Hey there. First of all, thank you for entering my challenge. It was a real delight to read your thoughts on the matter. I am always craving for stories that focus on Snape and a particular interest of mine is other characters thoughts about his role in the Second War.
Now then...where to begin? I must say that this story is the perfect echo of my own thoughts. Namely, Ginny's continual back-and-forth between forgiving or not forgiving Snape. Of course, I have forgiven Snape but it's always difficult to consider him the "hero" when there were certain actions of his that could have been avoided (bullying). But him doing those things is largely due to his own character and the bitterness of his life.
I especially liked that Ginny managed to find the resolve to forgive Snape in the end, after Harry shares his memories with her. I can totally understand why she had been so reluctant until that point (as she stated she, Ginny, was the one that had to endure the tortures that were going on at Hogwarts during their final year and even if Snape was mostly absent, you knew he was there. In the shadows, present to everything). Her change of heart seems pretty logical to me, so that only added to the beauty of her character, which you managed to portray so beautifully.
I am glad I had the opportunity to read this story!Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for tihs.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this, and it made sense to you. Actually, you make the piece sound a lot more clever than it really was, so that's great!
I've been thinking about another piece, perhaps longer, about Ginny's time in Hogwarts during Deathly Hallows, this is great encouragement, thank you! Report Review
So I'm in love with "Delacour," but can't nominate it for a Golden Paw because it doesn't really fit with any of the categories. (Next story of the month, though.) I am therefore going through a lot of your other stories, because if I'm that in love with one of them, you probably have others I will really like as well.
And this definitely qualifies.
I really love the concept behind this. I admit that I've never really thought about how different Ginny's experience of the war was from Harry's. I mean, I thought about the obvious stuff - Harry was on the run, she wasn't, etc - but not about how her feelings about who the enemy was might be different from Harry's perspective.
Because now that I'm thinking about it, you're right - they would be different. Ginny's experience of the war probably barely involved Voldemort. It was all about the Carrows and Snape. It's all well and good for Harry to change his mind and see Snape as a hero, but he's in a very different situation - not just because of his mother, but because he wasn't there for the worst of it. It's kind of like Charity Burbage - I doubt her family was comforted by the knowledge that Snape just stood by while she was killed for the greater good.
It was a really realistic portrayal of her experiences, I thought. I also liked the fact that as she got older and gained perspective and distance, her feelings changed. I did feel like you rushed her developing empathy for Snape a bit - I wanted to see more detail about her emotions and thoughts about him - but on the whole, this was an excellent story.Author's Response: Hi!
For me, the idea of Ginny's being the one left behind was so heartbreaking. She was young, trapped and probably very lonely - also the only Weasley who couldn't help, though she was willing.
You said it perfectly - Snape and the Carrows were the face of the war for her, and it probably took some adjusting.
You're right that it was probably rushed - in fact I think I rushed the writing of the story, I just wanted it up on the site and written. If I were to do it all again I'd slow it down - but then it wouldnt be the same story I suppose!
Thank you so much, once again! Report Review
This is a great story. Did you know that Snape is the no1. favourite Harry Potter character, universally? I think he's got two sides and this was good in showing that. I like that you wrapped Harry and Ginny into this, too, they're a great couple in your portrayal. I sometimes don't like them, so many people make Ginny too meek and mild. Well done on writing this so well, it was a great story. :)Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you! I didn't know that, but I can imagine it. So glad you liked this, my Snape and my Harry and Ginny :) Report Review
This is AditiDraco95 from the forums with your requested review.
Firstly, I apologize for the extremely long delay in getting to this! I had so much on my plate, but oh well, nevermind.
I do not generally read Harry/Ginny fics, and neither do I read solely Ginny. However, I did give this a try after reading your summary.
I think your portrayal of Ginny is quite nicely done. You have captured her emotions fairly well.
Harry's characterization seemed a bit off to me though. So did their relationship. I suggest you put in some more bits and pieces on Harry, and the re-building of Ginny/Harry relationship and their trust. It would give more ground to the story.
Also, if you put in one or two flashbacks by Ginny of her time at Hogwarts when all the "torture" happened - it would provide a good backstory to her disbelief of Snape.
A little more pondering over by Ginny after watching harry's memories would also give a nice tone to the emotional intensity of it all, instead of directly jumping to the court scene.
Those are just my little suggestions though =)
Apart from that, there were a few grammar errors I spotted and a few sentences were awkward to read. It is nothing that another re-read and edit won't fix, or perhaps you could get a beta to look them over for you.
