(You requested this a long time ago and I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T REVIEW EARLIER :'(. Well, here it is anyway.)
This story is just darling. I think that Eva is so sweet and that the interactions between both Al and Eva are so cute and they make me smile. I love how she was in the hospital during the whole story, her dreams acting as memories. It adds a fairy-tale like quality to the story in general and adds a sort of soft mystique to the tone, which works very well with the sweetness. The story is fairly innocent too, almost child-like in a way. Maybe it's the whole Sleeping Beauty factor mixed with the way Eva speaks about her memories. Overall, the flow was pretty good. There are some grammar mistakes that should be edited, such as your use of the semi-colon versus the comma in parts of your story, but it's not to extensive. There are a few awkward sentences here and there as well, but nothing that a little editing can fix.
My conclusion for this one-shot is that it's sweet, perfectly paced, and heart warming. Well done :)Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for this, and sorry for the delay!
I'm really glad you like this, Al is my favourite person to write about - yet I never write about him, its so weird!
Thanks for being honest, I am such a lazy proof reader, I hate to say, and I really must work on this!
Thank you so much :D
- B Report Review
It's Roots in Water here with your review!
I really enjoyed reading this. At first I thought the accident that had happened was a lot more serious than it was and that this story would be about her regaining her memories, but I really liked what you did. I especially enjoyed having the flashbacks lead right up until the present- that was really well done.
I didn't think it was at all confusing, because your main character had lost her memory. As she regained her memories we learnt of her past. It really worked out nicely that way.
I also really enjoyed how you had Eva think she was Aurora from Sleeping Beauty. I liked how it showed just how much she had forgotten- for Aurora was obviously not her name- and her muggle upbringing. I think you've created an interesting character with Eva Florick and this ties in wonderfully with your Eva from the Albus chapter- stubborn, ambitious and smart.
There were also a few mistakes I found or things I would suggest to change (those would be personal opinion). Firstly, the phrase "For a while" I'd make into a seperate paragraph (albeit a very short one). I feel that it would help show that time had passed beyond just saying it had. As well, with "she could describe the pain", I think "best describe" would sound better. Additionally, I think "could not but go" would flow easier as "could not do anything but". Also, remove the "y" in "that they boys"- just a small typo. The phrase "muggle and human world"... I wasn't sure what you trying to say with this. Muggles are humans too... I would refer to it as the "muggle and wizard world" instead. As well, with "him; Al Potter", I'd switch the semi-colon to a comma. Finally, I'd add "she" between "though" and "realised" in "though realised".
Your story flowed very smoothly and I really liked how you incorporated the poppies- it was very well done. As well, your ending was lovely- I really like the quote "They would have all the time in the world". It expresses the freedom of first love and the sense of forever that all teenagers have. Great job.
All in all, it was a very enjoyable read. Thanks for requesting!Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for this!
And thanks for pointing out the mistakes - theyre such an annoying thing to see in a story, but i can never see them in my own work until someone else points them out!
Im so pleased you like eva - shes been in my head for a while and i wanted to give her a voice :D
yay, so glad you liked! thank you! Report Review
This is such a sweet story! I love reading stories about Harry's children and everything after the epilogue. I think you really did great justice to all of the characters. It kind of annoys me when people force traits onto characters that just aren't part of their personalities at all but you managed to develop Albus' character without doing this at all. I'd love to read more of your writing about him!Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for this. Hopefully you will like my other stories, some, like "All You Need is Love" feature him :D So happy you enjoyed and reviewed :D Report Review
Hi there! I'm here with your review as requested.
And I'm so glad you did! I absolutely loved this piece. It was marvelous. It was so moving and so enjoyable. I honestly have never read a piece like this. This was wonderful and so unique! This was amazing.
You had me from the very beginning. Your descriptions about the poppies and how she had no sight and would decided to call herself Aurora was amazing. That was so incredibly touching, and I loved it. You absolutely nailed that scene. Your word choice and sentence structure contributed to it so greatly. It added life and just made it so flawless. I could really feel for her.
This entire thing was so moving and so very clever. I loved all of your OCs. They were so original and were really great characters. I also loved your Albus. He was fantastic. I could tell that he was the son of Harry Potter, and he was also his own character as well. I think I may have fallen in love with him. :)
This was absolutely marvelous. And so clever and so enjoyable. I loved how you made poppies such a symbolic item in this.
As for your queries about standing alone, I haven't read its companion piece, but it does just fine as a stand alone piece. You address everything that needs to be addressed and you make it a piece that can stand alone perfectly. So don't worry about that. ;)
And no mistakes really jumped out at me! That's awesome. There might have been a comma slip up here and there, but those really aren't a big deal. They can be fixed with a simple read over, and if I can't remember where they were, then they didn't take away from the story at all. So that's fantastic! :)
Really great job! Thank you so much for requesting! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for this! This piece is very close to my heart so im so happy you liked this!
Im glad its clear, and Eva worked as a character.
Haha I'm glad my love for Al came accross. Dont you just want to marry him? :L
The companion piece has never been written, funny enough, so thats why it was so important it stood alone. i was just so sick of having it on my computor, not going anywhere!
Thanks so much! Report Review
I like this! It's cute :)Author's Response: hi! thanks for reading and reviewing. Im happy you like it! Report Review
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