happenes in order though I was trying to write this with as little/no dialouge whatsoever so its a bit shortere than I originally planned out!
Thanks again for the review, it made my day!
Emma Report Review
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