Over all, though, this was a good piece of writing. I liked your plot idea and the narrative of the story. The scene setting and flow was fairly woven as well.
I hope I didn't come off as too harsh, and that my Constructive Criticism didn't put you off - and that this review was of help.
I am giving this an 8/10
Thank you for requesting.
P.S. I will try and get to your Albus fic soon too.Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for the delay in response!
tHanks so much for this. Im glad you enjoyed it. I really should have put in more of Harry, and i see what you mean abut the backstory.
Thanks so much for this, really helpful! Thank you!! :D Report Review
Hi! I've finally arrived; I apologize for taking so long. Also, congratulations on winning the challenge! After reading this, I can tell you that the victory is well deserved. Nicely done.
I think this is a really unique concept, and although I love Snape so very much and completely admire him for the many sacrifices he made, I must commend you for keeping Ginny in character here. It would be very tempting to just have all the story's heroes instantly reverse their opinions of Snape upon hearing of his change of heart. However, Ginny surely witnessed some terrible things while he ruled at Hogwarts, and he is part of the reason why she will never meet her mother and father in law. Her anger and distrust is justified. I love the complexity you gave her character, the way she finds herself unable to blindly trust Harry when her own convictions are leading her in a different direction. This line especially struck me: "As usual, she was too young to have to deal with this." It's so true, and it's important to remember that. I also liked how she felt that the trial was holding her back from moving on with her life. That also feels genuine. And I LOVED Ginny's reaction to Snape's memories. Again, good job illustrating the conflict between wanting to help the neglected child and hating the bitter man he grew up to be. You just did such an amazing job showing her progression, and the ending was so sweet. I actually teared up a little.
Okay, so on to other things... I usually don't think about Ginny much, so you did a cool thing there, getting me interested in her. I do have to say that I'm not sure if her testimony would hold a great deal of influence in the trial, at least not enough to completely turn the tide. I do think it would be taken into account, certainly, but maybe not to this extent? I hope that makes sense, and it's merely my opinion, of course. Your writing flowed beautifully, and the piece easily held my interest. I didn't see many technical errors, except one time in the pensieve part you typed 'trail' instead of 'trial'. The little bit of imagery you included was effective as well.
Anyway, I completely loved it. Where did you get the idea (aside from the quote, obviously)? Thanks so much for requesting a review, and I hope my comments are helpful :)
AmandaAuthor's Response: Hi! thanks so much for this!
Im sorry i kept you waiting for it! youre quite right about the influece on the trial - i think since it wasnt as if they had to pass judgement on a living person, they really just needed someone who wasnt harry, who i imagined to be emotionally failing all over the place!
Im so glad you liked the memeories, they were some of the main things i edited :D
And yeah - theyre all way too young to have to deal with all this! im glad you commented :D
thanks again! Report Review
I adored this story. I don't often read Severus stories but I loved the idea behind this. I liked the repetition of the claustrophobic feeling of the court room and Ginny's thoughts about it, but then you realize she she is older and more mature and her thoughts have changed.
I find it heartbreaking to see her disagreeing with Harry's opinion on Snape and at first I couldn't understand why she would think this way of Snape. But then I remembered that she spent a year under his rule as Headmaster and the terror the students felt, the way he behaved as was expected of him - but she couldn't know about his role in the Order.
I'm glad she finally understood Harry's need to absolve Snape of being labeled as a villain. And I adored her line about how she needed to be the voice for someone who couldn't defend themselves. Really nice touch.
I did notice some grammatical errors and a few times you used words incorrectly. I don't remember all of them off the top of my head but I do remember you said 'commendation' at one point and I think you meant condemnation - at least, that would make more sense to me.
Nicely done with this story though! Really excellent job. :)Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for this!
I'm really glad you enjoyed this!
Its hard for me to think of Ginny and Harry not agreeing, but then how could she not disagree :D
Thanks for that - I should maybe edit again! I trust spell checker way too much :L
Thank you! Report Review
Very nice that everyone totally ignored how Snape WILLINGLY sold out both James and Lily and Frank and Alice Longbottom by happily giving Voldemort the prophecy.
Leading to the first couples death and the seconhd couples madness will leaving two children orphans.
Then he only felt bad about LILY and tried to BUY her from Voldemort with the price of the death of her husband and son.
But why mention that in a trial.Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for your input.
