Aw, this was really adorable!
I really liked Rose in this - I feel like you captured both her age and her feelings perfectly. My heart went out to her, especially when Apricot wouldn't play with her, either.
I also loved the way you captured Harry. I thought that it was an excellent interpretation of how he changed as he got older and how he would have reacted to finding his goddaughter feeling so unhappy and down on herself (and I loved the magic hiding the offices - pure genius).
Loved it.Author's Response: I cant stop saying thank you in my replies, but I assure you, I mean it! I had forgotten how lovely this community could be in my time away.
I hoped it wasn't too silly, but hopefully I got the age and behaviour right. I love Harry so much, and love picturing his ordinary life - the offices, etc. The offices make a reappearence in the short story collection :L
Seriously. Such gratitude for your reviews :D Report Review
I really enjoyed this. It's a sweet story and I've never read much material exploring the Harry/Rose relationship before. The only thing was that it was slightly simplistic, although in a way I felt that added to the charm of the story. I love Rose especially.Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for reviewing, I'm glad you liked it. Sorry if it was annoyingly simple, I just wanted it to fit with the story. Thanks! Report Review
This was adorable!
I think you really caputured the essence of this challenge. You picked a defining moment in Rose's childhood, one that I think really shaped her later in life as well. It was super cute, but it still had a great message behind it, and the two elements together made this story excellent!
If I had any critique for you at all, it would be that I didn't care much for the ending. I do like how you showed that this day affected Rose all through her life, but the way you wrote it broke the flow a bit :/ It didn't detract much from the story at all though, so don't worry too much about it!
Overall, I think you did an excellent job with this! Winners will be posted later today! Keep an eye out for them ;)
-NaidaAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for this!
Sorry, i just added in that to make it relevant, I may change it if i edit!
thanks for the challenge :D Report Review
Hi! Here I am with my review!
This is so cute! You could tell that Rose was a young girl, the vocabulary was very childlike, but very strong, powerful and meaningful too.
I could feel Rose's pain, the only one of her cousins who couldn't ride a broom, to be different, to be the odd one out.
I loved how her Uncle Harry was there to give advice, just like he gave advice to Hermione when she was in pain countless times. Harry always seems to know what to say!
Overall, I think this was a really good one-shot, good luck with your challenge! Love Livvy x :)Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for this! I'm really glad you thought this was cute, thank you!
Im happy you got rose, and how lovely i think harry is :L
YAY, thank you! Report Review
Hi there! I'm here with your review as requested. I want to apologize for the long wait. I've been busy with school starting back up this week and all of that, but I finally made time for it. And I'm so glad I did. This was great!
It was absolutely wonderful. It was precious and even brought back memories of my childhood. You wrote this splendidly. I've read a few stories that reminisce on childhoods, but never have I seen a story quiet like this or seen one so well done. :)
Gah, this was so cute. I really love your portrayal of young Rose. I feel like giving her these traits are actually required in at least one fic here on hpff, so I'm glad you did it. :P The Weasleys and Potters are ALL given these fantastic Quidditch talents, but we know not every single one of them can all be fantastic! It doesn't work that way. And you realized that and made it reality and did a perfect job doing so.
It was adorable, and I loved the bond she shared with her Uncle Harry. I love reading older Harrys. Just seeing him happy after the war makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.
This was brilliant. I really have no CC for you, and I'm sorry for that but I have good reason! It's cause I can't think of any because this was truly great. :)
Thank you for introducing me to this lovely piece! :)Author's Response: Thanks for this!
Really happy you liked this. most of my characters are good at quidditch, so when one isnt i have to stress it :L
Aww same. I wrote harry into this mainly so i could just write him happy! :D
thank you! Report Review
This is adorable! It made me smile! :D
I loved little Rose. She was so adorable, and I think you got her thoughts down very well, for example with her wanting to have a friend. The enchantment on the office was clever, too. I wouldn't mind having that on my bedroom, haha. Harrys characterisation was perfect, too. He seemed very natural with the kids, which I think would be very in character. Rose seems very bright for her age, which was just adorable, and I also loved the "Rosie can't fly, Rosie can't fly, Rosie can not fly" which was pretty cute too! This is a very cute, lighthearted fic and it was really nice and easy to read. V. adorable :)
LeanneAuthor's Response: Hi! Thank for this!
hehe im glad that charm worked out ok, im useless at coming up with magic things! hehe the rosie cant fly was like a sneaky reference to "hermione cant draw" from avps!
thanks for reading! Report Review
It's Roots in Water here with your review!
This piece definitely was very sweet and did put a smile on my face! Rose (and the rest of the children) were so childish- the line "'This is an office,' Rose informed Harry. 'What is it doing here?'" made me laugh- it was so matter of fact and odd-sounding- it's a room... Then, of course, Harry's explanation about the charm made that comment seem less silly and amusing, though I could definitely see why Harry would laugh.
You asked about spelling and grammer and I did find a few spots, though a few could just be personal preference. Firstly, in the sentence "James and made Al do it too", I think you meant "James had made". Then, with " their conversation. A person called Malfoy", I would combine the two sentences, since "a person called Malfoy" isn't a complete sentence. It would help it flow more smoothly. How about "their conversation about a person called Malfoy"? As well, with the sentence "Once Lily isn't doing it, that's fine", I think I understand this phrase... But it's a little unclear. Would "If Lily isn't doing it," still work?
Your flow definitely doesn't need work. There wasn't any parts that were awkward or out of place and I really enjoyed reading this piece.
I especially enjoyed the ending. It was still childlike, and it was nice to see that she still remembered it. I particularly loved the last sentence- it was so sweet and a great summary of the whole story.
Harry, as well, was a joy to read. I think you wrote him just as I pictured him as an adult- caring and loving with his whole family, always having time for them... I'm so glad you included him.
This whole piece was great to read. Thanks so much for requesting a review!Author's Response: Hi! Ah thank you so much!
I liked the "this is an office bit", it was just what rose would say. I hope the charm makes sense!
I'll definately look into that spelling stuff and everything, so thank you for that! Really helpful!
I'm glad the childlike feel stayed throughout and Harry is ok - i always worry i dont write him properly!
Thank you again :) Report Review
This certainly put a smile on my face!
I'm not very well versed with next-generation fics, but I thought everything seemed well in order. Oddly enough, it was the little gems with the adults that I enjoyed the most. Like Hermione and Ginny talking about a Malfoy, and everything about Harry. That's just the way I imagined Harry. It was all natural to read.
There were a few spelling things. Like, I didn't understand the phrase, "Once Lily isn't doing it..." The sentence made more sense in my mind as, "As long as Lily..." But maybe I just didn't understand what you were trying to get across.
I really enjoyed this. :)Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for this!
Haha it was the bits with the adults i preferred, too! :D So glad Harry was right!
I'll definately look over the spelling, thanks. The Once thing is an exression my parents use and stuff, it isnt gramatically correct (maybe its just an irish thing?), but thanks for pointing that out!
So glad you liked :) Report Review
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