I got a little too excited to see that you requested a founders story, as no one ever seems to write these, so whenever I see one pop up, I do a happy dance!
I really liked how you used historically accurate vocabulary, as thatís often the key to success in founders stories, and it just makes the story more believable and realistic by including it.
I liked Rowenaís characterisation, as she seemed really happy and carefree, it was such a nice change to see, as most people just portray her as incredibly studious, and I donít think thatís true, so Iím glad that you changed that, and made her more normal, and thus relatable to the reader.
I really liked your description in this chapter as well, as it was so vivid, it created wonderful imagery in my head, and the natural scenes were probably described the best, as I think it was the part when Rowena was in the river, and it just seemed as if I was in the river as well. The only thing I can perhaps say to improve on that, is to include more detail on their physical attributes, as then it will create even better imagery.
It may just be mean not reading carefully enough, but I didnít realise Eldritch was a man until he introduced Godric. If it is stated earlier, Iím sorry and I should pay more attention! But if it isnít perhaps include it earlier on in the chapter, just to make the reader have a better idea of who he is.
I really liked the way Rowena and Godric first met each other, as it was rather peculiar way for them to meet, but it was so peculiar that I enjoyed it, and it wasnít the whole fall in love at first sight thing, and I can see how their relationship would grow for him, and it was a really nice start to it!
I really liked this chapter, and I think youíve made a great start to the story, especially with the last line, so Iím intrigued to see where it goes!
-Kiana :D Report Review
A nice story! I loved that you used the old language and the descriptions were great too. Rowena is my favorite founder, so it was nice to see a story about her.Author's Response: Hi TA, thanks for stopping by! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it and think I did it justice, much appreciated. It's hard writing founders, hope I can keep it up! :) Thanks again, Bobby xx Report Review
Hello again, I'm back for the second review because it was too good to resist. xD
I think this was another beautiful continuation of the previous chapter-- You truly embodied the spirit, customs, and speech of the times well. I really love you characterization of Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, and am curious to learn more about them! ^^
Before I go, though, I did catch a typo:
+ "Let your cousins mount keep her stall"
^ I think there should be an apostrophe after "cousin's", since it's a possessive. :)
~Khanh (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Hi Khanh, thanks very much for reviewing! And thanks for the grammar check, I don't mind the occasional Grammar Nazi hit to keep me in line lol. I'm glad you're enjoying this story, hopefully I'll get around to completely it one day. Would be good :) Thanks for stopping by! Bobby xx Report Review
I thought that this story was absolutely stunning so far... I have to congratulate your on your use of the olden language; everything seemed just right and flowed well. The descriptions were great, too--I can totally imagine Rowena running along freely in a race with her cousin...
Overall, a great start, and I'm looking forward to reading more! ^^
~Khanh (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Hi Khanh, thanks very much for the review! I'm so relieved to hear you say that I did a good job on the language in this, I was really nervous about it because obviously not many people these days are familiar with it to be completely true and accurate, so I'm glad that you think I did it justice :) And happy to hear that you enjoyed the imagery as well, something I do pride myself on (though admittedly sometimes I do waffle on a bit and get overly descriptive lol!). Thanks very much, more soon (I hope!) Bobby xx Report Review
Another story to R&R in what is turning into a review-swapping marathon. Never the less, I think this is actually my favourite so far.
You pulled off the old fashioned dialogue so well. I mean, sometimes it's over done and comes across all stilted and rubbish but this really is very well done. And believable.
I love Rowena being all free and running about. As a fellow Raven, tis a very agreeable image indeed.
Again the flow of your writing is excellent. No awkard slip ups, nothing that made me stop or stumble and have to re-read lines.
Plus, this chapter was really intriguing and now I just want to read ooonnn and onn and on. WHich I may well do.
-ACAuthor's Response: Hey AC, how're you going? Sorry for the late reply, finally getting there! :) Thanks very much for the review, you're so kind with your reviews! I'm delighted that you enjoyed it and so did your inner Ravenclaw, I will do my best not to disappoint our house with this story, so I better update it soon ay! :D Very pleased you enjoyed it and found it believable, thank you. Bobby xx Report Review
Oh, goodness, I love it! The speech is fantastically accurate, the personalities are great, the appearances of the characters fit perfectly and... it's Rowena and Godric! :D You are a talented writer, your prose is eloquent, yet concise, and your characterizations of these people is wonderfully human. Keep it up! :)Author's Response: Thanks very much for your kind review, I'm so glad you think I did justice to the time and characters, that made me smile!
Many thanks for your review and I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
- Bobby xx Report Review
This was superb! I love a well-written Founders story, and this was just that. You transported me to another time, and I really got a feel for the era this was set in. The dialogue really made it for me; it was so in-keeping with that era that it just made the whole chapter more vivid and more real in my mind.
You didn't go over-board with flowery descriptions, yet I could imagine everything so well just from the simple imagery. I was curious at first to know who Eldritch was, as he seemed to bring out a really competitive streak in her, and the two seemed to have a really strong friendship and perhaps a slight rivalry. I think you captured the essence of Rowena perfectly.
I hope you update soon :)
- MarinaAuthor's Response: Hi Marina, thanks very much for your review and kind words, much appreciated! I'm very happy to hear that you thought it flowed nicely and you liked the description and characterisation. Hearing that you think I did the dialogue of the time justice is also lovely, thank you. Much appreciated, I hope you enjoy the following chapters as much as this! :) Bobby xx Report Review
oh wow... this is actually really good, very well written and the setting has been done very well. please update soon, it truly is a great story.Author's Response: Why thank you very much for your kind words :-) i have a chapter for another story in the queue atm but once its validated I'll certainly update the next chapter of this one. If you'd like to know what's next in the works just check my bio area or my meet the author page on the forums, you'll find it all there :-) thanks so much for the lovely review, have a great day! Bobby x Report Review
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