I chose to ignore these points in this piece - though I would say this was addressed, since it wasn't relevant to Ginny at that time.
You raise points that I am already aware of and they are points I wholeheartedly agree with. Remember, like the wizangamot judge, I am not asking people to worship him - I am merely "pardoning" him for his input in the second war.
Thanks again, and though I realise you found this point to be a problem, I'm glad to know more about what people think of the story and subject.
Again, I'd like to point out this is Ginny's story, not mine.
But, why mention that in a response? Report Review
Like, holy freaking wow! I love it! I've never really read a Ginny centric oneshot before, and I really love your characterisations of Ginny and Harry. I think it's all really believable to what would really happen. Your prose is genius. It flows so well, and I think you fit the quote in there well.
I can't really think of any criticisms! Woo! Well done!Author's Response: Oh wow! thank you so much!
Im so glad you liked it, thanks so much for reading and reviewing :D Report Review
I loved this -- I've never read a story like this and you sold me on it immediately. I have a sort of bias towards Snape, and although I acknowledge that he had faults, many of them, it's quite different to read something from this type of view. I loved seeing Ginny's mind change, because I have so much respect for Snape and want others to feel the same way.
And the way it came about was very natural and realistic. Are you sure you didn't take actual court proceedings and tweak them a bit to make them more magical? :D I have no difficulties at all in believing what you're telling me as a writer, this was near-flawless.
Absolutely captivating story, and your style was so simplistic and yet honest, and it sucked me in. I said I've been meaning to visit your page again for a while, but I waited too long! This was such a refreshing thing to read, and I enjoyed it very, very much.
Thank you for swapping with me! Feel free to ask again any time, I'd be only too happy. :)Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for this!
It was great to read your stuff too! You didnt have to read this, just knew you were a snape fan.
Im so glad you liked this, and i really do hope i got the wizengamot trial right - maybe all this watching of the good wife is rubbing off on me :L
Thank you so much for reading, and im so pleased you liked this! So glad we swapped :D Report Review
Wow. I found this fic to be extremely powerful. It's gripping and simple, yet complex at the same time. I love how you can feel Ginny's conflicting emotions about Snape and how you can sympathize with her. Yes, she wants to agree with her boyfriend/husband, but she has her own conflicts and vendettas against Snape. He was the one that she was struggling against for the main part of the war. This makes everything very believable because alot of people who read the Harry Potter books automatically look at Snape as an immediate hero, bur really...he's done a lot of bad things and he's definitely no angel. I also love how you used the quote in your story. It's very strong and it sent chills up my spine. I can just imagine her saying that when I read this. this is very emotionally intense and very prominent in its pace and in the language you used, especially the ending...where you show the noble Gryffindor part of Ginny by having her stand up for Snape in the end, not because she thought he was a hero...but because it is the right thing to do. In just a one chapter, you've made Ginny a strong character while justifying Snape at the same time. The text flow is very well done, making it easy to read. The only problem I have is the part when Ginny goes in to see the memories of Lily. The descriptions waned a bit and seemed a bit rushed. However, Ginny's emotional response to them were very good and added to the story. So all in all, I favorited this fic because I believe it to be a very engaging and powerful one-shot. You've successfully taken the quote and made a very strong story with chilling dialogue and strong characters. I'm impressed. Well done :D.Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for this, I'm honoured you liked it so much.
You really understood what I was doing here, with Ginny being brave and doing the "right" thing, questioning ALL of our perceptions of snape, Ginnys character.
I actually agree with you about the descriptions. I wanted them to be abstract but i think they did take away from the story. I've sent in an edited version so hopefully this will be all corrected :D Report Review
Hey! Its Perelandra from the forums with your review!
Ok, I have to start off with saying this. Some months ago I discovered a FF a story called Dumbledore's Army and the year of Darkness. It was about the struggle Neville, Ginny and everyone left behind went through as the second war started to brew. It was a story where Snape was seemed as the evil one who did not care and supported the Dark Lord and as the true enemy for those students and teachers at Hogwarts. This, feels like a continuation for me and I like you for it. I love the idea behind this, really mostly because I've wondered what Harry said to the others about Snape. To McGonagall and Hagrid who felt the betrayal the most. How did they react? Did they believe Harry? Did the Wizarding world believe The Boy Who Lived? I'm glad you explored this idea.
Because you know of the hardships they had, with the Carrows' torture and Snape doing absolutely nothing, it can be hard to forgive the man. I can see Ginny's struggle of believing her husband about a man who allowed so much evil and torture happen. She tries to understand Harry's feelings but Ginny herself cannot see past her own anger towards Snape who, in her belief, should not be hailed high on a pedestal as the other people who openly against Voldemort's forces and died such as her brother. But in the end, you know he played a vital role in the war. He suffered because of love and went on doing what he did out of pure love.
Anyway, this was short and sweet. I love Ginny in this. Her characterization and voice are fantastic!
There is one thing I wanted to point out. When a person is claustrophobic is when they're enclosed in a small space with "no room to breathe" and fear that they have no escape. I know this cus I'm a bit of a claustrophobic myself. So it makes no sense for anyone to feel claustrophobic in a courtroom with high ceilings because of the large empty space above.
Anyway, that's all the "bad" critique I have...other than that this short story was fantastic!
--Perelandra/RemusAuthor's Response: Thank you so so much for this! I really appreciate it.
Im so glad this made sense to you, and the story you mention sounds great!
I know what you mean about the claustrophobia thing, get a touch of it. i believe theres a form thats like being trapped in a well, that what i was relating this to. sorry if i got this wrong!
thanks again! Report Review
Hi there! It's me again :)
This is one of the most interesting one-shot ideas I have seen in a long time. You have both the sides of right and wrong, both present in Snape, and both vying to be the dominant view of this man who moved to protect some people and hurt others.
The way you have showed the two sides of Severus Snape's trial through Ginny worked erxtremely well to show us an outsider's view of him. I love how her emotions and outward image conflict, and how you show Harry affecting her too; how he is in tune with her emotions, but she doesn't mindlessly follow him, and keeps her own views adamantly.
You showed the passing of time very well too; as Ginny became more distanced and mature, and better emotionally equipped to deal with all of Harry and Snape's emotional baggage, she wanted to *know*. I love how you showed her, pregnant and desperate to know, to see it from her husband's point of view, and how Harry knows what he has to do.
The way you portrayed Ginny as she watched the memories was beautiful; as a mother, and a confused schoolgirl, and a mere bystander. In the trial, her thoughts were turned around beautifully, and I like how Ginny debated Ron and Hermione's automatic following of Harry - you don't often see her like that, because we never really get to see the middle-man's view of it (not complete hate or worship - much like Snape).
I love what Ginny said for Snape too, because it was so clear, and it wasn't some amazingly perfect speech; you had her reaction and movements down perfectly.
I also love how Albus Severus came into it a little - maybe we can forgive Harry and Ginny for giving him such a *different* name if this was the reason behind it? ;)
Overall, I loved this. Snape is never brought up in post-Hogwarts, he's just remembered in passing, and I love how you brought him up and showed us both sides of his argument and story. 10/10 (and I'm so glad someone nominated this for the Dobbys!)
~TGKAuthor's Response: Hi! I thought id replied to this so sorry! really happy you liked it, i always love your reviews because you really seem to hit on the right things :L
and i agree about albus - its not so bad a name now! and thanks again, so much! :D Report Review
It's Roots in Water here with your review.
I think that this was very well written- it certainly flowed smoothly and you wrote Ginny's emotions well. The writing style suited it, as did the words chosen. I'm glad that you didn't have Ginny blindly believing Harry- she was in Hogwarts the year Harry searched for Horcruxes and she would have experienced a nastier cover of Snape. Of course she wouldn't have immediately changed her opinion of him.
It was very realistic to have it take 6 years for her to finally forgive him- 6 years for the war wounds to heal, 6 years for the memories to fade. I think you also brought up an interesting point that I found very true: Snape didn't want to be a hero. He was only doing what he thought was right, because he was in love. Of course, I understand why the court thought the emotion would be insubstantial evidence (not everyone can love as deeply as Snape did) but to dismiss it as entirely irrelevant? It was what influenced him to act the way he did.
As well, I think that Ginny's speech was very well done, very passionate. I'm glad that the head of the Wizengamot left the "hero worship or condemnation" up to personal choice. It would have been too unrealistic for him to declare Snape a hero, plus it would have taken away the personal choice of the population. My only concern is that Ginny's speech didn't contain enough evidence to really highlight Snape's role in the war. She did mention that he "protected" them, but her speech was really her own personal opinion (an opinion I agree with, but still). I think it would make it stronger if she also mentioned how he risked his life as a spy, or how he had given Harry the sword of Gryffindor- something to fully emphasize his role in a more specific way.
I found a few spelling errors that would be easy to fix whenever you do your edit. Firstly, with "Adromeda was looking", if I'm not mistaken it's "Andromeda". As well, with "had to little a role", it would be "too little" instead. And with "other war hero's", I would take away the apostrophe and I believe the plural form is "heroes" (though I could be wrong). Additionally, with "Like Dumblefore", it would be "Dumbledore". Finally, with "No, she didn't want this", I would use "that" instead of "this" because I feel like it would better suit the situation of referring to the previous sentence (but that's definitely just a personal opinion).
However, I really enjoyed reading this. I think it was very well done and it's not something I've ever really thought about before. Who knows how Snape was really viewed after the end of the war? Your story is a very probably situation of what could have happened and the emotions are definitely there.
Thanks for requesting a review!Author's Response: Thanks so much! I had thought id responded to this, sorry!
thanks for reviewing, and pointing out those mistake - i never see them in my own work!
thanks again! Report Review
AngelofDoe here. Here's your review for entering the challenge.
This was a well written story. You did the quote justice. The flow of the story runs perfectly from beginning to end. I like how was see the progression of Ginny changing her mind about the situation.
It was an enjoyable read and thank you for entering the challenge.
Lollie :DAuthor's Response: Hi!
Thanks for the review, and for giving me this quote, it really pushed me to do something different.
Really glad you liked it, thank you! Report Review
Hello! Dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap here with your requested review! Sorry for the delayed response but my semester has started and I have been very busy. Now, let's get started.
Honestly from your request I thought I would have to be nitpicky. I thought maybe I wouldn't like it because Ginny is an obvious character, you talk about Snape but it's her actions throughout the story and her thoughts that make such a big part of this I was worried I wouldn't enjoy it.
I enjoyed it more than you could understand.
I have never been such a big fan of one-shots because I have always wanted more, the writer always leaves things out sometimes that makes the one-shot feel incomplete that I'm scratching my head and pouting behind my computer screen.
I didn't pout. I didn't scratch my head.
Do you know what I did instead? I cried. Because this was beautiful.
Your writing style is wonderful, impressive, I'm actually a little jealous. If this hadn't come from Ginny's view I don't think the story would have been as powerful or enjoyable. It makes sense for her to disagree with Harry. Her brother died, people she cared for died and Snape was such a part of her pain because it was obvious to her that he wasn't a good person. It was obvious to Harry once too, wasn't it? But they never did understand who Snape truly was until Harry was given his memories. It would make sense for Harry to not want to reveal all his memories, especially something that reveals his Mother at such a young and innocent age. Why shouldn't he keep that to himself? He never got to really know her. And yet the demand by Ginny made sense because why shouldn't she want to know Lily Potter? That would have been her Mother-in law, they would have been family.
You brought up so many interesting things that I'm just questioning so many aspects of the book that JK never touched on and probably never will.
The emotion was key here. I cried when Ginny started to question about seeing the memories. You got me once she saw Snape as a young innocent boy. The way she wanted to 'mother' him. I felt that.
I have to say my favorite part though was this:
The high ceiling of the courtroom made many claustrophobic. The Wizengamot, peering down at the individuals they had in their power, intimidated most. But this was not Ginny's first time here. She was not so afraid anymore, so angry or scarred. The little baby kicking away, keeping her grounded.
It might not seem like a pivotal piece but the way you reused it from the beginning and elaborated on it to show the change that gone had undergone was perfect.
Not to be nit-picky because this was so wonderful but you said you wanted any c.c that I had. There's a few things:
- He had one more good than harm, in some ways.
Do you mean he had 'done' more good than harm. If so you're missing the d.
- There would be no running away, she decided all of a sudden, fiercely, suddenly understanding Harry’s determination.
This sounds just a bit awkward when I read it. I feel like it should read as: There would be no running away she decided fiercely, suddenly understanding Harry's determination.
But I'm not sure if that sounds exactly right either. It's just a small suggestion.
But either way I truly enjoyed this. Thank you so much for requesting.Author's Response: I teared up a little when i saw this. thank you so, so much. I had a proper response to this before, but not sure where it went. all i can say is thank you again. ive edited it with your input, thanks again x Report Review
The idea behind this story really fascinated me from the moment I saw this posted, and I like how you carried through with this idea, showing Ginny's struggle to understand how someone who treated her and her schoolmates so cruelly during DH could be seen by Harry as a hero. I like the way that Ginny doesn't accept Harry's word at face value, but rather challenges him on it - that's the Ginny that more people need to write about, not the shy fangirl, but the strong-willed witch who, like her mother, thinks for herself. Your characterization of Ginny is fantastic.
There are a few things about this story that you may want to look back at and rework, though. For instance, there are a few slang terms that clashed with the overall style. I did like how you used short, punchy sentences in places, like at the beginning when she's at the Wizengamot - that added tension and suited the courtroom atmosphere. But then you say "when any evidence any popped up", and that broke the flow - perhaps something like "any evidence arose" or "came to light" would work better because it sounds more formal. There was another near the end, when the juror says "a last ditch attempt" - it also didn't sound right, especially for a juror on the Wizengamot. So watch for things like that which may disturb the flow of the narrative.
Another part of the story that I think could have been better was the part when Ginny sees the memories. I see what you were doing there by making it somewhat abstract - we know what the memories are already anyway - but it still needs a bit more depth and feeling to make it really hit the reader and show us how much Ginny was moved in order to change her stance on Snape. That's one of the most important parts of this story, next to Ginny's speech (which turned out wonderfully, by the way!), and it should affect the reader in the same way that it affects Ginny.
You've done some great work with this story, and I'm glad to finally be reading something from you. This is different from your other stories, I can see, but it makes me look forward to reading more of your work and seeing what you come up with next. ^_^Author's Response: Thanks so much for this. I've edited since, with your suggestions in mind!
I am really glad you liked this - I had the feeling my other stuff wasnt your thing, so im happy you got to read this!
I agree about Ginny- shes often written badly, so I'm delighted if I even get her half right!
Again, thanks thanks thanks :D Report Review
Hi there! This story is quite different to your usual style, but I enjoyed it a lot, nonetheless. It was nice to see Ginny's opinions in this, because I think that people often just assume that she agrees with Harry about everything, so this perspective was interesting. It was also nice to see that her opinions changed over time rather than in a very small time period.
I also liked how Harry tackled the subject of naming Albus Severus. I imagined that Ginny would have been a bit unsure about this, so that was good to read, too.
Ginny's reaction to the memories were very interesting, also and I think that it would have been a hard thing to watch and I think that you handled it well.
Being nitpicky because you said that you plan to edit- I noticed that Order needs to be capitalised in this sentence: He couldn’t enjoy the elevated position of those who died for the order, but he didn’t deserve to be hated either I also thought that Ginny's speech was a little bit scripted sounding, so maybe it could be changed to be a little bit more natural? But, I don't think it's a big deal because the speech was actually well done.
Well done! ^_^
LeanneAuthor's Response: Hi! I'm glad you enjoyed this as well as my usual ones :)
I will definately go back and change that scentence, and have a look at that speech - I'm glad you pointed that out.
I thought it was important that Ginny didnt automatically agree with Harry, and I'm happy you agreed. Even a great ship like that needs its faults :D
thanks so much! Report Review
Wow, just wow. This was written so well! I absolutely loved it! I think it was great how you started it and great how you ended it. The progression of the story was amazing. It didn't feel too slow or too fast but just right. Everything happened on its own when the time was right and that's what I loved about this.
The amount of detail you put into the story was quite evident and the description was incredible! I loved it, especially because I could get a feel of what Ginny was feeling, it was as if I was there with her wherever she was and that is talented description right there. Great work with it!
The characters felt so real. Maybe to make this story longer, we could have a flashback of Ginny in Hogwarts during her sixth year where she was "hurting" and Snape did nothing to help them out. I think a flashback of her in that situation would make the story not only longer, but make her feelings more real and make what she's saying come out as more real.
To be honest, there's not much I can critique about the story. The phrasing was great, no awkward sentences that I had to read over a couple of times to understand. The grammar and punctuation was lovely as well, something I greatly appreciate! Ginny's emotions though, seemed strained. I think that it was hard to get them out and I didn't feel them as strongly as I think they could have been felt.
To make her emotions stronger, you could divulge a little bit into what she's thinking in her mind and elaborate on it. I liked how Snape was just a shadow in this story. His role was big and small at the same time. The ending was very powerful I think. Great work over all. You're a talented writer and I look forward to reading more of your stuff!
-marissa lily potterAuthor's Response: Oh my. Seriously?
This is so nice. You really get what I meant with Snape as a shadow and everything!
thats a good idea about flashing back, i might do that! I'm so happy you like it, thank you so much! x Report Review
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